My Strange Co-workers...

[Kaittee]

Granted, I could easily be the subject of this thread, instead of the poster. But anyway, what weird things do your co-workers do?


I'll start. Today at my 10am meeting, the (extremely odd) guy sitting next to me forgot a notebook and needed to write something down that the VP was telling him. I handed him a sheet of paper from my notebook. This is my best effort at replicating what his "notes" looked like. There were no letters, numbers, no effort to stay within the lines of the paper. He was scribbling with such force that his pen broke through the paper a few times, and it was all wrinkled.

I have to wonder if he thought no one could see that he wasn't actually writing down real words? I have no other explanation for this.

:wtf:

[Tgo01]

One time this chick copied a bunch of scribbles from someone else then took a picture of it.

[Falling Further]

That looks like some kind of shorthand to me.

One of my co-workers daydreams out loud about the day when she has a house of her own to load up with cats. All the freaking time.

[Kaittee]

One time this chick copied a bunch of scribbles from someone else then took a picture of it.

See the first sentence of previous post :-P AND COME ON this is weird!! Why does no one else think this is strange???

I described the story to my friend here and her response was, "Wait, he didn't bring a notebook to the meeting?"

I'm losing it.

[Kaittee]

That looks like some kind of shorthand to me

At first, that is what I thought, but after spending the rest of the meeting staring at it, I am sure that it was only scribbles in both vertical and horizontal orientation.

[Cephalopod]

I've been known to make notes like that, basically just to pretend like I'm taking notes in a meeting. The weird part is that he asked for a piece of paper to do it, rather than bringing his own paper to do his pseudo-note-taking.

[LMingrone]

People must think I'm nuts. I write in strange code that only I can understand, and my hand writing sucks. My coworker is a graphic designer that talks about Magic the Gathering strategies all day. He's a good guy, but it annoys me so much. I just sit there and nod my head. I told him to try GS and he said he can't figure it out and it's stupid. Fucker.

[Sam]

People must think I'm nuts. I write in strange code that only I can understand, and my hand writing sucks. My coworker is a graphic designer that talks about Magic the Gathering strategies all day. He's a good guy, but it annoys me so much. I just sit there and nod my head. I told him to try GS and he said he can't figure it out and it's stupid. Fucker.


You should tell him that a Stasis deck can beat anything, and then when he counters, just make shit up.

[AnticorRifling]

Tell him you refuse to play unless Unglued cards are allowed.

[Kaittee]

My coworker is a graphic designer that talks about Magic the Gathering strategies all day. He's a good guy, but it annoys me so much. I just sit there and nod my head. I told him to try GS and he said he can't figure it out and it's stupid. Fucker.

Reverse that and he's right. Magic is dumb and makes no sense. I had a boyfriend try to get me to play it once.

[NocturnalRob]

I had a boyfriend try to get me to play with it once.
ftfy

[Kid Danger]

I have a co-worker that curses at the creaks and snaps our building makes through out the day. He would hear a noise and say, "Why don't you cunts find something better to do, motherfuckers!". When I finally asked what the deal was he directed me to look up H.A.A.R.P. It appear he believes they are sending their magnetic pulses into whatever location he happens to be which causes the creaks and snapping noises. He also alluded to the noises having some kind of meaning.

Nothing creepier than the guy next to you suddenly cursing up a storm at imaginary foes.

Once I got tired of his conspiracy theory paranoid bullshit I spoke to my supervisor about it. Now he wear earplugs at times to avoid hearing the messages from the HAARP magneto-beam and he no longer curses at the walls.

This morning he was giving me shit because I wrote in a skype conversation that we were slow in the morning. He's worried that others will see it and resent us for not being as busy as they are. Mind you he has no fucking clue how busy they may or may not be but he's still worried I was giving away too much information. I am the one leading this team so fuck him and his paranoia.

[LMingrone]

.

Buy one of these : http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/

I've been known to annoy the hell out of people with them.

[g++]

I have a co-worker that launchs into hour long managerial jargon that makes no sense in every single conversation you have with him no matter how benign. Like literally you ask him how his weekend was at 9am Monday around 11am hes wrapping up a 2 hour diatribe about work flow management. Its surreal.

[AnticorRifling]

You mean like TheE explaining a boss fight?

[Kaittee]

ftfy

gee thanks

[4a6c1]

I could fill this thread up. :(

[g++]

You mean like TheE explaining a boss fight?

Yah, and the whole time Im just like "Oh man I gotta bail" just like Anticor, Chaincreep and Bullchip.

[NocturnalRob]

I could fill this thread up.
Ditto. By the way, your new nickname is "this thread."

[Kaittee]

Nothing creepier than the guy next to you suddenly cursing up a storm at imaginary foes.

you win so far

[4a6c1]

Ditto. By the way, your new nickname is "this thread."


Hey did I mention I was outside in the sunshine all day?

-this thread

[NocturnalRob]

Hey did I mention I was outside in the sunshine all day?

-this thread
:(

In my head, "outside in the sunshine" means "lusting after Rob."

edit: I can do this all day. In my head, "this" means "it."

[4a6c1]

Hahaha loser.

I want to post stuff in this thread so bad but I think I signed something last week that says I cant. nnngghh

[Kid Danger]

Buy one of these : http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/8c52/

I've been known to annoy the hell out of people with them.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to LMingrone again. :(

Thanks for the link! Freakin' hilarious.

[Kaittee]

I want to post stuff in this thread so bad but I think I signed something last week that says I cant. nnngghh

I KNOW I signed something like that, yet here I am! It's not like we know who you are or what company you work for. :saint:

[Vector]

We use a company internal instant messenging app extensively to communicate between employees. One particular guy had a horrible problem of not paying attention to which of his fifteen open IM windows he typed in, so he would often send IMs to the wrong person. One day he launched into a long rant about how he didn't want to hear another single word about a co-workers difficult pregnancy because it disgusted him and he was sick of her. Of course, he accidentally typed it into the wrong window and sent it to . . . the pregnant co-worker. He had to have a little chat with HR about that and after that he didn't IM much. The rest of us found it pretty hilarious though.

[Keller]

Hahaha loser.

I want to post stuff in this thread so bad but I think I signed something last week that says I cant. nnngghh

Do you work with Rocktar?

[LMingrone]

This thread made me go look at one of my past employer's websites. Right before I left I wrote some code and a nice little mission statement for them. I go to their site, and whatdoyou know? The whole cooperation is now using MY idea and coding. I really don't care as they've been beaten in courts three times by me, representing myself, and have been paying me for two years of not working for them. If I had any fighting left in me right now, I would sue their asses off.

[Sinanju]

Putting up fences leaves everyone open to pranking and/or exposing weird habits.

I remember this guy would whistle after every other poll we put in the ground. It's not bad on short jobs but try putting up a fence around a couple acres and having a guy whistle in your ear. Not a catchy tune, just a flat out loud and obnoxious whistle.

[LMingrone]

Putting up fences leaves everyone open to pranking and/or exposing weird habits.

I remember this guy would whistle after every other poll we put in the ground. It's not bad on short jobs but try putting up a fence around a couple acres and having a guy whistle in your ear. Not a catchy tune, just a flat out loud and obnoxious whistle.

Dwight?

[Sinanju]

Dwight?

No.

[Cephalopod]

This thread made me go look at one of my past employer's websites. Right before I left I wrote some code and a nice little mission statement for them. I go to their site, and whatdoyou know? The whole cooperation is now using MY idea and coding. I really don't care as they've been beaten in courts three times by me, representing myself, and have been paying me for two years of not working for them. If I had any fighting left in me right now, I would sue their asses off.

Are you sure you aren't SotT?

[LMingrone]

I meant the guy whistling. I used to put up fences too. Highfive!

[LMingrone]

Are you sure you aren't SotT?

I'm pretty sure. I'm Lawrence. And you know what they say about Lawrences. I prefer Larry or LTrain though. All my stories are true. I don't have any kids, and I haven't touched any drug in years. :)

[AnticorRifling]

The fact that you want to be called LTrain automatically tells me that you need to turn your collar down, take off the live strong bracelet, and get a haircut.

[LMingrone]

The fact that you want to be called LTrain automatically tells me that you need to turn your collar down, take off the live strong bracelet, and get a haircut.


I don't think I could cut my hair any shorter than it already is (1 on my clippers). The LTrain name is just what my friends call me, and I don't know why. Maybe from riding the LTrain in NY. I want to be called LRaptor.

[AnticorRifling]

Probably because you let them run a train on you and they kept saying Dude let's go get on the Ltrain.

[LMingrone]

Probably because you let them run a train on you and they kept saying Dude let's go get on the Ltrain.

Bastard! I actually had a T-shirt made that has the L Train's route on it, and "Come hop on the LTrain". I'll get you my spreadshirt account so you can buy one.

[Sinanju]

I meant the guy whistling. I used to put up fences too. Highfive!

His name was John.

This is only temporary. I need to get my degree and then it's teaching. Good money in this job but I hate doing it.

[LMingrone]

Any money is money. I actually liked it. I wasn't putting you down. I just pictured Dwight from The Office standing there annoying the fence guys.

[Sinanju]

Well, even if you were putting me down I'd shrug you off. It's an honest days work. Fun stuff. Everyone was pissed when I told them I wanted to leave to become a teacher.

[LMingrone]

Most of my friends have become teachers and love it. Good luck PC friend.

[NocturnalRob]

Most of my friends have become teachers and love it.
Any of them named Jessica Boyle?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/va-teacher-holds-mock-slave-auction/2011/04/11/AFxZnsLD_story.html?hpid=z2

[Sinanju]

I'm not leaving the PC...I meant the people I worked with.

Thanks LTrain.

[Gnome Rage]

Almost all my coworkers are crazy.

M - His voice, is the most irritating thing, he sounds like a deaf duck. He looks for trouble, but only when he's not the one working. He has gotten a boner when playing Mario Cart with my roommate, who wasn't doing anything suggestive at all. At all.

A- ... Crazy. Fucking Crazy. Super over-dramatic, she listens to the doors of rooms when on a round of the building. She works when she's not supposed to be on duty, and never works when she is on duty. She scream-talks, all the time.

L- She also scream-talks, she's basically in an emotionally abusive relationship and airs everything in the office. She cries, all the time, when she's working.

J - The biggest manwhore ever. He drinks and smokes pot, while he's working. He's probably had sex with every attractive female resident in our building.

M - Seriously must be bi-polar. She is either really sweet, or the biggest bitch on the planet. She is constantly breaking up and getting back together with her boyfriend. Her and J have a "faux" relationship, which is definitely not "faux" - Everyone knows they hook up and they act like they're dating, but claim not to be.

D - He is incapable of love, but tells everyone else why we can't be.

De - This is the icing. He is an idiot, he is the village idiot. He is so difficult to describe, its painful to try. He has no ideas of his own, no thoughts of his own. His mind, is mushy. He can't remember how to log into the pram we use, every time. He never does his work. He uses short hand in incident reports, on the rare occasion that he rights them. He interrupts everyone when they're speaking, he has no impulse control.Think of the stupidest person you know, and then double it. I know people who have mental handicaps who are FAR more intelligent, and socially comfortable.


Perhaps they're not strange, but they're all fucking nuts in their own ways.

[diethx]

That's not weird. Who doesn't get a little hard or wet from Mario Cart? I think you're the weird one.

[NocturnalRob]

He's probably had sex with every attractive female resident in our building.
So...what's your point?

[Gnome Rage]

So...what's your point?

Its not allowed. :(

[NocturnalRob]

Really? Well then...probably shouldn't put their names on here. WHAT IF THEY SEE IT!?!?



Matt - His voice, is the most irritating thing, he sounds like a deaf duck. He looks for trouble, but only when he's not the one working. He has gotten a boner when playing Mario Cart with my roommate, who wasn't doing anything suggestive at all. At all.

Audii - ... Crazy. Fucking Crazy. Super over-dramatic, she listens to the doors of rooms when on a round of the building. She works when she's not supposed to be on duty, and never works when she is on duty. She scream-talks, all the time.

Lauren - She also scream-talks, she's basically in an emotionally abusive relationship and airs everything in the office. She cries, all the time, when she's working.

Jon - The biggest manwhore ever. He drinks and smokes pot, while he's working. He's probably had sex with every attractive female resident in our building.

Marvette - Seriously must be bi-polar. She is either really sweet, or the biggest bitch on the planet. She is constantly breaking up and getting back together with her boyfriend. Her and Jon have a "faux" relationship, which is definitely not "faux" - Everyone knows they hook up and they act like they're dating, but claim not to be.

Dave - He is incapable of love, but tells everyone else why we can't be.

Dean - This is the icing. He is an idiot, he is the village idiot. He is so difficult to describe, its painful to try. He has no ideas of his own, no thoughts of his own. His mind, is mushy. He can't remember how to log into the pram we use, every time. He never does his work. He uses short hand in incident reports, on the rare occasion that he rights them. He interrupts everyone when they're speaking, he has no impulse control.Think of the stupidest person you know, and then double it. I know people who have mental handicaps who are FAR more intelligent, and socially comfortable.

[Gnome Rage]

You're an ass... oh well.

[Cephalopod]

That's not weird. Who doesn't get a little hard or wet from Mario Cart? I think you're the weird one.

I have to second this.

[NocturnalRob]

I have to second this.
Can't decide between "We all know how wet you get" or "Little hard is right."

You choose!

[Sinanju]

That's not weird. Who doesn't get a little hard or wet from Mario Cart? I think you're the weird one.

I know my nipples could cut diamonds after a couple laps around the mushroom kingdom.

[Vector]

Well this thread took a creepy turn. Someone pass the popcorn.

[NocturnalRob]

Well this thread took a creepy turn. Someone pass the popcorn.
We would, but Nachos is fucking it.

[4a6c1]

Do you work with Rocktar?

That would be awesome. I would bust his balls so hard.

I guess I can swing this without saying anything dumb.

Last week, I think it was Friday night, the same dude set off the same alarm about 5 times. He kept calling to say he was sorry and since he was new to that site I let it go. Until the sixth time because I was trying really hard to focus on "Everybody Hates Chris" and then REOW REOW REOW. Alarm again. So I call this employee who shall remain nameless who I will also likely never meet because he works and lives in another part of the country. He did not answer his duty phone or his duty cell phone so I had to track his activity. I found him. Looking at porn on a corporate desk inside a private office. He had turned off every light on the floor which is normal for that time of night and assumed I would not see him. He forgot about the light coming off THE COMPUTER.

Then I was pissed because I had to do paperwork.

[NocturnalRob]

He forgot about the light coming off THE COMPUTER.
Better than coming on the computer, I guess

[Kaittee]

Better than coming on the computer, I guess

That happened later.

[Kid Danger]

J - The biggest manwhore ever. He drinks and smokes pot, while he's working. He's probably had sex with every attractive female resident in our building.

J is my hero!

[Gnome Rage]

J is a huge sweetheart, but seriously?

Everyone on my staff is nice, but they all (including myself) have huge flaws that get really annoying.

[Cephalopod]

We would, but Nachos is fucking it.

BUTTERRRRRRRRNNGH

EDIT: This is not the first time it has been insinuated that my penis is in a popcorn bucket. Ask Liagala.

[NocturnalRob]

BUTTERRRRRRRRNNGH

EDIT: This is not the first time it has been insinuated that my penis is in a popcorn bucket. Ask Liagala.
Hahahahah...I am now the strange co-worker since I just cackled at my monitor for a good 10 seconds.

[Archigeek]

Former coworker #1: liked to walk up and give you a wet willy, (stick his wet finger in your ear).

Former coworker #2: after giving birth, would run her breast pump in the washroom right off the lunch room. You'd be about to take a bite of your sandwich and you'd hear, "whir, whir, whir...." Not really her fault as I don't believe we had a lactation room, but it none-the-less made lunch more than a little strange.

Former client: would always bitch about the low quality of the porn available in hotel rooms, and would at times have to go find a convenience store with some good hardcore mags for him to take back to the room, grumbling about the price of porn the whole time. He usually insisted that I come with on these sometimes long searches for porn. The internet must be like heaven to him. On the plus side, he always insisted we eat at fine restaurants.

Misc. person I met while working: her name was No Guns, and she got up and spoke at a city council meeting in Santa Cruz that I was presenting at. She wore a gauzy white dress, and told the council all about her recent bicycle trip around some lake in Eastern Europe, and had brought back enough seashells for everyone and proceeded to share. Following that, she extolled the virtues of marijuana.

[g++]

Former coworker #1: liked to walk up and give you a wet willy, (stick his wet finger in your ear).


My first real job as a lab tech I saw a fist fight break out between two other techs from that exact stunt. They both got fired.

[Liagala]

EDIT: This is not the first time it has been insinuated that my penis is in a popcorn bucket. Ask Liagala.
Truth. I spent the entire movie afraid to get more popcorn. I'm pretty sure that was the blue-dong movie too.

[Warriorbird]

The whole "X-rated theater date" implication that's present in this whole Liagala/Nachos discussion is awesome.

Coworkers.

My grandfather has decided that classic fall festival food needs to be organic only, in spite of the lack of organic-ness in almost all our vendors. The winemaker has decided that the ice truck needs to in fact become a "place to sell exotic organic meats" truck. I'm curious as to what we're going to do for the ice needs of 20k people.

Other set of coworkers.

One has decided to constantly promote the sale of ant farms which he makes. Constantly. We're talking "meow" in Super Troopers style. BUY AN ANT FARM!

Third set.

After a constant and massive amount of research into valid things to put money in I am made, for the second time, to "research the merits of oil shale." This will probably happen again next year.

[msconstrew]

I could fill this thread up. :(

Ditto x 1000.

Office Manager is my favorite, though. From telling the managing partner that she's in love with him (in front of me) to showing us all her cleavage at a firm-wide training session (yay old lady cleavage?), that lady is fucked. up.

[iJin]

God. All my co-workers were (are) good friends of mine. So when we worked together, we would just do everything to have a fun time. And since we didn't have the store manager, me and the other manager were practically running the store so it was fun times.

My favorite would be working with Greg, who said he treated every customer as a 30-second speed date. Ever since he said that, seeing him with a customer now is always hilarious.

I'ma miss working with them. :(

[Stanley Burrell]

I worked in what was either a nursing home or a whorehouse for the elderly. "Bingo" is lingo for. No. Argh.

Then, I probably worked in a horsebarn or a poop-catapulting sentry.

Then other misc.