GSTamral
09-30-2004, 03:52 PM
Excepts from tonight's upcoming foreign policy debate:
Mediator: How do you believe we should continue to handle the situation with Iraq:
Bush: First off, I would like to point out that my opponent is a flip-flopping UN pansy who is unfit to be in command of the world. As the leader of the world, I plan to strictly cut ties with nations pursuing nukular power. We need to hog tie them suns of bitches and beat the Jesus into em. You just don't mess with Texas. People always admire how I carry myself and walk. I take pride in the fact that I can hold a shit in for more than 2 hours, even if that damn turtle head is pokin out. I mean come on folks, I'm runnin aginst a waffle man here. I will stick to my guns, my shotguns, and my assault rifles to the end, and make no mistake. I will waste each and every other american life in order to put the Jesus back in Jerusalem.
Kerry: I had a very interesting conversation with Gandalf the White Wizard, and he explained how Saruman was able to create 10 million jobs for his orc army by simply breeding more orcs, thereby creating an influx of demand for weaponry, to which other orcs were hired. I then consulted my political expert analyst, Alec Baldwin, and he stressed the importance of not having to depend on foreign oil. Therefore I will be reversing my earlier oppositions to funding alternative sources of energy and I ask you to forget that I voted against it just 4 years ago, and adopt my new policy of 20% of our energy from renewable energy sources by 2020. I ask for all you educated people out there not to call BS right now even though 20% of our energy already comes from these sources, because this makes it an easy campaign promise to make and keep, all while hopefully making people forget about the bogus job numbers I predict.
Mediator: The topic right now is Iraq, Mr. Kerry
Kerry: We have a topic? oh, well yes then, I voted for the war, but then I voted against paying for it, and at this time, my proposal involves the exact same measures as the proposals made by President Bush, except I will do them right.
Mediator: How do you believe the United States should handle situations with the U.N and other allies?
Bush: Well, we are the leaders of everyone, and as sheriff of the World Police, anyone who isn't with us is aginst us. I stand firm, and I will arrest any man who thinks otherwise regarding all policy. Patriotism I say. Thats why I made the Patriot Act. If them UN varmits don't want to take action and just talk all the time, I say we bomb them with nukular warheads too. We need to put the Jesus back in Geneva.
Kerry: Well, I'm glad you asked this question. I believe the UN should moderate everything, and they should dictate to us what we can and cannot do. If we get struck by another attack, I have hired many people to immediately call project meetings in the UN to discuss amongst them what we should do. If they don't agree with us, I have two secondary teams ready to appeal. We will then craft a plan, and attempt to sit down and talk to our attackers in the UN and ask them why they did it, over a cup of tea perhaps. But I am confident that within 5 years of the attack, we will be well positioned to fight back with everything we have.
Mediator: How do you believe we should continue to handle the situation with Iraq:
Bush: First off, I would like to point out that my opponent is a flip-flopping UN pansy who is unfit to be in command of the world. As the leader of the world, I plan to strictly cut ties with nations pursuing nukular power. We need to hog tie them suns of bitches and beat the Jesus into em. You just don't mess with Texas. People always admire how I carry myself and walk. I take pride in the fact that I can hold a shit in for more than 2 hours, even if that damn turtle head is pokin out. I mean come on folks, I'm runnin aginst a waffle man here. I will stick to my guns, my shotguns, and my assault rifles to the end, and make no mistake. I will waste each and every other american life in order to put the Jesus back in Jerusalem.
Kerry: I had a very interesting conversation with Gandalf the White Wizard, and he explained how Saruman was able to create 10 million jobs for his orc army by simply breeding more orcs, thereby creating an influx of demand for weaponry, to which other orcs were hired. I then consulted my political expert analyst, Alec Baldwin, and he stressed the importance of not having to depend on foreign oil. Therefore I will be reversing my earlier oppositions to funding alternative sources of energy and I ask you to forget that I voted against it just 4 years ago, and adopt my new policy of 20% of our energy from renewable energy sources by 2020. I ask for all you educated people out there not to call BS right now even though 20% of our energy already comes from these sources, because this makes it an easy campaign promise to make and keep, all while hopefully making people forget about the bogus job numbers I predict.
Mediator: The topic right now is Iraq, Mr. Kerry
Kerry: We have a topic? oh, well yes then, I voted for the war, but then I voted against paying for it, and at this time, my proposal involves the exact same measures as the proposals made by President Bush, except I will do them right.
Mediator: How do you believe the United States should handle situations with the U.N and other allies?
Bush: Well, we are the leaders of everyone, and as sheriff of the World Police, anyone who isn't with us is aginst us. I stand firm, and I will arrest any man who thinks otherwise regarding all policy. Patriotism I say. Thats why I made the Patriot Act. If them UN varmits don't want to take action and just talk all the time, I say we bomb them with nukular warheads too. We need to put the Jesus back in Geneva.
Kerry: Well, I'm glad you asked this question. I believe the UN should moderate everything, and they should dictate to us what we can and cannot do. If we get struck by another attack, I have hired many people to immediately call project meetings in the UN to discuss amongst them what we should do. If they don't agree with us, I have two secondary teams ready to appeal. We will then craft a plan, and attempt to sit down and talk to our attackers in the UN and ask them why they did it, over a cup of tea perhaps. But I am confident that within 5 years of the attack, we will be well positioned to fight back with everything we have.