In response....

[Caiylania]

A couple of people have asked me about my title. Apparently a few think its a bit odd.

So I say.... it is in response to those who seem to think that house wives/stay-at-home moms are less than others or are somehow drudges or lackluster no lives boring people.

I'm proud of what I do. I love being home with my child, being the one raising her, teaching her, playing with her. Taking care of the house and all that.

That's all my title means.

What I don't understand is... the flak that some people give us non working mothers. That it makes us less intelligent, or lazy, etc.... The classic, sitting on the couch and eating bon bons while watching Oprah stereotype.

A person has a job at a day care, doing the same thing as me for other people's kids and getting a paycheck, that is respectable.

Being a housekeeper at hotels or private homes is ok, that’s a job that pays.

Teachers get respect. I teach my child, day in and out.

Is it the making OF money that means you aren't a lazy bum?

Anyway. This is mostly explanation/rant.

I choose to stay home until my daughter is in school. I love being part of her life. And I guess, in the end, all that matters, is my husband and I are happy.

Adriane

[Brattt8525]

I wish I could stay at home with my kids. You are lucky and don't let the words of a couple people convince you any different.

[TheRoseLady]

I have always had a lot of respect for mothers who stay and home and enjoy it.

I would have taken a gun to my head if I had to spend days on end with a small child, yes, even my own.

[Carcinogen Crunchies]

I just wanna know what the Z is for.

[Tsunami]

I plan to stay at home with our children, should we be blessed with them. If that means giving up some of the extras, so be it. My mother was always home for us while we grew up, and it was wonderfully reasuring.

Kudos to you and your husband Caiylania for putting your family first.

I'd love to hang out all day and not work. Lucky.

- Arkans

[Farquar]

On the flip side, my buddies and I are all career oriented professionals (men and women), for whom staying at home will never be a feasible option. Some stay at homers, however, have the attitude that somehow they are "better" parents or love their kids more than we do (will).

[Tsunami]

Originally posted by Arkans
I'd love to hang out all day and not work. Lucky.

- Arkans

You've obviously never have taken care of a child/children or a home if you think all she does is hang all day and not work.

[Caiylania]

The Z is for our last name and a joke on how some people say the. Zeeeeeeee game Halo 2 rocks!

It was hard at first giving up the job. Good pay, good boss, enjoyable job, career ahead. But when she came along... it becomes worth it. For me.

And trust me, I work. Though I will admit to longer lunch times. (Thank heavens for naps!)

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Farquar
On the flip side, my buddies and I are all career oriented professionals (men and women), for whom staying at home will never be a feasible option. Some stay at homers, however, have the attitude that somehow they are "better" parents or love their kids more than we do (will).

I do not feel that way at all. Leaving my job was not an easy choice, and we had to cut back on a lot. My husband and I talked about it during the whole pregnancy (I worked up til the 8th month).

Many of my friends are working Moms and I highly respect them. You have to do what you have to do.

[Edited on 11-13-2004 by Caiylania]

[Back]

Curious... what gender gave you the most shit? Cause I’d be happy to have a wife so dedicated.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Arkans
I'd love to hang out all day and not work. Lucky.

- Arkans

Way to miss the point

:heart: Caiy

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Backlash
Curious... what gender gave you the most shit? Cause I’d be happy to have a wife so dedicated.

The most? Men. I was surprised though at how many women find offense to Moms staying home. As though all alone we are setting back women's rights by 50 years.

It's a choice. I also don't look down to stay at home Dads either. And they get TONS of shit. Its stupid. There are a few where we live. The wife is in the military and the father takes care of the kids.

I admire them a ton, no doubt they get it from all sides.

[Keller]

Originally posted by Backlash
Curious... what gender gave you the most shit? Cause I’d be happy to have a wife so dedicated.

And I'm sure a wife would love to have a husband that is so dedicated.

[Miss X]

I think you rock hon. I wish my mum could have been home more often when we were younger. I'm sure when I have children I will stay at home with them, regardless of the sucsess I hope to have in my life career wise. Bringing children up well is the most important thing any person can do in their live in my opinion. Your job is as important as anyones! :heart:

[Nieninque]

Anyone who thinks that stay at home mums are putting the women's rights movement back in time, just doesnt understand women's rights.

[Shari]

Wow, I can't believe people are giving flack for stay-at-home parents. They work just as hard as those who get a monetary paycheck. My mom was a stay at home and my boyfriend has decided once we are married and have kids I will as well. (Though I will likely be producing my artwork at home if you want to consider that a paying "job")

Dads who stay at home are even more kick-ass because they're breaking the norm. This isn't to say moms aren't, but society is used to it. And they're NOT setting back women's rights, jesus people.

I also don't think that working parents are less "dedicated" to their children. Some people HAVE to have a two-income household to survive. And some people like the economic cushion of being able go on spectacular vacations with their family on that second income.

There is no better or worse option. Caiy, people who are giving you flack, tell them to shove it. :D

[Adhara]

My mother stayed at home to raise me and my brother. I have the utmost respect for her and the sacrifices she made to raise us the way she did. I don't think it would be for me but I respect both sides. I heard some women say that stay at home moms don't contribute to society. I say raising future adults that will be balanced, will have a strong set of values and a good self-esteem is the best contribution to society there could possibly be.

I noticed a lot of bitterness between the two groups. Holier-than-thou stay at home moms that claim working moms don't care about their child as much as they should and working moms that call stay at home moms lazy. If only the two groups could support one another, remembering what they have in common rather than what differentiates them... Ah I can dream.

[Latrinsorm]

Rock on. (I wondered what the Z meant too. :D)

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Adhara
If only the two groups could support one another, remembering what they have in common rather than what differentiates them... Ah I can dream.

It's a bit better in Military communities. One thing I love about being an Army spouse. Less racism, more understanding, more support for all things.

So in otherwords...... amen, sister. We can hope.

[DeV]

If only more people could do this and understand that it's not a sacrifice, its a necessity because children are essentially not getting the proper amount of rearing in the home these days as opposed to "the olden days"...we wouldn't be so nervous about the next generation. Stay at home dad's are just as important as stay at home mom's and in both cases--:thumbsup: If you can do it, it's an excellent choice.

[Sweets]

I have the upmost respect for mothers that choose/can stay at home.

On the flip side, I have taken flak for wanting to go back to work. I work as a teller part-time in a bank. Only three days a week. I look forward to getting back in the saddle so to speak. A cousin of mine, whom is very good with children, will be babysitting for Justin through the day. I don't feel I am any less a good Mom because I enjoy what I do and wish to return. Can respect go both ways?


Is it who or whom?

[Edited on 14/11/2004 by Sweets]

[Kainen]

People should sit down and shut the hell up before even thinking to critisize one way or the other.. I am a single Mom.. I work.. thats my choice.. you are a stay at home Mother... and thats yours.. it's a shame people spend more time worrying about how other people's kids will turn out due to parenting choices rather than paying attention to thier own kids.. or lives.

[SpunGirl]

That's an excellent point, Kainen.

Jake and I have discussed me taking a year or two "off" work if/when we have a child. I simply cannot conceive of going off maternity leave and dumping my eight-week old child into a daycare center. Of course, some people (like my parents) were lucky enough to have family (grandparents) around so they didn't have to do that. And some people feel OK with that, as is their choice.

I think I know you, Adriane, and I think you're an intelligent woman. You could do anything you set out to do, and being a stay at home mother is by no means making the "easy" choice. It's simply a different set of challenges than those who chose to work. Kudos to you for sticking up for your choice.

-K

[Caiylania]

Thankyou, hun. I know my daughter is happy I made it. She just doesn't know it yet!

[faiyth]

If/when I ever have kids I'd love to stay home with them until they get old enough for school.. prolly not gonna happen since I'm the one in my relationship that makes the most money, guess my boyfriend (or husband later most likely) will have to be a stay at home daddy.

I hear the first 5 years of a kids life are very important, and sometimes can shape that kids interactions with other people. I'd rather get all I can out of the first 5 years of my kids life then hear about it second hand from daycare.

I'd also love to just stay at home without a kid.. I think doing absolute nothing is absolutely fabulous.

[Edited on 11-15-2004 by faiyth]

[Hulkein]

I'd rather have my wife raising my kids than a daycare/after-school program.

[Betheny]

One of my prerequisites for having children is that I have enough money saved up or a sugar daddy wealthy enough to allow me to stay at home, at least until my child is in full-time school.

My mom did this for me, and it meant a lot to me, and helped me a lot growing up. I didn't realize it til I was older... but it was a very, very good thing.

[Nieninque]

I wanna be a stay-at-home mum but send my kids to daycare so I can play Gemstone all day :D

[Krainar]

nin for prez

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Nieninque
I wanna be a stay-at-home mum but send my kids to daycare so I can play Gemstone all day :D

::::whispers:::::::

put wiggles and junk food in front of them all day. They won't bug you!!!!!

:D

-notation: above is a joke. Please do not do this. It is bad. Have a nice day!

[Geoff]

My family went a third route and I changed to nightshift so we could splitshift the kid, admittedly that's something a lot of people couldn't do. Worked out great except for the no sleep and never seeing each other parts.

Some advice; don't blow off daycare altogether. We put the kid in 3 days a week, half day when he was 3 then full day at 4 1/2, so he could socialize and get used to the whole "sometimes I'm in a structured environment without people I know" thing and he's a pretty well adjusted boy now. (He helped out the scared kids on the first couple of days of Kindergarten this fall which I was impressed with.) That'll also give you some time to catch up on everything you haven't been doing the last couple of years like get enough sleep to ravish your husband at 2:00AM when he comes home from work.

I was a horrible child.

I would hide keys and shit. I dunno if I ever flushed a wallet down the toilet bowl, but yo, trust me on this shit, I'm sure I did.

What's the Z stand for?

[Caiylania]

Originally posted by Geoff
Some advice; don't blow off daycare altogether. We put the kid in 3 days a week, half day when he was 3 then full day at 4 1/2, so he could socialize and get used to the whole "sometimes I'm in a structured environment without people I know" thing and he's a pretty well adjusted boy now. (He helped out the scared kids on the first couple of days of Kindergarten this fall which I was impressed with.) That'll also give you some time to catch up on everything you haven't been doing the last couple of years like get enough sleep to ravish your husband at 2:00AM when he comes home from work.

She still gets daycare for those reasons a few days, especially when I'm running a ton of errands and don't want to do the baby in car, baby out of car, baby in car, baby out of car a trillion times. We also hit play groups held by daycares and stuff like that.


Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
What's the Z stand for?

Two things....

Z- first letter of my last name
Z- use of accent for joke..... z=the

Zeeee happy to be a stay at home mama.