longshot
09-11-2004, 02:57 AM
I have reentered the US about as gracefully as shuttle Atlantis.
Today is my one month anniversary of being home in the Ewenitid Staetz of Amurika.
I will share some of my observations as they are now uninhibited due to the truth affect of alchohol.
1. There are so many fat people. Seriously, arms should not jiggle. The "atkins diet", "southbeach diet", or whatever the fad is just isn't working. I thought I was going ot be crushed to death in the airport.
2. Girls, you are really a bunch of bitches. The atitude some of you have... it's just not right. You are not that good. At anything. To warrant the amount of bullshit that you think people should listen to. At three in the morning the other night, I was trying to play cards with my friends, and this stupid 20 year old cum dumpster would not shut up. I told her, "The only reason anyone is pretending to listen to you is because you have nice tits".
It didn't go over too well as you can imagine.
3. There is way too much testosterone. People cannot handle their booze. One should be able to go to the bar without having to worry about Jimmy Joe proving his manhood to the world because he saw another guy that he thought was attractive... or whatever these horsefucking yockels eat, they need to stop.
4. I drink wine. That does not mean that I'm classy, high society, or a high roller. If I roll in with a $10 bottle of wine, that doesn't make it okay for you to say I'm "Rich". Fuck you and your hippy Sierra Nevada Pale Ale $12 six pack of Hippy bullshit. Seriously, you can die a horrible hippy death.
5. You cannot drive my BMW. I don't care how tight we were when I left here two years ago, that does not mean that I want to watch you destroy my car. And, "Dude, I've never driven a six speed" does not count as a valid reason to whine like a kid with a quarter stuck in his nose.
6. If you own a condo in Northern Michigan, you must hate the Dixie Chix and abortion. You must also be a fag hater too. Anything that would threaten your 30 feet of lakefront must be eliminated with extremem prejudice. This includes anything black, be it people or squirrels.
7. Christianity blows. How a girl will come back to my place after the bar and be perfectly okay with blowing me, but going "all the way" would just, well, make her out to be a slut. Again, you girls are just way less important than you think you are.
8. Black people in large groups move very slowly. I had completley forgotten about this.
9. Everyone here tries to look the same. The level of insecurity in an early 20 something is incredible. I think this is why billybob wants to swing at anyone that's within plus or minus 30 pounds of him.
10. And this is what gets me the most... there is absolutely no consideration for anyone else. None.
The service sucks.
People are rude.
People are slow.
And everyone is out for themselves, and themselves alone.
If there is a higher power, I pray that she grant me the power to finsih my second degree in a year, and get me into a top B school, or out of this decaying cornucopia of ignorance.
Today is my one month anniversary of being home in the Ewenitid Staetz of Amurika.
I will share some of my observations as they are now uninhibited due to the truth affect of alchohol.
1. There are so many fat people. Seriously, arms should not jiggle. The "atkins diet", "southbeach diet", or whatever the fad is just isn't working. I thought I was going ot be crushed to death in the airport.
2. Girls, you are really a bunch of bitches. The atitude some of you have... it's just not right. You are not that good. At anything. To warrant the amount of bullshit that you think people should listen to. At three in the morning the other night, I was trying to play cards with my friends, and this stupid 20 year old cum dumpster would not shut up. I told her, "The only reason anyone is pretending to listen to you is because you have nice tits".
It didn't go over too well as you can imagine.
3. There is way too much testosterone. People cannot handle their booze. One should be able to go to the bar without having to worry about Jimmy Joe proving his manhood to the world because he saw another guy that he thought was attractive... or whatever these horsefucking yockels eat, they need to stop.
4. I drink wine. That does not mean that I'm classy, high society, or a high roller. If I roll in with a $10 bottle of wine, that doesn't make it okay for you to say I'm "Rich". Fuck you and your hippy Sierra Nevada Pale Ale $12 six pack of Hippy bullshit. Seriously, you can die a horrible hippy death.
5. You cannot drive my BMW. I don't care how tight we were when I left here two years ago, that does not mean that I want to watch you destroy my car. And, "Dude, I've never driven a six speed" does not count as a valid reason to whine like a kid with a quarter stuck in his nose.
6. If you own a condo in Northern Michigan, you must hate the Dixie Chix and abortion. You must also be a fag hater too. Anything that would threaten your 30 feet of lakefront must be eliminated with extremem prejudice. This includes anything black, be it people or squirrels.
7. Christianity blows. How a girl will come back to my place after the bar and be perfectly okay with blowing me, but going "all the way" would just, well, make her out to be a slut. Again, you girls are just way less important than you think you are.
8. Black people in large groups move very slowly. I had completley forgotten about this.
9. Everyone here tries to look the same. The level of insecurity in an early 20 something is incredible. I think this is why billybob wants to swing at anyone that's within plus or minus 30 pounds of him.
10. And this is what gets me the most... there is absolutely no consideration for anyone else. None.
The service sucks.
People are rude.
People are slow.
And everyone is out for themselves, and themselves alone.
If there is a higher power, I pray that she grant me the power to finsih my second degree in a year, and get me into a top B school, or out of this decaying cornucopia of ignorance.