Tgo01
01-14-2016, 11:53 PM
It's time for the PC 2016 Presidential Election!
Running for president this year we have Tgo01 of the Awesome Party!
<insert applause here>
We also have Latrinsorm of the Lame Party!
<insert jeering here>
I'll introduce myself and my policy ideas first.
My name is Tgo01 and I'm a true American in every sense of the word. Okay enough bullshit, let's get down to brass tacks.
I am a firm believer in the second amendment. We need to cut out this bullshit "common sense" gun control laws that are really just a not-so-subtle way of chipping away at one of our fundamental rights as Americans. We have already passed plenty of "common sense" gun control laws; no automatic weapons, felons can't own firearms, people who have been involuntarily in a mental hospital, background checks, etc etc. We are Americans dammit! We don't just turn in our freedoms because we're scared!
Which brings me to my second point; the refugee crisis. As Americans we should be setting the standard for helping those in need. Obviously we have to do this carefully, we shouldn't just bring in hundreds of thousands of refugees because that's stupid. We are not stupid. We are Americans.
Speaking of being smart Americans, let's talk about the border! Yes, we must secure our border. Does this mean building a wall? You're damn right it means building a wall. A wall with cameras and unarmed drones and volunteer rednecks who are just itching to arrest them some illegal aliens crossing our border. But seriously, yes, securing our borders just makes sense. They say good fences make good neighbors, why aren't we taking this saying to the national level?
At the same time could we do more to let in more immigrants who want to come here LEGALLY? Yes, we probably could move the process along faster, but this means more money to hire more people to help the process along a little bit, it doesn't mean skimping on our security duties, because that would be stupid and as I said we are not stupid.
Now let's touch on everyone's favorite topic; abortion. Abortions should be legal, outlawing abortions would be crazy. This doesn't mean you have to like that someone is getting an abortion, but you should respect their right to have control over their own bodies.
Free college tuition: no. Pay for your own damn higher education, dammit. You already stand to make over one million more dollars than your non-college educated friends over your lifetime. Use some of that money to pay for your fucking college and stop acting like the world owes you everything just because you were born.
Speaking of owing you everything because you were born, I do happen to think a country has a duty to its citizens to take care of their medical needs. This means everyone should have access to medical care, this largely means cutting out the fat and bloated profits of just about everyone involved in the process, especially the insurance companies. Obamacare is a complete failure because it doesn't lower medical costs, it just spreads that shit around. Fuck that noise.
Both men and women should be entitled to paid paternity and maternity leave. We don't need to go overboard like Europe does and give everyone 2 years off of paid leave, but 6 weeks sounds good. Right? Right.
Weed! Marijuana should be legalized everywhere. Period. But of course this means only buying it from licensed dealers and growers. Buying/selling in a back alley somewhere should still be illegal. Legalize that shit. Tax that shit. Then raise the taxes on chips tenfold and watch our deficit disappear in three years.
Other drugs should still be illegal but for users we should focus more on getting them treatment instead of focusing on prison time. Give them an education if they need it. Teach them a trade if. Put them through rehab. If none of that works then kick them in the ass until it does work. We shouldn't go easy on drug dealers since they are typically scum.
Prison in general should focus more on rehab and less on punishment. This doesn't mean you get one month of community service for beating someone to a bloody pulp because again, we are not stupid. Prisoners are still people, we should treat them as such. Unless of course those people are just completely reprehensible and can't be changed, in which case capital punishment should still be an option for the most heinous of crimes. Because people suck.
I almost forgot everyone's true favorite topic: gay rights. Yes, gays should have equal rights to everyone else. They're Americans, dammit! They're not some despicable creature like, say, Latrinsorm! Let gays marry and enjoy all of the same benefits and rights as other Americans.
That's it for me. If my opponent has the balls to show up I'm sure he'll say something about him being a big stupid head because let's face it, it's true!
I will now take questions and remember, vote Tgo01!
Running for president this year we have Tgo01 of the Awesome Party!
<insert applause here>
We also have Latrinsorm of the Lame Party!
<insert jeering here>
I'll introduce myself and my policy ideas first.
My name is Tgo01 and I'm a true American in every sense of the word. Okay enough bullshit, let's get down to brass tacks.
I am a firm believer in the second amendment. We need to cut out this bullshit "common sense" gun control laws that are really just a not-so-subtle way of chipping away at one of our fundamental rights as Americans. We have already passed plenty of "common sense" gun control laws; no automatic weapons, felons can't own firearms, people who have been involuntarily in a mental hospital, background checks, etc etc. We are Americans dammit! We don't just turn in our freedoms because we're scared!
Which brings me to my second point; the refugee crisis. As Americans we should be setting the standard for helping those in need. Obviously we have to do this carefully, we shouldn't just bring in hundreds of thousands of refugees because that's stupid. We are not stupid. We are Americans.
Speaking of being smart Americans, let's talk about the border! Yes, we must secure our border. Does this mean building a wall? You're damn right it means building a wall. A wall with cameras and unarmed drones and volunteer rednecks who are just itching to arrest them some illegal aliens crossing our border. But seriously, yes, securing our borders just makes sense. They say good fences make good neighbors, why aren't we taking this saying to the national level?
At the same time could we do more to let in more immigrants who want to come here LEGALLY? Yes, we probably could move the process along faster, but this means more money to hire more people to help the process along a little bit, it doesn't mean skimping on our security duties, because that would be stupid and as I said we are not stupid.
Now let's touch on everyone's favorite topic; abortion. Abortions should be legal, outlawing abortions would be crazy. This doesn't mean you have to like that someone is getting an abortion, but you should respect their right to have control over their own bodies.
Free college tuition: no. Pay for your own damn higher education, dammit. You already stand to make over one million more dollars than your non-college educated friends over your lifetime. Use some of that money to pay for your fucking college and stop acting like the world owes you everything just because you were born.
Speaking of owing you everything because you were born, I do happen to think a country has a duty to its citizens to take care of their medical needs. This means everyone should have access to medical care, this largely means cutting out the fat and bloated profits of just about everyone involved in the process, especially the insurance companies. Obamacare is a complete failure because it doesn't lower medical costs, it just spreads that shit around. Fuck that noise.
Both men and women should be entitled to paid paternity and maternity leave. We don't need to go overboard like Europe does and give everyone 2 years off of paid leave, but 6 weeks sounds good. Right? Right.
Weed! Marijuana should be legalized everywhere. Period. But of course this means only buying it from licensed dealers and growers. Buying/selling in a back alley somewhere should still be illegal. Legalize that shit. Tax that shit. Then raise the taxes on chips tenfold and watch our deficit disappear in three years.
Other drugs should still be illegal but for users we should focus more on getting them treatment instead of focusing on prison time. Give them an education if they need it. Teach them a trade if. Put them through rehab. If none of that works then kick them in the ass until it does work. We shouldn't go easy on drug dealers since they are typically scum.
Prison in general should focus more on rehab and less on punishment. This doesn't mean you get one month of community service for beating someone to a bloody pulp because again, we are not stupid. Prisoners are still people, we should treat them as such. Unless of course those people are just completely reprehensible and can't be changed, in which case capital punishment should still be an option for the most heinous of crimes. Because people suck.
I almost forgot everyone's true favorite topic: gay rights. Yes, gays should have equal rights to everyone else. They're Americans, dammit! They're not some despicable creature like, say, Latrinsorm! Let gays marry and enjoy all of the same benefits and rights as other Americans.
That's it for me. If my opponent has the balls to show up I'm sure he'll say something about him being a big stupid head because let's face it, it's true!
I will now take questions and remember, vote Tgo01!