Gan
05-31-2004, 02:09 PM
Got this sent to me today, too funny not to share... (political satire)
_____________________________
This fall, the Metropolitan Opera is presenting an opera commemorating Bill
Clinton's experiences during his eight years in the White House.
Composed by Giuliani Veritas (in Italian), it was originally commissioned by
Jesse Helms in conjunction with the National Endowment for the Arts:
LA BUBBA VITA, by Giuliani Veritas
Act I. The Situation: Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United
States over George Bush, the Elder. The Republicans are devastated, angry
and are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the
opera, the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr with the object of
trying to find a way to remove Clinton from the Presidency.
Opening chorale, "We Must Find a Way" (Creato grandissimo floozi scandala)
is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom DeLay sings "Where
Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimbo).
The House Republicans exit. Paula Jones enters stage right with a mirror,
singing her plaintive "Why Can't I Find a Man?" (Mia schnozola es humongo).
Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and
sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La floozi perfecta).
They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in
hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years
earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. DeLay and Gingrich
offer to help. They sing the aria "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo
e'rewardo).
Act II. The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's
revelations. They sing in jubilation "We Must Tell the World" (Fono
tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing
the chorale "Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi).
Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet "He Must Go"
(Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertson offers time on his television program
to expose the charges. At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula
initiates a lawsuit. The Paula Jones scandal becomes the topic of
conversation throughout the country.
The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant gran
chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola).
Ken Starr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing
the aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo, la media succisttuppo).
Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the
Congress. He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, il
probo la floozy epidemio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must
Do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola!) as the act ends.
Act III. In Scene 1, Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr.
She is wearing a headset and singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend" (Io sono
la wiccida witchi occidenta).
She tells Starr about the secret tapes that she has of conversations with
Monica Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and sings "We've Got Him Now"
(Presidente droppopantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call
Monica as a witness.
In Scene 2, Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers
asks her questions. They sing the recitative "How Did It Happen?" (Panti
thongo, la flashi). Monica sings the long, passionate aria "We Were Meant
for Each Other" (Nonsmoko El Pruducto, Phalli symboglio).
In Scene 3, Hillary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom talking
about the revelations about Monica. Hillary sings "I Will Stand By You" (Tu
jercho estupido, io removo tu equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the
Only One" (Non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimbo forgetta).
They embrace!
Act IV. Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building The
Chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde sings the aria "We Believe in
something" (Impeaccho hippi bastardo). Donaldson sings a recitative in
answer, "We Want Only the Truth" (Toupee eslippo).
The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public opinion
polls showing that the President has a 76% public approval rating by singing
the poignant aria "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia repubblico
commitini suicido). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale "Principles
Come First" (Mi adultero non conto).
With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom DeLay stand before
the Senate to present their case. They sing "How Can You Not Convict?"
(Evidenso multi flimsioso).
Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the Good of
the Nation, We Must Acquit" (Senatorios non stupido.) After the vote is
announced, Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay, Trent Lott and Bill McCollum leave the
Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still Know theTruth" (Wasto
multi millioni) as the act ends.
Epilogue. President Clinton sings the contrite aria "I Am Very Sorry"
(Revengo futuro furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their
questions. They sing "Who Will Now Believe Us?" (Publicca desgustanta es in
media).
Monica Lewinsky strolls across the stage on the arm of her new literary
agent, Ken Starr. They sing a stirring duet, "It is Still Not Over"
(Publishi grande bucchi, conto multi, multi dollare millioni) as the curtain
falls
_____________________________
This fall, the Metropolitan Opera is presenting an opera commemorating Bill
Clinton's experiences during his eight years in the White House.
Composed by Giuliani Veritas (in Italian), it was originally commissioned by
Jesse Helms in conjunction with the National Endowment for the Arts:
LA BUBBA VITA, by Giuliani Veritas
Act I. The Situation: Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United
States over George Bush, the Elder. The Republicans are devastated, angry
and are trying to find their way back to power. As the curtain rises on the
opera, the House Republicans are meeting with Ken Starr with the object of
trying to find a way to remove Clinton from the Presidency.
Opening chorale, "We Must Find a Way" (Creato grandissimo floozi scandala)
is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative, Tom DeLay sings "Where
Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi uppulia una Granda Bimbo).
The House Republicans exit. Paula Jones enters stage right with a mirror,
singing her plaintive "Why Can't I Find a Man?" (Mia schnozola es humongo).
Tom DeLay and Newt Gingrich enter from the other wing. They spot Paula and
sing the duet "Why Not Her?" (La floozi perfecta).
They meet and take Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in
hushed tones. Paula tells them of her meeting in a hotel with Clinton years
earlier and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. DeLay and Gingrich
offer to help. They sing the aria "Your Luck has Changed" (Nozjobbo
e'rewardo).
Act II. The House Republicans reconvene with the news of Paula's
revelations. They sing in jubilation "We Must Tell the World" (Fono
tabloido). The rear curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing
the chorale "Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexio scandala hypo sweepi).
Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet "He Must Go"
(Hypocriti pious crappola). Robertson offers time on his television program
to expose the charges. At the House Republicans' suggestion, Paula
initiates a lawsuit. The Paula Jones scandal becomes the topic of
conversation throughout the country.
The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant gran
chorale "We Must do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola).
Ken Starr meets with the House Republicans to plan the next steps. They sing
the aria "We Will Save the Country" (Sleezi connivo, la media succisttuppo).
Starr promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the
Congress. He sings "The Truth Will be Known" (Whitewater non starto, il
probo la floozy epidemio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a reprise of "We Must
Do Our Duty" (Multi, multi grande moola!) as the act ends.
Act III. In Scene 1, Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr.
She is wearing a headset and singing "Monica is My Dearest Friend" (Io sono
la wiccida witchi occidenta).
She tells Starr about the secret tapes that she has of conversations with
Monica Lewinsky. Starr takes them from her and sings "We've Got Him Now"
(Presidente droppopantaloni). Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call
Monica as a witness.
In Scene 2, Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers
asks her questions. They sing the recitative "How Did It Happen?" (Panti
thongo, la flashi). Monica sings the long, passionate aria "We Were Meant
for Each Other" (Nonsmoko El Pruducto, Phalli symboglio).
In Scene 3, Hillary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom talking
about the revelations about Monica. Hillary sings "I Will Stand By You" (Tu
jercho estupido, io removo tu equippamento). Bill replies with "She Was the
Only One" (Non conto Gennifer, Paula, piu multi bimbo forgetta).
They embrace!
Act IV. Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building The
Chorus of Lawyers hums in the background. Hyde sings the aria "We Believe in
something" (Impeaccho hippi bastardo). Donaldson sings a recitative in
answer, "We Want Only the Truth" (Toupee eslippo).
The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public opinion
polls showing that the President has a 76% public approval rating by singing
the poignant aria "What is Right is Not Popular" (Partia repubblico
commitini suicido). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the chorale "Principles
Come First" (Mi adultero non conto).
With great flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCullom and Tom DeLay stand before
the Senate to present their case. They sing "How Can You Not Convict?"
(Evidenso multi flimsioso).
Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the Good of
the Nation, We Must Acquit" (Senatorios non stupido.) After the vote is
announced, Henry Hyde, Tom DeLay, Trent Lott and Bill McCollum leave the
Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We Still Know theTruth" (Wasto
multi millioni) as the act ends.
Epilogue. President Clinton sings the contrite aria "I Am Very Sorry"
(Revengo futuro furioso) as the Chorus of Media circles him, shouting their
questions. They sing "Who Will Now Believe Us?" (Publicca desgustanta es in
media).
Monica Lewinsky strolls across the stage on the arm of her new literary
agent, Ken Starr. They sing a stirring duet, "It is Still Not Over"
(Publishi grande bucchi, conto multi, multi dollare millioni) as the curtain
falls