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View Full Version : The Brief Life and Times of Beetkins, the Halfling Monk



droit
07-23-2012, 01:08 AM
So Kerl and I devised a diabolical plan... Meet Beetkins, the sacrificial halfling monk.



[V'koort Etka, Starboard - 4]
Krolvin pirates flood the deck of the ship, weapons brandished as they engage raiders or herd slavers below deck. Waves and wind cause water to slosh up over the sides of the ship, making the deck precarious to walk. You also see a massive krolvin champion, a curved black steel warblade and a wooden railing.
Obvious paths: east
>
Beetkins leaps up and over the ship's railing, landing on the deck!
>
Beetkins exclaims, "Have at ye!"
>
Beetkins attempts to jab a massive krolvin champion!
UAF: 9 vs UDF: 520 = 0.017 * MM: 87 + d100: 57 = 58
A close miss!
>
A massive krolvin champion swings a bone white steel jeddart-axe at Beetkins!
AS: +620 vs DS: +12 with AvD: +32 + d100 roll: +62 = +702
... and hits for 316 points of damage!
Blow cracks a rib and punctures a lung.
Breathing becomes a challenge.

* Beetkins drops dead at your feet!

A massive krolvin champion tilts his head back and erupts in a powerful bark of triumph!

* Beetkins is off to a rough start! He just bit the dust!

>
The krolvin champion unsheathes a skinning knife from his belt. He hovers over Beetkins's head, studies it a moment, and then removes Beetkins's scalp in one fluid motion! A few drops of blood fall from a chestnut halfling scalp as the krolvin champion holds it high in the air. A massive krolvin champion attaches the scalp to his belt.
>
>l cham
You see a fairly typical krolvin champion.
He appears to be in good shape.
He has a chestnut halfling scalp (worn), some icy blue chain hauberk (worn) and a bone white steel jeddart-axe.
>
You whisper quietly into the wind, summoning the forces of nature as you prepare Call Swarm.
Your spell is ready.
You gesture at a massive krolvin champion.
Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
>
A faint buzzing sound begins then grows louder as a small dark cloud forms and begins to move about wildly!
The swarm zips behind krolvin champion and charges into it, knocking it to the ground!

>You remove a single wooden arrow from a bundle of wooden arrows.
>You are unable to change your stance.
>You nock a wooden arrow in your skull-set ruic longbow.
You fire a wooden arrow at a massive krolvin champion!
AS: +554 vs DS: +286 with AvD: +30 + d100 roll: +32 = +330
... and hit for 89 points of damage!
Shot knocks the krolvin champion's head back by pushing on the inside of the skull!
The krolvin champion rolls over on the ground and goes still.
The scintillating red light surrounding the arrow fades some.
The wooden arrow sticks in a massive krolvin champion's right eye!
Roundtime: 3 sec.
>
You search the krolvin champion.
He had a wooden arrow, a chestnut halfling scalp, some icy blue chain hauberk, a bone white steel jeddart-axe.
He didn't carry any silver.
He had nothing else of value.
A massive krolvin champion's body decays into a pile of compost.
>
You pick up a chestnut halfling scalp.
>
You put a chestnut halfling scalp in your leather jacket.
>
Beetkins's body decays into compost.



...aaaaaand 50 rough starts later:

Kerl offers you a halfling scalp quiver fringed with teeth and bones.
>
>l my quiver
You see a halfling scalp quiver fringed with teeth and bones, which was made with the utmost skill and care.
>
You carefully inspect your halfling scalp quiver.
You estimate that a halfling scalp quiver fringed with teeth and bones can store a medium-sized amount with enough space for several items.
You determine that you could wear the quiver, attaching it to your belt. The quiver appears to serve some purpose.
>
You put a barbaric skull-set ruic longbow in your halfling scalp quiver.
>
You steeple your fingers slowly as a smirk plays across your lips.

Gelston
07-23-2012, 01:25 AM
Awesome!

droit
07-23-2012, 01:45 AM
Haha, thanks. We had a lot of fun doing it.

Nedus
07-23-2012, 03:45 AM
Gave me a good laugh! RIP Beetkins..we hardly knew ya

Jace Solo
07-23-2012, 04:53 AM
WIN!

audioserf
07-23-2012, 07:27 AM
Lmao, that is really cool.

Fallen
07-23-2012, 09:28 AM
Hah. Good old Krolvin. I think that script is based off the ones on RR, isn't it? The Slavers and Corsairs?

Drew
07-23-2012, 04:44 PM
This is the greatest thing ever done.

droit
07-23-2012, 04:46 PM
Hah. Good old Krolvin. I think that script is based off the ones on RR, isn't it? The Slavers and Corsairs?

I've never hunted those, so I wouldn't know.

Kitsun
07-23-2012, 04:47 PM
Disturbing and awesome.

DID YOU MAKE ONE FOR ALL OF US?!

droit
07-23-2012, 04:49 PM
Disturbing and awesome.

DID YOU MAKE ONE FOR ALL OF US?!

Dude...it took like 5 hours+ of work to make one.

Kitsun
07-23-2012, 04:51 PM
Dude...it took like 5 hours+ of work to make one.

...so you made one just for me then?

Archigeek
07-23-2012, 04:56 PM
Beetkins arrives
>
Beetkins exclaims, "Have at ye!"
>
Beetkins just left

A short time later:


>
Kerl arrives
>
Kerl clears his throat
>
Kerl exclaims, "It has come to my attention that I have been accused of making a halfling scalp quiver. I would never make such an abomination! An abomination I tell you! I deny any and all involvement! You people are sick!"
>
Kerl just left

That is all.

Archigeek
07-23-2012, 05:01 PM
Dude...it took like 5 hours+ of work to make one.

Plus it had to be done in the wee hours of the morning to avoid too many onlookers or GM intervention. Running from the temple to the north dock and swimming out to the ship then dying and waiting to get scalped... it was a couple of long nights that ended about 4am. As it turned out, the only GM interaction we got was a SEND when we were done, which caught me a little off guard since I'd already logged Beetkins off and logged back in as Kerl, so I could collect the scalps from Droit and make the quiver at the guild. The GM seemed more amused than anything.

And Kerl will deny any involvement in this disturbing action, as you may have noted from the post above.

Elgrim
07-23-2012, 06:26 PM
Instant classic :)

crb
07-23-2012, 07:50 PM
Rarely have I read a thread as awesome as this.

GTG
07-24-2012, 03:26 PM
<3

Lord Orbstar
07-24-2012, 04:25 PM
Bravo..and gross as fuck too.

Archamandis
07-25-2012, 06:16 AM
Good stuff. Definitely a gem!

Ibidmb
07-25-2012, 08:20 AM
Need to get a R.I.P. Beetkins stamp on that..

RSR
07-25-2012, 12:12 PM
Rarely have I read a thread as awesome as this.

Makes me wonder what a kidskin quiver is worth now.

Gelston
07-25-2012, 12:42 PM
Eh, pretty positive you can get kidskin as an alter.

RSR
07-25-2012, 12:47 PM
Way to miss the joke.

Kitsun
07-25-2012, 01:13 PM
Way to miss the joke.

I'm pretty sure you butchered it.

leifastagsweed
07-25-2012, 01:57 PM
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to droit again.

MrMortimur
05-02-2013, 08:31 PM
Have at ye! Had to re-read this thread after seeing Beetkins get a ticket. Still good for a laugh.

Askip
06-01-2013, 06:58 PM
Kudos! :D

Archigeek
06-01-2013, 09:27 PM
Good to see you Askip. Hope all is well.

Askip
06-01-2013, 09:39 PM
Heya, just trolling now and again to keep tabs on things, still waiting for the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes van to pull into the driveway. I'll be back before they pull the plug. :D


Good to see you Askip. Hope all is well.

Goat
05-26-2014, 10:49 PM
Bump for awesome.

Jhynnifer
05-27-2014, 12:40 AM
So can we put in orders yet? =)

FlayedAngel
05-27-2014, 02:06 AM
That's... AWESOME.

Skinning Team Alpha:
http://www.imgion.com/images/01/awesome-war.jpg

Goat
07-21-2018, 03:53 AM
Too good not to bump again

Gelston
07-21-2018, 07:17 AM
For some reason I also randomly thought of this event this morning.

Archigeek
07-21-2018, 09:15 AM
Some day, Beetkins will be back.

Archigeek
10-23-2020, 03:25 AM
Some day, Beetkins will be back.

Some day...