Aiz - Backstory

[Aizaraii]

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[Some Rogue]

SR Backstory: I was born a poor black child.

[Tgo01]

24.6k as a zip file?

Do you have a short version under 1000 words I can read?

[Divinity]

First impression? You assume people know a lot about where she is, what's going on and such. It's a piece of a story, detailed in a glimpse but you don't offer a back story here.. only a memory.

I'd recommend checking out "Part II, Background"--http://rpg.ashami.com/--this might give you some focus on what you're trying to accomplish here. You convey the details in a situation to give some feeling to each character, especially on interaction. Just seems to be lacking other parts.

[Aizaraii]

Gonna go check that out now. My aim was to only put out what my character remembers consciously and subconsciously so maybe by naming it a backstory I was using the wrong term and, in turn, made it a bit misleading. I don't really want others to know too much, I don't like when I know a characters whole story w/o talking to them, then I go to them expecting and predicting what they're going to say. That's what I wanted to avoid in mines.

[Sylvan Dreams]

I don't know how important culture is to the character, but I got no sense of the Dhe'nar culture being a significant influence. The other characters in the story didn't really seem to be like Dhe'nar - instead they were portrayed more like regular people who just happened to through in an "Eii" here and there and display an insignia as evidence of their heritage.

The first metaphor isn't accurate, and I guess that's the horse person in me being bothered by it. Horse gaits are not off kilter unless the horse is lame. A gallop is a 4-beat gait.

The sugar thing made me think of Gremlins.

In posting a character's backstory, you're going to run the risk that some people will read it then turn that into IC knowledge. Actually, in posting anything on the PC or the officials, you're going to run into people who will take your post to be your IC viewpoint. If your goal is to share your backstory in some fashion, the best thing to do would be to write it in a way that you can present it - either formally or informally - in the same way in game.

[Aizaraii]

How important a culture is can't really determine what language one speaks. She's dhe'nar, so she speaks dhe'narsi. But at the time, culture wasn't all that important to her [which would be something you'd learn in-game]. And I thought about the same thing with the horses. I rode them for some time, but that's the messaging in-game I get when playing the theorbo so I thought I'd keep it the same. But now it's bothering me >.>, lol. Omg omg omg, I kinda skipped over the gremlin part. Lol, when they were going evil and multiplying? Ahahaha. And I presented it kind of bad but since Rynaari is actually in the lands Aiz can just assume that it's hear say since Ryn talked about it to a few people I guess.

[Gelston]

(It is because she is an underage, and by underage I mean she can't legally drink alcoholic beverages, kid that grew up rich, but since she was black she felt she could act ghetto) Oh, hi.

[Warriorbird]

It seemed more like a story tacked onto the setting than a "background" as it were.

Nice seeing you trying to RP off of Lnet though. I'm sure there'll be improvement.

[Sylvan Dreams]

How important a culture is can't really determine what language one speaks. She's dhe'nar, so she speaks dhe'narsi. But at the time, culture wasn't all that important to her [which would be something you'd learn in-game]. And I thought about the same thing with the horses. I rode them for some time, but that's the messaging in-game I get when playing the theorbo so I thought I'd keep it the same. But now it's bothering me >.>, lol. Omg omg omg, I kinda skipped over the gremlin part. Lol, when they were going evil and multiplying? Ahahaha. And I presented it kind of bad but since Rynaari is actually in the lands Aiz can just assume that it's hear say since Ryn talked about it to a few people I guess.

Culture isn't just the language - it's also how the people act. When I read that story, none of the Dhe'nar characters struck me as being Dhe'nar. At all. I felt like I was reading a story about humans and in effort to convey that they were Dhe'nar, a few Dhe'nar-si words and insignians were kind of just....tossed in. They just didn't come across in word or action as strikingly Dhe'nar. However, I don't know the story of THOSE characters, so it might very well be fitting. Think of the well-played Dhe'nar that you've come across in game - would they act like the characters in your story?

The IG messaging for instruments is dumb. Most of the messaging forces imagery or emotion onto another person. Think about it - how awful would a song sound like that made you think of the 4 hoofbeats of a running horse? Or like raindrops trickling down (and that would make a lot of people have to pee if it pulled that off). Describe the sounds without imagery and give the reader the chance to evoke their own mental image of what the song sounds like and the appropriate ambience.

On the Gremlin thing...I know that if my main for any reason thought Aiz would have a meltdown after eating sugar would definitely be trying to feed her sugar and watch the show.

[DCSL]

the well-played Dhe'nar that you've come across in game

This could well be the problem.

[Aizaraii]

@Gelston: Uh huh, love you too :* Thanks for the intro and I don't act ghetto :'(

@Sylvan Dreams": I get what you're saying. I think I just need to work on the ability to make sure everything clear and more elaborate when I have limits. And it's like being raised under christian parents but not really being all that religious. If that's all she knows, then she can't help but speak it. When I first entered the lands w. Aiz, I had her RPing not being able to speak common at all, then she got taught by some random players over like...5 months or so? She wasn't too interested and botched verbs and common phrases and the like. The cloak w. the insignia is just a hand me down kind of thing, wasn't mentioned too much because that's another character's story. Looking back, I made things pretty complicated.

As for the whole "How dhe'nar act", I don't go around giggling or jumping around nor do I act evil [which is sooo annoying]. I actually did a lot of research last year. So this is prior to her getting back on "the path" and joining the tower. I should of did an abstract or something. I've gotten bored w. it lately so I'm sure I'm slacking but I plan on breaking away from the tower at some point, Idk.

[Divinity]

As for the whole "How dhe'nar act", I don't go around giggling or jumping around nor do I act evil [which is sooo annoying]. I actually did a lot of research last year. So this is prior to her getting back on "the path" and joining the tower. I should of did an abstract or something. I've gotten bored w. it lately so I'm sure I'm slacking but I plan on breaking away from the tower at some point, Idk.

I know I'm going to probably come off as a prick when I say this. I somehow always do, so I apologize in advance.. it's not my intention.

The actions and behaviors of a Dhe'nar aren't solely characterized by not giggling, jumping or acting evil. If you did the research, you should know that the Dhe'nar are structured and ritualized in a very rich culture. The average Dhe'nar has many inflections that are bred through practice and guiding-- this is not to say that some have quirks and the like. Saying that you're not a giggle puff empath or a typical serious-face faendryl sorc isn't the same as calling yourself Dhe'nari because you know a few choice phrases and slap an insignia on cloth. Dhe'nar, IMO, inherit their traits from an early age and are elitist; I believe many people aren't able to play Dhe'nar as proposed by documentation because it can be a rigid role-play. However, from my experiences with Dhe'nar in the game and those that play the few that I would consider to be a model for others, it is amongst the most enjoyable role-play I've had in Prime. I wouldn't write the Tower off easily but invite you to immerse your character with other Dhe'nar and continue to evolve because the rewards can be great and OOC'ly it is a blast.

I think you would be a great benefit to the Tower as well. However, it is your character and as a player, your personal enjoyment in the game you pay for is paramount. :)

[Asha]

Prick!

[Some Rogue]

Nerds!

[Divinity]

Prick!

Twat!

[Fallen]

Aiz is a full member of the Tower.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sylvan Dreams
the well-played Dhe'nar that you've come across in game


This could well be the problem.

Hah! Love you too.

[Aizaraii]

@Divinity

My char is already in the tower. I know you can't be a true Dhe'nar with just a serious persona. I know that they're structured and rituals are important. I really did do research. She is an elitist, the thing w. her is that she's a schizo. One side has a [now] slightly controlled bloodlust, the other is the one always looking for the advancement of her and her bretheren more than anything. The latter became more prominent after she began to follow the path once more after having strayed. I won't always be reserved in game, I'll tolerate some things to a degree. But all that is a means to the end. I won't call it manipulation, but it's like playing chess. I'm picking and making pawns for my own benefit. If I have "allies" that I can use at will, then It'll be much more fun when storylines come around, as well as for the sake of day-to-day roleplay. The insignia, like I said, is like a hand-me-down. It wasn't hers. Aiz and Valistar were trying to get permission from the temple to be together, it was his but he was killed and it came to be in her possession.

[Divinity]

Aiz is a full member of the Tower.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sylvan Dreams
the well-played Dhe'nar that you've come across in game



Hah! Love you too.

Yes, I know.. however, she stated herself she's thinking about leaving it. :P

[Divinity]

Aiz - Backstory 02-23-2012 07:47 PM Naw. You usually come out sounding like a sandy vagina, not a prick.
Aiz - Backstory 02-23-2012 07:30 PM Cunt

Seriously? LOL

[audioserf]

Mo'fuckas bout to catch a Badlock beating in this b