Hrmm..

[Percocet]

Ok, here's the history -

My character (lets call him Jack) was courting this girl (lets call her Jill). Everything was fine for about a month and a half... until I logged on to my second character (lets call him Bob). I was running around one of the towns and suddenly saw Jill being quite intimate with this guy (call him Bill). So I took Bob around town to do some random role-playing and to basically watch Jill and weigh her actions with Bill - you know, to see if it was or wasn't just some random flirtatious crap.

To set this straight here, I don't care much for IG relationships. I do them because they give me someone more personal that I can hunt with, converse with, rp with, run errands with, you know - all that generally good hoo-ha. I don't get easily jealous of IG stuff, because it's exactly that... IG. As long as the person remains within certain boundaries, I let it slide IG ... when those boundaries are broken, Jack will role-play some degree of a crushed heart (depending on how the relationship was). Be open, be truthful ... don't lie and express disloyalty behind my back.


With that said, this is what happened... Jill broke those boundaries. So Bob "sent a letter" to Jack - arrogantly enough, I think I role-played the whole matter out well enough.

When Jack got the letter, Jill didn't deny it happened. Jack was upset, (really a bleed-through of emotions from myself, which is honestly unavoidable in most cases due to the fact that... emotions are real), and had a long talk with Jill. Later, Jack tried confronting Bill about the case, but Bill ignored him, ran off, and "told on him" to Jill. Hence-forth, Jill almost completely ignored Jack, aside from the few mild comments she occassionaly gave in response to any questions he had (could have been, "How are you?" and all he'd get was a "Good.", then nothing else for an hour). Eventually, Jill finally gave Jack the age-old cliche, "We're two different people. We can't be together." ... upsetting, because if that was true then why would Jill proclaim her love to Jack within 2 weeks and remain "with him" for so long, until this matter arose?

The Dilemma lies with this, Jill's MUN (MUN being the actual player of the character) is married OOG. I have no problem with this, we actually talked about this and I made clear that I know and understand the differences of reality and fantasy. I wish things could be different IG, because, quite frankly, I like to see the OOG relationship between Jill's MUn and myself as a good friendship. This matter has ruined the IG relationship, no matter the degree, between the two ... and I am really just afraid to talk to Jill's MUN OOG... because I think the whole reason it was broken off was because Jill's MUN thought I was taking the scenario too far OOC.

I understand it may seem cryptic... and that is probably because I was trying to just "let it all out"... but does anyone have any suggestions on... any of it?

[Bobmuhthol]

<<(lets call him Bob).>>

Probably not the best choice.

Game relationships are always stupid.

[Meos]

Save yourself the trouble and let her go. The more you push, the more it probebly freaks her out.

[Percocet]

Sorry about the Bob thing. Wasn't in reference to anyone in this forum.

I have nearly let it go, I haven't said anything to her, but the idea of it all has just been something burried under my skin that finally came out.

It really just saddens me that our OOG friendship was destroyed because of something IG.

[Weedmage Princess]

I don't know about the whole Bob sent Jack a letter thing, but that's neither here nor there...although...did you tell her how you found out about her uhm..affair? If so, the player may have the idea in her head that you were using another character to spy on her which could in turn make her player be a bit more distant.

I'd just give it time, few weeks maybe, then talk to her and tell her what you told us basically. That despite what might have gone on between the two characters, you still would like to be friends as you were OOC.

[HarmNone]

I have to wonder why one has to have an in-game "relationship" to have a friendship with someone else that is close enough to allow their characters to hunt together and have fun together.

That said, you said you'd logged in and found "Jill" with "Bill" and reacted to some scenario you saw played out between them. Then, you decided to follow her about (with Bob, a character she did not know was yours) to collect "evidence" it sounds like you really didn't want to know about. Now, you know and you act on that knowledge, confronting her. She says your relationship isn't going anywhere and you get hurt.

If I read that correctly, you were taking the "relationship" in game more seriously than she was. That happens a lot. As you said, emotions are real. If you let your real-life emotions get caught up with an in-game "relationship", you can expect to get your ass handed to you somewhere along the line.

The player of Jill is married in the real world. Why the hell she's boinking around an internet RPG is a mystery to me, but she is. There are a lot of people like her, of either gender. They don't seem to understand that people's emotions DO get involved and that people can be hurt by what they do. "Love" in Elanthia is turned on and off like the proverbial water faucet. If you're going to let such things affect your real world persona, you'll do well to stay out of GemStone relationships. There's plenty of chances for wonderful friendships without them.

HarmNone

[Back]

Reread your first post in a day or two, after your head clears, and you'll see just how fricking crazy the whole thing is.

Then again, life would be boring without a little drama every now and then. IG or OOG, though I prefer OOG myself.

[Soulpieced]

Game relationships are always stupid.

.

Wow Bob(muhthol) actually said something with substance.

[Weedmage Princess]

I don't know I guess I'm missing something in his posts but it seems to me like the guy just wants to be this girl's friend again (I'm assuming an IM here and there, etc.) ...he's not looking to like start up a relationship IC with this person again and then persue her OOC. Am I off the mark cause that's what I got from the initial post.

[Tsa`ah]

Oye ..... head hurts!

Too much engergy for an in-game thing. Cut your losses and stop worrying about having a hand holding partner for your character.

Chances are, any IG GF you find in GS has a penis in RL.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Weedmage Princess
I don't know I guess I'm missing something in his posts but it seems to me like the guy just wants to be this girl's friend again (I'm assuming an IM here and there, etc.) ...he's not looking to like start up a relationship IC with this person again and then persue her OOC. Am I off the mark cause that's what I got from the initial post.

Heh. He indicated that he only wanted a friendship, Weedie. Yet, he used a character unknown to her to follow her character around spying on what she was doing. When he found she was "involved" with another male character, he confronted her about it and she ended the in-game relationship, and apparently the out-of-game relationship.

I'd guess she did this for one of two reasons:

1) She was concerned that he was becoming emotionally involved (because of his behavior) in a real sense and didn't want him to be hurt anymore.

2) She doesn't want to be bothered with an old flame when a new one is being fueled.

Just my take on it. Any of us who played for awhile saw this kind of thing happen again and again. One of those two was usually the reason when communication stopped. :shrug:

HarmNone

[Weedmage Princess]

That's true, Harm None. If she was screwing around, it shows she must not have cared all that much to begin with.

[Percocet]

Ah, well - I think I got my answer out of this.

Which is:


1) She was concerned that he was becoming emotionally involved (because of his behavior) in a real sense and didn't want him to be hurt anymore.

2) She doesn't want to be bothered with an old flame when a new one is being fueled.


She may have understood that I got the information from another character, in turn assuming that I spy on her with multiple characters and am further taking the relationship too far OOG, emotionally. When in all actuality, I was merely playing my alternate, Bob, and came across Jack and Bill. My decision to stay around town and socialize, was to appease my human curiosity - for, no matter if something is IG or OOG, wouldn't you rather know someone is being loyal or disloyal? Honestly, think about it...

I think it's amusing that people can't express fidelity, even in a text game.

And in response to Harm's wonder about "having to have" and IG relationship for all that hunting and other hoo-ha. It's not necessary, I just think that having that someone IG makes it more exciting to explore Elanthia and do things with. Sure, I have my other IG friends, but the experience with them is different. It's like comparing a vacation with your best friend to a vacation with your girlfriend. They aren't the same =P

[Souzy]

Originally posted by Tsa`ah
Oye ..... head hurts!

Too much engergy for an in-game thing. Cut your losses and stop worrying about having a hand holding partner for your character.

Chances are, any IG GF you find in GS has a penis in RL.

Last time I checked, I don't have a pp. Well...I tuck it very well. :whistle:

[HarmNone]

The problem with that thinking, Percocet, is that those you meet in an online game are not really known to you. The friendships formed there might develop, over time, into something important in your real life; however, for the most part they are tenuous, at best. Keeping that in mind, you're probably much safer emotionally if you vacation with your best friend. At least, you know that person pretty well and he/she knows you.

I've heard any number of reasons why people get involved in cyber relationships. So far, none of them have held up to real scrutiny, and most of them have resulted in somebody getting hurt.

HarmNone, with her two cents

[Xcalibur]

Keep in mind that a few (if not a lot) of women characters in gs are actually male...


booh huh?

Booh even more if there was some studd done with those relations:)

I think the best relations is the one you prepare OUTSIDE of the game, yeah, it'S a bit weird but since you already talked about it with a "friend", you cannot have deceptions.

Anything is just a matter of limits.

[Back]

Originally posted by Xcalibur
Keep in mind that a few (if not a lot) of women characters in gs are actually male...


booh huh?

Booh even more if there was some studd done with those relations:)

I think the best relations is the one you prepare OUTSIDE of the game, yeah, it'S a bit weird but since you already talked about it with a "friend", you cannot have deceptions.

Anything is just a matter of limits.

Your sig slows the boards down.

[Xcalibur]

Eh, wake up, it's not mine.

When I first logged in, lalana's sig made me unable to do anything for a few seconds.

Mine are there since around 10 months, by the way, and they weren't slowing you down in those time...

Ding ding?:rant:

[Back]

Originally posted by Xcalibur
Eh, wake up, it's not mine.

When I first logged in, lalana's sig made me unable to do anything for a few seconds.

Mine are there since around 10 months, by the way, and they weren't slowing you down in those time...

Ding ding?:rant:

Bullshit. Lalana's dosen't slow me down like yours does. I know you've had it forever. Its only now that I realize yours makes the page load slow enough that I can scroll down and see the post before its finished.

Thats never happened to me with Lala.

[Betheny]

I though those IP things were banned, anyway.

[Chyrain]

Few things:

You can be the best of friends out side of the game, but if you're suffocating inside the game, your characters aren't going to end up together...and when that happens, it's nearly impossible to stay friends outside the game because someone's feelings are always getting hurt.

If you're single, it's probably best to roleplay a relationship with someone who is single irl. And make sure before you decide to roleplay that boundaries are clearly set as to what is appropriate and what isn't so that both parties know what they're getting into. I have a ton of boundaries that protect my real relationship. ie: we don't do anything we can't do in public with GMs sitting next to us. If one person wants to cyber and stick their tongues down your throat and grope you in the game every three seconds and you don't want that, then there will be a problem.

And unless you've met this person irl, know eachother's parents on a first name basis and send eachother christmas cards and birthday presents, it doesn't really matter if you break up or not... move on....do they really mean so much to you that you have to feel all torn up inside to continue playing a game? You don't really know them. You know who they want you to know. Huge difference.

Almost this exact situation happened to me and after a lot of retarded drama, I've come to realize I surely don't give a shit about this person and I can live without ever talking to and or playing with him again. It'll all be okay. Trust me.

[Victril]

Well, game relationships are fun to have, but surely getting to understand the person underneath is the most intriguing part. After all i the players approach to how they RP there is the most fascinating aspect of whats going on. Blah Blah Blah, Blah blah. Blah blah. Blah blah blah, blah. bha blah? blah.