New neighborhood Douchebag [Archive] - The Gemstone IV Players' Corner

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 09:07 AM

So, I was confronted by a neighbor about my dog shitting on his lawn. I simply laughed at him and watched him slink back into his house... so I thought that was it.

We had a bunch of our nice neighbors over this weekend for a party and the stories started flowing. I guess he goes knocking on the doors of people during the day (when it's just the wife at home) and he confronts them for the same thing. He even called Animal Services on one neighbor who's dog he claimed came across on his lawn by 6" and took a shit.

Mind you, their lawn is probably the worst looking lawn on the block, so it's not like he's just crazy about his lawn. He has no kids, so it's not that either.

Last night, a couple of twin 5 year old boys were going from door to door selling popcorn or something.. cute kids with their parents waiting on the sidewalk and letting them do the work. They got to his door, rang the bell... he opens the door looks down at them, looks at the parents and slams the door in their face.

Now.. I could do the mature thing.. go over there and just talk it out.. but I think it's past that. First, I don't think I could do it with a straight face when he starts screaming again.. and second, he doesn't deserve my best behavior.

So now, we have 3 guys that want to do something to his lawn. Believe it or not.. I've been the voice of reason.. as they have offered suggestions of putting lawn killer on his lawn and spelling out words.. to pouring gas on his lawn. I'm looking for something less permanent.. but something that will piss him off just the same.

I'm thinking of putting signs in his lawn that say "Dog Park here, please leave your dog feces here, we are collecting them" to forking the shit out of his lawn with plastic forks.

Any other suggestions?

Sam

10-03-2011, 09:26 AM

Any other suggestions?

pics and/or video footage

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 09:29 AM

pics and/or video footage

Yea.. isn't that how people get caught.. and then everyone calls them so stupid for doing that?

Yea.. on the advice of my lawyer (one of the guys I'm doing this with), that won't be happening.

Gravebane525

10-03-2011, 09:37 AM

I know you said your trying to stay away from permanent things, but motor oil words alot better then gas when it comes to killing things and not growing back.

non permanent options...

its starting to get cold out here. if the leaves are not done falling maybe filling his yard with leaves? over and over again? alittle extra meaness be to hide some of your dogs presents in the leaves.

depending on where you live theres also the option of transporting in some larger (cow horse ext) droppings to litter his yard with. though you would really need a pickup and time for that one.

I'd try and stick to something natural though. all those plastic forks waisted would be bad for the environment and might be concidered littering it the guy can prove it was you.

WRoss

10-03-2011, 09:37 AM

to pouring gas on his lawn

Do not do this. Depending on where you are, this could be a decent criminal charge.

If you really wanted to fuck with him, you could get some kudzu and plant it in his yard. There is also an African species that grows about 10x as fast as kudzu.

Warriorbird

10-03-2011, 09:41 AM

His cat must pay!

Fallen

10-03-2011, 10:03 AM

Just go with the old classics. Silly foam, TP, and eggs. Blame it on punk kids.

Hulkein

10-03-2011, 10:12 AM

Not to be the voice of reason but I probably would just leave the guy alone. Trust me, he sounds like a total clown who probably deserves to be messed with, but it's not worth it if you get caught or he is deranged, flips a switch and kills someone with his stockpile of automatic weapons that he polishes every night in his underwear.

AnticorRifling

10-03-2011, 10:16 AM

Dress up like a boy scout and try and sell him popcorn over and over. Take turns doing it.

JustDan

10-03-2011, 10:17 AM

For my money, a little spray paint or Sharpie action goes a long way. You get the same deniability (blame it on punk kids), and you can make it a lot more embarrassing depending on what you write.

"Sex Offender" in bright red on the driveway might be a good starting point.

WRoss

10-03-2011, 10:44 AM

Back

10-03-2011, 10:58 AM

Damn you people are vicious.

The calm and cool head prevails, PB. Invite him over for beers with the guys and talk it out.

If that does not work throw a block party and do not invite him.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 11:08 AM

Dress up like a boy scout and try and sell him popcorn over and over. Take turns doing it.

This is what I'm talking about. That's a fucking awesome idea that I may just have to do.

Damn you people are vicious.

The calm and cool head prevails, PB. Invite him over for beers with the guys and talk it out.

If that does not work throw a block party and do not invite him.

Yea, I can't believe I'm the one that seems to be taking the mature side. My lawyer neighbor is leaning towards grass killer.. I'm like "WTF, You are a lawyer.. why would you put yourself in that type of legal position".. and his response is how good of a lawyer he is....

Hulkein

10-03-2011, 11:13 AM

Anticor's idea is pretty hilarious.

Buckwheet

10-03-2011, 11:14 AM

Who gives a shit about the rest of this, I want to know did your dog actually take a shit in his yard?

Did you remove it if so?

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 11:17 AM

Who gives a shit about the rest of this, I want to know did your dog actually take a shit in his yard?

Did you remove it if so?

No.. I can't seem to get my dog to want to shit in his yard.. much to my disappointment.

He didn't confront me because he saw dog shit and wanted to know if my dog did it.. he confronted me because I have a dog and wanted to make sure I was aware of his policy.

He's got a severe Napoleonic Complex.

Buckwheet

10-03-2011, 11:36 AM

Oh in that case, game on.

Pay someone on craigslist through a friend or something with cash to tear his shingles off.

Happened to a neighbor of mine.

Tsk Tsk

10-03-2011, 11:48 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk6M1gqV-0A

Gelston

10-03-2011, 12:50 PM

I'd just ignore him. Fucking with him won't make him any less a douchebag.

Tgo01

10-03-2011, 01:02 PM

Have everyone in the neighborhood take a shit on his lawn.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 01:09 PM

Have everyone in the neighborhood take a shit on his lawn.

It's been mentioned.

I'm probably just going to simply start emptying my dog shit bags on his lawn and watch him freak out. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't come knock on my door... given our last "discussion".

Vindicate

10-03-2011, 01:12 PM

Freeze Roundup as ice cubes - toss into his yard at night.

Atlanteax

10-03-2011, 01:17 PM

(scratched poor joke of an idea)

WRoss

10-03-2011, 01:20 PM

Freeze Roundup as ice cubes - toss into his yard at night.

This can get you in a shit ton of legal trouble, especially if there are kids in the neighborhood.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 01:32 PM

This can get you in a shit ton of legal trouble, especially if there are kids in the neighborhood.

Yea... I'm not looking to cause any property damage or injury. I just want him to know he's an asshole and that we know he's an asshole.

Paradii

10-03-2011, 01:49 PM

Yea... I'm not looking to cause any property damage or injury. I just want him to know he's an asshole and that we know he's an asshole.

How ironic.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 02:03 PM

How ironic.

I'm only an asshole to really, really stupid people. It's a character flaw.. sorry. It's completely understandable why you would see me as an asshole though.

Hey, imagine if you spent more time working and less time illustrating how stupid you are on the Internet.. you could make more than 19K a year.

Oh wait.. let me guess.. 4 year "plan".

Jack

10-03-2011, 02:29 PM

AnticorRifling

10-03-2011, 02:31 PM

I don't have kids or a particularly nice yard, but I still expect people to have the common courtesy to pick up their dog's shit if they go in my yard. Does this make me a neighborhood douche, or just a normal person?

That's normal.

Do you go up to someone who's walking their dog (dog is not currently shitting) that they had better pick up their dog shit and it had better not be on your yard?

I let them go about their business because most pet owners don't need me yelling at them before their pet has done anything. If they don't pick it up then sure be an ass, but prior, then you're just a douche.

Paradii

10-03-2011, 02:45 PM

I'm only an asshole to really, really stupid people. It's a character flaw.. sorry. It's completely understandable why you would see me as an asshole though.

Hey, imagine if you spent more time working and less time illustrating how stupid you are on the Internet.. you could make more than 19K a year.

Oh wait.. let me guess.. 4 year "plan".

Start a poll to see whom the general populace thinks is more of a retard. You or myself. I have a feeling you won't like the results.

And I doubt that I am that well respected.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 02:56 PM

Start a poll to see whom the general populace thinks is more of a retard. You or myself. I have a feeling you won't like the results.

Feel free.. unlike you, I don't worry about what people on the Internet think.

And I doubt that I am that well respected.

You could have left off almost half of those words and been far more accurate.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 02:58 PM

I don't have kids or a particularly nice yard, but I still expect people to have the common courtesy to pick up their dog's shit if they go in my yard. Does this make me a neighborhood douche, or just a normal person?

He never talked to me about picking up shit in his yard.. he simply wanted to "warn" me that he doesn't allow dogs to shit in his yard.. whether you pick it up or not. I laughed in his face and he stormed off.

My issue with him being a douche is going door to door and confronting housewives about the same thing... and calling Animal Control on neighbors... and being a prick to little kids who knock on his door. Those are the traits that make him a douchebag in my mind.

subzero

10-03-2011, 04:43 PM

Damn you people are vicious.

The calm and cool head prevails, PB. Invite him over for beers with the guys and talk it out.

If that does not work throw a block party and do not invite him.

Sounds like the dude is a frosty cunt. I don't think this works, even if you could get him to come over.

Yea... I'm not looking to cause any property damage or injury. I just want him to know he's an asshole and that we know he's an asshole.

I'd keep the shit flowin on his yard. Assholes and shit just go together, ya know? Plus, if his yard sucks, it could almost be said you're trying to help him out a bit. If he complains that it's not "composted", tell him to run over it with the lawn mower.

Liagala

10-03-2011, 04:53 PM

Put a gigantic sign on your lawn about half an inch away from the property line that reads, "DON'T LET YOUR DOG POOP IN THIS GUY'S YARD" or something equally helpful. Include big arrows pointing to his house. You may want to include a picture of a pooping dog with a big red X through it, since he seems to believe that no pet owners nearby are smart enough to figure it out. Get the neighbor on the other side to do it too.

Then take Anticor's suggestion.

Cephalopod

10-03-2011, 04:59 PM

I tried and tried to find an animated GIF of the scene in Me, Myself and Irene where Jim Carey takes a dump on the neighbors lawn while reading a newspaper. The internet has failed me.

Lord Orbstar

10-03-2011, 05:07 PM

How about apologizing for letting your dog shit on his lawn and clean it up. that is the way u shouldve handled it.

So, I was confronted by a neighbor about my dog shitting on his lawn. I simply laughed at him and watched him slink back into his house... so I thought that was it.

We had a bunch of our nice neighbors over this weekend for a party and the stories started flowing. I guess he goes knocking on the doors of people during the day (when it's just the wife at home) and he confronts them for the same thing. He even called Animal Services on one neighbor who's dog he claimed came across on his lawn by 6" and took a shit.

Mind you, their lawn is probably the worst looking lawn on the block, so it's not like he's just crazy about his lawn. He has no kids, so it's not that either.

Last night, a couple of twin 5 year old boys were going from door to door selling popcorn or something.. cute kids with their parents waiting on the sidewalk and letting them do the work. They got to his door, rang the bell... he opens the door looks down at them, looks at the parents and slams the door in their face.

Now.. I could do the mature thing.. go over there and just talk it out.. but I think it's past that. First, I don't think I could do it with a straight face when he starts screaming again.. and second, he doesn't deserve my best behavior.

So now, we have 3 guys that want to do something to his lawn. Believe it or not.. I've been the voice of reason.. as they have offered suggestions of putting lawn killer on his lawn and spelling out words.. to pouring gas on his lawn. I'm looking for something less permanent.. but something that will piss him off just the same.

I'm thinking of putting signs in his lawn that say "Dog Park here, please leave your dog feces here, we are collecting them" to forking the shit out of his lawn with plastic forks.

Any other suggestions?

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 05:12 PM

I tried and tried to find an animated GIF of the scene in Me, Myself and Irene where Jim Carey takes a dump on the neighbors lawn while reading a newspaper. The internet has failed me.

Heh.. I was thinking about the guy from "Saving Silverman"

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 05:15 PM

How about apologizing for letting your dog shit on his lawn and clean it up. that is the way u shouldve handled it.

http://forum.gsplayers.com/showpost.php?p=1341592&postcount=32

Sean

10-03-2011, 05:40 PM

Where do the property lines start and stop in your neighborhood, and do the neighbors mind having signs in their yards with arrows pointnig to his?

Gsgeek

10-03-2011, 05:57 PM

Feel free to screw with this guy, but from what you described he already sounds somewhat imbalanced and not quite all there. As someone else mentioned, you never know when you'll run into some nut case who owns a weapon and who has no sense of what is right or wrong. No need to be afraid or whatever with him, but also no reason to antagonize him and set him off even more either. Seems like every neighborhood always has that one neighbor everyone avoids or has nothing to do with if at all possible.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 06:02 PM

Where do the property lines start and stop in your neighborhood, and do the neighbors mind having signs in their yards with arrows pointnig to his?

Most of the properties are right next to each other... only ones that aren't either have a fence or common grounds. He lives in the cul-de-sac up from mine.. so we're not exactly next door neighbors. If I put a sign anywhere, it would be directly on his property.

Tgo01

10-03-2011, 06:08 PM

How about apologizing for letting your dog shit on his lawn and clean it up. that is the way u shouldve handled it.

Clean up that imaginary shit or else!

3271

Some Rogue

10-03-2011, 06:13 PM

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a64/lrenzo2/triumph.jpg

"This looks like a good yard....FOR ME TO POOP ON!"

Sam

10-03-2011, 06:17 PM

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oLmI-mN9QG0/STW0ai_im0I/AAAAAAAAAIo/oisnTRFKRJA/s400/dexter.jpg

Ceyrin

10-03-2011, 06:22 PM

Sign him up for as many different forms of solicitation as possible.

Also, the kudzu thing is pretty awesome.

Not that flordia needs help with that... crab grass is indigenous and fairly persistent.

Gelston

10-03-2011, 06:51 PM

Watch out with the signs, I knew someone that was charged with defamation of character for something similar.

AnticorRifling

10-03-2011, 06:52 PM

I think you mean defecation of character.

Thickbeard

10-03-2011, 07:01 PM

Ceyrin

10-03-2011, 07:19 PM

Step 1: Get friends to shit and piss in bucket.
Step 2: Ferment piss and shit mixture for at least one week.
Step 3: Wait until neighbor leaves car door unlocked, then pour fermented shit and piss on driver's seat.
Step 4: LOL

Step 5: Forenzics analyze piss and shit mixture for DNA evidence and all parties involved are arrested.
Step 6: Go to court
Step 7: Get convicted of a crime.
Step 8: Go to jail

Tgo01

10-03-2011, 07:19 PM

Step 1: Get friends to shit and piss in bucket.
Step 2: Ferment piss and shit mixture for at least one week.
Step 3: Wait until neighbor leaves car door unlocked, then pour fermented shit and piss on driver's seat.
Step 4: LOL

Nothing like storing and handling a bucket full of your friends' shit and piss for a week to show someone how stupid he is.

Parkbandit

10-03-2011, 07:51 PM

Nothing like storing and handling a bucket full of your friends' shit and piss for a week to show someone how stupid he is.

LOL.

Exactly.

waywardgs

10-03-2011, 10:16 PM

Yea... I'm not looking to cause any property damage or injury. I just want him to know he's an asshole and that we know he's an asshole.

Tell him?

Ceyrin

10-03-2011, 10:20 PM

Tell him?

Send him a hallmark card.

Nothing conveys emotion and sentiment like a hallmark card.

Skeeter

10-03-2011, 10:27 PM

put a for sale sign in his yard. over and over and over and over...

He'll get the message.

Gelston

10-03-2011, 11:07 PM

Cover his yard with reelect Obama signs.

Stanley Burrell

10-03-2011, 11:52 PM

Befriend him under false pretenses. Then see what's really up.

Other than that, don't draw inspiration this loudly.

Back

10-04-2011, 12:02 AM

Send him a hallmark card.

Nothing conveys emotion and sentiment like a hallmark card.

Haha. Thats not a bad idea. Have everyone in the neighborhood sign it saying they are sorry, stick it in a big basket of flowers on his front porch, and hide until he comes out and sees it.

waywardgs

10-04-2011, 12:09 AM

Haha. Thats not a bad idea. Have everyone in the neighborhood sign it saying they are sorry, stick it in a big basket of flowers on his front porch, and hide until he comes out and sees it.

Ah yes, the ol' reverse burning shit bag.

4a6c1

10-04-2011, 12:15 AM

Plant asparagus fern in his yard. All it takes is a single tiny piece to do it. It's a beautiful plant but INVASIVE and grows quickly. In the end not expensive... just a minor pain in the ass to get all the rhizomes out of the soil by hand. It's called the Julius Ceasar of the perennials. Fitting for your Napolean.

Should look like this.

http://www.tgcfernsoc.org/pics%5CAsparagus_sprengeri.jpg

RSR

10-04-2011, 02:02 AM

Sneak into his yard late at night and dig him a penis shaped pond.

It should look like this:
http://i1214.photobucket.com/albums/cc497/GoldenTabor/landpic.jpg

-Richard.

TheEschaton

10-04-2011, 02:20 AM

As your PC legal advice, I'd say don't do anything except send him a c&d letter about harassing people who aren't doing anything to him.

You really don't need a neighborhood douchebag being the reason for a criminal record, and last I checked, "He's a real douchebag" isn't a defense for most crimes.

4a6c1

10-04-2011, 01:12 PM

Sneak into his yard late at night and dig him a penis shaped pond.

It should look like this:
http://i1214.photobucket.com/albums/cc497/GoldenTabor/landpic.jpg

-Richard.

My plan is better because it has evil plants and no canadians.

Suppa Hobbit Mage

10-04-2011, 01:29 PM

Salting the lawn will kill it better than anything, if that's your intention.

Personally, I'd just ignore him unless he was bothering my wife/GF or worrying others. Why stir things up with someone who may be having other issues in his life that you aren't aware of. Hopefully he comes around and says he knows he was an ass and that's it.

Also, it doesn't matter where you live, there is always some asshole on your street. Just be glad he's not worse.