Arshwikk
08-24-2004, 08:17 PM
I don't really know where to begin, so I guess I'll start with last night/this morning when I went to sleep at around 2 am Indiana time (3 am EST). Yeah, it wasn't the brightest thing in the world considering I needed to get up for work at 4:30 am. It's been a disconcerting pattern lately that reminds me of the days when I didn't worry about anything...ironic.
I awoke today, miraculously, to the sound a my annoying alarm intermingled with a Neil Young song that was playing from amongst a list of thousands on my hard drive. Yeah, I left the music playing when I passed out last night finally. I don't remember the song, I just remember being amazed that it made it so far into the alphabet, because I have every Beatles song there is on my machine, and it made it all the way to "N" in two and a half hours? I'll have to see how that happened later. Anyway, I made the hour drive to work and I'm glad, as this is my second day on this job. Comming in late on day two usually makes the kind of statement to your boss that you don't really want to make, and my back is against the wall right now.
I'm working on a new hospital. I'm a union carpenter, and though it's so not me, I got good at it like everything else. My family of doctors and lawyers isn't too proud, but I have my reason. He's four now. I can't really bitch either, I wouldn't be anything like them on any account, and I believe we're all responsible for the decisions we make. I was an honor student in college once, then I got married, and shortly divorced, and I kinda fell off the face of the earth for 2 years. When I came back, I stupidly fell in love again, and married the Mayor's daughter, became a father, went right to work, and BAM!, going through divorce number two. I did, however, make it to work.
I do the work thing, bust my ass for eight hours while I daydream of better things. The boss is happy, as my partner and I smoked everyone else's production. I'm a competitor, and while you will never see me kiss ass, I do play to win.
On my drive home, as I pull off my exit ramp, traffic is crawling waiting to turn. I glance off to my left and see a girl sitting there with a dog and a sign that says something about having no money to get home. The first thing that comes to my mind is, "Damn, I looked.", because I know me, and well, I have enough problems. The traffic starts to move through the light and I follow...for about a mile. I'm shaking my head the whole time, and I'm pissed, because this is Indiana, and we have this thing called "Hoosier hospitality", and why do I have to be the only one to live up to it? What's up with all these other fucks in their lexus and beamers? I turn around, of course.
A couple minutes later I pull up to the gal, and roll down my window stopping traffic and I'm like, "Hey! You have money? Need a ride? Get in!", of course it immediatly occurs to me how ate up it must have seemed. I'm dirty as hell, wearing a red bandana, and I had a terrible approach. I'm hardly suprised when she says, "go ahead, I'm okay". On a wittier day, I might have even had the warped sense of humor to say something like, "It puts the lotion on it's skin!". Meanwhile, this goof on a crappy motorcylce behind me is honking relentlessly, and not to be mean or anything, but I was maninly just offended by it because it was like he didn't "qualify" to be honking at me. I mean, at least get a Harley, or some sleek crotch rocket if your gonna cop an attitude. I pulled over at a nearby parking lot and decided to walk over to the girl to give her money. I scrounged up 9 dollars between my console and wallet.
She looked a lot less nervous when I approchaed on foot. I'm pretty charismatic when I want to be, and it wasn't long before we were swapping stories. Apparently, she was following the Dead, and Phish, and she had a couple friends and a car nearby. They had run out of gas. A guy they picked up, she told me, had robbed them. You average person might think, "yeah, whatever", but having followed the Dead myself once, and having been in exactly the same sort of ordeals, I am apt to trust people first, and worry about consequence later. Ultimately, we found her friends, and I told them I would fill em up and give them money for food. Incidently, since for no apparent reason I had my headlights on when I parked, my Blazer was dead when we got back to it, and my new friends had to jump me. Doh! We exchanged numbers and pleasantries, and I sent them on their way after hitting the ATM with a full tank, and another twenty bucks to add to the nine earlier.
Last week my account was in the red. Mainly because I have allowed the stress of my situation to sap my will. It had cost me a lot of work. I don't stay down long though. I've had too many great moments to ever think the world can kick my ass. I remember once in New Orleans I had lost my car (at the time I believed it stolen). For 3 days I had on the same clothes, no money, and was freezing my ass off at night because it was still late february. I really thought I had done it that time. I was contemplating strategies of desperation, like shacking up with a gal and starting a new life as a Cajun. I had just gotten kicked out of a hotel in which I was caught in the lobby sleeping on the couch, and I sat shivering at 5 am, asking God why I always get the hard lessons, knowing damn well why...Then, the sun started to come up, Bourbon street was all but deserted, and as I looked around at the rustic architecture, I noticed dew had formed on the wrought iron balconies. It was beatiful, and I started to get warm. I laughed at myself then. I always make it. A few hours later I had met 4 girls who were drving me around town, and they had heard about my plight, and were asking me what kind of car I drove. I described it to them, and as I did, we came upon a car that looked like mine. I remember saying, "It looks a lot like that one...Hey....That is my car!". I always kept it stocked, camping gear, clothes, money, cd's. That night I was on the road again to new adventure.
Back to today though. Perhaps I should have been more concerned with my own finances. I know anytime I ever did anything like that in the past five years, my wife would have freaked on me. That always bothered me about her. Selfish little princess. I have financed her dreams long enough while wading through endless bogs of shit. I called my mother once collect from a Native American reservation in Utah telling her I was lost in the desert without money or a car, and she said to me, "That sounds like you Matt, you'll figure it out, you always do.", then she hung up.
I had a good day today. I have a lot of good days.
-Matt
I awoke today, miraculously, to the sound a my annoying alarm intermingled with a Neil Young song that was playing from amongst a list of thousands on my hard drive. Yeah, I left the music playing when I passed out last night finally. I don't remember the song, I just remember being amazed that it made it so far into the alphabet, because I have every Beatles song there is on my machine, and it made it all the way to "N" in two and a half hours? I'll have to see how that happened later. Anyway, I made the hour drive to work and I'm glad, as this is my second day on this job. Comming in late on day two usually makes the kind of statement to your boss that you don't really want to make, and my back is against the wall right now.
I'm working on a new hospital. I'm a union carpenter, and though it's so not me, I got good at it like everything else. My family of doctors and lawyers isn't too proud, but I have my reason. He's four now. I can't really bitch either, I wouldn't be anything like them on any account, and I believe we're all responsible for the decisions we make. I was an honor student in college once, then I got married, and shortly divorced, and I kinda fell off the face of the earth for 2 years. When I came back, I stupidly fell in love again, and married the Mayor's daughter, became a father, went right to work, and BAM!, going through divorce number two. I did, however, make it to work.
I do the work thing, bust my ass for eight hours while I daydream of better things. The boss is happy, as my partner and I smoked everyone else's production. I'm a competitor, and while you will never see me kiss ass, I do play to win.
On my drive home, as I pull off my exit ramp, traffic is crawling waiting to turn. I glance off to my left and see a girl sitting there with a dog and a sign that says something about having no money to get home. The first thing that comes to my mind is, "Damn, I looked.", because I know me, and well, I have enough problems. The traffic starts to move through the light and I follow...for about a mile. I'm shaking my head the whole time, and I'm pissed, because this is Indiana, and we have this thing called "Hoosier hospitality", and why do I have to be the only one to live up to it? What's up with all these other fucks in their lexus and beamers? I turn around, of course.
A couple minutes later I pull up to the gal, and roll down my window stopping traffic and I'm like, "Hey! You have money? Need a ride? Get in!", of course it immediatly occurs to me how ate up it must have seemed. I'm dirty as hell, wearing a red bandana, and I had a terrible approach. I'm hardly suprised when she says, "go ahead, I'm okay". On a wittier day, I might have even had the warped sense of humor to say something like, "It puts the lotion on it's skin!". Meanwhile, this goof on a crappy motorcylce behind me is honking relentlessly, and not to be mean or anything, but I was maninly just offended by it because it was like he didn't "qualify" to be honking at me. I mean, at least get a Harley, or some sleek crotch rocket if your gonna cop an attitude. I pulled over at a nearby parking lot and decided to walk over to the girl to give her money. I scrounged up 9 dollars between my console and wallet.
She looked a lot less nervous when I approchaed on foot. I'm pretty charismatic when I want to be, and it wasn't long before we were swapping stories. Apparently, she was following the Dead, and Phish, and she had a couple friends and a car nearby. They had run out of gas. A guy they picked up, she told me, had robbed them. You average person might think, "yeah, whatever", but having followed the Dead myself once, and having been in exactly the same sort of ordeals, I am apt to trust people first, and worry about consequence later. Ultimately, we found her friends, and I told them I would fill em up and give them money for food. Incidently, since for no apparent reason I had my headlights on when I parked, my Blazer was dead when we got back to it, and my new friends had to jump me. Doh! We exchanged numbers and pleasantries, and I sent them on their way after hitting the ATM with a full tank, and another twenty bucks to add to the nine earlier.
Last week my account was in the red. Mainly because I have allowed the stress of my situation to sap my will. It had cost me a lot of work. I don't stay down long though. I've had too many great moments to ever think the world can kick my ass. I remember once in New Orleans I had lost my car (at the time I believed it stolen). For 3 days I had on the same clothes, no money, and was freezing my ass off at night because it was still late february. I really thought I had done it that time. I was contemplating strategies of desperation, like shacking up with a gal and starting a new life as a Cajun. I had just gotten kicked out of a hotel in which I was caught in the lobby sleeping on the couch, and I sat shivering at 5 am, asking God why I always get the hard lessons, knowing damn well why...Then, the sun started to come up, Bourbon street was all but deserted, and as I looked around at the rustic architecture, I noticed dew had formed on the wrought iron balconies. It was beatiful, and I started to get warm. I laughed at myself then. I always make it. A few hours later I had met 4 girls who were drving me around town, and they had heard about my plight, and were asking me what kind of car I drove. I described it to them, and as I did, we came upon a car that looked like mine. I remember saying, "It looks a lot like that one...Hey....That is my car!". I always kept it stocked, camping gear, clothes, money, cd's. That night I was on the road again to new adventure.
Back to today though. Perhaps I should have been more concerned with my own finances. I know anytime I ever did anything like that in the past five years, my wife would have freaked on me. That always bothered me about her. Selfish little princess. I have financed her dreams long enough while wading through endless bogs of shit. I called my mother once collect from a Native American reservation in Utah telling her I was lost in the desert without money or a car, and she said to me, "That sounds like you Matt, you'll figure it out, you always do.", then she hung up.
I had a good day today. I have a lot of good days.
-Matt