The Open Letters Thread

[Androidpk]

Dear retarded self,

I am very disappointed in you (me). You keep on sleeping with your ex gf even though you know she is bat shit crazy and a cunt. Please start seeing other girls. I believe in you pal, you can do it!

-J

[Androidpk]

Tell him sometimes you gotta drop a pretty penny on a nice new o-ring.

Tell that to NASA.

[Parker]

Dear Parker Fittings,

Your shit is fucking expensive. How am I supposed to explain 3 grand in fittings to my boss?

Your perpetually ass-sore customer,
Bendy-Over

This made me laugh. My family owns that company.

[iJin]

Dear Extremely Good-Looking Co-Worker From Another Store ATM,

I know you are at my store right now, opening and being cute. I just want you to know that even though we will never work together again--I still find you very cute.




And given the chance I would screw your brains out and trap you in my bed for years to come.

Love,
"Jennifer."

[pabstblueribbon]

Tell him sometimes you gotta drop a pretty penny on a nice new o-ring.

Double whammy!

Oh, and I got the numbers down to a grand. Go me.

[Killer Kitten]

Dear Psycho ex-business partner,
Thank you for the absolute worst summer of my life. The way you drove all the volunteers away and waltzed out when there were 140 cats in the shelter was masterful. Then that inspired stroke of genius where you shut off every website we used for adoptions and stole the PayPal account... That was REALLY amazingly well done, but paled in comparison to the next six weeks, when you booked in 40-50 cats to enter the shelter each week.

THEN, after I finally get the cats down to a reasonable number, have some funds in the bank, get some volunteers to help and get moved into the new building... THEN the drooling idiot who calls himself a Humane Officer shows up, raids my building, steals my cats, forces me to spend the funds on a lawyer and shuts me down for over a month - and I find out YOU were the one behind that whole business.

I hope you climb into my skanky, cat-poop-filled dumpster and end up dumped into the trash truck and compacted.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

[Delias]

Dear Psycho ex-business partner,
Thank you for the absolute worst summer of my life. The way you drove all the volunteers away and waltzed out when there were 140 cats in the shelter was masterful. Then that inspired stroke of genius where you shut off every website we used for adoptions and stole the PayPal account... That was REALLY amazingly well done, but paled in comparison to the next six weeks, when you booked in 40-50 cats to enter the shelter each week.

THEN, after I finally get the cats down to a reasonable number, have some funds in the bank, get some volunteers to help and get moved into the new building... THEN the drooling idiot who calls himself a Humane Officer shows up, raids my building, steals my cats, forces me to spend the funds on a lawyer and shuts me down for over a month - and I find out YOU were the one behind that whole business.

I hope you climb into my skanky, cat-poop-filled dumpster and end up dumped into the trash truck and compacted.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

You know what you need? A dog.

[Back]

Dear Extremely Good-Looking Co-Worker From Another Store ATM,

I know you are at my store right now, opening and being cute. I just want you to know that even though we will never work together again--I still find you very cute.




And given the chance I would screw your brains out and trap you in my bed for years to come.

Love,
"Jennifer."

Hot. If its so wrong why does it feel so good?

[4a6c1]

Dear Psycho ex-business partner,
Thank you for the absolute worst summer of my life. The way you drove all the volunteers away and waltzed out when there were 140 cats in the shelter was masterful. Then that inspired stroke of genius where you shut off every website we used for adoptions and stole the PayPal account... That was REALLY amazingly well done, but paled in comparison to the next six weeks, when you booked in 40-50 cats to enter the shelter each week.

THEN, after I finally get the cats down to a reasonable number, have some funds in the bank, get some volunteers to help and get moved into the new building... THEN the drooling idiot who calls himself a Humane Officer shows up, raids my building, steals my cats, forces me to spend the funds on a lawyer and shuts me down for over a month - and I find out YOU were the one behind that whole business.

I hope you climb into my skanky, cat-poop-filled dumpster and end up dumped into the trash truck and compacted.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

phone number, name, info. i will put her on every spam list in the WORLD. we can ruin her life. or at least her phone. bwahahaha. BWAHAHAHA. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Stry]

Dear Mother in-law,

I wanted to let you know that your pepto bismol pink outfit today was simply atrocious. Do you realize there are other colors in the world? In reality people wear neutral colors that do not scar retinas and perhaps the occasional blaring bright pink shoe lace or lettering on a sweater is considered appropriate.

Let me reiterate: Head to toe pink is just not right. It was raining at your grandson's football game and yet you could be picked out of the crowd at 1500 yards and looking directly at you requires a surgeon generals warning due to possible blindness.

May I also mention a few more pointers:

-When not wearing bright pink, draping oneself entirely in maroon crushed velvet and going out in public is also not acceptable in normal society.

- Eyeliner is not to replace the inch of skin around your eyeballs.


And try to hold a job down longer than 2 weeks? Please?

Your loving son-in-law...