Sexual Abstinence...

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05-08-2010, 12:45 AM
Stanley Burrell

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xanator

I'm not saying that perfectly nice people don't wind up involved with drugs, go through rehabilitation, and become perfectly nice people again, but. From what personal life experience I have in the matter:

My wife's aunt married a guy she met in rehab (heroin), they relapsed constantly and ended up with Hep C from sharing needles, she died almost two years ago at the age of 46. My mother-in-law dated a guy she used to shoot up with for years and years, and remained on a cocktail of prescription anti-anxiety meds, anti-depressants, and painkillers that he pressured her to convince various doctors she needed until she died right after New Years' 2009 of acute fentanyl intoxication at the age of 51.

My father-in-law, who was also a former heroin addict who contracted Hep C at a younger age, married a woman who had nothing to do with his addiction days, and ended up never touching the stuff again en route to a very successful and lucrative career in animation and design. He was one of the most genuinely happy and fulfilled people I ever knew before he was unfortunately taken from us in 2006 at the age of 44.

The general rule of thumb, from what I've been told and observed, is once you quit it, quit the whole scene. Don't talk to the people you knew, don't read your old diaries, don't hang out at your old stomping grounds, don't slam a bottle of vodka and blow trees with a chick who got booted from her halfway house, don't slam a bottle of vodka and blow trees with the guy who's letting you crash on his couch since you got kicked out of your halfway house, etc. All the better for protecting you from yourself, and certainly keeps you out of some seriously compromising situations.

BUT! It is so cool to get getting play play-by-play from a stoned drunk guy on an internet forum. The topic of this thread is fail, but the thread itself is win.

Definitely. It could've been better, but it could've been worse.

Yeah, life's a roller-coaster, but now that my brain is addled with much less THC, it is time to downgrade Space Mountain into the teacup ride.

EDIT: ...For now, anyway.
05-08-2010, 03:31 AM
Warriorbird

I think it all probably would've ended up better minus the vodka.
05-08-2010, 11:59 AM
Stanley Burrell

I told her I'd let her stay another three days if she made less than 0-sexual advances on me (at this point, it's fucking annoying and sad) and didn't bitch about the liquor store.

You know, this experience has left me with a keen knowledge that if an individual happens to have caller ID -- And doesn't know who the fuck it is that's calling them, because you deleted that # a while ago, for a damn good reason: Just let that shit ring.

In summation, everyone should have caller ID to make the world a safer place; for our children, and for our children's children. And for the sake of the future as we will know it.
05-08-2010, 12:13 PM
pabstblueribbon

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stanley Burrell

In summation, everyone should have caller ID to make the world a safer place; for our children, and for our children's children. For the sake of the future.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
05-08-2010, 12:15 PM
Stanley Burrell

Quote:

Originally Posted by pabstblueribbon

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

That. Is an excellent point.
05-08-2010, 03:18 PM
Stanley Burrell

So yeah, I woke up around four days ago and, today, I was talking to her -- And after telling her she needs to leave, she mentions that she got a ride out of the house because "she couldn't wake me up" and decided to head eight cities away, where she is currently located ...

..But her laundry of manic holy-wtf-cannot-stop-buying-shit 500lb. briefcases of any and all of her clothing are still here..

I very politely explained to her that I didn't really have the desire, for some reason, to drive my Chevy into several baby carriages, trees ... and what should be bright neon traffic cones I will probably be envisioning from the mindfuckery that has occurred. She was nice about it and said, "Sorry I couldn't hear you -- Is it okay if you speed down I-95 at around, you know, 350MPH so that you deliver my schizophrenic amount of shit I left at your house? Thanks, honey -- I need you there in about 3 minutes because I'm headed to. A. Party."

I think something about my response to the aforementioned was convincing enough that she'll be returning later to retrieve her personal belongings.

Now, once this shit is finally settled, what is the coolest, most awesome way to use the most dangerous of explosive devices in order to detonate my cell phone ... I want a mushroom cloud and ≈ a 50-mile blast radius of radioactive Verizon telephone, legally?
05-08-2010, 03:25 PM
Methais

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stanley Burrell

So yeah, I woke up around four days ago and, today, I was talking to her -- And after telling her she needs to leave, she mentions that she got a ride out of the house because "she couldn't wake me up" and decided to head eight cities away, where she is currently located ...

..But her laundry of manic holy-wtf-cannot-stop-buying-shit 500lb. briefcases of any and all of her clothing are still here..

I very politely explained to her that I didn't really have the desire, for some reason, to drive my Chevy into several baby carriages, trees ... and what should be bright neon traffic cones I will probably be envisioning from the mindfuckery that has occurred. She was nice about it and said, "Sorry I couldn't hear you -- Is it okay if you speed down I-95 at around, you know, 350MPH so that you deliver my schizophrenic amount of shit I left at your house? Thanks, honey -- I need you there in about 3 minutes because I'm headed to. A. Party."

I think something about my response to the aforementioned was convincing enough that she'll be returning later to retrieve her personal belongings.

Now, once this shit is finally settled, what is the coolest, most awesome way to use the most dangerous of explosive devices in order to detonate my cell phone ... I want a mushroom cloud and ≈ a 50-mile blast radius of radioactive Verizon telephone, legally?

Shoulda just fapped on her face and then sent her on her way.
05-08-2010, 03:51 PM
Stanley Burrell

Quote:

Originally Posted by Methais

Shoulda just fapped on her face and then sent her on her way.

She was eager for a face-fapping. In her eyes. Ejaculated from gigantic robot cock lasers.

You could even do the ever-famous Methais' "double-inverted, nosebone-Indy-nosebone Goatse-2girls1cup-ratemysyphilisinfectedscrotum.com," with a twist of Lemonparty, on this particular woman ... and it wouldn't be enough to punish the kind of stupidity she is possessed by right now.
05-08-2010, 04:44 PM
Jayvn

you should post her picture
05-08-2010, 04:56 PM
Stanley Burrell

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jayvn

you should post her picture

I got a really nice close-up:

http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/4589/women.png

.

You can see a small portion of her left toe under either purse #5 or #5000. I forgot.

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