Military humor

military humor or is it?
for all the military guys here I got a chuckle out of this

Useful Military Warnings

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)


"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- U.S.A. Ammo Troop

[Jack]

213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the Army. I thought this list was hilarious.

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

amusing very amusing

[i remember halloween]

that last one is really funny.

[Caiylania]

My husband got a kick out of those. It's the only part of Reader's Digest he ever checks out either. Humor in Uniform has some good stuff.

Anticore, might not apply to your experience completely but you should be able to relate

45 REASONS TO REENLSIT IN THE ARMY

1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.

2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.

3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)

4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.

5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.

6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the military who out-rank me.

7. Being an adult and having somebody inspect me everyday to make sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.

8. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.

9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.

10. Without the military’s influence and good teaching, I would never have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every time it rains.

11. There just aren’t that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.

12. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning for a "meeting".

13. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am on leave.

13. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only."

14. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly" picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.

15. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.

16. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.

17. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.

18. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully request to get a different one. Event then it is only if my "chain of command" permits.

19. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.

20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it.

22. I hate good food.

23. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.

24. I hate spending time with my family.

25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.

26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.

27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.

28. What? You are going on leave?

29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?

30. Is that local time or Zulu?

31. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.

32. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.

33. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old NCOs and Officers.

34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?

35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.

36. Because only during magic shows and military working hours are the rules of logic suspended.

37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points for not getting promoted.

38. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and jacked up whether they need it or not?

39. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?

40.Because if you've had enough military shit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the military will do everything it can to screw you over for the rest of your life.

41. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."

42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?

43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the "MILITARY WAY"?

44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every DAGGOM DAY...it builds character.

45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.


Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."

[Sean of the Thread]

The only thing funny about any of this is that the army conatins the most retarded of all soldiers. I could elaborate but I don't feel the need to. It is self evident.

[Artha]

The army also contains the smartest of all soldiers. You know, because it contains all soldiers.

[Ebondale]

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

So true.

NCO: "Hey, what are you working on?"
Me: "Uh.."
NCO: "Go escourt some contractors in the boiler room."
Me: "(fuck) Yes, sir."

[Sean of the Thread]

Originally posted by Artha
The army also contains the smartest of all soldiers. You know, because it contains all soldiers.

Uhm....no.

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by Xyelin

Originally posted by Artha
The army also contains the smartest of all soldiers. You know, because it contains all soldiers.

Uhm....no.

The Air Force has the most intelligent population in the military.

I would actually place the Marine Corps after the Air Force. (They're crazy, but they're not stupid guys. I've worked with them quite a bit.) Then I'd say Navy because I've met a lot of really smart Navy men, THEN Army. As for the Army, my Air Force Base is connected with an Army base, Fort Richardson. I've yet to meet an intelligent soldier... seriously.

And if you're ever in the desert with some Army boys every other thing they say is "Hoo-ah!" and you're just all like "Shut the fuck up you goddamn retarded hick."

Yes. I did leave the Coast Guard out of it. :)

Anyway as for the Army containing the smartest SOLDIERS then yes. It does. Only the Army has soldiers in it. Marines are called Marines, Air Force troops are called Airmen, Navy troops are called Seamen or Sailors.

The Army is so stupid that when we have something in the Air Force that has to be made absolutely idiot-proof we say "Make it Army-proof."

Much :heart: for the Army, though. We're all in this together. :)

[AnticorRifling]

You want to hide something from an airman put it under his PT uniform.

That list of 45 things strikes me as odd. I tried to reup but couldn't do to the shattered foot. Most everything listed was something I had adjusted to as being fine with me. Hell the first name thing was killed in junior high school for me. I've always been called by my last name or a variation there of. In the Marines I was Cpl P by my junions, Big Pink by my peers and Pinkerton by my superiors. Hell even in boot camp I was Pinkerton they never called me recruit for some weird reason.

[Sean of the Thread]

Sorry but they are all soldiers. Also much love for them all. But I still dislike army trash more than navy ice cream boys.

[AnticorRifling]

I generally had beef with individuals vice just groups of them. I was never a ohh look it's army they are retarded look it's navy they are retarded and love man chowder hey over there it's the airforce hippies that haven't seen the field since christ was a corporal etc.

I still made fun of everyone, to include my beloved Corps, just because that's how I am. Some of the most hard core, locked and cocked guys I know are Army and some of the smartest are leathernecks.

That being said Army does have some very, very weak uniforms. It's cool though they are going to try and rip off our blues and our cammies. You guys will still manage to mess that up. :cool:

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
You want to hide something from an airman put it under his PT uniform.

:lol: Thats some funny shit, Anticor. My supervisor is a fat piece of shit and none of us like him... I can run a 9:13 mile and a half, though. Not too bad at all. :)

[AnticorRifling]

What do you run the other mile and a half in?

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
What do you run the other mile and a half in?

Har, har. Very funny. :)

Our run for the PT test is pretty much anaerobic, I know. I think I do a 3 mile in 20 minutes. That would be my estimate, anyway. I don't time myself.

[AnticorRifling]

Before I destroyed my hoof my PFT looked like this:

3mile run = 20:45
crunches = 100
pullups = 20

After the injury I couldn't/cant run distances over about 1.25 miles before the nerve damage takes over and the foot swells up. That's why I had to get out, which I'm still kind of upset about but I'm getting over it. I still miss it though.

That being said after I got hurt I was allowed to finish my contract (2 yrs) and all I did was lift weights and eat. I went from 160lbs to 275lbs in 10 months. I had a 20+ inch neck, 19.5 inch arms (I will get 20s ohh yes), and a 54 inch chest but I also had like a 38 inch waist. I think I could run to the fridge and that was about it. I was strong as an ox but about as fast as a sorority girl on jeopardy.

Now I'm hovering in the 230s and trying to get stronger again but I don't have the time I did to spend in the gym heh.


Hey Dave what do you call a soldier with 20 ribbons, badges and medals?

A recruit.

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
After the injury I couldn't/cant run distances over about 1.25 miles before the nerve damage takes over and the foot swells up. That's why I had to get out, which I'm still kind of upset about but I'm getting over it. I still miss it though. [/i]

That really sucks, man. How'd you hurt yourself?


I went from 160lbs to 275lbs in 10 months. I had a 20+ inch neck, 19.5 inch arms (I will get 20s ohh yes), and a 54 inch chest but I also had like a 38 inch waist.

Damn, man. Beast! The Air Force's PT test is stupid, though. Its weighed on this whole point system based on your various PT scores. You get 100 points total and it works like this:

You can get a maximum of 50 points for your run time.
You can get a maximum of 10 points for your pushups
You can get a maximum of 10 points for your sit ups (not crunches).
You can get a maximum of 30(!) for your waist size.

Based on these numbers YOU would miserably fail our PT test even though you were obviously a beast. Thats why I think the Air Force really needs to re-work its PT testing. Some guys are just freaking monsters. Just because a guy has a 38 inch waist doesn't make them a fatass. Say they can do 200 pushups in 60 seconds, they'll only get 10 points on their PT test for it.

Its stupid and it favors tall skinny guys.

Yay for tall skinny guys

[Left Wing Brat]

[i]

Based on these numbers YOU would miserably fail our PT test even though you were obviously a beast. Thats why I think the Air Force really needs to re-work its PT testing. Some guys are just freaking monsters. Just because a guy has a 38 inch waist doesn't make them a fatass. Say they can do 200 pushups in 60 seconds, they'll only get 10 points on their PT test for it.


I'm in AFROTC at my school. I'm in the same boat the other guy was. I can do 79 push-ups and 74 sit ups in a min, but I'm a bigger guy..so my PT scores are always in the low 80's where some skiny kid is 'maxing'.

Least on the Army side I can max everything, and then go onto the extended scale.

[Edited on 6-9-2005 by Left Wing Brat]

[Ebondale]

I know how you feel, man. When I was in Basic Training we had this guy named Bolter in our flight. All this guy ever did before he joined was lift weights and eat tuna (for protein). The guy could do 120 pull ups in two minutes but could barely scrape by with a minimum passing score because he was short, for one thing, and slow on the run.

Originally posted by AnticorRifling


Hey Dave what do you call a soldier with 20 ribbons, badges and medals?

A recruit.
Jarhead, we don't have recruits in the army. And I only got three ribbons for graduating AIT. :)

Originally posted by Ebondale


And if you're ever in the desert with some Army boys every other thing they say is "Hoo-ah!" and you're just all like "Shut the fuck up you goddamn retarded hick."


When we say HUA! Its mostly sarcasm or fake motivation, unless they were infantry... its because they are... well infantry which speaks volumes.

[Ebondale]

Whats your MOS, Dave?

My AFSC (Air Force terminology for MOS) is 2E2 "Computer Network, Cryptographic, and switching Systems."

Basically a secure network guru. We work on Predator aircraft, AWACs, base networks, etc.

Check your U2U's ebondale

[Edited on 6-9-2005 by Dave]

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by Dave

Originally posted by Ebondale


And if you're ever in the desert with some Army boys every other thing they say is "Hoo-ah!" and you're just all like "Shut the fuck up you goddamn retarded hick."


When we say HUA! Its mostly sarcasm or fake motivation, unless they were infantry... its because they are... well infantry which speaks volumes.

Heh... true story:

I was at MEPS doing medical processing to leave for Basic Training. This kid starts jumping up and down and shouting like he is real excited. I watch him to see what he was so excited about.

Turns out that he was THRILLED to have scored high enough on the ASVAB to go into Ground Infantry. :nutty:

Sad, but yeah... Combat arms are not always the brightest, I am lucky enough to be with scouts, who appear to be the more intellectual of the lot RangerD1 as walking proof.

[AnticorRifling]

Good for him! He's excited that he got to do want he wanted to do. You have to understand not everyone is blessed with the brains to be a rocket surgeon.

I wouldn't classify him as a stupid person, just someone on the lower end of the learning curve. A stupid person is someone that does stupid shit regardless of the grey matter they have.

Isn't Hua like hear understand acknowledge or something like that?


I can give the history of why marines say Oooh-rah if you really want it :cool:

yeah Heard Understood and Acknowledged (HUA), whenever I say it its basically a Fuck You for making me this shit.

Why do the jarheads say OOOORAAYYYYYYYYAAAAA?

[Edited on 6-9-2005 by Dave]

[Ebondale]

I can give the history of why marines say Oooh-rah if you really want it

I'd like to hear it, actually. :)

It would be nice if the Air Force had some espirit de corps thingie to blurt out randomly like the Army and Marines do. My Squadron has got to have one of the dumbest things I've heard.

One Person: "Third Comm!"
Group: "Wired for War!!!!!"

:jerkit:

No its not nice, trust me, EVERY time I hear people saying it I want to beat them to death with my bare hands.

[AnticorRifling]

We get our roots from the guarding of ships. Well on any ship different whistles, bells, klaxon horns blasts, etc mean different things. What time it is, taps, colors, etc. Well the call for "battle stations" is the horn going oohrah ooohrah (why most Marines actually say Ooh-Rah as opposed to the sound is beyond me, Ooh-Rah is just the best way to convey the sound by righting it down). Battle stations meant we, the bored Marines on the ship, got to actually go play. So we, after a time, took that as a greating for one another when passing each other on ship and it carried over to the landside of things.

It's kind of like sub movies the horn for DIVE DIVE is ooohgah ooohgah just change it to ooohrah.

Ebondale, you know what u2u's are yet?

If yes, ignore my impatience and Chuck it up to the fact that I just got off a 15 hour guard duty and need sleep.

[Edited on 6-9-2005 by Dave]

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
We get our roots from the guarding of ships. Well on any ship different whistles, bells, klaxon horns blasts, etc mean different things. What time it is, taps, colors, etc. Well the call for "battle stations" is the horn going oohrah ooohrah (why most Marines actually say Ooh-Rah as opposed to the sound is beyond me, Ooh-Rah is just the best way to convey the sound by righting it down). Battle stations meant we, the bored Marines on the ship, got to actually go play. So we, after a time, took that as a greating for one another when passing each other on ship and it carried over to the landside of things.

It's kind of like sub movies the horn for DIVE DIVE is ooohgah ooohgah just change it to ooohrah.

See, now that actually makes sense to me. Why the hell do soldiers say "Hua!"

Makes no frickin' sense and some of them say it like its the only thing in their vocabulary.

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by Dave
Ebondale, you know what u2u's are yet?

If yes, ignore my impatience and Chuck it up to the fact that I just got off a 15 hour guard duty and need sleep.

[Edited on 6-9-2005 by Dave]

Yeah, but my U2Us automatically go into my box on my computer back in the dorms (barracks) and not the one here at work because I have PC open on two separate computers. I wont get to read the U2U till I get home which will be a little more than two hours from now.

hold on a moment and I will answer that for you...

[AnticorRifling]

Also while in the Marine Corps the word "kill" is actually a proper answer to most any order or question.

I still do it now that I'm out and I often get weird looks.

Boss: I need you to go to the 9:30 meeting and explain the new migration process as it relates to the programs this group will be needing.

Me: Kill.

Boss: ???

Me: Not a problem I got it quit staring at me.

Boss: Jesus, I'm surrounding by jarheads, retards, and retard jarheads.

You have to understand that 80% of my shop is former military several from all branches.

[Ebondale]

I love Marines, though. Great guys.

We've got a NCO in my shop who is a former Marine turned Air Force. Hes got some great stories to tell about exercises he went through in the Marines, fights, boot camp, etc.

Sorry to say it, Dave, but I'd rather be in the desert with some Marines than some Soldiers. :)

Course I'm sure both the Marines and the Soldiers might rather be with some Airmen. :lol:

Woo, beer, air conditioning, and barbeque. Air Force kicks ass.

HUA
Means anything except no
some of the meanings to follow:
Good copy, solid copy, roger, good or great; message received, understood.
Glad to meet you, welcome.
I do not know, but will check on it, I haven't the vaguest idea.
I am not listening.
That is enough of your drivel--sit down.
Stop sniveling.
You've got to be kidding.
Yes.
Thank you.
Go to the next slide.
You have taken the correct action.
I don't know what that means, but am too embarrassed to ask for clarification.
That is really neat, I want one too.
Amen.

Originally posted by Ebondale
I love Marines, though. Great guys.

We've got a NCO in my shop who is a former Marine turned Air Force. Hes got some great stories to tell about exercises he went through in the Marines, fights, boot camp, etc.

Sorry to say it, Dave, but I'd rather be in the desert with some Marines than some Soldiers. :)

Course I'm sure both the Marines and the Soldiers might rather be with some Airmen. :lol:

Woo, beer, air conditioning, and barbeque. Air Force kicks ass.
Eh Army has 10x better equipment than the Marines and we dont die in as large of numbers. Being intel guy i prefer having my "high speed" equipment over being a jarhead.

I guess thats why Marine Recon was slobbering to have my unit in the Siege of Fallujah ;) but yea when I was a private me and my superiors had an unspoken understanding that whenever I said Hooah I actually meant "Fuck you". Hooah Sergeant = Fuck you sergeant.

Ahh the good ol days

[xtc]

I love the fact Dave posted this one:

20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it.

[Overlord]

Ehe, Airforce PT in the states is weak as hell. I don't really know what else to say on the matter......except that I suppose it doesn't have to be as insane as the Corps, but still. Pussies

Got to love bullet collecting army grunts (I do have respect for the Berets however)


A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."

He was an LT. Point proven

[Left Wing Brat]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Also while in the Marine Corps the word "kill" is actually a proper answer to most any order or question.

I still do it now that I'm out and I often get weird looks.

Boss: I need you to go to the 9:30 meeting and explain the new migration process as it relates to the programs this group will be needing.

Me: Kill.

Boss: ???

Me: Not a problem I got it quit staring at me.

Boss: Jesus, I'm surrounding by jarheads, retards, and retard jarheads.

You have to understand that 80% of my shop is former military several from all branches.


My Drill Sgt hated when we said "hua" because it could mean just about anything. I now say 'hua' when I want to piss off other cadets in AFROTC.

Them: Blah blah blah 0630..

Me: Hua!

Them: Knock that Army shit off.

I also got in the bad bad bad habit of saying "check" all the time after my stint with a field artiliry unit.

[AnticorRifling]

When I was running the 6 shop I was basically all comm (radio, phone, computer, etc) for the unit. We'd go on humps and I'd be responsible for assigning call signs for everyone that rated a radio.

This is a bad thing when you're bored and have a sense of humor.

Our 1stSgt was this salty hard core woman that had a deeper voice than I did. I assigned her the call sign of snuggle bunny.

Our CO was about 5'3" on a good day and had the short man complex so he got the handle of Skyscraper.

I assigned one of my LCpl's that was going to be humping a radio the name of giver and the otehr LCpl was taker.

I was never allowed to assign call signs without written approval prior to an exercise from then on. I laughed so hard I was crying and everyone with in earshot of the squawks was dying every time someone came on the horn and was all "Giver this is taker do you copy"

Good times.

Also never make your admin password chickenfucker. You never know when a 3 star is going to show up in your comm tent and want to unlock a workstation and do something:

"What's the password Cpl?"

"I'll log you in sir."

"Bullshit I didn't say be my secretary I said what's the password I might be old but I can still log into a God damn computer."

"It's chickenfucker sir."

"Chickenfucker?"

"Chickenfucker."

"GySgt you've got some sick, sick Marines on your hands."

Then my GySgt had to step outside because he was getting ready to burst out laughing. Good times.

[Overlord]

Some brief comparrisons between the Army and the Marines. (Neglect the Air Force completely, their standards are laughable)

Training Hours:
MARINES: Reveille at 05-00, train until 20-00.
ARMY: Reveille at 06-00, train until 19-00.

Meals:
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.

Leave and Liberty:
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.

Protocol:
MARINES: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e., Sgt. Smith).
ARMY: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sergeant."

Decorations and Awards:

MARINES: Medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery only.
ARMY: Medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, every grenade thrown, every fitness test passed, and every bed made.

Camoflage and Uniforms:

MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.

And finally Career Fields:

MARINES: All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
ARMY: It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment anyway.

what the fuck is leave and liberty

oh oh

I got one:

Dave is in the military. That is all :lolwave:

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Jack
213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the Army. I thought this list was hilarious.

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

:lol:

Loved that list!

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
oh oh

I got one:

Dave is in the military. That is all :lolwave:

From: Stanley Burrell
To: Dave
Sent: 5-23-2005 at 22:24
Message: my bad for making that stupid thread a while back.

Sorry.

An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are the bravest?

The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.

Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.

When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.".

The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff. After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.

The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing," and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle."
And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.

The Army General then says "Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Ranger), he says "I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."

The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.

The Genertal turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says "Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY."


[Edited on 6-10-2005 by Dave]

I did make a stupid thread and I am sorry.






































But it's still extremely funny you shoot an M-16.

The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military:

The E-1 who says, "I learned this in Basic Training..."

The O-1 who says, "Based on my experience..."

The E-5 who says, "Trust me, Sir..."

The E-9 who chuckles, "Watch THIS sh*t..."


Even more scary:

A Pfc with a badge. (muhahaha Me)

A 2nd lieutenent with a map.

[Ebondale]

Originally posted by Dave
The four scariest phrases ever heard in the military:

The E-1 who says, "I learned this in Basic Training..."

The O-1 who says, "Based on my experience..."

The E-5 who says, "Trust me, Sir..."

The E-9 who chuckles, "Watch THIS sh*t..."


Even more scary:

A Pfc with a badge. (muhahaha Me)

A 2nd lieutenent with a map.

Hahaha, I've heard an O-1 say "Based on my experience..." it was so hard not to laugh.

[AnticorRifling]

I got written up for correcting a butter bar. He was saying something along the lines of "Based on my experience..." and I quipped in with "And in what month of your exentsive career did you learn this life lesson?"

Page 11

I've also told the same boot LT not to worry one day he would get hair in funny places and start thinking about girls.

Page 11

My CO was like Cpl why do you disrespect this one LT over and over this is the third time you've been reported for this. So I let loose and said " Well sir he's a moron and he's going to get someone killed, I've got cammies that have been in the Marine Corps longer than he has, he needs to shut his lips and listen to the sncos once and awhile because I'm tired of working twice as hard for half the results because he has this genius plan."

Page 11

Good times.

[Ebondale]

I'd say a good 75-80% of LTs piss me off, Anticor.

[AnticorRifling]

I only had to deal with like 4 LTs on a day to day basis 2 that pissed me off and the other 2 were cool.

1 knew that he was a boot and asked questions and tried to learn. He was good to go.

1 was prior enlisted so he wasn't a boot.

I've always been of the belief that you can't lead what you've never been. If you don't understand your troops on the most basic level you can't use them to their full potential.

You would enjoy my LT, he likes to throw temper tantrums and kick stuff when he doesnt get his way.

Soldiers with a Bond

A Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an insurgent soldier badly injured and unconscious. Nearby, on the opposite side of the road, was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert. As first aid was given to both men, the Marine was asked what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. Seeing each other we both took cover. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable low-life scumbag, and he yelled back that Teddy Kennedy is a rich, good-for-nothing fat drunk.

We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us..."

[theotherjohn]

Originally posted by Dave
You would enjoy my LT, he likes to throw temper tantrums and kick stuff when he doesnt get his way.

LTs like that would have a very hard time the short time there were in my command.

[theotherjohn]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
I've always been of the belief that you can't lead what you've never been. If you don't understand your troops on the most basic level you can't use them to their full potential.

thats not true.

As a officer with 137 soldiers working for me there is no way I an be where they collectively have been.

The key is having them understand you realize they are the sons and daughters of someone and that they know you would do whatever shitty task they have if you were told by your boss