Thread for Things That Made You Laugh Today

[Velfi]

[Latrinsorm]

From Martin Shkreli's jury selection:

the court: The purpose of jury selection is to ensure fairness and impartiality in this case. If you think that you could not be fair and impartial, it is your duty to tell me. All right. Juror Number 1.
juror no. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.
benjamin brafman: I’m sorry.
juror no. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.

.

juror no. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

.

juror no. 70: I have total disdain for the man. When you go back to how he was able to put so many children —
the court: You have negative feelings?
juror no. 70: Very.
the court: Would those feelings prevent you from being fair to both sides in this case?
juror no. 70: I can be fair to one side but not the other.

.

the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that
juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

.


juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

.

juror no. 28: I don’t like this person at all. I just can’t understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —
the court: Sir, thank you.
juror no. 28: Is he stupid or greedy? I can’t understand.

.

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —
the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?
juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.
the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.
juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

[Velfi]

From Martin Shkreli's jury selection:

the court: The purpose of jury selection is to ensure fairness and impartiality in this case. If you think that you could not be fair and impartial, it is your duty to tell me. All right. Juror Number 1.
juror no. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.
benjamin brafman: I’m sorry.
juror no. 1: I think he’s a greedy little man.

.

juror no. 52: When I walked in here today I looked at him, and in my head, that’s a snake — not knowing who he was. I just walked in and looked right at him and that’s a snake.

.

juror no. 70: I have total disdain for the man. When you go back to how he was able to put so many children —
the court: You have negative feelings?
juror no. 70: Very.
the court: Would those feelings prevent you from being fair to both sides in this case?
juror no. 70: I can be fair to one side but not the other.

.

the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that
juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.

.


juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

.

juror no. 28: I don’t like this person at all. I just can’t understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —
the court: Sir, thank you.
juror no. 28: Is he stupid or greedy? I can’t understand.

.

juror no. 59: Your Honor, totally he is guilty and in no way can I let him slide out of anything because —
the court: Okay. Is that your attitude toward anyone charged with a crime who has not been proven guilty?
juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.
the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.
juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

[subzero]

Errybody knows you don't fuck wit da Wu!

[drauz]

Taking road rage to a new level.

[Tenlaar]

Well now I just want to see what happened after he jumped out the window.

[drauz]

Kinda feel bad for the mom, but I can't stop laughing.

[subzero]

Kinda feel bad for the mom, but I can't stop laughing.

Hate to break it to ya, but that lame shit is fake. There are actors who get paid to do this garbage. Perfect example from this one (and probably all of them), when they call the guy, it's set up as a cold call, right? He basically answers the phone with, "Uh, hi. Yeah, uh." Well, they can't do that. The person has to give permission to be on the air, so they'd have had to initiate contact off-air before putting him on. His end of the conversation would not have begun that way.

http://gawker.com/5779701/your-favor...stival-of-lies

http://www.industryears.com/blog/rad...networks-1386/

[drauz]

Hate to break it to ya, but that lame shit is fake. There are actors who get paid to do this garbage. Perfect example from this one (and probably all of them), when they call the guy, it's set up as a cold call, right? He basically answers the phone with, "Uh, hi. Yeah, uh." Well, they can't do that. The person has to give permission to be on the air, so they'd have had to initiate contact off-air before putting him on. His end of the conversation would not have begun that way.

http://gawker.com/5779701/your-favor...stival-of-lies

http://www.industryears.com/blog/rad...networks-1386/

No, this one is real dammit!

[Neveragain]

OP: "Mysterious stone chamber while foraging in woods, Putnam County, NY. Not my pic, not the one I found but similar. No footpath to it. Real cool."



Reply: "I'm pretty sure that's just an old root cellar"

OP: "No, these are pre-Columbian. Of course settlers and Native Americans used them, but their origins are indeed mysterious. Most lintels have magnetic properties, the openings face due east for the Spring Equinox, and rocks nearby are often aligned astronomically. They're quite amazing. "

Reply: