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09-15-2004, 08:26 AM
A message being passed around grassroots Democratic groups. Its pretty funny and I’d like to add here that I don’t believe ALL Republicans fall under this category.


Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense.

A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then
it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your
recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Warriorbird
09-15-2004, 08:27 AM
Heh heh heh.

Parkbandit
09-15-2004, 08:32 AM
Funny stuff..

Ilvane
09-15-2004, 08:53 AM
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

:lol:

Love that.

-A

Wezas
09-15-2004, 09:39 AM
Yeah, gotta say the Hilary one is my favorite.

09-15-2004, 09:50 AM
But Jesus DOES hate Hillary Clinton.

- Arkans

Parkbandit
09-15-2004, 11:18 AM
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,"What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.

Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's John Kerry's clock?" asked the man. "Kerry's clock is in Jesus'office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Snapp
09-15-2004, 11:22 AM
:lol: PB. Sadly, I think you could put most politicians names in there and it'd still make sense.

Parkbandit
09-15-2004, 11:23 AM
Originally posted by Snapp
:lol: PB. Sadly, I think you could put most politicians names in there and it'd still make sense.

Yea.. and it was emailed to me from a Republican.. so he could have easily changed it from Bush.

I still would have laughed at either one.

Latrinsorm
09-15-2004, 01:43 PM
Originally posted by Snapp
:lol: PB. Sadly, I think you could put most politicians names in there and it'd still make sense. The way I heard it, they were Masturbation-clocks, and it was used to great effect against one of our classmates whose right forearm was considerably more bulky than his left.

Also, people using my religion as a weapon upset me.