Young people??

[B4Hand]

I understand several of you are much younger so I am passing this question on to you..because I really do not remember being 17.

What happens to you all?? Do your brains just fall out of your head? Do you really think your parents "don't care" about you, because they get angry when you fail a class and offer to pay for tutor to help you pass? Granted maybe your parent's took the plates off your car, not because of the F..but because the constant bad mouthing and the.."I hate you all, I hate this family!" fits you throw.

I am basically at my wits end, the kid is generally a good kid, but for the last few months there has been nothing but a "power-type" struggle. She's always threatening to move out as soon as she turns 18, which is in three months. This totally worries me that she will try to do just that and move in with friends just to prove her point, won't graduate high school( up until now she's had straight A's except math, which we've provided tutoring for her all year). She has a few older friends whom she works with at her part time job. All I can think of doing is what I have been doing, and taking away privileges..but dang..I hate having to be so hard on her.

Seriously..what happens to teenage brains at the age of 17??

[waywardgs]

It is still my contention that humans don't have fully functioning brains until at least 25 and possibly later. It's not your fault, your daughter is just suffering from a mild form of retardation known as youth that will last for a few more years yet.

[NocturnalRob]

Your child is female. I'm fairly certain this is normal.

[Showal]

First there was not enough people cheering at her basketball games and now her own mother doesn't care about her?

All kidding aside, this is pretty much a normal girl thing until they're about ... dead.

[Paradii]

What's all this "what's wrong with you" garbage? It's your genetics and your parenting. Don't try blaming the world when it's your family shit.


And as a follow up:

Bitches be tripping.

[Ryvicke]

I'm sure you're doing an amazing job. Just keep being there for her way more than she probably deserves. She'll always know you do care about her.

Try not to let her find out about your just-changed elf handjob avatar and your longtime desires for dhe'nar enslavement. She'll totally use that against you.

[BriarFox]

She might see all your efforts to help and be involved as smothering, silly as that is. Perhaps back off and give her some room to be a stupid teenager. Hopefully, she'll eventually understand how much you care b

[Anebriated]

Maybe make a compromise with her that when she does turn 18 youll make an effort to be a little more lenient with her antics but until then shes SOL and still your bitch

[Elvenlady]

She's challenging you because she feels safe and secure enough in your love to do so. Keep telling her you love her, even when she pushes you to the limit and you end up enforcing all the necessary parental regimes.

Hugs x

[NocturnalRob]

She's challenging you because she feels safe and secure enough in your love to do so. Keep telling her you love her, even when she pushes you to the limit and you end up enforcing all the necessary parental regimes.
Um, no.

[Elvenlady]

Um, no.

As a parent of two teenagers myself we'll have to agree to disagree.

[WRoss]

Would you let the PC raise your child? As amusing as it would be to see, I think coming here for parental advice is a disaster.

P.S.: if she needs a place to say when she is 18, that could be arranged.

[Stretch]

Bitches is crazy.

[TheEschaton]

If she had all straight As then suddenly failed a class out of nowhere, and starts with the "I hate this family" shit, something's happened.

Most often, it's drugs, or fucking some stranger who's planted ideas in her head because she's young and "in love."

Sorry to say it so harshly, but kids who get As in school usually wanted to get As in school, and now something has happened to change that. It might be as small as she's finally letting the nerd teasing get to her, in which case she's just overly sensitive. It might be something else.

Kids may seem irrational, but there's usually a reason for what they do. If you've been an attentive, loving parent (which it seems you are), the factor is probably external, and not internal.

[phantasm]

Its biology, you can't stop her body from wanting to move and attempt to reproduce.

[B4Hand]

Mainly needing a place to vent. I know I am a good parent, I just don't understand the teenage mind. She's a cheerleader..and so basically not a nerd..she's had trouble in math all year, not just suddenly. We love her..she knows we love her. I know she wants to be grown..I also know she's not ready to be grown-up. From what I've gathered this is a normal thing..it's just difficult. I look at her and I see her as being about 4 years old and not old enough to even cross the street alone.

[BriarFox]

I look at her and I see her as being about 4 years old and not old enough to even cross the street alone.

That's probably the issue, actually. Try letting her do something independent and tell her, "I trust you. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions. I'm here if you need anything." She won't always, but that's part of growing up.

[4a6c1]

Your first mistake was letting her be a cheerleader. You might as well just give WRoss a call right now. Her life is all DOWNHILL FROM HERE.

OMG I BE HATIN I BE HATIN.

Just kidding. Remember this post when my baby is 18 and I'm hittin you up for advice so you can be like blah blah blah thats what you get.

Also Elvenlady sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders we should probably listen to her.

[Anebriated]

Also Elvenlady sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders we should probably listen to her.

Thats now how things work around here...

Turbo's post count > Elvenlady's therefor we trust his advice more.

[NocturnalRob]

Thats now how things work around here...

Turbo's post count > Elvenlady's therefor we trust his advice more.
I'm not a parent. You don't have to trust my advice. I just don't think repetitively telling your kid that you love him/her is an effective means of parenting. Nor is it an effective way to establish boundaries.

She's not challenging you because she feels safe and secure enough in your love to do so. That's new age psycho-babble crap. She's challenging you because she's almost 18, and that's what kids do. Establish boundaries. If she moves out when she's 18, then she moves out. Shouldn't she be starting college anyway?

[B4Hand]

That's probably the issue, actually. Try letting her do something independent and tell her, "I trust you. I'm sure you'll make the right decisions. I'm here if you need anything." She won't always, but that's part of growing up.

I do this. She is purchasing her own car. She takes herself to and from work..to and from school. For the most part if she's asking to go out with her friends..really I cannot remember the last time I said No. I tell her I trust you not to be somewhere you shouldn't ..or doing things you know are wrong. Really...she gets a lot of freedom and liberty. I just refuse to let her fail classes without some sort of..you must work to get this better! Regardless if she hates me..hates our family..or thinks we are stupid doodie heads because I ask her to do her own laundry once a week! I do let her fall on her face on occasion, however school is pretty non-negotiable for us. Her father gave his GI bill to her. She's messing up the chances she has at scholarship..because she "Doesn't have any goals!" What can I say the child totally knows how to push my buttons and does it regularly.

[Ryvicke]

I just want to ask Rob about raising some 18 year old scotch. Is laphroaig okay or is this an oban only household?

[B4Hand]

Shouldn't she be starting college anyway?

College yes..hence the big deal I am making out of her failing Algebra 2. However, she turns 18 in May..and has a year left of high school. I am afraid if she moves out before she graduates..life will suck her in and she won't finish school, or head to college. I worry about her..what can I say.. I am her Mom.

[TheEschaton]

Drugs or sex, I'm telling you. Especially now that I know she's a cheerleader.

[NocturnalRob]

I just want to ask Rob about raising some 18 year old scotch. Is laphroaig okay or is this an oban only household?
Nah, you're fucking thumbs up with Laphroaig too, good sir.

[BriarFox]

It's really hard to know what the central issue is without knowing her, but there are a few things I can think of:

1) You're actually overbearing.
2) She thinks you're overbearing and unfeeling because she lacks context.
3) She's lashing out at you and at school because she's actually upset about something else, but doesn't feel comfortable or confident telling you about it.
4) She's just going through a really bitchy hormonal phase.

It might be a combination of all four, of course, but the "solution" for most of them is to get her to actually talk with you. You might have to shock her a bit and/or show her you can relate. A couple things I can think of:

1) Mix some drinks and sit down and drink them with her, and see if she opens up.

2) Talk about some of your own experiences that you've neglected to tell her. Did you ever do drugs yourself, etc?

3) Take her out to a serious dive bar in a crappy (but still safe-ish) part of town and show her possible "consequences" of the path she seems to want (to be out on her own, no family, no money, no safety net). Scare her a bit and make her re-evaluate things.

4) Find a former HS quarterback (or whatever) who now works as a labor grunt and get him to tell her what he regrets about his life.

This is getting a bit sit-comy, but perhaps see if you can give her some context for making better judgments.

[NocturnalRob]

1) Mix some drinks and sit down and drink them with her, and see if she opens up.

2) Talk about some of your own experiences that you've neglected to tell her. Did you ever do drugs yourself, etc?

3) Take her out to a serious dive bar in a crappy (but still safe-ish) part of town and show her possible "consequences" of the path she seems to want (to be out on her own, no family, no money, no safety net). Scare her a bit and make her re-evaluate things.

4) Find a former HS quarterback (or whatever) who now works as a labor grunt and get him to tell her what he regrets about his life.

This is getting a bit sit-comy, but perhaps see if you can give her some context for making better judgments.

Yeah, please don't do #1, #3, or #4. Those are all horrible ideas, especially with a 17-year-old.

[BriarFox]

Yeah, please don't do #1, #3, or #4. Those are all horrible ideas, especially with a 17-year-old.

Or do, but then come back and tell us how they went!

[Showal]

Drugs or sex, I'm telling you. Especially now that I know she's a cheerleader.

Or sex for drugs.

[Anebriated]

Let her throw a party with drinking at your house for her 18th bday but require everyone to leave their keys with you and tell them nobody leaves the house and let them know youll be there(can just stay in your room or out of their way for the duration). Seriously having a friends parents who did this for us was amazing for keeping us out of other more serious trouble and by the time I got to college I was already past the whole drink till you puke phase. Itll probably get you some cool points too.

[Stretch]

Let her throw a party with drinking at your house for her 18th bday but require everyone to leave their keys with you and tell them nobody leaves the house and let them know youll be there(can just stay in your room or out of their way for the duration). Seriously having a friends parents who did this for us was amazing for keeping us out of other more serious trouble and by the time I got to college I was already past the whole drink till you puke phase. Itll probably get you some cool points too.

That sounds like an awesome idea, with no negative consequences at all. It's not like the kid's friends would talk about it at school or at home, where other adults can hear about it.

[NocturnalRob]

That sounds like an awesome idea, with no negative consequences at all. It's not like the kid's friends would talk about it at school or at home, where other adults can hear about it.
^^this. Again, please don't take any advice from the PC.

[Anebriated]

That sounds like an awesome idea, with no negative consequences at all. It's not like the kid's friends would talk about it at school or at home, where other adults can hear about it.

My parents knew as did most of them. there might have been a few of the "im going to a sleepover" crowd but most times as long as the parents know that there is going to be an adult present and they will have the keys in their possession it wasnt an issue. Im not saying throw a rager with 10 kegs and hundreds of kids...

And from what Ive experienced cheerleaders normally enjoy a good party... better to have them do it at home than some random guys place.

[NocturnalRob]

No offense, but that's fucking retarded. No sensible parent is going to want their under-aged child going to a party where drinking is involved, regardless of parental supervision.

AND no sensible parent would ever host something like that given that it's FUCKING ILLEGAL.

[Anebriated]

Im aware its illegal. Im aware many parents frown on the idea. Seriously though if you trust your kid and you want to show it, let them do what they are going to do anyway in the safety of your own home before they get to college and end up in the ER getting their stomach pumped or under the bleachers with the football team running a train on her.... Yes thats a bit extreme but you get the point.

[Latrinsorm]

I for one do not.

[NocturnalRob]

Im aware its illegal. Im aware many parents frown on the idea. Seriously though if you trust your kid and you want to show it, let them do what they are going to do anyway in the safety of your own home before they get to college and end up in the ER getting their stomach pumped or under the bleachers with the football team running a train on her.... Yes thats a bit extreme but you get the point.
That's completely retarded. Please never have children.

[Anebriated]

thank you for your advice.

[NocturnalRob]

thank you for your advice.
You're quite welcome. First one is free.

[Anebriated]

Hate to think of what Id have to pay for the second bit of shitty advice... maybe my firstborn?

[NocturnalRob]

Hate to think of what Id have to pay for the second bit of shitty advice... maybe my firstborn?
No. You're not going to have children, remember?

And please explain how it's shitty advice when I'm telling you not to break the law. Please explain that. While you're at it, please explain why you think it's okay to serve booze to underage children.

[Anebriated]

The US is out of whack when it comes to drinking ages. Most of our parents started drinking at 18. most of the world outside of the US has a lower drinking age than 21. Im still aware its illegal but the kids are going to do it anyway, why not get them adjusted to drinking in the safety of your own home with supervision present. The only thing is to make sure you get consent from the other kids parents who plan on attending. Her kid sounds like a good smart girl. Its not like shes failing out of school or a degenerate or a problem child aside from normal being a teen stuff. Show your kid some respect in this regard and worry less later when you know you wont be around to take care of her.

[B4Hand]

hahahaha...there is absolutely no way in hell I'd knowingly let her go to that sort of a party..or host one. Her Dad is a Police Officer..and it's a sure bet one of his favorite things to do is throw trash who supply underage kids with alcohol/drugs in jail.

She's going through the I'm a big girl..wanting to be big..without really having any sort of responsibility other than say..the cost of her car (which does not include her insurance, her tags, nor extra gas money when she runs out).

Part of the problem is she has befriended a slightly older girl at her part time job who has a baby and lives on her own. I will continue to set limits, allow her to fall on her face occasionally..and hope and pray that when push comes to shove she does the right thing.

Lacee knows she can talk to me, and she does..when I don't ask her to *gasp* do her own laundry ..or heaven forbid, pass her algebra 2 class, or at least make an attempt to meet with the tutor we set up for her once a week.


p.s. I was a cheerleader, and I can assure you.. I know what's up!

p.s.s. I think I am going to have to go through this at least two more times..someone tell me boys do not act this way..and I'll at least have a break where he is concerned?

[Gnome Rage]

In my psych class we talked about how kids start to act out around 16 and 17 because they need to sever the ties between child and parent in order to move forward with their life. To do this they say things like I hate you, I never want to see you again, blah blah. To make the parents angry and to get angry at their parents.


or it could be drugs.

[NocturnalRob]

The only thing is to make sure you get consent from the other kids parents who plan on attending.
No. It's still illegal. It frightens me that you have the potential to procreate.


Part of the problem is she has befriended a slightly older girl at her part time job who has a baby and lives on her own.
I'd say this is the problem.


Lacee
or the fact that you named your child Lacee.


p.s.s.
PPS

[WRoss]

An easy way to find out if it's a boy would be to buy her a pack of condoms and have the talk with her.

[BriarFox]

An easy way to find out if it's a boy would be to buy her a pack of condoms and have the talk with her.

She's 17. That's probably three years too late, at least for the "talk."

[Bobmuhthol]

In my psych class we talked about...

That's great and all, but do you have any actual knowledge?

[NocturnalRob]

That's great and all, but do you have any actual knowledge?
Bob, we all know that college psych classes are srs bsns.

[FNLN]

The US is out of whack when it comes to drinking ages. Most of our parents started drinking at 18. most of the world outside of the US has a lower drinking age than 21.

And most US kids are fucking dumb and I wouldn't trust them to not abuse Redi-Whip. Enabling them is just retarded.

[WRoss]

She's 17. That's probably three years too late, at least for the "talk."

Not the birds and the bees talk, but the "I know you are starting to have sexual encounters...etc".

[Delias]

http://i.imgur.com/2Hzt1l.jpg

[Stanley Burrell]

Are children small?

Or just far away?

Yeah.

[4a6c1]

1) Get her on birth control asap. 2)Take her to a dancing penis bar when she turns 18. 3) Have that talk about your own mistakes or mistakes others have made. 4) Volunteer together at a rehab facility or home for pregnant teenage girls. 5) Support whatever she wants to do, ie. Help her look for an apartment! 6) HOT ALGEBRA COLLEGE BOY TUTOR


Sounds like she is going to get busy with "life" whether you want her to or not. Her own apartment could be a good thing, you never know.

[Fallen]

Worse comes to worst she will have to go to community college until her grades are good enough to transfer to a real school. Just keep her in school, off drugs, w/o child, and out of jail while she is still under your roof and that is really the best you can hope to do.

[AMUSED1]

Worse comes to worst she will have to go to community college until her grades are good enough to transfer to a real school. Just keep her in school, off drugs, w/o child, and out of jail while she is still under your roof and that is really the best you can hope to do.

I'd have to disagree with the "out of jail" part. If you're doing everything you can to keep your kid out of jail, even when they do get in trouble with the law, then they're going to learn they can depend on you do that every single time. I say let them go to jail for at least a night or two, if not a week, just to scare the shit out of them and make them never want to go back again. It's one of those "learn from your OWN mistakes" moments for the kid.

[Fallen]

I'd have to disagree with the "out of jail" part. If you're doing everything you can to keep your kid out of jail, even when they do get in trouble with the law, then they're going to learn they can depend on you do that every single time. I say let them go to jail for at least a night or two, if not a week, just to scare the shit out of them and make them never want to go back again. It's one of those "learn from your OWN mistakes" moments for the kid.

My only worry is if she is charged with anything remotely serious it can have a negative impact for the rest of her life in terms of certain job sectors. Good luck getting a decent clearance with any DUIs or what not.

[Cephalopod]

Are children small?

Or just far away?

Yeah.

This post just blew my mind.

[B4Hand]

She's on birth control..we've had several talks about this. I really do not imagine her getting herself into any sort of legal trouble, aside from being really horrible to her Mom right now she's a good kid. She's the sort of kid other parent's say.."wow she's such a great kid..good head on her shoulders~"..teachers, and school faculty love her.

I just cannot figure out they why..of she hates her Mom right now so much. Of course this evening has been free of drama and she is being pleasant ( I know she thinks I'll return her plates to the car). Her Dad took the plates off so he gets to say when they go back on.

[WRoss]

Have you considered Valium? While it might not solve the problems, it'll make you numb to them.

[Warriorbird]

Talk about the awesome freedom and fantastic-ness (and even potential danger) of college. Talk about how she'll finally be able to steer the own course of her life. Empathize about math if you are able. See if you or the Dad can work through some with her. The tutor may feel a bit arm's length.

[EasternBrand]

Have you considered Valium? While it might not solve the problems, it'll make you numb to them.

Oh man, I am in deep regret for having repped you earlier in this thread, because this is gold.

[4a6c1]

I'm still leaning towards hot boy for math tutor. Dont be mean. Give her incentive.

[B4Hand]

I'm still leaning towards hot boy for math tutor. Dont be mean. Give her incentive.

Okie.. the tutor we have for her is cute college guy! Ok..so he's married to the neighbor..but still! Though perhaps you have something there. I'll need to find "her type"..and right now that is the bad boys..with very dark skin..or rather the semi-sort of..want to be bad boys. Soo..a bit hard to find a tutor that will fit that bill. I really think the tutor we have for her is a cutie, of course my idea of cute and her idea of cute are totally different. That any anyone over the age of say..21 she says is "ooolldd".

[RSR]

She's on birth control..we've had several talks about this. I really do not imagine her getting herself into any sort of legal trouble, aside from being really horrible to her Mom right now she's a good kid. She's the sort of kid other parent's say.."wow she's such a great kid..good head on her shoulders~"..teachers, and school faculty love her.

I just cannot figure out they why..of she hates her Mom right now so much. Of course this evening has been free of drama and she is being pleasant ( I know she thinks I'll return her plates to the car). Her Dad took the plates off so he gets to say when they go back on.

So...you're saying she's Eddie Haskell?


-Richard.

[TheEschaton]

The older girl from work has definitely done something with her. Drugs, lesbian sex, something.

[4a6c1]

Okie.. the tutor we have for her is cute college guy! Ok..so he's married to the neighbor..but still! Though perhaps you have something there. I'll need to find "her type"..and right now that is the bad boys..with very dark skin..or rather the semi-sort of..want to be bad boys. Soo..a bit hard to find a tutor that will fit that bill. I really think the tutor we have for her is a cutie, of course my idea of cute and her idea of cute are totally different. That any anyone over the age of say..21 she says is "ooolldd".

Oh hmm. I suddenly feel very sorry for my mother. Wait what? :D Is this your oldest? Watch out, alpha female coming through! You did good with the birth control. She sounds like she is exploring being a woman. In her mind she is already grown up and she is resenting the boundaries you are still giving her. She does still need some though. If the only thing you are disciplining her for is grades I say continue what you are doing. Dont push the social issues. Let her make mistakes with who she wants to make mistakes with. It's part of growing up. She does not actually hate you and I think you should tell her as often as is convenient that your feelings are hurt by those type of words. Dont actually discipline her for lashing out. That sounds like estrogen overload which also explains her seeking out physically attractive alpha males with who are not actually worthy of her. ITS MATING SEASON.

So in summation. Support her sex life. Support her mistakes and her terrible choice of man meat. She'll learn. Try to be a girlfriend instead of a mother in this regard. Tell her how hurt you are by the 'i hate you's'. Stay firm on the algebra and education but thats it. Down with cheerleading. Up with B4Hand!

This concludes my unasked for advice. Hope it helps.

[Drisco]

I understand several of you are much younger so I am passing this question on to you..because I really do not remember being 17.

What happens to you all?? Do your brains just fall out of your head? Do you really think your parents "don't care" about you, because they get angry when you fail a class and offer to pay for tutor to help you pass? Granted maybe your parent's took the plates off your car, not because of the F..but because the constant bad mouthing and the.."I hate you all, I hate this family!" fits you throw.

I am basically at my wits end, the kid is generally a good kid, but for the last few months there has been nothing but a "power-type" struggle. She's always threatening to move out as soon as she turns 18, which is in three months. This totally worries me that she will try to do just that and move in with friends just to prove her point, won't graduate high school( up until now she's had straight A's except math, which we've provided tutoring for her all year). She has a few older friends whom she works with at her part time job. All I can think of doing is what I have been doing, and taking away privileges..but dang..I hate having to be so hard on her.

Seriously..what happens to teenage brains at the age of 17??


Try showing her that she's a kid and if she moves out she will be wasting the money she has to spend on things she wants. She will have to work more and pay for rent. Try reasoning with her.

If she doesn't listen basically tell her she can't move out. She'll be all like omg I'm 18 and can do what I want.

False. Tell her if she moves out you won't support her and she will have to work a crappy 9-5 job the rest of her life and pay for university on her own.

If you raised her right she will see the validity of your argument and like most kids who want to be rich, she will not move out.

If she does, let her and know that she will be back within a couple of months. I use to do the exact same thing, I did the "I hate you and when I'm 18 I'm moving out and you will never see me again". Needless to say I never moved out because I didn't wanna have to work, pay for university on my own, have my car taken away, pay for insurance, or basically not be spoon fed.

It's the little things and I don't know why parents who can afford to buy them a car, pay for insurance, gas, and other stuff for their kids don't. It's a very easy way to control the child by threatening to take it all away. Not doing excellent in school wasn't an option because If I did I would have these things taken away.

In the summer if I wanted to keep my car and have them pay for gas and insurance I had to get a job and work. So it taught me that if you want to have nice things and keep them you need to work for them. Thinking back, they really controlled me through my vanity items.

[iJin]

Take away the pom poms! Take them away! Also, Bootcamp.

[Jace Solo]

I think Warriorbird and Rojo have part of the right inclination.

If she wants to move out...start looking into apartments near the college she is probably going to attend. Start showing her the awesome parts of college to warrant her going.

Cute boy for a tutor might not be a bad idea.

Personally, I'm guessing she's never really "wanted" for anything. My parents made sure I had what I needed and I worked my ass off for the rest. I wouldn't give her extra cash or anything now that she has a job.

She's gonna hate you because she's gonna have friends that have more freedom than she perceives. What she'll learn though, when she gets to go out there a bit, is that "freedom" has a heavy monetary price.

You should probably sit her down with some simple math:
Car payment + Car Insurances + Health Insurance + Monthly cost for gas, food, rent, electricity, cable, cellphone, etc. = hours of work at any job she can get without college minus taxes. Basically make her see how bad the real work sucks and that college is the only, and most awesome, reprieve she'll ever get and it would be REALLY foolish to pass it up.

Oh ya, and that she doesn't wanna peak too early...like every know it all popular kid in every movie ever made.

[Delias]

just ride it out until she's 18. I'll swoop in and be the worst relationship of her life, all in service to you, teaching her to listen to her mother.

[IorakeWarhammer]

sounds like a spoiled brat.

cut her completely off.

[Delias]

sounds like a spoiled brat.

cut her completely off.

I unignored you just to remind you that nobody gives a fuck what sort of retard nonsense is floating around in that poorly furred cranium of yours. Go away or I will draw a picture of the prophet and put it in your rep.

[Gan]

You know what I think?

http://www.freewebs.com/13alicecullen/twilight-cast.jpg

Team Edward. Yea.

[IorakeWarhammer]

I unignored you just to remind you that nobody gives a fuck what sort of retard nonsense is floating around in that poorly furred cranium of yours. Go away or I will draw a picture of the prophet and put it in your rep.

Go ahead. That sin is on you, not me. I discourage you from seriously insulting 1/3 of the world just because you disagree with something a fellow American has posted on an internet message board.

Anyway, several friends and acquaintances from high school have been dying recently of heroin and perscription drug addictions. The trend?

ALL OF THEIR PARENTS SPOILED THEM ROTTEN.

My friend, who died Thursday, went through $200,000 worth of rehab. I hadn't seen him in 5 years. I wish I could have talked to him about Islam. He was an only child. As I watched his father sobbing, I thought about how I will raise my child. Anyway, if you don't like my opinion, realize I'm a young man with no children (yet). I don't have the experience. But I know in the 21st century, spoiling children in the West doesn't usually turn out well.

[NocturnalRob]

I'd say the prevailing trend is that they are all your "friends." No wonder they turn to drugs.

[IorakeWarhammer]

I'd say the prevailing trend is that they are all your "friends." No wonder they turn to drugs.

how empathetic! thanks!

seriously.. it's an anonymous internet message board, and i'm a horrid troll, but sometimes it's nice to be slightly compassionate! but hey, i forgive ya.

in fact, i don't see them much. hard to hang with dope heads. these are old friends from high school. in 2004 i completely cut myself off from most friends when I became a Muslim. Glad I did.


As for the 18 year old girl, its all about who she associates with.

Hook her up with some people who she looks up to, some trendy girls who are cute and soon to enter college. Successful types. If she's around the trashy people she'll go downhill. But the more you support her in her rebellion by supporting her financially, the less motivation she will have to change her ways.

Money talks. If that ain't wisdom I don't know what is.

[NocturnalRob]

So if you don't hang with them, then how can you accurately cite their influences? You can't.

And do you honestly think that a parent had much control over whom their 17-year-old daughter spends time with? Again, no.

You should write a book!!

[IorakeWarhammer]

she could do some reverse psychology. 17 year olds usually hate anyone their parents try to get them to hang out with. so, the parent finds someone (maybe even an actor) who is totally obnoxious and trashy, but shares some of the interests that the 17 year old is newly interested in. take them both out to an expensive dinner and they can talk. instruct the actor to be frank and honest, maybe the 17 year old would see that being a dumbass isn't all it's cracked up to be? you know, some early 30s washed up idiot that was "cool" at 17 but didnt do shit with their life.

[waywardgs]

she could do some reverse psychology. 17 year olds usually hate anyone their parents try to get them to hang out with. so, the parent finds someone (maybe even an actor) who is totally obnoxious and trashy, but shares some of the interests that the 17 year old is newly interested in. take them both out to an expensive dinner and they can talk. instruct the actor to be frank and honest, maybe the 17 year old would see that being a dumbass isn't all it's cracked up to be? you know, some early 30s washed up idiot that was "cool" at 17 but didnt do shit with their life.

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2007/07/LohanMugshot_450x544.jpg

[IorakeWarhammer]

the mother of the child has turned to the message board of a long-dormant MMORPG game for critical advice, so i figured any suggestion would be a good one lolz

[waywardgs]

I don't know, I think she just wanted to vent. I don't think she'll give a lick about anything anyone here says. Which is probably for the best.

[IorakeWarhammer]

I don't know, I think she just wanted to vent. I don't think she'll give a lick about anything anyone here says. Which is probably for the best.

http://forum.grasscity.com/photopost/data/500/NotSureIfSerious.jpg

[Liagala]

Is this your oldest? Watch out, alpha female coming through! You did good with the birth control. She sounds like she is exploring being a woman. In her mind she is already grown up and she is resenting the boundaries you are still giving her.
This x2. The only reason my mother and I didn't brawl when I was your daughter's age is that Mom recognized this when it started happening, and started changing our relationship from mother/daughter to friends. The more you take away privileges and restrict her, the more she's going to fight against it. Every disciplinary action is seen as you refusing to recognize the fact that she's "grown up now" and trying to force her to remain a child. Every last one. It has no effect on a stubborn, independent teen. It doesn't translate to, "Gee, I shouldn't fail classes because there are consequences." It translates to, "My Dad is an ass and thinks I'm four. God, I can't wait to get out of here."

What would I do? Sit her down some evening when she's being nice, just the two of you. Maybe take her out somewhere, or something. Start the conversation out with, "I've been making a big mistake." Tell her that you have a hard time with the fact of her growing up, it's hard to let go of your baby etc, and that you've been too harsh with punishments because of that. Make it clear that she is definitely going way off the deep end and needs to get her act together, but don't put yourself on some pedestal either. Make it a mutual "we were both wrong, now let's both fix it" talk. As I'm sure you know, women are total suckers for this sort of thing. Starting it out with an admission of your own fault just about guarantees that she'll be sympathetic, admit her own fault, and honestly work on a solution with you. Figure out between the two of you where the boundaries will be, such as in school matters, your word is law. She will study and get her grades up, or else. In social life, she does as she pleases. As long as her grades don't slip and her laundry is done, you don't impose any sort of curfew, try to get her to stay away from certain people, whatever. Where she goes and what she does while she's there is 100% her decision, providing she keeps up the other end of the bargain (school/laundry). She's going to miss dinner because she's out? Great. She comes home at 4am on a school night? Wonderful. She'll realize the error of her ways when you drag her sorry ass out of bed at 7, remind her that this is her responsibility, and send her off to school.

The hard part of this is going to be a) getting your husband's buy-in, and b) sticking to it. You're going to want to wait up for her when she's out half the night - do so from your own bedroom, with the lights off. Make yourself show her that you are letting go in some areas, and she will back down in others. She's 3 months away from being legally an adult. You can not continue to be her mother in all things. You need to start letting go. Doing it in stages now is a lot better for everyone than a sudden cord-cutting when she's 18 and 2 months and just up and moves out.

Edit: I forgot to add that, since all other parents/teachers seem to think she has a good head on her shoulders etc, that's a pretty good argument in her favor. She will likely make the right decision most of the time, without your control. When she doesn't, she'll learn the hard way. Let her. That was the one thing that pissed me off more than anything about adults when I was 17. No one wanted to let me screw up, or have any sort of consequences when I screwed up despite their best efforts. I was (almost) an adult dammit, I wanted to handle the results of my decisions, good or bad.

[IorakeWarhammer]

^ AKHMED LIKEY.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Let her throw a party with drinking at your house for her 18th bday but require everyone to leave their keys with you and tell them nobody leaves the house and let them know youll be there(can just stay in your room or out of their way for the duration). Seriously having a friends parents who did this for us was amazing for keeping us out of other more serious trouble and by the time I got to college I was already past the whole drink till you puke phase. Itll probably get you some cool points too.

Aren't you an admitted alcoholic, or am I remembering someone else?

[Atlanteax]

Part of the problem is she has befriended a slightly older girl at her part time job who has a baby and lives on her own. I will continue to set limits, allow her to fall on her face occasionally..and hope and pray that when push comes to shove she does the right thing.

p.s.s. I think I am going to have to go through this at least two more times..someone tell me boys do not act this way..and I'll at least have a break where he is concerned?

I think your hunch is on the mark regarding her older friend. Seems plausible that her older friend has issues with her parents (due to being a "knocked up young adult" ?), and some of that is getting communicated to your daughter, in the form of "bad influence", who probably feels she can relate to her friend more than you, at this stage in her life.

Do you know the background of her friend well?

.

As for your sons ... you'll have a much easier time "reading" them in their later teenage years. Your hubby should of a lot of help in "guiding" them thru those years, particularly if he is on good terms with them.

Speaking of hubby, and him being a police officer... I realize both of you probably prefer he does not bring elements of his work home... but how much exposure do your kids have to observing or being aware of older teenagers / young adults, that made very poor life decisions, where a couple of events created a downhill cascade reaction? I'm thinking along the lines of the "scare them straight" theme.

[Gan]

Worse comes to worst she will have to go to community college until her grades are good enough to transfer to a real school. Just keep her in school, off drugs, w/o child, and out of jail while she is still under your roof and that is really the best you can hope to do.

Community college. Yea!

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/SEA/AA33.jpg

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I think everyone is overreacting, btw. Hormonal teen raging isn't really all that uncommon, and B4Hand sounds like she's a good mom and on top of that shit - she's just venting.

[Asha]

I think everyone is overreacting, btw. Hormonal teen raging isn't really all that uncommon, and B4Hand sounds like she's a good mom and on top of that shit - she's just venting.

This, this and this.

[Gelston]

I've always liked reading the first post and then going to the last page of a thread that is over 6 pages. I always find it interesting to see what it has evolved (or usually devolved) to. Unfortunately, this one is still fairly on topic. :(

[EasternBrand]

I've always liked reading the first post and then going to the last page of a thread that is over 6 pages. I always find it interesting to see what it has evolved (or usually devolved) to. Unfortunately, this one is still fairly on topic. :(

Say... if we increase government funding to the school system and pass a legitimate healthcare bill, maybe a school-sponsored therapist could have handled this problem before it arose.

Edit: Oh... something something Muslims.

[Delias]

Look, I don't want to make you feel bad, b4hand, but you need to enact ALL of the advice you have been given here. At the same time. It's the internet. It can't be wrong. EVER.

[WRoss]

Money can always relieve pain, if there is enough. How much do you want for her?

[Gnome Rage]

Its the drugs.

[Delias]

Its the drugs.

I was just wondering where you were yesterday and smiling to realize it wasn't here. You've ruined that now.

[B4Hand]

I have genuinely enjoyed hearing everyone's advice/response/crazy ideas! Mainly..yes I came here to vent, and also to see who remembered being 17..and what the heck was wrong with (or not wrong with) their brain at that time.

Today we are actually talking, we had a girl to girl talk last night.. so who knows how long this..grown up girl will keep acting grown up..before she throws another fit where she stomps on the floor, and pounds her little fist in the wall..swearing she is old enough to make all her own decisions darn it! (seriously she did the same thing when she was 2 years old and I said "No, you cannot have any more candy."). She's such a good kid, and I love her dearly..it's just very difficult to let her be big... I do so because it's best for her, but it kills me.

All of you with small children and babies, remember they grow up way to fast..you blink and you miss it.

[4a6c1]

No shutup she wont grow. I'll find some magical alkaloid that stops her growth or something. Shutup.

[AnticorRifling]

There is so much wrong with this thread.

[Liagala]

There is so much wrong with this thread.
No mention of beating the daughter until behavior improves?

[NocturnalRob]

There is so much wrong with this thread.
My advice? Have twin sons. Problem solved.

[AnticorRifling]

Truth.

[BriarFox]

My advice? Have twin sons. Problem solved.

Worked for my parents.

[AnticorRifling]

Fuck.......

[4a6c1]

Oooh. The Chinese method. No daughters is a super smart idea. ROR.

[MotleyCrew]

My mom always called the years from about 16 - 21 'the non-human years'. I'm sure you do your best, and she will have to stumble and struggle a bit to realize that you do really care. This is her time to find her own stride and direction.

Hold on tight, the ride gets rough from here. ;)

[AnticorRifling]

Hold on tight, the ride gets rough from here. ;)

Your mom told me the same thing.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

When my sister turned 19 she married a mexican illegal alien drug dealer to demonstrate exactly how fucking crazy she was. That was annuled shortly after, thank god.

I knew something was up when I was at their apartment one night and he opened a steamer trunk (who keeps a steamer trunk?!) that could have held a full grown man, and the inside was completely full of rolled joints. He explained that he didn't deal drugs, he only rolled joints for the drug importers, gave them back and they sold them.

Man that was a lot of joints. But yeah, bitches be crazy.

[NocturnalRob]

Your mom told me the same thing.
Right before she put on the new strap-on.

[AnticorRifling]

Did I say 2 fingers? Better make it 3.

[MotleyCrew]

Your mom told me the same thing.

You should be so lucky.

[WRoss]

I figured it out! Your daughter is discovering she is a lesbian and adopting the Welfidia and Guenhafyr motto: Lesbian bitches be crazy, and dumb, and incompetent, and oblivious, and militant.

[NocturnalRob]

Your mom told me the same thing.
http://images2.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/4182253/i-dont-always-eat-beef-jerky-but-when-i-do-i-prefer-your-moms-panties.jpg

[4a6c1]

I figured it out! Your daughter is discovering she is a lesbian and adopting the Welfidia and Guenhafyr motto: Lesbian bitches be crazy, and dumb, and incompetent, and oblivious, and militant.

I'm not sure what your talking about here but I'm going to kick in your door and steal all your left shoes because I tripped over my own foot while I was looking at it and now I have a grudge against left feet. Sometimes I forget things so if I forget to do all this can you please do it for me?

[DCSL]

I'm not sure what your talking about here but I'm going to kick in your door and steal all your left shoes because I tripped over my own foot while I was looking at it and now I have a grudge against left feet. Sometimes I forget things so if I forget to do all this can you please do it for me?

That was almost TOO subtle.

[4a6c1]

Oh thanks. I've been practicing on the el salvador people who clean the monkey cages.