Click me..you know you want too!

[Trinitis]

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

[Ravenstorm]

Well, now you've done it. If it's tall tales and bad puns you want...


In the year 2744 a human survey team discovered a planet whose sole inhabitant was an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of something very like granite. At first it was mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squatted motionless on a vast rocky plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It had legs (two), but apparently never rose to walk on them. It had a mouth, but never ate or spoke. It had what appeared to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a fifty-story condominium, but the organ lay dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lived.

This puzzled hell out of the scientists, who tried everything they could think of to elicit some sign of life from the behemoth--in vain. It just squatted, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screamed, "How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn't use them?"

It happened that he was the first one to ask a direct question in the thing's presence. It rose with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, pondered for a second, boomed, "It couldn't," and squatted down again.

"Migod," exclaimed the xenobiologist. "Of course! It only stands to reason."

credited to Spider Robinson

Raven

[Mint]

There were three strings walking down the street and they decided to go into a bar for a drink. The first string goes in and asks for a drink. The bartender yells, "hey! we don't serve strings around here, get out!" The second string hears the story and says, "let me give it a try." Walks in, the bartender immediately yells, "hey you, string! I just told your buddy, we don't serve your kind in here, get out!" The third string hears this, gets a scissors, cuts himself in half, ties himself back together, and then roughs up one end. He then walks into the bar, the bartender says, "Hey! You're not one of those strings that's been hanging around here are you?" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"

[Czeska]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why such a long face?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I"m sorry, we don't serve food here."

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink... named Steve?"

[DeV]

Originally posted by Czeska

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "You have a drink... named Steve?" amusing... hehe

[Vesi]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.


Vesi

The second one might not fit but I like it.

Edited to add comment about the second one.

[Edited on 6-22-2004 by Vesi]

[Wezas]

<rips out the classic>

What's easier to load onto a truck, bowling balls or dead babies? And why?

[AnticorRifling]

Dude! No, just no. We have that thread somewhere else, keep these somewhat clean.

[Artha]

So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[Killer Kitten]

What do you call a blonde behind the wheel of a Mercedes?

An air bag.