Artha and his minions.

[Shari]

Well, I wasn't going to post this, and then I changed my mind cause I'm bored, and it happened yesterday so now I'm finally getting around to it because oh yeah, I'm bored.


SO-Last night, I decide to basically reinstall all the programs on my computer and start fresh, cause god only knows what I'ved unbeknownstly (is that a word?) dled onto this thing. ANYWAY, I'm finally downloading all my scripts, pictures, documents, etc and I see this thing move on the floor out of the corner of my eye.

I don't think anything of it because we have all-tile floors and its likely a dustbunny (Yes, I know I need to sweep and mop) Anyhow, I finally glance over and see THE BIGGEST FUCKING WOLF SPIDER I HAVE EVER LAID EYES APON.

I look at the clock, its 12:30. I figure Scott would likely kill me if I woke him up to squash a bug for me so I'm like, FUCK. The spider had stopped moving by this time because I was frantically searching around me for a way to rid myself of it.

Shoes were on the floor but I DETEST squishing the fuckers because it was HUGE and would have made this nausiating *pop* noise when I smashed it.

SO THEN...I see a huge Taco Bell cup from our dinner that night. I take the lid off and empty its watered-down contents into another glass. So here's me, like a scared fucking little girl, hovering above it from the safety of our living room recliner. I gingerly lean over and set the cup over the spider. SUCCESS!

Now what the hell do I do? So I'm running around and decide to slip a piece of paper under it so I could pick it up. Then it dawns on me if I do that it could likely escape in the process of trying to quickly flip the cup rightside up and I would likely have a heart attack.

So I rummage through the kitchen and find Saran wrap. Sweet. I get back into the living room, AND THE FUCKING CUP IS SLIDING ACROSS THE FLOOR WITH THE SPIDER UNDER IT.

I didn't even want to touch the cup I was so freaked out and stuck the Saran wrap to the floor, and swallowed down my urge to vomit and slide the cup over the clear plastic. I ended up securing a hairband over the top of the cup to keep it in place.

So then, scrambling back to the safety of my recliner, I flick the cup and knock it over, checking to make sure if the spider can run out or not. It can't.

Not knowing what to do with it, I somehow blacked out, and in the process picked the cup up and put it on the counter.

So when my boyfriend woke up I made him dispose of it.

And that is my story. Artha is the devil and I thought he'd get a good laugh out of this, fucking bastard.

I swear that thing was the size of a milkjug cap. Goddamn.

[Edited on 7-30-2004 by Jesae]

[Artha]

AND THE FUCKING CUP IS SLIDING ACROSS THE FLOOR WITH THE SPIDER UNDER IT.

Now that's what I call determination! :thumbsup:

edit: For those unfamiliar, here is a wolf spider.
http://mamba.bio.uci.edu/~pjbryant/biodiv/spiders/0064.jpg

[Edited on 7-30-2004 by Artha]

[ThisOtherKingdom]

Why didn't you just put it outside once you had it in the cup? Murderer.

[Shari]

I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off.

:whistle:

[Artha]

Why didn't you just put it outside once you had it in the cup? Murderer.

It was a failure and needed to be culled.

[Shari]

:lol2:

[Caiylania]

That was priceless. Damn girl, I can't say shit because I have done the same thing. Except I just put cardboard down then took it outside like three buildings down and set it loose.

Witness relocation program and all that :D

[Artha]

http://cas.bellarmine.edu/tietjen/images/Mamma_wolf_spider.jpg

Look at all it's cute little babies! Wolf spiders are people too!

[ThisOtherKingdom]

Originally posted by Jesae
I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off.

:whistle:

And I hope your boyfriend can finally look at a tampon without shrieking like he has none.

[Caiylania]

You know, the child support for that mom must be fucking outstanding. Bet she can afford Gucci.

[Satira]

I hope karma doesn't exist.

[Artha]

I hope karma doesn't exist.

Me too.

[Samin]

Spiders are terrible creatures that deserve more than death upon sight. Actually, any arachnid umm.. Bug does. Should you see a spider, you should quickly stomp, crush, piss on, shoot, nuke, burn, etc, until it is dead. Together we can make this fucking things extinct. HOPE IS ON THE WAY! (Fucking Democrats) Thank you, goodnight.

[Betheny]

next time, title this thread SPIDER

Because I did NOT need to deal with that after just waking up.

[Red Devil]

i have a blue spider
http://www.bighairyspiders.com/pix/cobalt1.jpg

[Edited on 7-30-2004 by Red Devil]

[Arshwikk]

Originally posted by Lady Satira
I hope karma doesn't exist.

If it does, I'm getting hooked though mouth, clubbed, squashed, and burned...

[SpunGirl]

Jesae, you are totally my hero and the bravest spider-girl I know. I could never do that. If a spider that big came near me I'd probably pass out just looking at it.

I sit in awe of your greatness, seriously.

Also, Artha is going to be covered in nasty, large-fanged, hairy, poisonous spiders IN HELL.

-K

[Artha]

Also, Artha is going to be covered in nasty, large-fanged, hairy, poisonous spiders IN HELL.

I hope so <3

[SpunGirl]

That are going to crawl up his ass and bite him there.

-K

[Artha]

They wouldn't do that, they :heart: me.

[Fallen]

Wow.

I always play with spiders. You just prod them with your finger until they make a web to get away. Once they do, you lift them up by the thread and jiggle it a bit, causing them to produce more and start dropping.

When you stop they will start trying to climb up the web towards your hand. Jiggle it just before they get to your hand or else.

Thus the game begins!


P.S. I always let the spider go outside after I am done with it. Spiders actually reduce the number of bugs in any given area.

P.P.S. You know that fun fact about atleast 3 spiders crawling down your mouth every year in your sleep? I SO bet that is true.

[Artha]

Did you know you're never more than 3 feet away from a spider?

[SpunGirl]

I heard it was six spiders in your lifetime. Also, statistics like that are disgusting and should never be reported, uncensored, to the public.

-K

[Artha]

Sadly, it probably isn't true (http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mspidereat.html) :(

[SpunGirl]

Thank goodness, sweet merciful mercy of no merciless spiders.

-K

[Caiylania]

What all of Spun's posts said.

[Artha]

Black widows are the only spiders that freak me out. And I'm not sure if I'd be able to kill one of the goliath tarantulas without a shotgun.

[Weedmage Princess]

I don't get the hatred of spiders, actually. If I see spiders, I won't kill them, simply because they keep other less desirable bugs away (which I won't mention cause I know that friggin Artha will post all kinds of pictures to make my skin crawl....bastard!) Well that and...and I don't want to kill Charlotte :(

The other day I saw a spider in my bathroom and I left it...saw one at work and left it too. Only place I'll go after a spider if I see it are the areas blocked off for my kiddo.

Then again Jesae lives in Arizona...so she doesn't have normal sized insects like the rest of us. That thing might have been the size of a kitten. (by the way, you should have woke your boyfriend anyway--he's a man, their purpose in life is for that very thing...dealing with bugs, rodents, taking out the trash, lifting heavy things and sex.)

*Edited to correct the I just woke up typos and grammar errors.


[Edited on 7-30-2004 by Weedmage Princess]

[Artha]

Less desirable bugs?

http://www.nps.gov/bibe/images/centipede.jpg

http://www.hitchams.suffolk.sch.uk/key/images/invertebrates/millipede.jpg

I refer to them as riff-raff.

[Edited on 7-30-2004 by Artha]

[DeV]

Spiders kick ass.

Funny how something that small and hideous can cause a person to nearly piss their pants. On another note, I hate killing cockroaches because of all the white slimy shit that comes after the first *crunch*. I guess I can see why you'd go through all that to get rid of it.

[Artha]

DEV = Just climbed a step on the cool ladder.

[Trinitis]

I've gotta pet in my room right now. My mother keeps trying to get me to kill it and throw it out, but I like it in there!

Its a praying Mantis :D

[Latrinsorm]

Solution to all bugs = sandal. One of my proudest moments was killing one of those brown cylindrical-esque flying bugs with one sandal in midair. WHACK! Done.

I know for a fact Karma doesn't exist. Just look at the Yankees. :grr:

[GSLeloo]

Spiders are basically the only bugs I squish. Luckily I live in NJ and the biggest spider we have is like a daddy long leg. Spiders scare the crap out of me though and a big one would make me want to curl up and die.

[Artha]

omg omg I forgot about it.

In like early July, I let a dog out of the sliding glass door, and about half an inch away from my face was this giant fucking orange spider. I let it live, then almost did it again. Then Mr. Spider met Mr. Raid can.

[GSLeloo]

Artha that spider would've met a baseball bat. God if I walk into a spider one day I'll die. Like a spider on my face.

[Artha]

I'd rather watch it twitch for 15 minutes than watch it crawl up a baseball bat and bite me in the hand.

[Wezas]

First of all:


Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom

Originally posted by Jesae
I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off.

:whistle:

And I hope your boyfriend can finally look at a tampon without shrieking like he has none.

Pwned.

Second, I don't mind killing spiders. I have been woken up a time or two because of a spider loose in the house. I scoop him up, take him outside, and throw him over the fence into the neighbor's yard :yes:

Third, as for swatting bugs, my favorite is Carpenter Bees (also called Wood Bees). They burrow into my back door and also into different parts of my deck. And they lay their eggs in the wood and pretty soon there's tons of them. You can usually spot a hole by the enormous pile of sawdust on the ground from when they were burrowing.

I saw one the other day looking for a place to dig. I grabbed the little shovel from my fireplace kit. I swung at him so hard he made a nice thud and then another thud against the side of the house before hitting the ground and spasming for a few seconds. Stay the fuck off of my house, bee!

[Satira]

I won't kill any bugs. I goes against my beliefs. I just can't do it.

I like spiders. ESPECIALLY daddy long legs. They're so pretty.

[Shari]

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom

Originally posted by Jesae
I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off.

:whistle:

And I hope your boyfriend can finally look at a tampon without shrieking like he has none.

Okay, in all honesty, I consider myself a pretty level-headed person. I don't care if you want to insult me on the boards, but don't fucking bring my boyfriend into it on a topic (the tapon one) that was a joke-intended story and proceed to insult HIM.

Is that completely understood? I'm sure I have enough faults on my own that you can draw from without targeting someone that you know virtually NOTHING about.

[Shari]

I think there's a size factor involved when smashing bugs. If they're bigger than my thumbnail I usually catch them and throw them outside because of that disgusting noise and mess they make.

And usually I'm only squishing the biting bugs, mosquitoes, ants, spiders.

Oh and praying mantis' are very cool bugs. I have a white one in my garden, its awesome.

[Scott]

Originally posted by Jesae

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom

Originally posted by Jesae
I hope your balls shrivel up like raisins and fall off.

:whistle:

And I hope your boyfriend can finally look at a tampon without shrieking like he has none.

Okay, in all honesty, I consider myself a pretty level-headed person. I don't care if you want to insult me on the boards, but don't fucking bring my boyfriend into it on a topic (the tapon one) that was a joke-intended story and proceed to insult HIM.

Is that completely understood? I'm sure I have enough faults on my own that you can draw from without targeting someone that you know virtually NOTHING about.

No offense to you because I have absolutely no problems with you at all. But, if you bring stuff up on these boards, that's your own fault. Joke or not, anything you bring up here you are airing to everyone here, and people are going to make comments. Most people are more then willing to stop making comments if someone gets upset, but some won't. If you don't want something discussed here, don't bring it up.

I won't post about something if I have a problem with someone making a joke or comment about it. Which is why a lot of things about myself and family are never brought up here.

[Shari]

Fair enough. I guess I should almost be flattered at the fact that TOS remembered a story that I told so long ago.

[Vesi]

My feet are now on a stool and I have goosebumps. Stop with the pictures! Arrrggghh!

I remember sitting on the couch and seeing something in my blinds. I look closer and it's a black widow. The creepy thing was when I would look over there, it would duck down behind the blind. It knew I was watching it! So, my husband wasn't home and I'm thinking how am I going to kill this? Finally, I realize that if I don't kill it, it could bite my daughter (who was around 2 at the time). So, mother instinct kicks in and I get a shoe and I'm screaming the whole time but get it knocked out of the blinds and probably hit 100x more than it needed to be. That one really creeped me out.

Also, oddly, I'm not bothered by daddy longlegs. I just grab a leg and throw them out the door if one gets in.

We also get ladybugs in our house. This is the weirdest thing. I could see if I had tons of plants or something. Once, we had a warm spell and we got up and there were probably 200 ladybugs clustered in three different areas in our den. My daughter stood in a chair and I handed her paper towels and we would just scoop them up and throw them out. Weird. By the way, Ladybug, ladybug fly away home doesn't work. (we tried!) They haven't been back though.

Vesi

[DeV]

Originally posted by Vesi
So, mother instinct kicks in and I get a shoe and I'm screaming the whole time but get it knocked out of the blinds and probably hit 100x more than it needed to be. That one really creeped me out.

Vesi Imagining you beating a spider to death with your shoe while screaming the whole time cracks me up. You brave woman you..

[Vesi]

Originally posted by DarkelfVold Imagining you beating a spider to death with your shoe while screaming the whole time cracks me up. You brave woman you.. [/quote]

I am woman hear me shriek! I'm a such a wuss. (wonder if the neighbors heard me)

I was also afraid it would be in another spot by the time I got back with my shoe because I go barefoot in the house. So, I had to hunt the shoe down first. It really sucks to be in a room and have to walk by the spider to go get the shoe. I sort of run by staring at it the whole time.

Wonder Wuss...umm... Vesi

[Wezas]

Originally posted by DarkelfVold

Originally posted by Vesi
So, mother instinct kicks in and I get a shoe and I'm screaming the whole time but get it knocked out of the blinds and probably hit 100x more than it needed to be. That one really creeped me out.

Vesi Imagining you beating a spider to death with your shoe while screaming the whole time gets me excited

Just doing a little editing for comedic value. Move it along people.

[Nieninque]

Originally posted by Vesi
By the way, Ladybug, ladybug fly away home doesn't work. (we tried!) They haven't been back though.


Sounds like it worked

[Nieninque]

I have to say I dont understand the fear of spiders.
I dont like spiders I have to admit.
In the country I live none of them can eat half my face while I am asleep - admittedly.
But shit...if I see a little spider, I pick it up and throw it out the nearest door/window.
If its too big I use a cup or a jar...maybe get my dad if it's really big.

WTF is the point in smashing its brains in?
Sometimes I just dont understand people.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Wezas
Just doing a little editing for comedic value. Move it along people. There may be some truth to that. :P

[Sylphsyte]

I was fine until I saw Arachnophobia, then I had to check the toilet before sitting down for fear of getting bit on my bottom.
other then that spiders are great, as long as they don't bite me.

[Edaarin]

When I was little I used to press down on one of the daddy long legs' legs with a finger, proceed to pull out the other legs, then flick the body off the remaining leg. Good times.

Microwaving bees was fun, but I never did that. I only watched my neighbors do it like...two or three times.

EDIT: Pouring salt on slugs was fun too. And drowning ants.

[Edited on 7-31-2004 by Edaarin]

I thought you only put salt on felines?

[Edaarin]

That's the first time (today) I've heard a joke like that.

[HarmNone]

Daddy long legs ain't spideys! While daddy long legs are, in fact, arachnids, they do not fall into the same order as spiders (aranaeae). They are of the order opiliones. :)

HarmNone, with another of those little tidbits nobody wants to know :rofl:

[Weedmage Princess]

When I was little I had a crush on this boy Nicky who used to pick up ants and throw them on spider webs, then watch the spider get it. It was pretty cool to watch, actually.

[Anebriated]

When I was little I had a crush on this boy Nicky who used to pick up ants and throw them on spider webs, then watch the spider get it. It was pretty cool to watch, actually.

Was that what adolescent dates were like before there were movies?

[Weedmage Princess]

:fu:

I was 6, it was 1982... ::grumble::

HATE YOU

[Edited on 7-31-2004 by Weedmage Princess]

[Shari]

FUCK. I was only a year old in 1982. Damn you ARE old!

<runs away very VERY fast>

[Artha]

I wasn't even born for another 5 years.

[GSLeloo]

I wasn't even alive yet. It would be another three years before I even was 0.

[Caiylania]

I never really hated spiders, until one bit my daughter. Now I have a 'slight' animosity towards them.

Watching your daughter scream and her whole arm turn red and swell and think she might be dying does that to a person.

:(

Though to be fair, I did some research so that the non poisoness little ones don't get squished unmercilessly to often.

[Shari]

I keep forgetting how young you kids are.

[Tsa`ah]

Originally posted by Jesae
FUCK. I was only a year old in 1982. Damn you ARE old!

<runs away very VERY fast>

That's probably a very good idea.

[SpunGirl]

There are some bugs that can escape my wrath.

Crickets are OK. They don't bug me. Earthworms are fine. Ladybugs, dragonflies, stuff like that are allowed.

I don't even mind daddylonglegs TOO much.

All others get a sharp blast or twelve from whichever chemical is readily available, be it pledge, hairsrpay, windex.....

-K

[Weedmage Princess]

It was also a lot easier to get switchblades in 1982...

::glances at Jesae, Leloo and Artha while twitching::

[Latrinsorm]

The only bugs/grubs I won't kill are ladybugs, because c'mon, they're ladybugs. Earthworms enjoy sneaking up on me when I'm gardening, so they taste the steel pretty often, even though they're not really bugs. If I ever get my flamethrower, I'm going to need some new bugs, because these will be on FIAHH!! :devil:

[DeV]

You are such a pyro.

[Latrinsorm]

There are worse things I could do. :yes:

[Vesi]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm
The only bugs/grubs I won't kill are ladybugs, because c'mon, they're ladybugs.

Bet you wouldn't let over 200 of them stay in your den. We don't know how many we actually smashed... we would just scoop up a bunch with a paper towel and shake it out the door. I'm not scared of them but they can't live in my den!

Vesi

P. S. To whoever responded that Ladybug, ladybug fly away home worked... well we tried it before the paper towels. We still get one or two strays.

Artha, got any camel spiders for post..?

That metropolitan fan won't be able to excercise his pyromaniacal urges on one of them bastards.

[Artha]

By request.

http://insects.tamu.edu/images/insects/color/sunspidr.jpg

[EmpressBtch]

Meet George...my other half caught him while he's off playing Army.



http://community.webshots.com/photo/161112143/161113057kZlFbJ:club:

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
That metropolitan fan won't be able to excercise his pyromaniacal urges on one of them bastards. Is that a challenge?
Originally posted by Vesi
Bet you wouldn't let over 200 of them stay in your den.That would be a safe bet if I had a den. I remember when we had about 200 spider babies hatching from an overhead light. Mr. Vacuum was busy that night. I'd do my best not to massacre 200 ladybugs, though.

[Sylphsyte]

Ladybugs are cute and all but anything that poops on my hand when I'm looking at it, and bounces off my face 10 times isn't all great.
I understand the ones in England are called Ladybirds and they bite?

[Artha]

ph34r

http://img68.exs.cx/img68/3711/snakevsspider.jpg

[DeV]

Nice pictures Artha :thumbsup:
Last night I made the mistake of opening my window, the part where there is no screen and let in 2 lady bugs and a couple of other bugs that I had to put out of thier misery. The ladybugs however, are some noisy ass buggers currently crawling around on the ceiling. I refuse to kill them but I'll eventually put them out sometime today.