Both my grandfather and dad shaved/shave in about four minutes, every day, before hopping in the shower.
So since this isn't my time quota, I'm all politely asking my dad, "You, paternal unit, buy me Hollywood expensive electrolysis now." And he told me to shovel snow.
This is the craziest thing ever. So, of course, my life is fucking ruined now. Life isn't fair, but ... okay, no analogy, but within the context of life being unfair, life is unfair, twice, when it comes to shaving, shitting and showering in a timely fashion in the 21st century.
This is the worst thing ever, ever. I'm going to grow my unibrow and sprinkle minoxydol on it until my point is made. And whatever it is I was slightly upset about is ameliorated.
I need love and attention, goddammit. And a personal barber. Help.