View Full Version : ff7 pwned

12-24-2005, 12:11 AM
TEXAS (CNN) -- In light of recent terrorist attacks, the Department of Homeland Security has issued a ban on all sales and distribution of the 1997 hit video game, Final Fantasy VII

The game involves the main character, Cloud Strife, planting bombs in power plants in a heavily populated city. The protagonist works with the terrorist group "Avalanche" bombing locations throughout the beginning of the game.

The decision was made only hours after the bombing of a chemical plant in Fort Worth, Texas. The FBI is still hot on the trails of the culprit, going by the hacker alias "frootloops". An FBI spokesperson told CNN at the time that investigators have already seized equipment in the culprits house, but frootloops was nowhere to be found. "Upon confiscation of the equipment, we found a large collection of child pornography on the culprits hard drive." said the FBI spokesperson.

President Bush has already indicated he's opposed to Square-Enix role playing games. "Mario doesn't blow up power plants" Bush said on thursday. Mario was unavailible for comment.

Parenting groups are also up in arms against the game. "These 'role playing games' are teaching our children to use magic and summon demons, they're destroying our childrens future and making them worship satan. We can't allow this to continue." Various forms of Magic have been a staple of every game in the Final Fantasy series dating back to Final Fantasy released in 1990 for the Nintendo Entertainment System. "It's almost as bad as Harry Potter!" A parent who wishes to remain anonymous said.

Sen. Hillary Clinton also is highly opposed to the game.

"First Grand Theft Auto, and now this. I'm starting to think we should just ban all video games. Final Fantasy VII is an awful game, and should have never been created in the first place. I mean, look at the size of Tifa's breasts! They're destroying our childrens future. The problem of explicit video games is spiraling out of control." Clinton wrote in a letter to the head of the Federal Trade Commission. Tifa's breasts were unavailible for comment.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., Target Corp., Best Buy Co. and Circuit City Stores Inc. have pulled the game from their shelves following the recent ban.

12-24-2005, 12:19 AM
WTF that is so Crazy its a game! If any game needs to be put out its GTA is worse then that. Whats gonn happon to advent children!? can anyone say riot!

12-24-2005, 12:20 AM

12-24-2005, 12:22 AM
I have more I hate them hate them all! IT is rated teen and i know alot of adults that play it! I've played it since I was 5, Ya i learned to read because i wanted to play final fantasy, FF7 was the best one If this is a joke i hate it hate it hate it. We must raise against this!

12-24-2005, 12:24 AM
How can they blame ff7 for that, I mean lets see look at twisted metal,And just because it was in final fantasy 7 doenst mean that was where he got it from,Geez this pisses me off,

12-24-2005, 12:28 AM
Here (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=satire).

The Ponzzz
12-24-2005, 12:33 AM
Ummm, music, video games, movies, tv shows, etc are NEVER to blame for actions that people take to committ any kind of crime. PEOPLE do that. If anyone wants some nice ideas on how to kill someone U2U me...

I fucking HATE it when people blame other things... "I SHOT HIM BECAUSE OF WW2"

12-24-2005, 12:38 AM

According to this its a fake. Also check any news source for this ban.

12-24-2005, 12:41 AM
OH, and have any of you even heard anywhere on the news about a bombing at a Texas chemical plant? I'd think that would be all over the TV news. I've seen nothing, nor does a search on CNN's website find anything about any ban. Besides, look at the date on the "article" July 28, 2005. Wouldn't we have known about this way before now?

What Artha said.

But for a few giggles..


[Edited on 12-24-2005 by Andreal]

12-24-2005, 12:54 AM
Please refer to this thread. (http://forum.gsplayers.com/viewthread.php?tid=19309)

12-24-2005, 02:27 AM
Taking as fact an article including such gem lines as 'Tifa's breasts were unavailible for comment.'

You just want SO hard to believe, don't you?

PS, maybe this can get added to the list of Bush atrocities, under the speculation and theory umbrella.

Terminator X
12-24-2005, 04:04 AM
Damn it... My FF7 for the PC would've gone up in value like a mofo. Ah vell...

- The Termite

12-24-2005, 12:41 PM
Bush said on thursday

In a real article, Thursday would be capitalized.

12-24-2005, 12:45 PM
Only thing worse then someone trying to push satire as news is someone trying to push 5 month old satire as news.