What's the best I can do?

[SpunGirl]

I got a call from my dad about 2am this morning while I was at work, saying he was driving to Phoenix to catch a flight to Salt Lake City. My cousin Cortney, who is about a year younger than I am, is currently living there. He said he was going to meet my Aunt Kathy (her mom) at the airport there so they could go get Cortney out of her house and away from her boyfriend.

Now, the last time I saw Cort was last July when she was in my wedding. I was aware she was dating someone in SLC that her parent's didn't really like, but didn't know much else about him. She and I were always really close as kids, and while we don't see each other much, when we do, it's like we're right back where we left off.

Anyway, my dad said that this guy she was living with had gone completely nuts, throwing things and erasing her entire phone book from her cell phone, and forcing her to call her friends at home in California and say she couldn't talk to them anymore. She had called her mom while he was out of the house for a second and said she was really scared and wanted to get away.

When I spoke to my mom this morning when I got off work, she told me this had been going on for awhile - that this guy had also requested that she quit her job (which she did) and that she start taking all her college classes online instead of in the traditional format. It had gotten so bad that she couldn't even go to the grocery store by herself.

So... my mom called this afternoon, about two hours ago, to say that everything was OK. They kicked the guy out of the house (it's only in Cort's name) and made arrangements for him to return later when she's not there to get his stuff (under supervision). I told my dad to please relay to Cort that she could stay with Jake and I in Las Vegas for as long as she wanted if she just wanted to go somewhere else.

I guess the question I have is, what else can I do? I feel like I need to do something, and I feel bad for not being in touch with her more often. I realize that the few times (maybe 5?) that I've emailed her since the wedding she might not have been "allowed" to write back or whatever. I'm just thankful it didn't get worse and assholes like this guy, who think women are property, should die.

Advice?

-K

[Edaarin]

You've really done the most you can, short of leaving your job for awhile and flying out to go see here. While that would be a touching gesture, it's probably not possible without risking your job, and I'm sure you losing it wouldn't be something she wants over her head.

That guy sounds whacked.

[Kitsun]

You can use your mob influences at your casino rig to send out some guys to rough him up. Have them video tape it and send it to her. She'll feel better.

[SpunGirl]

LOL, Kitsun. Good idea;)

-K

[Artha]

Find embarassing pictures of the nutcase and put them on the internet.

[Snapp]

Originally posted by Kitsun
You can use your mob influences at your casino rig to send out some guys to rough him up. Have them video tape it and send it to her. She'll feel better.

Yeah, seriously. Send that "ex-CIA" guy after her. He sounds tough. :lol:

It sounds like you've done all you can really. Maybe give her a call and offer to talk if she needs it.

[i remember halloween]

a baseball bat can solve a lot of problems

[Chadj]

Originally posted by i remember halloween
a baseball bat can solve a lot of problems
Touché.

But they start problems too.

Trust me.

[Back]

Sounds like you are doing the most you can. From what she is coming from, she may want space, she may want constant reassurance... whichever, it sounds like shes in good hands the way you all have come to her aid. Good job.

[Artha]

Touché.

Did you just learn this word or something?

[Back]

Originally posted by Artha

Touché.

Did you just learn this word or something?

LOL. I was going to post about this but decided against it since it was such a positive topic. But now that a moderator has...

Now that you've found the accent key, find another response. Its getting boring.:D

[Artha]

I was going to post about this but decided against it since it was such a positive topic. But now that a moderator has...

I'm the edgy, in-your-face moderator.

[HarmNone]

Sounds like you are doing everything a good friend can do. You might want to give her a call over the weekend, after she has had some time to get things straight in her head. I am sure she would love to talk to you. Perhaps, when things have settled down, she will take you up on that offer to visit.

For the moment, if your parents have a computer, send her an e-card to let her know you love her. :)

HarmNone hopes things keep getting better for your cousin, Spun

[DeV]

I agree with HN, you're doing your part in helping to make your cousins living situation better. You have extended your home to her, and what more could someone ask for.
As for the boyfriend, I'd say leave him kneecap-less, a sturdy bat will do the job.

[crazymage]

so..whats her #

[Weedmage Princess]

Give Anticor the dude's address.

Heh, seriously though...I hope everything works out for your cousin. It's got to be harsh going through something like that. As far as you, I'll agree with the rest. Just let her know you're there for her....whatever it may be she needs, a place to stay or an ear to listen. If she really cared about the dude, another good thing you could probably do is not be judgemental of him. I mean clearly he's a piece of shit judging by the stuff you've said, however sometimes if you try to like...force your opinion, or not even force it, just constantly state your opinion about a person someone cares about...if it's negative, they'll just tune it out sometimes. You let them do all the talking, then they tend to realize on their own they're better off without them, and it lessens the chance of a reconciliation. (which considering the lengths your family is going to for her, I doubt anyone wants to see)

[SpunGirl]

I talked to my dad about an hour ago and he told me more about the day. The got an order of protection against the guy so he can't be at the house anymore. Cort took my dad and showed him every part of her house that he'd destroyed in some fit of rage... my dad said there were broken mirrors, broken doorframes, snapped hinges, holes in doors and in walls. I don't know if he ever hit her or not, and I didn't ask. I don't really want to know, to be honest.

I got to talk to her for a few seconds and we both cried. She said she felt really stupid for allowing something like this to happen, and I told her that no one cared and the only important thing was that she was safe. You're right, Weedie... it's hard not to say things about the guy who's such an asshole.

My dad said she told him, "he said he'd make my life miserable if I left him," and he was like, "well, aren't you miserable NOW?"

I guess we'll see what happens, she's moving back to CA on Saturday and selling her house. I give her a lot of credit for accepting the help that the family has given her, though, and having the guts to turn her world inside out in two days.

Plus, you guys are funny:)

-K

[DeV]

I have to agree Spun. It takes ALOT to accept help when your in a situation like that. Your cousin was brave and your family gets the thumbs up for stepping in. :clap:

[Delirium]

Yikes im glad shes moving away. The stuff about the guy sounds like the beginning of a Lifetime movie where the guy ends up killing the woman in the end. Hopefully once she moves it will be the last time you all ever hear of him.

[Caiylania]

I pretty much agree with whats been said. Just want to let you know I think you are a great person. I really hope she is able to get a good start on a her new life and that something horrid happens to that guy.

[Skirmisher]

Spun,

Helping others who are not ready to accept the help is one of the most difficult things there is. You and your family get high praises from me for biting the bullet and going and doing what needed to be done.

When people are not ready to accept the help you try to give sometimes you simply have to wait until they are.

The key thing is you all didnt give up and DID help her.

I was trying to remember something that your situation reminded me of and finaly did this morning and looked it up.

It has to do with helping people and sometimes not even being appreciated for it or the person is not ready to accept it.

Something called the Paradoxical Commandments.
http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/


The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith


People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.


You all showed what a good family does....they take the grumbling and denials and shoved them aside to help someone who clearly needed it. Doing so IS hard, or hell we would all do it all the time, and clearly we do not. So please do not look back and wonder if you should have known this or done that. You all have worked together and done that which was needed as a family and thats what matters.

My applause cannot be loud enough to show my approval and happiness to see such familes at work.

My congratulations and continued good wishes for her moving on from such a horrible time in her life.

[DeV]

I like those commandments Skirm. Such truth, and words to live by as well.

[SpunGirl]

I really liked that list as well, Skirmisher, thanks for posting it!

-K

[Souzy]

Holy crap! Your family has done everything they can. That is cool though. Some people don't get support like that. I really hope she doesn't try to take him back, even if he comes groveling back. That guy is totally insane.

Edited to say, if he decides to stalk her and shit, tell her to get a restraining order, cos he sounds REALLY crazy.

[Edited on 6-20-2004 by Lalana]

[SpunGirl]

As of today, her shit is packed up and she's on her way back to California with her mom. Her house is on the market and my dad is back home.

She got an order of protection so he can't come near her or the house. Apparently they found out yesterday that he also took 5 or 6 credit cards in her name and ran 'em way up. I feel so bad for her... hopefully he doesn't turn up in California.

-K