Dealing With the "sickness"

[Hasina]

I sit in front of the computer, my cheeks stained with tears. My heart feels solid and heavy, yet empty. My stomach burns, my head pounds, I feel unbalanced. I have the sickness, one which no medicine can cure... One which is fueled by a cruel sense of hope. I have... A broken heart.

For the passed 8 months, I have spent few nights alone. For the passed 8 months I have spent nearly 24 hours a day with one man. A man who I love dearly.. a man who once told me he loved me to. Though I can honestly say, he did not treat me well. My friends knew it, he knew it, i knew it... I believe it is only because he lacks an understand about life. In many ways, he is yet to become a man. And thus, I set him free.

I could no longer bare to be a babysitter. I could no longer bare to give him everything and watch my greatest efforts ignored. When he was sad, I made him laugh. When he was angry, I made him calm. When he was alone, I gave him friendship. And now, after all this time... We have gone on a break.

I cannot say if I will want him back, if he chooses to come back. I cannot say even if he will come back. My friends and his friends tell me he'd be an idiot not to. In fact, his friends turn to me for help instead of him.

But I am running off... I do not know what to do with myself now. So much time has been investd in him... that now... I am alone... I am having a horrible time dealing with the pain... I feel as though my hope of change torments me. And I do know that time heals all, but I cannot handle the pain at this crucial point in my life.

Any suggestions of how to make myself feel better? Because frankly... I can't help myself right. :violin:

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Go hang with your friends, get out of the house

[Hasina]

I've been hanging out with friends. I spent all of yesterday (the day it happened) out and today will be a girls night.

it's just hard because they keep bringing him up.

[DeV]

It sucks to feel this way. Sometimes love is hard to get over, especially when you feel you've given so much to a relationship only to have to walk away from it.
Your heart is heavy, probably feels like its gonna burst from all the love, anger, and confusion of ending a relationship where you spent alot of time with the person you cared so much about.
Keep your head up, surround yourself with love from friends and family, and remember that you WILL love and be loved again.

[DeV]

I think you should also gorge yourself on your favorite ice cream...make you feel alot better

[Hasina]

Actually.. I haven't been eatting at all..
But here's the thing.. he tells me I'm still important and that he just needs a lot of space right now. I know there is no other woman. I know he's stressed. He tells me he hopes we work out for the better or some shit like that. And that going on a break is the next best thing we can do.

he's got a lot of shit to do.

And I know I did the right thing by ending it with him. He wasn't sure that was what he wanted... Then again. he's never sure of anything.

[DeV]

Sounds like he has some growing up to do. Usually when your not sure of things alot times its because your unsure of yourself. Perhaps some inner growth on his part is in order.

[Wezas]

Gemstone.

Lots and Lots of Gemstone.

(I was going to use the violin, but she already used it :( )

So wait...you broke up with him or he brok eup with you?

[Hasina]

I broke up with him. But I didn't want to. It's difficult to explain. Basically... he was stupid. He didn't know what he had. He still doesn't. I needed to wake him up. If not for my sake.. for his own. He treated everyone like shit, especially me.

I needed to let him know that what he was doing was not alright.

For example:

Me: Pavel, Can I have a kiss? (After i just woke my ass up, drove him to his university 3 hours before i usually get up. Dropped him off. Went to work. Rushed on my lunch break to pick him up and take him to my house where I would cook for him)

Pavel: What if I don't feel like giving you a kiss now. What if I feel like giving you a kiss in 10 minutes.

Me: What makes you think I'll want one then....


Everything revolved around him. He's one of those Benz and rims type of guys who thinks that their car is the best thing in the world. I love cars.. I worked on his denali for probably 80 hours while we were together... Be basically... everything is just an accessory to him and his car. Apparently including me.

Okay. Gotcha. Step 1:

Move out of seattle. It sucks ass.

[Hasina]

it's not seattle that sucks... just the men

I respectfully disagree. This whole state is le sux

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Sounds like you did the right thing, any man who gets spoiled like that and doesn't appreciate it, never will I don't think. Sounds like he wants a maid and driver, not a girlfriend.

[Hasina]

OH SHIT OH SHIT. He called me. He's like, "are you avioding me" and I'm not. He asked me to a movie. I told him it was to soon. Then he wouldn't let me off the phone. I was fighting the urge to burst so hard... I just wanted to cry like crazy.

My heart is going to burst.... Why does he have to call me. We just broke up. Give me a few days................

[Galleazzo]

I dunno, the one time I was in Seattle it was nice weather, and looking at Rainier is kinda cool. Not a bad town.

Let's look at this another angle. Hasina, you say you spent nearly 24 hours a day with this guy for 8 months. So short of work your whole life was this guy?

No guy likes that. NO guy likes that. They feel like you're being clingy and they feel squished, and they get to think you don't want them doing anything without you, hanging with their own friends or any of that stuff.

So what you need next time out is boundaries. Even if you live together, have two nights a week where you do your thing with your friends and he does his with his own. Realize it's okay if he got interests you don't and likewise.

The other thing is get a grip. Let's say he really is an asshole who used you, treated you like a dirtrag and all of that (though I'd kinda like to hear specifics, or hear his side of it, 'cause I bet there's more than one story there). So what took you so long? Why did you love a guy so intensely who treated you like shit? If you were everything to him and he was nothing to you, what made you stick around?

[Galleazzo]

Originally posted by Hasina
OH SHIT OH SHIT. He called me. He's like, "are you avioding me" and I'm not. He asked me to a movie. I told him it was to soon. Then he wouldn't let me off the phone. I was fighting the urge to burst so hard... I just wanted to cry like crazy.

My heart is going to burst.... Why does he have to call me. We just broke up. Give me a few days................ Because he felt like calling you. And what do you mean he wouldn't let you off the phone? You got the phone in your hands, gal, just plain hang up. Don't got to talk to anyone you don't want to talk to.

Yeah I know you're hurting, but you're gonna be a tool as long as you keep doing the melodrama stuff. This is your life. You got control of it. Use that control.

[Mint]

Originally posted by Galleazzo
I dunno, the one time I was in Seattle it was nice weather, and looking at Rainier is kinda cool. Not a bad town.

:clap::clap::clap:

(the rest of your post made sense too but this was my favorite part)

[Hasina]

Originally posted by Galleazzo
I dunno, the one time I was in Seattle it was nice weather, and looking at Rainier is kinda cool. Not a bad town.

Let's look at this another angle. Hasina, you say you spent nearly 24 hours a day with this guy for 8 months. So short of work your whole life was this guy?

No guy likes that. NO guy likes that. They feel like you're being clingy and they feel squished, and they get to think you don't want them doing anything without you, hanging with their own friends or any of that stuff.

So what you need next time out is boundaries. Even if you live together, have two nights a week where you do your thing with your friends and he does his with his own. Realize it's okay if he got interests you don't and likewise.

The other thing is get a grip. Let's say he really is an asshole who used you, treated you like a dirtrag and all of that (though I'd kinda like to hear specifics, or hear his side of it, 'cause I bet there's more than one story there). So what took you so long? Why did you love a guy so intensely who treated you like shit? If you were everything to him and he was nothing to you, what made you stick around?


Actually... He was clingy. I wasn't. He would stay night after night.. i wouldn't. If I stayed there.. I'd go home the next day.. he'd come with me.

When problems hit.. I said, "don't you think we need more time apart"... he said he DIDN'T want that and that it wouldn't solve anything.

When I would tell him that *I* was busy, *he'd* be like, "i guess i'll just be bored" or guilt trip me until i took him along.

Further more... I've *always* had barings on my life. I've always been the master. No one has *ever* gotten under my skin like he. And I still have an exterior of control. People don't see me crying. He doesn't. And if he did.. he'd ask me to stop because the few times i cried.... that's what he did.

Anyways... i am still in control... but it's hard... because underneath I feel as though I want to crumble. Just stay in bed and never leave it again.

I needed a release... I needed to talk to someone... so i decided to do it here.


And I don't know why I love him. I've always had that characteristic about me. I'm loyal. I keep trying to stick through it.. and I'm even loyal and waiting now.

It took 2 years of torture from my old best friend before i stopped talking to her.. and she really tried to fuck my life up. I just kept cleaning up the messes and supressing myself.

I don't know where i get it.

[Myshel]

"After a While"

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.

After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure . . .
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn . . .

With every goodbye you learn.

by Veronica A. Shoffstall

[AnticorRifling]

You didn't break up with a guy you broke up with a puppy. All the traits you mentioned he possessed are the same ones my dog has.

Leave him in the past, never look back. For the next one take your time and find someone that's not a 6yr old emotional asshat.

[Weedmage Princess]

All I can say is time heals all. You might not have all the answers you're looking for now, but you will. However, that's little to no solace for what you're feeling now. Sometimes, doing the right thing hurts...but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing. That's something you need to search your heart and decide, though.

Either way, hope everything works out for you.

[DianaBanana]

I went out with a guy for 5 years and then finally one day, I did what was right and broke up with him. It took awhile to get over it, but you do and life goes on.

Now I'm currently getting over the last one, but each time it hurts less and less. Everytime I feel down I just remind myself, there really are plenty of other fish in the sea.

[CrystalTears]

As much as it hurts, at least you took charge and did something about it now while you don't have legal ties or children, or stayed together for a few years and then felt that it was all wasted time and effort later on.

Everytime I feel down I just remind myself, there really are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Then theres me and Tijay Aka the brothas. We come around, drink your juice, eat your food, dirty your carpets, ruin your credit, smack your father, stab your brother, give you the best sex of your life and then leave 3 years and 2 kids later.

[Galleazzo]

Originally posted by RangerD1
Then theres me and Tijay Aka the brothas. We come around, drink your juice, eat your food, dirty your carpets, ruin your credit, smack your father, stab your brother, give you the best sex of your life and then leave 3 years and 2 kids later. That is when you can get it up after drinking a half-case a day.

:lol:

[Galleazzo]

Originally posted by Mint

Originally posted by Galleazzo
I dunno, the one time I was in Seattle it was nice weather, and looking at Rainier is kinda cool. Not a bad town.

:clap::clap::clap:

(the rest of your post made sense too but this was my favorite part) Man, I mean it, Mint darlin', Rainier was real cool. Kinda like a matte painting in the sky all the time. I hung over the rail of the motel in SeaTac (HoJos I think) for maybe an hour staring at it. Ain't no town could be all bad with a sight like that. Good for your soul.

Only problem is getting chow. I was right on a main drag (509?) and maybe 1 joint in 3 was a sushi place. Damn I like my fish cooked!

:pizza:

[Souzy]

Break ups suck, you've only been together 8 mo.? I think I heard someone say it takes you half the time you was with that person to get over them? So another 2 years for me, LOL. The problem was, I knew it wasn't going to work out with us, but I dragged it on, cos I didn't wanna give up. Him being my first love and ex-fiance of 6 years. So, it was a great deal of time invested in something that was NEVER going to work out. So, it's better that you cut it off now, then draggin' it on longer than it has too. It's just gonna irritate you more and stress you out.

And what Anticor said. You really was baby sitting. My God! Could he be on your ass more then he was?! I think that's why you feel...hmmm...how should I put this??? Incomplete? For 8 mo. obviously he was by your side. So anything you did, he was there, so the memory sticks with you and it's something you adjusted your life for. Anyway, go hang out with your friends, do the things you wanted to do, but couldn't cos he was glued to your ass. Go walking, that always worked for me. Good luck on that anyway. Things could be worse. You'll get over it though, you just gotta stop mopin' around and actually DO something about it.

[Vesi]

Let me just say... I have been around. (and none of you can use that against me!)

You dumped him for a reason! Keep him dumped! Don't give in when he calls with his little pity parties. I want to smack him and I don't even know him! Move on... the end.

Vesi

P. S. I know it hurts but in a few months you'll be going WTF was I thinking? I bet he's not 'searching' for answers. Ok... enough.

[Souzy]

ROFL! So mean and blunt, but so true. You'll get over it, that's fo' sho. And what Vesi said.