Originally Posted by
time4fun
Jesus.
You know, I think we all have fundamentally understood that you have had some emotional issues that you've been working through on these forums for years. But, tonight is actually the first time I realized- you actually can't help yourself. I don't mean that in an accusing way- I mean that in a very sincere, apologetic, way.
I'm writing to a grown man who is typing in all caps and saying things like, "You still have that persistent diarrhea from HiV?", who has currently picked a fight with no fewer than 4 people in a thread because they said something he didn't agree with, and who is accusing everyone around him of being out of control- while posting 12-15 times an hour.
And he's doing it in a forum for a game he hasn't played in years. A forum with a rep system that he has spent an inordinate amount of time learning to manipulate in order to punish people who make him feel lesser in any way- less intelligent, less knowledgeable, less reasonable, less successful, etc.
And this grown man finds these slights- intentional or not- from complete strangers to be so painful that the punishment lasts for months- even after he thinks someone is gone. It enrages him, and he cannot help himself after that. He has to "even the score", prove to himself that these other people who make him feel lesser are actually the ones who are lesser. That doesn't make you a bad person. It just makes you ill. And that means that pushing back on you is actually the equivalent of judging someone who is autistic for not making eye contact. It's cruel.
And for my part, I'm sorry. I hope that you do get some help at some point, or, at least, that this forum provides you with the outlet you need to keep yourself from pouring this rage and pain into your real relationships. And I will do my best to stop putting you in positions that trigger a compulsive set of behaviors that you can't control.
Because I'm realizing tonight that your behavior isn't unfair towards others- it's an unfair reality you're forced to live with.
And I would encourage others to recognize the same and to treat you with some more compassion.