Latrinsorm
03-12-2015, 05:59 PM
The spreadsheet itself is attached. Yes in zip format, because that's the only way this site will take it. I tried putting it into Google docs but they are a fiasco. If anyone mentions the words Open Office, especially in reference to my wife, I am just gonna snap.
IT'S A CONSPIRACY
There are only two hair colors that every race shares: grey-brown and red.
Every original race shares auburn and deep red.
There is only one eye color that every race shares: grey-green.
Every original race shared NINE additional colors: amber, grey, hazel, pale grey, sea green, silver, steel grey, stormy grey, and violet.
None of the Mark IV races besides erithian have ANY of those colors.
In fact, the new races besides erithians share fully 16 colors that none can get, bizarrely collinear.
Whoever made erithians had too much coke.
They have 40 eye colors, the next highest race is 28 (four way tie between human, half-elf, giant man, half ling).
Included in these 40 are pale amber, pale brown, and pale golden, and if you can tell them apart you have had too much coke too.
They have 37 hair colors, the next highest race is half-Krolvin with 33 and then three-way tie with 32 (human, half-elf, aelotoi).
But there are no skin colors shared by every race, because only erithians cannot have bronze, golden brown, or nut brown skin.
And erithians have by far the most unique skin colors at 12.
And erithians are the only race with unique eye traits, and they have 5.
There are only three facial features shared by every race: long, oval, and triangular.
There are only three facial features shared by all but one race...
Halflings cannot be angular.
Dwarves cannot be heart-shaped.
Dark elves cannot be round.
Hair texture is bizarrely multiracial.
Every original race has the same 25 options; no more, no less.
Forest gnomes cannot be ringleted.
Erithians cannot be thick.
Neither forest gnomes nor erithians can be upswept.
But erithians can be silky and sparse.
And half-Krolvin can be bushy and very thick.
[Insert joke here.]
Dwarven distinguishing marks cut off after pointed chin.
They are the only race to not have pronounced jawline, pronounced overbite, receding chin, stooped shoulders, sunken cheeks, thin eyebrows, or thin lips.
Something is seriously wrong with burghal gnomes.
Unlike the forest gnomes they keep their hair.
But they have the second most unique skin colors of any race, and they're all worrisome:
blistered, blue white, jaundiced, oily, splotchy
There are options specific to one race for every field but hair style and nose.
The most specific nose is broad, which can only be obtained by forest gnomes and erithians.
The most specific nose among the original races is beak-like, only available for humans, giant kin, and dwarven kind.
There are almost no restrictions on hair style, except...
Pure elves, burghal gnomes, half-Krolvin, and aelotoi cannot have thinning hair.
Only forest gnomes and erithian can have balding or receding hair, even though every race can be bald.
Giantkin cannot have long hair.
Several eye traits became illegal for new races: bloodshot, dark-rimmed, and small.
This is the only field where any option became universally illegal besides tiny height, various distinguishing marks, and violet eyes.
But gnomes can have purple eyes.
Hair quirks got dramatically more quirky with the new races.
The originals had 16 or 15 options.
Pure elves could not go grey at the temples (but could have grey hair).
Halflings and dwarves could have only one ponytail, NOT TWO.
The new races introduced 20 new options.
A lot of the options are really asinine.
Hair can be "streaked with silver" for original races.
Burghal gnomes can be "streaked with grey".
Erithians can be "streaked with silvery grey".
But not vice versa.
Every original race can have hair "with a red streak running through it".
Erithians cannot.
But every race can have red hair.
And erithians can have hair "with a reddish streak running through it".
Half-elves have six varieties of pointy ears.
Pure elves have fifteen varieties of pointed ears.
Forest gnomes have three hair quirks of the form "with X tufts behind the ears".
Burghal gnomes have three hair quirks of the form "with tufts of X behind the ears".
Many races can have blue-grey eyes.
Only half-Krolvin can have grey-blue eyes.
Every race can have grey-green eyes.
Only new races can have greenish-grey eyes.
.
The universal race looks like...
short grey-brown hair
large grey-green eyes
golden brown skin
an oval face
average height
a straight nose
broad shoulders
IT'S A CONSPIRACY
There are only two hair colors that every race shares: grey-brown and red.
Every original race shares auburn and deep red.
There is only one eye color that every race shares: grey-green.
Every original race shared NINE additional colors: amber, grey, hazel, pale grey, sea green, silver, steel grey, stormy grey, and violet.
None of the Mark IV races besides erithian have ANY of those colors.
In fact, the new races besides erithians share fully 16 colors that none can get, bizarrely collinear.
Whoever made erithians had too much coke.
They have 40 eye colors, the next highest race is 28 (four way tie between human, half-elf, giant man, half ling).
Included in these 40 are pale amber, pale brown, and pale golden, and if you can tell them apart you have had too much coke too.
They have 37 hair colors, the next highest race is half-Krolvin with 33 and then three-way tie with 32 (human, half-elf, aelotoi).
But there are no skin colors shared by every race, because only erithians cannot have bronze, golden brown, or nut brown skin.
And erithians have by far the most unique skin colors at 12.
And erithians are the only race with unique eye traits, and they have 5.
There are only three facial features shared by every race: long, oval, and triangular.
There are only three facial features shared by all but one race...
Halflings cannot be angular.
Dwarves cannot be heart-shaped.
Dark elves cannot be round.
Hair texture is bizarrely multiracial.
Every original race has the same 25 options; no more, no less.
Forest gnomes cannot be ringleted.
Erithians cannot be thick.
Neither forest gnomes nor erithians can be upswept.
But erithians can be silky and sparse.
And half-Krolvin can be bushy and very thick.
[Insert joke here.]
Dwarven distinguishing marks cut off after pointed chin.
They are the only race to not have pronounced jawline, pronounced overbite, receding chin, stooped shoulders, sunken cheeks, thin eyebrows, or thin lips.
Something is seriously wrong with burghal gnomes.
Unlike the forest gnomes they keep their hair.
But they have the second most unique skin colors of any race, and they're all worrisome:
blistered, blue white, jaundiced, oily, splotchy
There are options specific to one race for every field but hair style and nose.
The most specific nose is broad, which can only be obtained by forest gnomes and erithians.
The most specific nose among the original races is beak-like, only available for humans, giant kin, and dwarven kind.
There are almost no restrictions on hair style, except...
Pure elves, burghal gnomes, half-Krolvin, and aelotoi cannot have thinning hair.
Only forest gnomes and erithian can have balding or receding hair, even though every race can be bald.
Giantkin cannot have long hair.
Several eye traits became illegal for new races: bloodshot, dark-rimmed, and small.
This is the only field where any option became universally illegal besides tiny height, various distinguishing marks, and violet eyes.
But gnomes can have purple eyes.
Hair quirks got dramatically more quirky with the new races.
The originals had 16 or 15 options.
Pure elves could not go grey at the temples (but could have grey hair).
Halflings and dwarves could have only one ponytail, NOT TWO.
The new races introduced 20 new options.
A lot of the options are really asinine.
Hair can be "streaked with silver" for original races.
Burghal gnomes can be "streaked with grey".
Erithians can be "streaked with silvery grey".
But not vice versa.
Every original race can have hair "with a red streak running through it".
Erithians cannot.
But every race can have red hair.
And erithians can have hair "with a reddish streak running through it".
Half-elves have six varieties of pointy ears.
Pure elves have fifteen varieties of pointed ears.
Forest gnomes have three hair quirks of the form "with X tufts behind the ears".
Burghal gnomes have three hair quirks of the form "with tufts of X behind the ears".
Many races can have blue-grey eyes.
Only half-Krolvin can have grey-blue eyes.
Every race can have grey-green eyes.
Only new races can have greenish-grey eyes.
.
The universal race looks like...
short grey-brown hair
large grey-green eyes
golden brown skin
an oval face
average height
a straight nose
broad shoulders