Bushisms (by him and other folks)

[Nieninque]

I thought these were funny:

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questions asked of Carlsbad Caverns National Park rangers:
How much of the cave is underground?
So what's in the unexplored part of the cave? Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

baseball great Yogi Berra, on the Broadway show Biloxi Blues:
It reminds me of being in the Army, even though I was in the Navy.

former Arizona governor Bruce Babbitt to his wife during his Democratic presidential campaign (He didn't realize his mike was on.):
Hattie, I'm horny.

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.

football commentator and former player Joe Theisman in 1996:
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.

Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips:
Because she's too damn ugly to kiss goodbye.

senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.

boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for 3 years, not Princeton.

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my &%$#&*^ clothes.

Shaquille O'Neal, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece:
I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.

Shaquille O'Neal on his lack of championships:
I've won at every level, except college and pro.

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books:
But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz President, on a former player:
I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, ' Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received 4 F's and one D:
Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject.

Announcer calling a horse race:
Announcer: The horse's name is Yakka Hikka Mikka Dolla.
Announcer (a little later): ... and it's Hikka Makka Rokka Dokka Lolla.
Announcer (a little later): Then there's a gap of three to Dolla Hikka Makka Dokka Dolla.
Announcer (later): And the trailer is Dolla Rolla -- er, Rokka Dokka Molla Holla!

actress Marlo Thomas to her butler duing a luncheon she gave for Gloria Steinem, as reported in That Girl and Phil by Desmond Atholl:
Noooooo coooooookies!!! No [bleep] cookies! I have guests who want cookies! Just what do you expect me to tell them! You [bleep] fool! No cookies because you didn't bother to check! And you're supposed to be in charge! You go and tell my guests that you are so stupid you forgot the cookies!

ad in West Sussex (U.K.) Country Times:
Ex-farmer with marital difficulties seeks rural accommodation for himself and black labrador girlfriend. Isolation no problem.

Dale Evans, wife of cowboy star Roy Rogers:
In horse vernacular, Roy has always "given me my head," and I have tried to do the same for him.

President Warren G. Harding:

Progression is not proclamation nor palaver. It is not pretense nor play on prejudice. It is not of personal pronouns, nor perennial pronouncement. It is not the perturbation of a people passion-wrought, nor a promise proposed.

Senator Jesse Helms (R - North Carolina)
Democracy used to be good thing, but it has gotten into the wrong hands.

from a science paper reporting on why not everyone finds Beano, an anti-intestinal gas product, a good thing:
The production of high volumes of resonant, pungent intestinal gas is a source of personal pride and fulfillment.

former Cosmo editor Helen Gurley Brown:
There aren't enough men to go around... Every time there's a plane accident, it's one hundred men dead... and I literally think, "Why couldn't some women have been on that flight?"

buxom actress Raquel Welch, appearing as a presenter for Best Visual Effects at the Academy Awards:
My name is Raquel Welch. I am here for visual effects, and I have two of them.

President Ronald Reagan, complaining about Screen Actors' Guild president Ed Asner speaking out on U.S. foreign policy:
What does an actor know about politics?

baseball great Yogi Berra:
I love home openers, whether they're at home or on the road.

Secretary of State James Baker:
This is a delightful suprise to the extent that it is a surprise, and it is only a surprise to the extent that we anticipated.

Model Beverly Johnson:
Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery.

My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, "What if she's ugly? You're ugly."

Model Kathy Ireland:
Because modeling is lucrative, I'm able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take.

Model Tyra Banks:
I haven't seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven't seen anything. I don't really care.

Model Linda Evangelista:
I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day.

Cameron Diaz:
I'm a pretty girl who's a model who doesn't suck as an actress.

Anti-smoking spokesperson Brooke Shields:
Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

George Carlin:
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Lewis Grizzard:
Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Dave Barry:
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base.

Bob Ettinger:
Relationships are hard. it's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.

Johnny Carson:
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Oscar Wilde:
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Vice-President Dan Quayle, questioning doctors at a Manhattan AIDS clinic about their treatments of choice - and meaning to refer to AZT:
Are they taking DDT?

singer Pat Boone, explaining why his wife didn't travel with him:
It seemed that my wife Shirley was always pregnant until we found out what was causing it.

correction in the Althorne Village (U.K.) News:
The article about the Ladies' Craft Club should have stated that Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Smith gave talks on "smocking and rugs respectively," not "smoking and drugs respectively," as reported.

President Clinton, during his grand jury testimony:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

Kathy Lee Gifford, in her book I Can't Believe I Said That, written before husband's well-publicized tryst with a flight attendant:
Cheating is out of the question. Sure, Frank sees sexy flight attendants and businesswomen when he flies around the country. But the only come-on he gets anymore is "C'mon, Frank, show us a picture of Cody."

talk show host Tom Snyder to other passengers aboard a turbulent plane flight (flying is his phobia):
This is it! No one will come out alive! We're all doomed!

attributed to Miss Alabama during a leading beauty pageant:
Host: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Miss Alabama: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.

From the game show, The Family Feud:
Richard Dawson: Name something you might buy that could turn out to be phony.
Contestant: A horse.

radio host Lary King, speaking about Miss Pennsylvania after he served as judge in the 1990 Miss America Contest:
She was one of the 10 finalists, and she did a great ventriloquist bit... the dummy was prettier.

sign by elevator in Denver office building:
Braille Instructions. Please see below.

Detroit Tigers manager Sparky Anderson on a playor's injury:
There's nothing wrong with his shoulder except some pain -- and pain don't hurt you.

actress Sharon Stone:
I can't put a sentence together - thank God I can take my clothes off.

actress Brigitte Nielsen:
I do expose my body, but only because I think people should have something nice to look at.

actor Ryan O'Neal talking about his daughter, Tatum, and future wife, Farrah Fawcett:
I had to make this choice between Tatum and this girl - and I chose Farrah. Tatum made me choose. I said, "That's a bad idea. I sleep with this girl, Tatum. I don't sleep with you."

New Jersey Nets forward Chris Morris to a piano player in a hotel bar:
Could you play some Picasso?

Dame Edna:
If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the colossal joke of the century.

Series of Bushisms:

There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again."

They misunderestimated me.

A results-oriented administration ... will make America what we want it to be -- a literate country and a hopefuller country.

They want the federal government controlling social security like it's some kind of federal program.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Gov. Bush: "I talked to my little brother, Jeb .... I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of ... I shouldn't call him my little brother... my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.
Jim Lehrer: "Florida."
Gov. Bush: "Florida. The state of the Florida."

The senator has got to understand if he's going to have ... he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.

This is preservation month. I appreciate preservatin. It's what you do when you run for president. You gotta preserve. (Speaking during "perseverence month".)

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

I was just inebriating what Midland was all about then.

I call on all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Now watch this drive. (W. fighting terrorists on the tee box)

[Chelle]

Gov. Bush: "I talked to my little brother, Jeb .... I haven't told this to many people. But he's the governor of ... I shouldn't call him my little brother... my brother, Jeb, the great governor of Texas.
Jim Lehrer: "Florida."
Gov. Bush: "Florida. The state of the Florida."

That had me rolling. I love it.

[Chelle]

Heres a couple:

"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Sept. 17, 2004



"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush, Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 :lol:

[Chelle]

Okay last one.

Heres one from pawpaw:

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." —George Bush Sr., in 1988

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/weekly/aa102400a.htm

[Ilvane]

The whim of a hat, huh? :lol:

-A

:lol: It's a Bushism.

[TheRoseLady]

Bush was asked: ''Mr. President, most school kids learn about government from the context of city, county, state and federal, and of course tribal governments are not part of that at all. You have been a governor and a president, and you have the unique experience of looking at it from two directions. What do you think tribal sovereignty means in the 21st century, and how do we resolve conflicts between tribes and federal and state governments?''

Bush responded: “Tribal sovereignty means that. It's sovereign. You're a … you're a ... you've been given sovereignty and you're viewed as a sovereign entity.”

[TheRoseLady]

George W. Bush (Dubya)
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
Washington, D.C. 20500

Past Work Experience



Ran for congress and lost.

Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.

Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.

With father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.


Accomplishments in Previous Positions

Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.

Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

Set record for most executions by any governor in American history.

Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.


Accomplishments As President

Attacked and took over two countries.

Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.

Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.

Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.

First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

First president in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.

First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S. history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

Set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in U.S. history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.

Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in U.S. history.

Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in U.S. history.

Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.

Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in U.S. history.

Presided over the biggest energy crises in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.

Presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.

Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.

Dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.

My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history (the 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleezza Rice, has an Exxon oil tanker named after her).

First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.

First president in U.S. history to order a U.S. attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.

Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the human rights commission.

First president in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the elections monitoring board.

Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.

Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.

Withdrew from the World Court of Law.

Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

First president in U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. elections).

All-time U.S. (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.

My biggest lifetime campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).

Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.

First president in U.S. history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)

First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.

Took the biggest world sympathy for the U.S. after 9/11, and in less than a year made the U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history).

With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.

Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.

First U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S. than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.

Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.

Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.

Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive.'

Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.

In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.

Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in U.S. history.

In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the U.S. has ever been since the Civil War.

Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.

Records and References

At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available)

AWOL from National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.

Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.

For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

Source: Kelley Kramer

Thats not even funny or remotely true

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by RangerD1
Thats not even funny or remotely true Maybe she was hoping third time was the charm. (Which time are we on, though? I think it's 3rd)

[TheRoseLady]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by RangerD1
Thats not even funny or remotely true Maybe she was hoping third time was the charm. (Which time are we on, though? I think it's 3rd)

I've never seen that posted here. If you can find any posts from me showing that I posted that in the past - I'll buy you a beer.

[Nieninque]

posted on 3-10-04 at 02:30 AM Post ID: 248646


posted by TheRoseLady on 3-10-04 at 08:00 PM Post ID: 248946

I've never seen that posted here. If you can find any posts from me showing that I posted that in the past - I'll buy you a beer.

Five and a half hours in the past. I'll have a stella!

[Psykos]

bush speaks in public, people who speak in public fuck up

Psykos

[Nieninque]

You fuck up each time you post, Lycain

[Psykos]

not really, just making a point.

[Nieninque]

Hardly.

I cant think of any other person in the public eye that continually opens his mouth just to change feet.
Sure, people who speak in public fuck up, but he fucks up pretty much continually.
Still, it's funny

[Caiylania]

Model Linda Evangelista:
I don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day

--------

Oh the things I could say. :whistle:

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by TheRoseLady
I've never seen that posted here. If you can find any posts from me showing that I posted that in the past - I'll buy you a beer. I didn't mean to imply that it was the 3rd time YOU had posted it.

http://forum.gsplayers.com/viewthread.php?tid=850
http://forum.gsplayers.com/viewthread.php?tid=8895 (note Hulkein's second post)

[4a6c1]

:wow:

:spaz:

So funny