Trump's lawyers are trying to avoid having him being interviewed in person by Mueller's special counsel. This may be the smartest thing they do in this case.
–Thank you for meeting with us, Mr. President. I can surely appreciate the fact that a lot of information and misinformation is swirling about, and that you are as troubled about it as we are. I'm sure you'd like to speak on the record to help clear some things up. I'm also certain you'd like the investigation to come to a swift and accurate conclu-
–Look, Bob-can I call you Bob? Great name, by the way. Mueller. Strong name. German blood? Good genes, I'll bet. Good gen-
–Mr. President, in all candor we're not here to talk about my family history. We're very much interested in hearing your response to some questions we've assembled as to your dea-
–Sure, sure. And, believe me, have I candor when I say th–look. I can say that we've got no dealings with Russia. No dealings. I don't owe anything, no loans, no contracts, no buildings. Nothing. Not a thing. To be hon–I, ah, I mean to have candor, as you put it, this whole collusion... thing, it's just phony news. Fake news. I hope you know that. You're a smart guy, Bob a smart cookie like me. You don't believe in the fake news, ah, swirling abou–ah, about my campaign. Our campaign, really. The American people's camp-
–I'm not interested in the media reports, sir. Again, I'm interested in hearing your answers to some really simple questions so we-
–And, by the way, just so you understand and we're clear and on the record, I don't care about the fake news. It's fake, you know, so I don't care about it. Why would I? We're trying, we tried to get–look, our campaign was phenomenal, tremendously successful. No help from Russia, no help, just us. I mean, they said we couldn't win in Michigan, in West Virginia. They said, they said Trump can't get to 270. He's got no path. No path! But we got, like, 300 votes and so I don't really know what that's got to do with Russia. Okay? I just don't understand why Hillary can coll–
–With all due respect Mr. President, your understanding is not required. We just need to get to the bottom of things, so if you'd like to answer these questions we can finish here and all get back to work. I'm sure you're a busy man. These are just some rudimentary questions that can get us started, and hopefully we'll be able to conclude business today. So first of all, at what point, if any, were you made aware of any meetings occurring with surrogates of your campaign with Russian nationals?
–Okay. Look, I don't, uh. Oop! Ah, can we, maybe, can we take a break? I've just, I've just received an urgent call from the Secretary of the....of, ah, of. A text from the Secretary of National Defensive....of the Military's Defensive, the-
–Do you mean the Secretary of Defense?
–Yeah, the Secretary of the Defenses. Huh. Smart guy, Bob! Smart guy! I knew you were a smart guy. So yeah, the Secretary is on the phone. I really have to take this.
–Mr. President, you surrendered your phone at the front desk before you came into this boardroom.
–That's not-I'm not sure you can make that, ah. Alright. I'd like to, then, in such a case as that to, to ah. In such a case as this I would like to please the Fist.
–What? Please the Fist? Did–do you mean plead the Fifth?
–That's what I said, plead the, ah Fifth. So, yeah. Nothing, nothing to say. Nothing. Can I–is this the, the door? Right here, can I just? Open it?
–Uh, yes that is the door you came in through. Alright. Okay. If that is what you'd like to do, though I'd very much recommend you–and you're opening the door and leaving. Okay. Goodbye, Mr. President.
Just after leaving, Trump turns and looks at his lawyers, who are aghast and white as sheets. He grimaces in what looks like an attempt at a smile.