Manly Question: Peeing

[Kuyuk]

OK, as a guy, when you pee do you do one of the following:

1) Step away from the toilet to see how far you can pee?
2) If in earshot of another person, make it sound like you have a big cannon (i.e. aiming for the middle of the water)?
3) Sit down like a nancy?
4) Other.



K.

[Bobmuhthol]

1.

1 or 4

[Chadj]

Haha, 1 all the way.

[Chelle]

Okay I have to know. RangerD please elaborate on 4.

Uh it depends, but as an example I'd say make swirly pattersn in the water.

[Doyle Hargraves]

This is obviously a trick question. Toilets are so 56k....

http://www.kopes.com/computer/internet-urinal.jpg

http://www.thinkgeek.com/cubegoodies/toys/7293/

Yes, it's real.

To stay on topic:


OK, as a guy, when you pee do you do one of the following:

1) Step away from the toilet to see how far you can pee?
2) If in earshot of another person, make it sound like you have a big cannon (i.e. aiming for the middle of the water)?
3) Sit down like a nancy?
4) Other.

1, 2, and 4.

Some examples of 4:

- A somewhat mandatory variation of 1, proper positioning of your body at an otherwise irregular angle is necessary for that middle of the night boner piss unless you want to piss all over the wall for some reason.

- The "how big of a bubble bath can I make" minigame.

- The "I wonder if I can pop all these bubbles" minigame.

- The drunken (and/or sometimes middle of the night boner piss) completely miss and piss all over the wall, at least for the first .5 - 1 seconds, followed by a thought of "Fuck", which is then followed by a "Fuck it I'm too tired" shortly after.

- "Skip the toilet, the shower works just fine and since I'm gonna be in there bathing anyway..." Naturally, the object is to aim directly for the drain. That way you're not technically peeing in the shower, you're pissing down the drain. Bonus points if you keep it steadily going down the same hole in the drain cover (which in a "standard" drain cover, the holes just happen to have the exact same diameter as your stream. It's possible that they were designed with this "game" in mind.

There's a few. And any guy that denies having done any of these at least once is a liar.

Any guy that says they've done this only once is also a liar.

[Edited on 5-22-2005 by Doyle Hargraves]

[Brattt8525]

Now that is sad. I bet Klaive has one though!

[Bobmuhthol]

How is it sad? If I'm at a lan party and I have to piss, no more needing to stand up. It's brilliant.

I could actually use that on long missions. It's alot better then trying to fit mr happy into a water bottle while hanging out of a speeding armored vehicle.

[Asha]

Distance + arc is always important.

Sometime go girly style when I'm totally wasted, that's how I fall asleep on the toilet, lol.

Never EVER piss into the water, hate the sound.

Hey, who's ever tried to piss with an erection. :lol:
That's a fucking talent you're either born with , or not.

[Soulpieced]

LMAO. This is quite possibly the best thread ever. I can't stand people who do the #2. Your donger is not that fucking big, so stop peeing directly into the water. On that note, I'm a big fan of standing as far back as possible.

[Edaarin]

I'm a huge proponent of urinal etiquette.

Also, when at the bowl I tend to aim for the ceramic rather than the water.

[Miss X]

This thread makes me SO glad I'm female.

Did you miss the optional female attachment on that thinkgeek thing?

[fallenSaint]

Awww Chica they have a female attachment as shown in the pic for the internet urinal!

And I usually work for a number 4 where as we try to make a wirlpool in the bowl... daunting task but one well rewarded for simple minds.

4. I occasional attempt to write words in cursive.

[Gan]

You needed to make this a poll!

#2 when its crowded. I want it to sound like a fucking horse is in there... too bad I couldnt have a pre-recorded neiiigh that a horse makes to key on afterwards... :lol: :lol: :lol:


And you need a #5: Do you like to roll out a long fart while peeing.

I find a number 5 will keep the guy stanidng in the stall next to you from cross gazing.. :whistle:

[Miss X]

Oh God... I'm even more glad I'm a girl now....

You don't know what your missing

[Gan]

Who are you kidding? Girls get the echo effect with #5 not to mention you can apply much much more force to a hooter than when standing which exponentially doubles the effect. And I wont even get into bowl acoustical dynamics with different diameter bowls.

[Asha]

Things to do in the public urinal.

Pissing on a cigarrette but until it explodes.

Pissing directly down the outlet hole, and if froth overflows you get a wish.

Spitting into the stream of your piss.

Heh, I love going for a whizz

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Edaarin
I'm a huge proponent of urinal etiquette.

Also, when at the bowl I tend to aim for the ceramic rather than the water. Agreed on both counts.

[Gan]

Note:

If you pee perpendicular to where you are standing to hit the back of the urnal you're going to get wet. A downward horizontal angle is always a good method if you're not going for effect.


If you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.

[Leetahkin]

I never could stand the guy peeing in the shower bit. Especially when showering together. :no:

[Sean of the Thread]

Option 7b. When you are at the urinal and your buddy is in the stall pissing next to you take a quick aim at his feet then leave and turn out the light.

I do my business on random plants like a REAL man.

[Hulkein]

Originally posted by Xyelin
Option 7b. When you are at the urinal and your buddy is in the stall pissing next to you take a quick aim at his feet then leave and turn out the light.

Haha, my one friend did that to a stranger at the movie theatres. He was in the stall and was just pissing on the floor so it would come under the stall wall, he didn't know someone we didn't know came in and went to the urinal next to the stall.

[Killer Kitten]

Originally posted by Ganalon
Who are you kidding? Girls get the echo effect with #5 not to mention you can apply much much more force to a hooter than when standing which exponentially doubles the effect. And I wont even get into bowl acoustical dynamics with different diameter bowls.

Girls don't do #5's. It isn't ladylike and we tend to travel to the restroom in packs, thus producing peer pressure to be ladylike.

And you left out the 'I piss all over the seat and the top of the rim and dribble on the floor' option that too many guys seem to choose.

[Soulpieced]

And you left out the 'I piss all over the seat and the top of the rim and dribble on the floor' option that too many guys seem to choose.

.

But that's my best one.

[Artha]

1. It's like a game.

[Toxicvixen]

Wow! You guys have way more fun then us girls. Now I wish I had a penis. :cry: We don't have any fun bathroom games!

[Snapp]

Originally posted by Edaarin

Also, when at the bowl I tend to aim for the ceramic rather than the water.
I usually do that too. Oddest pee story I have is peeing off my balcony a couple times when I was drunk. Hopefully no one was down there.

[hectomaner]

what about option #6. the R Kelly - find the nearest underage female and pee all over her

[Kuyuk]

But girls can shoot ping-pong balls.........



K.

[AnticorRifling]

I like the peeing off the tee box option myself.

[longshot]

When I was younger, it was always to try and maximize the bubble coverage.

While wasted once, I did have some girl hold it for me.

She was like, "Wow, that's so cool..."

Guys have the better deal.

Sitting down?

Made me think of the "Mad Real World" where Tyree (Charlie Murphy) says, "From now on, you sit down when you pee"...

Urinal etiquette

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

[Edited on 5-23-2005 by Dave]

[Sylvan Dreams]

Does that mean you can't peek?

Damn right you cant peek
That's breaking rule #2. The result of which is a firm ass kicking, once everyone has their pants back up and zipped. (that sounded kinda bad...)

[Wezas]

1, 2, & 4

1 is a given

2 is not to make it "sound big" but more so to avoid the "small sounding" trickle that happens with stage/urinal fright.

4 is peeing directly onto the blue round urinal cake thing at my work (see below for example). Little pieces of blue get blasted off and the water turns green (yellow + blue). Amusing to my simple mind.

http://www.michaelmain.com/urinal_cake.jpg

err, wrong cake.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/b/b7/200px-Urinal_with_urinal_cake_gsu_cit_2004.jpg

[Overlord]

1, 2 and 4

4 Being some of the following given the circumstances

1: The drunken stumble into the toilet and lean against the wall while trying to aim into the toilet but you keep missing because the toilets "moving"

2:You've just had a great long session of giving your woman a hot beef injection and god damn do you have to piss....but ....IT DOESN'T WANT TO AIM INTO THE BOWL.........What do you do?? Its bloody akward

[Jolena]

While I admit that men seem to have so much more fun in the potty room, women do have the 'hover' technique :lol:

[Overlord]

I know a woman who can write her name in the snow.....Suffice to say I wouldn't want to congratulate her by shaking her hand :puke:

[Atlanteax]

Hmm...

In a private bathroom... I just take a piss, flush, and leave.

In a public stall area, I just pick an urinal stall (following the etiquette rules), just piss on the ceremanic backwall, and then leave (I try to avoid touching the flushing handles there).

Same goes for pissing in the snow.

.

I'd done the piss my name out in the snow, or blast the urinal cake when younger... but I'd like to think that I've matured by now! :lol:

[Tsunami]

Well, not a guy...so I don't get the 'fun while peeing'....but I guess it could be. And as for the hover technique...it sucks! You try to keep your ass off the toilet...hold your clothes away from every surface....get the toilet paper AND wipe..and make sure no one swipes your purse off the hanging hook....it takes years of practice and talent I tells ya!

Funny story though:
My uncle's wife was picking up her mother at the airport. When she came out of the terminal, she had to go to the ladies room very badly, so they rushed to the bathrooms. And of course being in a hurry, went into the men's room by mistake. When she came out, she was amazed by the 'new' style hand washing sinks, but it was hard to get much water on your hands with it running down the back of the ceramic wall...and the soap smalled so strong....yep, washed her hands in the urinal...:puke:

[4a6c1]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
I do my business on random plants like a REAL man.

And I almost got through this whole topic without laughing. I was feeling all grown up and special too.

[Overlord]

I have releived myself in my neighbours mailbox once or twice.
Thats what the bastard gets for letting his kids egg my house and cars!!

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Overlord
2:You've just had a great long session of giving your woman a hot beef injection and god damn do you have to piss....but ....IT DOESN'T WANT TO AIM INTO THE BOWL.........What do you do?? Its bloody akward

I agree with that and it also sucks when your pipes are still "clogged up". Nothing worse then having to pee after someone's been bouncing on your bladder and you just can't go.

My appology for the mental image.

And it's not like I'm going to go and spoil the mood by saying "let me take a leak real quick before we get going".

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Kuyuk
OK, as a guy, when you pee do you do one of the following:

1) Step away from the toilet to see how far you can pee?
2) If in earshot of another person, make it sound like you have a big cannon (i.e. aiming for the middle of the water)?
3) Sit down like a nancy?
4) Other.



K.

1. When I am drunk and not at my house or a friends house. Usually in a bar.

2. Never. I don't have to overcompensate. :)

3. When I am at home, just getting out of bed. Nothing worse than playing "Good morning, I wonder which direction my piss will go today" game when you first wake up. Living with 3 females.. I will ALWAYS get blamed for any drippage or spills. It's alot easier just to sit like a nancy than to clean it up later. Plus, I can drop off the kids in the pool at the same time if the urge is there.

4. Nothing anyone hasn't already posted.

[isebumples]

I pissed in a movie return slot of a local supermarket once, fuckers shouldn't have pissed me off. Of course I was drunk.

-Bumple's player

[Overlord]

I suppose five men lining up on a bridge going over a freeway and releasing our recycled fluids onto oncoming traffic could be classed as obscene.....but hey alcohol induced stupidity is something I will not be held accountable for!! (Unless there are pictures or physical evidence)

[Jenisi]

3 :( I fail at life

[Skeeter]

How about the drunken no hands pee. usually everyone gets wet.

and speaking of peeing in the shower with your woman. If I'm drunk enough, I'll likely pee on you, and think it's hilarious.

[Beer Goddess]

I have two male roommates, trust me I know all about the not being able to aim option. Or the holy hell I have morning wood whee watch it go everywhere option.

My favorite is the oh its 3 am so we dont have to put the toilet seat option down. So when I manage to wake up and stagger into the bathroom with the lights off my ass ends up getting a bath because it falls into the toilet.

However a few years ago I was drunk with a bunch of friends. One of my friends bet me that I could not pee standing up. Being female and all of course I didn't have the right equipment. He didn't mention any conditions though. So me in my drunken glory went into the bathroom, stood up on the toilet and just peed that way. I was still technically standing up and I won the bet. :saint:

[Wezas]

Morning wood does pwn your aim.

Okay, this topic is kind of fucking weird so I decided not REALLY go into it, but the above is like.. "GAH!"

Sure, women bitch about the toilet seat thing.. HEY GUESS WHAT?!?! WATCH WHERE YOU SIT!

Everytime a woman falls into the toilet an angel gets its wings.

- Arkans

[Beer Goddess]

I wasn't bitching about it however if they get pissed off over me leaving my tampons out (no not used you sickos) then they should atleast put the toilet seat down.

If Im barely conscious at 3 am Im not going to be turning the lights on to see if the toilet seat is up. However they do get a firm cussing when my ass gets wet.

Edited because I left out a word.

[Edited on 5-23-2005 by Beer Goddess]

Unused tampons out? BOO HOO. Who cares?

Any girl that cusses at me because she can't take the time to sit is going to get booted in the stomach and then forced to go to the kitchen to make me an Omens sized sammich.

- Arkans

Why is it acceptable for women to bitch about us leaving it up but we can't bitch about you leaving it down.

[Beer Goddess]

Haha talk to my roommates about that they freak out anytime I leave the box on the back of the toilet. Go figure.

As for the sandwich comment. Fuck you. :lol:

[Beer Goddess]

Its the purpose of it, If we can sit and do it why can't you pee through a smaller hole with the toilet seat down I mean come on. If your aim is that bad then yeah I'd hate to see what else you have trouble with. Only difference is it makes the hole about two inches or a little bigger around. You need that much help taking a piss?

I so know this is going to get shit started. :bouncy:

Guys should just piss all over the seat for GP just to fight this "leave the seat up" garbage!

- Arkans

So if its only 2 inches why can't you fit your ass on the rim

[Beer Goddess]

I could fit my ass on the rim its just the fact if its 3 am and the lights are out and I don't know it, til its too late. :kiss:

Turn on the lights and look!

- Arkans

[Beer Goddess]

Honestly do you think the best at 3 am when you've only been a sleep maybe an hour or hour and a half?

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by Beer Goddess
Its the purpose of it, If we can sit and do it why can't you pee through a smaller hole with the toilet seat down I mean come on. If your aim is that bad then yeah I'd hate to see what else you have trouble with. Only difference is it makes the hole about two inches or a little bigger around. You need that much help taking a piss?

I so know this is going to get shit started. :bouncy:

We lift it out of kindness. Should there be some splatter (as there generally is when liquids are projected) we don't want it on the seat you have to sit on because that's just not cool. So instead of thanking us for this kindness you bitch that we don't take even more extra effort when in fact up or down doesn't affect us at all. When I got to make a coffee table one leg at a time and the toliet seat is up I do this weird thing called putting it down. No bitching, no complaining, just a silent thanks that whoever was there before me was nice enough to save my ass from their piss splatter.

[Beer Goddess]

Ahh then Anticor comes in and makes it sound like its saving us. How sweet and thoughtful thank you guys. I think. :devil:

We're always under appreciated

Same with sex. They say guys think too much with our dicks, but in reality, we know screwing burns calories and all we want to do is help with negative self images!

- Arkans

[Beer Goddess]

Originally posted by Arkans
Same with sex. They say guys think too much with our dicks, but in reality, we know screwing burns calories and all we want to do is help with negative self images!

- Arkans

It does burn calories. However give me a guy that can go as long as I can and I'm there. :P

Any drunk guy that holds it in can last!

- Arkans

[hectomaner]

yeah, i'm all for the idea of just keeping the seat up.

i mean, when i go to take a shit, i DO check to make sure the seat is down. why cant women?

must fall under that women have a lack of common sense thing

[Beer Goddess]

No, its not the lack of common sense its the lack of common sense at 3 am in the morning. :cool:

[DeV]

Originally posted by hectomaner
yeah, i'm all for the idea of just keeping the seat up.

i mean, when i go to take a shit, i DO check to make sure the seat is down. why cant women?

must fall under that women have a lack of common sense thing So glad I don't have to deal with this stuff.

And yeah, women need to quit complaining about the seat being left up. It takes all of 3 seconds to check.

[Beer Goddess]

Just to let you know I wasn't bitching I know it takes 3 seconds and its just funny when I'm half asleep and don't. It was more or less to instigate and it did its job. :whistle:

Okay I won't say instigate more or less to find out what most of the male sex would say, and to question why its so hard. It happens and its funny when it does. Not a big deal. :lol:

[Edited on 5-23-2005 by Beer Goddess]

click here (http://256.com/gray/toilet_seat/)

mathematically men have to do all the work. Women should do their part.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Dave


mathematically men have to do all the work. Except when it comes to sex.


Come to think of it, women have a right to bitch and complain just because of that very fact.

Carry on...

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by Dave


mathematically men have to do all the work. Except when it comes to sex.


Come to think of it, women have a right to bitch and complain just because of that very fact.

Carry on...

If you use that excuse you've been with the wrong man/men.

This excuse or "fact" is based on a few (or more than a few depending on the person) examples. You can't apply this to those of us that don't fit and since some of us don't fit that mold at all using it in a discussion as part of your defense is null and void.

Carry on.

[DeV]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
If you use that excuse you've been with the wrong man/men.I've never been with a man, so I'd have to take your word for it and say I would probably agree.


This excuse or "fact" is based on a few (or more than a few depending on the person) examples. True. I'd wager that it's based on more than just a few examples though.
You can't apply this to those of us that don't fit and since some of us don't fit that mold at all using it in a discussion as part of your defense is null and void.

Carry on. You're right. It is only applied to those whose former girlfriends/wives who have actually made this excuse. If yours hasn't you're all good, right?

[AnticorRifling]

I get mine. But then again I also put the seat down on the toliet in the master bathroom. I'm the only one that uses the hall bathroom so that one stays up until I'm ready to sit down and read the paper. w00t.

[Edited on 5-23-2005 by AnticorRifling]

[Overlord]

Truth, be told after all of my urination antics, I clean up (any possible spillage, typically occuring during extreme drunken stupor or tremendous hard on) and drop the seat. A few mere seconds removed from my life.....Damn what a waste of my time!!!
Ah well saves me receiving a whine.

[Soulpieced]

I'm a big fan of the post-orgasm hard-on I'm going to pee all over the rim and quite possibly my pants-piss. I guess that's #12?

[Delirium]

I usually just try to get it in the bowl. If i am distracted and miss if it drips in front of the bowl ill clean up. If its to the side behind the bowl tho i just let it go. I never put that much thought into where i should try to put the stream except when in a public toilet and the urinals are full. Then if there is a poop and tp in the bowl i will try to utterly destroy the tp at least and if the force is strong ill try to break the poop in half. Guess i need to think about piss more.

PS If anyone thinks you should flush someone elses poop instead of peeing on it i strongly disagree(in public). Ive done that before and it clogged the toilet and started overflowing. Not only did i not get to do my business i had to high tail it out of there.

[Doyle Hargraves]

Originally posted by Nobody Cares
I never could stand the guy peeing in the shower bit. Especially when showering together. :no:

Some guy was actually dumb enough to take a piss in the shower with a chick in there?

[Doyle Hargraves]

Originally posted by RangerD1
Why is it acceptable for women to bitch about us leaving it up but we can't bitch about you leaving it down.

This is something I've always wondered too. Then one day the solution came to me:

Put the seat AND the lid down when you're done. That way they can't bitch about falling into the toilet. If they still complain it's because they're either lazy, a bitch, or a lazy bitch.

[Edited on 5-24-2005 by Doyle Hargraves]

[Shari]

.....just WOW.

Three pages about men and how they piss. I'm speechless.





To defend the whole toilet-seat-down thing...I pay attention when I'm getting ready to piss. My only problem is that you guys dribble all over the rim. (Which you guys do as a courtesy, as I have read above) The last thing I want to do is have company over to walk in to pee and the toilet seat is up, and there's pee dribbles all over the toilet rim. Putting the seat back down HIDES it without you having to rush to the cleaning chemicals to wipe up your mess. :D

[Darnell]

Originally posted by Doyle Hargraves

Originally posted by RangerD1
Why is it acceptable for women to bitch about us leaving it up but we can't bitch about you leaving it down.

This is something I've always wondered too. Then one day the solution came to me:

Put the seat AND the lid down. That way they can't bitch about falling into the toilet. If they still complain it's because they're either lazy, a bitch, or a lazy bitch.

You forgot stupid also.

D
"Arkans likes sausage with everything"

[peam]

This past weekend, while drunk, I decided to pee off of my friend's back deck.

Little did I know that the lattice work was screened on the other side.

My shoes were the victim that night.

[theotherjohn]

The following may or may not have happened

When wearing light grey pants I may have sit down to pee on a airplane when I was drunk.

[Wezas]

Like Doyle says - I put the seat and cover down when I'm done. Mainly because of our dog, though.

[Parkbandit]

Originally posted by Soulpieced
I'm a big fan of the post-orgasm hard-on I'm going to pee all over the rim and quite possibly my pants-piss. I guess that's #12?

There is a perfect time to take a Nancy and just sit. There is NO TELLING where the stream is pointed.. so why fight it? Take a seat and you have zero clean up.

[AnticorRifling]

Fuck that do it Me, Myself, and Irene style and wrap yourself in the shower curtain.

[Czeska]

I learned to check for the seat at 3am. It's better than a cold splash.

Solution? We have 2 bathrooms now. He can do wtfever he wants with his seat.

If guys come to my house, put the damn seat down. If I use the bathroom at a bachelor's house.. I put it up. Many a male friend in college thought I was very cool for this.

Also last night on a Friends rerun, Monica was stung by a jelly fish and Chandler had to pee on her.

[Leetahkin]

I'm sorry, but I have issues with the female squatters. I never knew about this until recently, when I complained about seeing a pool of pee on the toilet seat in the female bathroom. Someone pointed out to me that some females hover over the top so as not to touch the seat, blah blah blah.

I think it's totally disgusting to walk into a stall where the floor is noticeably pee splattered because of this, and pee all over the toilet. Some females can be just as bad as men.