Fantasy calling real-life. Are you out there?

[HarmNone]

A question, inspired by other ongoing conversations on these boards:

How many of you find, when involved in Elanthian relationships, that the relationship starts to bleed into your real-life? How are your RL emotions involved when a break-up occurs, and to what degree do those emotions affect your everyday life?

We have all heard of real-life disasters that stemmed from involvements beginning within the game. I am interested in how people control that aspect of roleplaying, and how seriously most people take their character's interactions and the events that change that character's life for better, or for worse.

HarmNone, seeker of understanding

[Caels]

I've gotten to the habit of ensuring that the person in game does not get my email, or any of my IM names.

I know its kinda sad, but I hate feelin like the bad guy when someone begins to have real feelings for my character and wants me to share the same in reality. I just can't do it.

At one point I had let relationships bleed over into IM's but then they think its real and not just an aspect of my roleplaying side. So, I simply keep it solely in game now. No email, no IM, and if I ever feel the need to coordinate with someone about the times they'll be around I just whisper when I expect to be back.

[CrystalTears]

I didn't allow my characters to have any game relationships until I knew the player behind the character and they understood that this was strictly RP and the most the RL relationship would build into was a friendship, nothing more.

On that note, my rogue's last relationship was our favorite (yes both me and my character) because it was the most understanding, the most fun and the most rewarding. The player turned out to be a great friend, completely understanding that we both had real lives with real relationships and the game was not of utmost importance. It made the game relationship that much more enjoyable because there wasn't any stress in having to meet demands to someone else.

I will admit, though, that once I had less and less time to devote to the game and he found himself more and more alone, he felt we needed to part ways. I was very saddened over it since I felt we had spoken about this several times and asked him repeatedly if my absence was going to be a problem and he would really never give me reason to doubt him and would say no. And it probably hurt me because I had to confront him about it because our wedding ring no longer was working and I knew he was nearby. The fact that he couldn't come to me to tell me was probably what hurt me most of all. Also that he came to this conclusion without talking to me first, although I can't really say I blame him at all.

For a while that relationship was the major factor for me to enter the game at the time because it was the only fun part for me, and by then I had built this adoration that my character had for her husband, and just basically idolized him, and was no longer the flirty self she once was. When that happened, I quit the game completely, partly because I had to find a way to roleplay it out and get back into the swing of things again.

[Edited on 8/25/2003 by CrystalTears]

[Weedmage Princess]

I remember one of my character's first relationships...she hooked up with this wizard, and we'd talk through IMs..about RL stuff. Nothing major, we exchanged names, what cities we lived in, etc. I didnt think much of it. Like two weeks into our character's relationship, we're talking in IMs, shooting the breeze..and he is like "Oh, by the way, I was pricing airline ticket prices from Florida to New York (where I live) ..seems doable in the not too distant future." I was like WHAT?!?!?!?!....heh...needless to say that relationship ended abruptly...and not on too good of a note.

[StrayRogue]

The "relationship" Stay is in now, is with someone who can seperate Game and Real Life. We laugh about our characters on Aim. Hell, she is even married. Ultimately though, we both know where the game ends and life starts.

[Caels]

Originally posted by Weedmage Princess
Like two weeks into our character's relationship, we're talking in IMs, shooting the breeze..and he is like "Oh, by the way, I was pricing airline ticket prices from Florida to New York (where I live) ..seems doable in the not too distant future." I was like WHAT?!?!?!?!

Similar to mine, but the girl wanted me to fly to Australia...

[Drew2]

Funny.... some girl from Australia just came to visit Adredrin recently. He was very excited. Yey for Adredrin!

[Caels]

I'd love to go to Aussie land, but to meet someone from a game is not going to be my motivation.

[Apollyon]

Hey everyone, just look at Sean... Someone who claims GS'ers to be ugly and "gay" is dating one (Cheslica) though she seems to be pretty cute... Still. I wonder how that all came about?

[Bobmuhthol]

I'm dating someone from GemStone. Her name is Jenisi. It's official.

[Skirmisher]

Bob, you're a very special boy.

[Drew2]

Originally posted by StrayRogue
The "relationship" Stay is in now, is with someone who can seperate Game and Real Life. We laugh about our characters on Aim. Hell, she is even married. Ultimately though, we both know where the game ends and life starts.

I have a very similar situation. I am very, very close to Kasia's player... no matter what happens between them. She's married IRL too.

[Vesi]

Originally posted by Caels
Similar to mine, but the girl wanted me to fly to Australia...

Round trip or one way?

All three of my past relationships stayed in game. I became friends with the players. Two were married and one wasn't. (I'm married also) All ended because they had real life commitments which I understand. My characters roleplayed the breakups. (because they were all really long relationships) I will say it hurt because someone that I was used to hanging out with was gone and I missed that. No hard feelings on either side though. We are still friends in IMs and e-mails.

Vesi

[Caels]

Round Trip most likely...

Originally posted by Caels
I've gotten to the habit of ensuring that the person in game does not get my email, or any of my IM names.

I know its kinda sad, but I hate feelin like the bad guy when someone begins to have real feelings for my character and wants me to share the same in reality. I just can't do it.

At one point I had let relationships bleed over into IM's but then they think its real and not just an aspect of my roleplaying side. So, I simply keep it solely in game now. No email, no IM, and if I ever feel the need to coordinate with someone about the times they'll be around I just whisper when I expect to be back.

I feel that's a bit extreme myself. I just keep a firm hand and define the boundries as absolutes.

[Kurapira]

Having rp relationships does not even touch my rl life deeply. You can't let it or you won't have much of a rp life (well, from what I have seen with examples of other people). So I will only exchange IM's and that is it. It's all strickly rp for me.

Originally posted by Kurapira
Having rp relationships does not even touch my rl life deeply. You can't let it or you won't have much of a rp life (well, from what I have seen with examples of other people). So I will only exchange IM's and that is it. It's all strickly rp for me.

To me, my IC relationships mean a lot to me OOC. I just don't let it go OOC at all with the other person. I stay friends with them and nothing more. IMs and email are great. Telephone may be too far.

[Czeska]

I've had some that were *supposed* to be all IC that tried to cross over, fortunately that was stopped and we managed to end the IC and stay friends in IMs. Of course, my rogue's boyfriend's other characters are now hooked up with my bard and empath.. oh, and did I mention he moved from Houston to Ohio and we're madly in love now? I can't believe it happened, I'd have sworn I'd never do it.. but what the hell, I'm happy and so are my characters.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Czeska
I've had some that were *supposed* to be all IC that tried to cross over, fortunately that was stopped and we managed to end the IC and stay friends in IMs. Of course, my rogue's boyfriend's other characters are now hooked up with my bard and empath.. oh, and did I mention he moved from Houston to Ohio and we're madly in love now? I can't believe it happened, I'd have sworn I'd never do it.. but what the hell, I'm happy and so are my characters.

Congratulations to you both for having found one another. I hope you find a lifetime of happiness together. Yours would not be the first GemStone relationship that became a lifetime committment. :)

HarmNone knows a few

[ElanthianSiren]

What's annoying is when you try to have a strictly IC relationship, the person wants something OOC, and starts continually pesting you about it. -Intimacy issues right here. 15 foot rule. ThankyouVERYmuch.

-The general rule of thumb (pun intended) is: "Don't put your hand out unless you'd like it bitten off."


-Melisssa

[StrayRogue]

Originally posted by ElanthianSiren

-The general rule of thumb (pun intended) is: "Don't put your hand out unless you'd like it bitten off."


-Melisssa

Meow:P

[Kailya]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
I'm dating someone from GemStone. Her name is Jenisi. It's official.

LOL You are not dating my rl sister!!! *cackles*


On another note, I'm married and both my husband and I play GS... We hunt together work together, but we have never and will never date in game.... It's just that way! I've known other rl couples to do the same :)

[Edited on 10-7-2003 by Kailya]

[Trinitis]

Just a tidbit of info about Mazelina's player and I..

We actually met in another online game we play and became close there. Only after us forming an "online" relationship, did I invite her over to GS and give it a shot. Everything else has just kinda grown from there :)

-Adredrin

[Czeska]

Congratulations to you both for having found one another. I hope you find a lifetime of happiness together. Yours would not be the first GemStone relationship that became a lifetime committment.

HarmNone knows a few


~~Thanks! Btw the characters we first put together just had a handfasting/wedding the other night. That's Gemstone. We're moving into our apartment RL, and I have never been happier. Did I mention, though, that we're both over 30 ? Much different attitudes toward things than if we were 10 years younger, as a lot of GSers are.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Czeska
~~Thanks! Btw the characters we first put together just had a handfasting/wedding the other night. That's Gemstone. We're moving into our apartment RL, and I have never been happier. Did I mention, though, that we're both over 30 ? Much different attitudes toward things than if we were 10 years younger, as a lot of GSers are.

Congrats on your handfasting and the new apartment! It is wonderful that you have found such happiness together.

The fact that you are both over 30, in my opinion, has a great deal to do with how things have turned out for you. Young people need to give themselves time to sort themselves out well before tying up with someone who is also, as yet, unsorted. ;)

HarmNone does realize there are exceptions to this, but they are few

[Jolena]

Well.. I have to say that I have had RL relationships that were in game also and they flopped horribly. It was difficult for the other person to still play their character with mine knowing that in RL we were not together. I personally can separate the two and had no problem continuing the relationship with our characters but he did not so we split in both areas. However, Stunseed's player and I have been friends both in game and out for over a year and finally it started to go more towards a romantic relationship. We both wanted to take things very slow as we had both had the same IG/OOC problems in the past with relationships and it has worked out wonderfully. We have agreed not to let our other characters date other people because we both have issues with the intimacy involved however because that was a mutual decision we are happy with the results. I have visited him in Florida and will be going back to visit him again in January, each time for a week. He also has plans to come and see me in March for a week as well. We are madly in love, very happy and I am very glad we made the move. He however, is early 20's and I am 30. Yes that means there is a rather large age difference and I am fully prepared for the jokes about cradle robbing *mutters* however, he is very mature and has a lot of his priorities in line. I personally have never been happier.

[Czeska]

If you're bored, feel free to check out Trylia's handfasting. I had too much fun!

http://hometown.aol.com/czeska/myhomepage/index.html

[HarmNone]

As I have said, I know of a few relationships that developed through the playing of GemStoneIII and have been successful. Of those, only one did not involve at least one partner over the age of 30. That does not mean it cannot happen. I speak only of relationships of which I am personally aware, and the partners of which I have spoken to. :)

HarmNone

[Jolena]

I do agree, most relationships I have seen that worked in game an out, the people were at least late 20's or 30+. I just happened to be very lucky and found a man who is younger but still has that maturity level.

[Vixen]

My hubby and I, since we both play, have pretty strict rules. We're both pretty open minded people and I respect that he is very good friends OOG with some of the people he knows in game.. and I am extremely close friends with people I have met in game. Hell its because of Gemstone that I met my husband.. and a couple of the best friends I have ever had.
But,
if either he feels, that a gemstone relationship is crossing the line or the other person seems to be getting to attached, or if it just seems to be spilling over a lot into our real lives.. or I feel that way. Then there is no relationship in game.
We both enjoy that aspect of our characters, but our marriage is the real thing. Lines of text are just our fun.

[Evelith]

Hell its because of Gemstone that I met my husband.. and a couple of the best friends I have ever had.


That was a crazy weekend, huh? I met my husband at a Gemstone gather 4 years ago and we've been inseperable ever since. However, we do not cross our real relationship and our game relationships. Why? It's just weird for us. Some people do it and it works loverly for them, but it just doesn't for us. I will say, though, it took about two years of building trust and love in our relationship before we decided it was okay for our characters to date other people. Trust and honesty are key.

I love to talk with people OOG, so it's natural for me to talk to the players of the characters my girls are involved with. One of the first things I establish is the fact that I am oh-so-happily married. If they have a problem with that, it's usually an indication that they're interested in a 'real' relationship...so no sweat off my back! I don't look down on it either; I know -alot- of wonderful couples that started IG and turned into a real life romance.

If you do not talk to someone regarding their OOG identity at all, how do you know they are not a minor? This is assuming, of course, that you are or plan to engage in 'closed room activities' with another character. I suppose that it's difficult to completely tell if someone is being honest about their age, but there are certainly tons of ways to get a pretty good indication of whether or not they are an adult.

Sar~