For Anticore.

A marine recon platoon was on patrol when the lt. noticed a lone special forces soldier standing on a hill top in their area. The lt. told two of his men to go take out that man.

They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The two marines followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt., pissed, called for a squad to go get that sf soldier. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the sf soldier. Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine squad followed. For the next few miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the sf soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines.

The lt. was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the sf soldier. Determined that the recon was far superior to the one sf soldier they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill.Just before they got to the top, the sf soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine's followed.

For many miniutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. It continued and continued. Finally there was one lone marine crawling back to the lt., all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His bdu's were torn, cuts were all over his body. The lt. asked for a sit.rep.

The lone marine, bloody and beaten replied in a forceful and fearful voice "Sir, run, its a trick. There are TWO of them!!"

After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.

Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.

The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"

The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."

The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"

The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.

The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"

The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."

The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.

The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."

The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.

The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"

The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."

A Marine walked into a bar...

An Army soldier saw it and ducked, just in time.

[The Korean]

oh god, i needed a laugh like this.

[The Korean]

i love marines.....they crack me up daily.

[The Korean]

USMC Rules For Gunfighting

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your
friends who have guns.
2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is
expensive.
3. Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough
nor using cover correctly.
5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and
diagonal movements are preferred.)
6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a
friend with a long gun.
7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and
running.
9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more
dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.
10. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.
11. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to
beat you to death with it because it is empty.
12. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
13. Have a plan.
14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
15. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
16. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
17. Don't drop your guard.
18. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
19. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep
your hands where I can see them).
20. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
21. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.
22. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you
meet.
23. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not
start with a "4."

Navy Rules for Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea
2. Send the Marines
3. Drink Coffee

Two Marines graduated Basic Training and were informed that they were being sent to school to become Marine Corps Helicopter Mechanics.

After graduation from helicopter mechanic school, they were sent to their first duty station, and were assigned to work on the flight line.

Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!"

22. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you
meet.

Gonna have to steal this one.

[Latrinsorm]

In God we trust. Everyone else, keep
your hands where I can see themMe too, but this one. :yes:

Two Marines were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, "I'll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please."

When he returned to the lake, he found the Marines proudly standing beside two moose. "I told you Marines only one moose!" the furious flier screamed. "There's NO WAY the plane can take off with that much weight!"

"You're just a chicken pilot," one Marine said. "We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn't afraid to take off."

Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered.

"All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it."

They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his takeoff. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees.

Some time later, the Marines regained consciousness. "Where are we?" one asked.

His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, "Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year."

Subject: MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: __________________________________________
Carter: _________________________________________
Clinton: _________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macy's
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify

* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.

[EmpressBtch]

Two Seals boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Green Beret got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Seals. The Green Beret kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Seal in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Green Beret, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Seal picked up the Green Beret's boot and spit in it.

When the Green Beret returned with the coke, the other Seal said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Green Beret obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Seal picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Green Beret returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Green Beret slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Green Beret asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

[EmpressBtch]

The Fifteen Commandments of Operational Security
I. Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
II. Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
III. Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
IV. Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.
V. Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.
VI. Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.
VII. Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.
VIII. Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.
IX. Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.
X. Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.
XI. Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.
XII. Thou shalt hide the wires of thy commo, for they pointeth to thee.
XIII. Thou shalt practice the art of dispersion, or one round will finish you all.
XIV. Thou shalt pick up thy trash and litter, for they exposeth thy presence.
XV. Thou shalt conceal the noise of thy generator, for thine enemies are listening.

Just wanted to make sure you see this anticore.

Its Anticor. heh.

A marine and a Army Scout walk into the bathroom and take a piss. The Scout goes to walk out the door and the Marine says "In the Corp they teach us to wash our hands when we use the bathroom" The Scout replies "In the Army they teach us to not piss on our hands"