Suppa Hobbit Mage
01-21-2011, 01:21 PM
> Subject: Why did the chicken cross the road?>
> Celebrity answers:
>
> SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it,
> he's a maverick!
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
> change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
> chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
> little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
> qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country
> gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't
> about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
> road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or
> not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
> here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
> now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
> chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
> chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
> realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road
> before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need
> to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
> current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
> is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the
> chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
> going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the
> road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
> but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
> road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
> can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
> was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
> when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
> insider information.
>
> DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
> toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
> told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
> plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That
> chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
> we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal
> media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.'
> That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
> that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
> Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
> be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
> story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting and went on to
> accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
> together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only
> cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
> your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This
> new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
> road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
> Celebrity answers:
>
> SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it,
> he's a maverick!
>
> BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for
> change! The chicken wanted change!
>
> JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
> recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
> chickens on the other side of the road.
>
> HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that
> little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely
> qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country
> gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't
> about me.
>
> GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the
> road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or
> not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
> here.
>
> DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
>
> COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
> satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
>
> BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
>
> AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
>
> JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am
> now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
> chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
>
> AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
> chickens.
>
> DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't
> realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road
> before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need
> to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
> current problems before adding new problems.
>
> OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which
> is why he wants to cross this road so badly. So instead of having the
> chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
> going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the
> road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
>
> ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
> but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the
> road.
>
> NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You
> can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
>
> PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
>
> MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
> was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
> when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
> insider information.
>
> DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a
> toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
> told.
>
> ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
>
> JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the
> plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, That
> chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
> we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal
> media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.'
> That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
> that.
>
> GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
> Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
>
> BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
> be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
> story of how it experienced a serious case of moulting and went on to
> accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
>
> ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
>
> JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
> together, in peace.
>
> BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only
> cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
> your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This
> new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
>
> ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the
> road move beneath the chicken?
>
> COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?