Thread for things that blew your mind today.

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Originally Posted by Parkbandit

I received a check today for about $22 from the Toyota Settlement Fund.. because I guess I owned a Toyota back in the 90's. By cashing this check, I agree to not sue them in the future for the crazy acceleration problems they were having.

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I got one for $4. I think mine was for overpayment on an auto-billed account. Boy oh boy I'm rich.

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Originally Posted by Taernath

I got one for $4. I think mine was for overpayment on an auto-billed account. Boy oh boy I'm rich.

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Hey I got my first $31.25 child support check from my ex wife! That is definitely going to help me raise two boys full time by myself. Can't wait to go to court and get this modified.

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Originally Posted by Kithus

Hey I got my first $31.25 child support check from my ex wife! That is definitely going to help me raise two boys full time by myself. Can't wait to go to court and get this modified.

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Isn't it just a formula where they plug in all the numbers, verify them against tax returns, and then spit out a number?

This is the best speech that has ever been given by anyone to anyone. Ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUB9QGKCNmI

A transcript for those who refuse to watch something animated.

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Originally Posted by The Major

My friends, it has often been said that I like war.

Friends, I like war.

No, friends, I love war!

I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats.

Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth.

I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle.

My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds.

And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger 88 to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling.

Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy.

The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers!

When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I'm in ecstasy.

I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed.

I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the yark bombers flying overhead.

Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!?

Very well. Then war is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known!

We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is worth a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for us to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.

Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand battle-hardened warriors will burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!

At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill! Attention soldiers of the Millennium battalion, this is a message from your commander:

Friends... let's bring them Hell.

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Originally Posted by Fallen

This is the best speech that has ever been given by anyone to anyone. Ever.



A transcript for those who refuse to watch something animated.

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Eh, maybe you had to have watched the whole episode or whatever for it to mean much of anything.

I prefer "Arise, arise, Riders of Théoden! Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter! Spears shall be shaken, Shields shall be splintered, a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor! Death! Death! Death! Forth Eorlingas"

That was a good one too, but it lacks vampire Nazis.

Rosetta Spacecraft hopefully lands on a comet today after a decade chasing the comet down.

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Originally Posted by Parkbandit

Rosetta Spacecraft hopefully lands on a comet today after a decade chasing the comet down.

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I hope it is successful and I look forward to Obama's press conference and watch him take credit.

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Originally Posted by Androidpk

I hope it is successful and I look forward to Obama's press conference and watch him take credit.

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Obama not only figured out the trajectory all by himself, he not only built the spacecraft on his own with no tools and no help from anybody, but he also launched the spacecraft by throwing it into the sky with his bare hands.

Stop being so ungrateful just because Obama is black.

def nim(heaps, misere=True):
"""Computes next move for Nim in a normal or misère (default) game, returns tuple (chosen_heap, nb_remove)"""
X = reduce(lambda x,y: x^y, heaps)
if X == 0: # Will lose unless all non-empty heaps have size one
if max(heaps) > 1:
print "You will lose :("
for i, heap in enumerate(heaps):
if heap > 0: # Empty any (non-empty) heap
chosen_heap, nb_remove = i, heap
break
else:
sums = [t^X < t for t in heaps]
chosen_heap = sums.index(True)
nb_remove = heaps[chosen_heap] - (heaps[chosen_heap]^X)
heaps_twomore = 0
for i, heap in enumerate(heaps):
n = heap-nb_remove if chosen_heap == i else heap
if n>1: heaps_twomore += 1
# If move leaves no heap of size 2 or larger, leave an odd (misère) or even (normal) number of heaps of size 1
if heaps_twomore == 0:
chosen_heap = heaps.index(max(heaps))
heaps_one = sum(t==1 for t in heaps)
# misère (resp. normal) strategy: if it is even (resp. odd) make it odd (resp. even), else do not change
nb_remove = heaps[chosen_heap]-1 if heaps_one%2!=misere else heaps[chosen_heap]
return chosen_heap, nb_remove