Etiquette aka TINES DOWN!

[Tisket]

Will it seem un-American of me to say that I detest the American way of holding the fork, tines up, in the right hand and shifting it to the left to cut meat then back to the right? What a time waster.

Go Continental. If you haven't tried it yet, it's much more efficient and the knife becomes much more than a cutting-only tool.

This post brought to you courtesy of the coworker who told me I ate like a caveman (in a joking manner but still).

[Tgo01]

I just hold down the steak with my left hand, cut a piece off with the knife in my right hand then stab it with the knife and put the food in my mouth. Less utensils to wash AND faster.

[Tisket]

I just hold down the steak with my left hand, cut a piece off with the knife in my right hand then stab it with the knife and put the food in my mouth. Less utensils to wash AND faster.

You're a manly man. Come share my cave.

[Kitsun]

There's etiquette with fork swapping to cut?

O.o

[Drew]

I eat fork left handed and down but I've always believed in archaic things like manners.

[Makkah]

Wait. You swap hands to use a knife? Confoozled.

[Tisket]

Wait. You swap hands to use a knife? Confoozled.

The knife stays in the right hand and is used to steer food and cut as well. It works!

[Tisket]

I eat fork left handed and down but I've always believed in archaic things like manners.

I don't think there is anything unmannerly about the American way of eating (unless you are Tgo01 that is) but it is inefficient and feels clumsy once you get used to eating European-style.

[Latrinsorm]

As someone who subsisted chiefly on rolls until the age of 19, this thread reads like a Phoenician treatise on phrenology. Nevertheless, I am more than happy to incorporate this into my array of neuroses and panic every time I use knives and forks. Think about it.

[Tisket]

haha

Here's a crash course: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyuC950XCTI

And, once again, the comments section of the video is more entertaining than the video.

[Makkah]

She eats funny.

[Delias]

This is retarded. Real Americans eat everything that comes with it's own built-in place for your hand- hamburger buns, pizza crusts, etc.

Silverware is for foreigners.

[Bhaalizmo]

So, I vote for chopsticks.

And I'm inventing steak sushi.

[Latrinsorm]

haha

Here's a crash course: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyuC950XCTI

And, once again, the comments section of the video is more entertaining than the video.Foreign non-British accent, I don't trust her.

[Ryvicke]

I don't think I ever switch hands, the knife is always in the right assisting in the scoop and doing it's knife-thang, but there's no fucking way I'm going to start putting food on the wrong (hump) side of the fork.

[msconstrew]

I am a lefty, so I have always eaten this way. Fork in left hand, knife in right.

[Celephais]

I always keep my knife in my right hand, that way I can readily stab anyone if they try to steal my food.

[Gelston]

It is proper to. 99% of people don't do it.

[Tgo01]

The real question is, what is the proper motorboating etiquette?

[4a6c1]

I vote for eating pizza rolls, hamburgers and whatever the fuck maple syrup smothered bacon rolls middle america is getting fat on delicately in nibble bites with the pinky propped in the air so that people know you're at least trying to be classy.

And this seems relevant.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qUFgpC2V7cc/SUas1Cs1deI/AAAAAAAAAWs/I2Kb1cJxyhw/s576/DSC05932.JPG

[4a6c1]

http://m5.paperblog.com/i/6/64915/people-of-walmart-more-pics-of-weird-crazy-fa-L-29Vq6y.jpeg

And now I want back boobs.

[TheEschaton]

I am a lefty, so I have always eaten this way. Fork in left hand, knife in right.

^^ same.

[diethx]

I don't think I ever switch hands, the knife is always in the right assisting in the scoop and doing it's knife-thang, but there's no fucking way I'm going to start putting food on the wrong (hump) side of the fork.

^

If I'm using a knife, it stays in my right hand. If no knife is involved, I hold that shit in my right hand and use it tines up.

[TheEschaton]

I wonder how the hell you're supposed to eat rice tines down. Fucking Europeans and their steak-eating bigotry!

[diethx]

You eat rice with a spoon or chopsticks. WTF is wrong with you?

[TheEschaton]

Ah, you silly white person. You eat rice with a fork. We practically invented rice. The Chinese gave us rice, and we perfected it.

[Drew]

TINES DOWN MARINO!

[diethx]

TINES DOWN MARINO!

lolol

[Tisket]

I have noticed that American actors in shows and movies are portrayed more and more with the tines down. It seems that every episode of ABC's show, Smash, has a restaurant scene where everyone in the place is eating with the tines down. Some directors must think it looks classier.

Now that it's been pointed out, watch and you'll see it everywhere. It's insidious. Soon you too will be holding your fork tines down. Join us.

[Celephais]

Ah, you silly white person. You eat rice with a fork. We practically invented rice. The Chinese gave us rice, and we perfected it.

Guess who gives a shit? NUCLEAR FUCKING BOMB THAT'S WHO! Eat shit how we say or prepare to be rocked by physics, asshole.

[diethx]

I was out at brunch today and I noticed that not only do I not switch the fork back to my right hand after cutting, I also do the "use the knife to push the food on the hump" thing. Apparently I've always done this and never noticed until now. THANKS TISKET FOR MAKING ME FEEL UNAMERICAN

[Asha]

That reminded me one of my ex's used to scrape food off her knife with her teeth gripped on it.
When I first saw / heard her do it I involuntarily spasmed out of my chair.
Slut.

[Tisket]

I was out at brunch today and I noticed that not only do I not switch the fork back to my right hand after cutting, I also do the "use the knife to push the food on the hump" thing. Apparently I've always done this and never noticed until now. THANKS TISKET FOR MAKING ME FEEL UNAMERICAN

I was going to make a Borg assimilation joke but it's more like the pod people on that old movie, whatsitcalled, shit, I'm getting early Alzheimers. Yeah. You are welcome.

[Drew]

I'm getting early Alzheimers.

Early???

[Stanley Burrell]

Tisket will fucking revel in her Alzheimers when she remembers to. I know these things.

[Tisket]

I view potential Alzheimers as an opportunity to say and do things you couldn't otherwise get away with. When I remember that is.

[4a6c1]

COCCOON!!!!!

[4a6c1]

http://cache.io9.com/assets/images/8/2009/11/cocoon.jpg

[Tisket]

Never saw it. I'm waiting for the remake.

[Atlanteax]

Hold fork in left hand, cut with knife in right hand... carve up half of the steak.

Knife goes down on the plate, and fork in right hand for eating.

Repeat as above for second/last half.

This way, with fork predominantly in right hand, tines up, you are already prepared to defend yourself.

(which is probably why it is considered the *American* way!)

[Tisket]

Hold fork in left hand, cut with knife in right hand... carve up half of the steak.

Knife goes down on the plate, and fork in right hand for eating.

Repeat as above for second/last half.

This way, with fork predominantly in right hand, tines up, you are already prepared to defend yourself.

(which is probably why it is considered the *American* way!)

Incredibly inefficient. Wasted motion and your food gets cold while you spend all that time cutting and shifting.

[Drunken Durfin]

Fuck Forks.

[Liagala]

Fuck Forks.
:lol: Are you drunk again?

[Delarock]

I've heard that it is a breach of etiquette to cut more food than you have to.

[KneeCapper]

Okay gang her we go, pick steak up with your hand and use teeth to rip off a nice hunk. Watch critters eat, food cut against the grain is harder to digest. Food torn with teeth separates the grain of the flesh and is easier to digested. They make things called napkins for your fingers and you chin. If peeps look at you funny just tell em to FUCK OFFF, claim Terrets Syndrome and let em know you play GS4 and subscribe to the PC. Nuff said.

[Tgo01]

Okay gang her we go, pick steak up with your hand and use teeth to rip off a nice hunk. Watch critters eat, food cut against the grain is harder to digest. Food torn with teeth separates the grain of the flesh and is easier to digested. They make things called napkins for your fingers and you chin. If peeps look at you funny just tell em to FUCK OFFF, claim Terrets Syndrome and let em know you play GS4 and subscribe to the PC. Nuff said.

Tell people you think you're a metal loop? I guess I'll give it a try, it's certainly something new for me.

[diethx]

I don't have digestive issues, though.

[Drew]

I don't have digestive issues, though.

Except when it comes to taking a watermelon.

[diethx]

sigh

[Drew]

sigh

:hug2:

[thefarmer]

http://www.robsworld.org/chopsticks2.gif

http://www.robsworld.org/chopsticks3a.gif

http://www.robsworld.org/chopsticks4.gif

[Stanley Burrell]

Hey y'all, so, you know:

Bow your head for a moment of silent grace. Clockwise passing of liquid. Chew with mouth closed. Napkin across lap or on same leg as dominant hand. Non-dominant hand always on leg when not cutting. Always cut piece-by-piece, knife facing blades towards plate, fork swapped to tines down. Never speak with food in your mouth or to someone eating. Approval to pass message to someone more than two seats away from you. Finish food. Knife on the right of plate and fork on the left, if napkin is disposable, folded on plate; if washable, folded twice to square and placed under plate. Chair pushed in. Hands at side, face table awaiting party departure.

See, that stuff didn't make me crazy at all or anything.

[Drunken Durfin]

Etiquette aka TINES DOWN! 04-17-2012 05:11 AM ...How much for the fuck forks? It's for a friend, yeah

I lol'ed.

Name removed from what was signed rep to protect the identity of "their friend."

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Stan, napkin on chair, not table. Napkin should be left folded on the chair and once removed from the table shouldn't see it again.

[Stanley Burrell]

Shoot. Well that would've been easier. Except it probably messed with speeding up food service's whatever. I left out some stuff about wiping your mouth before you drink. I'm losing my edge on this, I hope.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Shoot. Well that would've been easier. Except it probably messed with speeding up food service's whatever. I left out some stuff about wiping your mouth before you drink. I'm losing my edge on this, I hope.

Psh, if food service was entirely about speed there wouldn't be a zillion different types of silverware for every type of food out there.

I may or may not have a personal vendetta against the salad fork.

[Stanley Burrell]

I was just happy when I was appointed to food service in the area that wasn't supposed to look nice for inspectors. Or happier when I wasn't. Then you just stuffed all the not needed crap in your cup when you were done and flooded your food tray when time was up. Like a boss?

[Tgo01]

Speaking of folded napkins I went to a restaurant once where every time me and my date left the table for whatever reason someone would come by and fold our napkins into a little design. I guess that's what they do at really fancy restaurants? I don't know. I just know we made it a habit to leave the table about a dozen times just to see if our napkins would be folded when we returned.

The scary part is...they were.

[Asha]

Speaking of folded napkins I went to a restaurant once where every time me and my date left the table for whatever reason someone would come by and fold our napkins into a little design. I guess that's what they do at really fancy restaurants? I don't know. I just know we made it a habit to leave the table about a dozen times just to see if our napkins would be folded when we returned.

The scary part is...they were.

That would impress the shit out of me.

[Celephais]

That would impress the shit out of me.

... folded napkins?

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I was at a restaurant recently and they folded my leftovers in a tin foil swan.

I was not only impressed, but I used the opportunity to do the only classy thing one does in that situation.. which is smack my sister on the face with it while yelling "Bok bok!" and cackling.

[Asha]

... folded napkins?

The excessive, militant folding of napkins.