Things that made you laugh today (Political Version)

[Taernath]

[Androidpk]

Why is he slurring at the end? Is he supposed to be drunk? Trump's a teetotaler.

The stress is triggering his brain.

[Parkbandit]

–Mr. President, thank you for meeting with us to discuss the dismissal of Director Comey. I'm sure you're eager to g-


–Look, Bob--I can call you 'Bob', right? Alright, good. I like the name, by the way. Very good name. Very good. Me, I don't like the name 'Don' much, but on you, I like the, ah--the shortness of it. On you.


–Thank you Mr. President. I'd like to ask you when it was that you decided that dismiss-


–And, just so we're clear, and on the record, and just so you, you understand. This Russia hoax, this fake news story about Trump and Russia, total garbage. Total hoax, not true just fake, very fake media stories. That's what they do, they just, they just make up a story without any, any proof of the, the--look, they said 'Trump can't win in Michigan, he can't win in Pennsylvania, he's got no path to 270. Hillary this, Hillary that, she is next up, for the office of the President'--when they said that, totally made-up stuff. Just so we're clear, this whole Russia thing is not, ah, not going anywhere, because it's nothing. Okay?


–With all due respect, Mr. President, I think that our investigation will decide where the evidence lea-


–Bob, by the way just so you know, the whole golf course thing--beautiful links, beautiful weather, the caddies are tremendously, they're the best at what they do, the service--it's remarkable, did you know? I know you know that you know and I know that--I can, you know, we can make the charges, ah, refunded to you. I know that the charges you wanted to, ah, get back were, there was an issue with the refund. But we can make it so that you get it back, you know, since--since, I mean if we can see our way to, to letting this Russia story, sort of, you know....die. Go dead. Away. Gone.


–Mr. President are you trying to bribe me to end the investigation of your campaign's collusion with Russia by offering to refund some....golf club fees?


–Yes, ah, I mean no. No, no, no. I mean, no bribe, who said...who had a....no bribe, it wasn't discussed. We just, it's like, you're a smart guy, I'm a smart guy, we both can see that this Russia thing is fake...fake news and I figured, you figured that....that it could resolve itself and also at the same time you could, ah, could get back the money. That you had. Paid.


–I....see. Mr. President, I ask you again. When did you think that it was a prudent decision to fire Comey, and why did you think that?


–Ah. Well, I would, I would like to, in such a case as, as the case may be, I would like to...please the, fourth, the fifth Commandments. They're all good ones, all good....rights. I, ah. I please them all, please. Right now. Ahem. Thanks, you're great. Tremendoush. The....besht...good guy. Bob. Uh, shee you on the....on the links. Goodbye. Bye. Thanksh. Great. Good.

I don't get it. Did you make it up or was this copied/pasted from some other person who made this up?

[Parkbandit]

The stress is triggering my brain.

Trust me, we've noticed.

[Candor]

Not every conservative thinks that Fox is completely unbiased, never makes a mistake, or never ever says something that isn't completely true. Certainly I don't.

Of course, I don't fully trust CNN, ABC, CBS, and NBC either. IMHO BBC is arguably the best news organization out there, but as a rule I want confirmation of anything they report too.

[Methais]

I don't get it. Did you make it up or was this copied/pasted from some other person who made this up?

Whoever wrote it needs to make up their fucking mind on how many periods they're going to use for their ellipses.

Don't think it was pk though. Too much creativity (even if it's still bad) and effort and formatting put into it just to try and get the world to care about how triggered they are over their never ending all consuming Trump butthurt.

[Androidpk]

[Parkbandit]

That's so fucking true. Whenever President Trump goes off script, I cringe.

[Androidpk]

But then we wouldn't have gems like this:

Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.

[Wrathbringer]

Not every conservative thinks that Fox is completely unbiased, never makes a mistake, or never ever says something that isn't completely true. Certainly I don't.

Of course, I don't fully trust CNN, ABC, CBS, and NBC either. IMHO BBC is arguably the best news organization out there, but as a rule I want confirmation of anything they report too.

Cut a fart, candork