the Art of the Burger

[IorakeWarhammer]

hoping to see some variety of posts about different burger recipes. or just another thread of trolling that dies after 2-3 weeks. would PREFER the former.

so here goes. drew's halaal bacon cheeseburger:

Get a standard size package of ground beef from the store. (usually makes 4-5 burgers)

take a large white onion, chop it pretty fine. add to the uncooked meat. also add a teaspoon of red-hot, a teaspoon of barbeque sauce, black pepper, a dash or cayenne pepper, a dash of seasoned salt. make sure to flatten patties because the onion will make them fall apart a little easier. the ONION IS KEY!!!

once burgers are done, add a slice of cheese to the top. also add bacon if you like. i use halaal beef bacon, and I remove the stringy fat pieces, i also break it up into pieces and put it right on top of the hot cheese (which keeps the smaller pieces of bacon in place so they don't fall out)

once bacon is on the cheese, lightly toast buns in a toaster oven. once buns are done, assemble the burger, and flatten your finished product a little to give it that fast-food feel. enjoy!

[Androidpk]

Bacon from anything other than a pig isn't bacon.

[NocturnalRob]

Flattening the patty at any point is fucking amateur. You press the fat out, and the burger isn't as good.

If you're having problems with the patty falling apart, then add some cracker crumbs as a cohesive agent. And putting bbq sauce in your raw meat makes me fucking cry.

[IorakeWarhammer]

i am an amateur cook. so how to form it into a patty if you can't flatten?!

also - how many crackers?! like.. 1 ritz per patty? 1/2 of a ritz? sounds like a good idea.

also - bbq sauce bad? will it cook into it weird? just use a tiny bit.

[Cephalopod]

This recipe is so full of fail. Please, learn to cook a burger properly.

Loose molding with your hands, minimal handling on the grill. No one wants a 'fast-food' looking burger.

BBQ sauce goes on the burger afterwards. A small amount of Worcestershire sauce isn't bad in the meat-mixture before, though.

As an alternative to Rob's suggestion of cracker-crumbs, you can also mix in an egg for thickening.

Finally, real bacon. Fuck religion.
http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c72/dance-commander/10.jpg

[Wyrmx]

Why am i not surprised you would kill something as American as a bacon cheeseburger!

Go back to Falafel burgers :forehead:

[NocturnalRob]

Fuck, man...

Ground beef. Chuck/sirloin mix. My preference is about 75/25. Chuck is moist and fatty. Sirloin adds a lot of flavor.

Add kosher salt & black pepper. Place meat in fridge for 15 minutes. Form loose patties. Heat the shit out of your grill. 3-4 minutes on each side depending on the thickness of your patties.

While they're cooking, don't touch the fucking things. Leave them alone.

You can also baste the meat pre-grill with a little sage butter if you're down with that. Some people like it, some people don't.

[Back]

The PC cracks me the fuck up sometimes.

[Back]

You can also baste the meat pre-grill with a little sage butter if you're down with that. Some people like it, some people don't.

THE FUCK???? Maybe if you like homo-burger.

[IorakeWarhammer]

i actually respect the sage butter. i am trying to learn to cook. great tips here.

no molesting the burger?! eaaaak

also beef bacon tastes similar to pork bacon

thanks for the great responses!! KEEP EM COMING!

NocturnalRob, what do you think of the onions? It really makes it taste great and it gives it that krystal burger feel.

[NocturnalRob]

THE FUCK???? Maybe if you like homo-burger.
Please don't make me demoralize the fuck out of you yet again.

And LOL at you accusing anyone of being gay.

[NocturnalRob]

NocturnalRob, what do you think of the onions? It really makes it taste great and it gives it that krystal burger feel.
No. Onions are a condiment. They're not an ingredient in the patty.

[EasternBrand]

how is pattty formed??

[IorakeWarhammer]

nocturnalrob, i DARE you to make a burger with chopped onion inside and see how you like it..

[waywardgs]

When you form the patties, it can help to form them slightly concave on each side so they fill out evenly during cooking expansion. 80/20 is good, so is 75/25.

Something else that's true for ALL cooking: to get good food, use good ingredients. No discount 15 day old ground beef from walmart. Fresh ground, from a good butcher.

[LMingrone]

Fresh made (same day) bread, high quality cheese, burger (I like 80/20, with Worcestershire, small amount of egg to bind it, pepper), topped with bacon, jalepenos, and a tiny amount of mayo to keep the bread from getting soggy. On a natural gas grill = MONEY.

[NocturnalRob]

Good call on the egg. Only the white though, right? I've found the yolk messes with the flavor. And for whatever reason I've never been much of a Worcestershire fan on my burger, although I appreciate it on other food.

[waywardgs]

I like the worcestershire sauce. Also, a fried egg on top is pretty friggin' good.

[IorakeWarhammer]

a splash of worchester.. egg...

so, like a whole single egg white for 5 patties?

also you said "don't touch them"

is that why when i slam my spatula down on the burgers like 20 times, they end up a bit dry?! hehe

[Warriorbird]

The closest onion gets to inside my burgers is some potential onion/garlic powder usage in the spice mix for the patties. Sometimes I'll use some oregano and basil as well, as well as some salt and pepper.

You hand form patties. You don't hand smash patties.

...and I still don't smash them even when I use buffalo, which is something like 92/8. I really appreciate the fact that we have a local buffalo herd.

Sometimes I like to roast garlic and red pepper on the side for condiments, and sometimes I'll carmelize onions.

Get the buns from a bakery. Farmer's market or a real butcher (you live in a city, I assume) is a better source for meat.

I don't like my beef to come from potentially 20 different animals.

Skip the fake bacon. The money you save will probably get you other better stuff.

[Back]

Damn. Ground chuck. Lawrys garlic salt. Kraft American cheese. Potato rolls. Heinz ketchup and French's yellow mustard. Keep it simple.

[Archigeek]

Kraft "American" cheese is un-American. It isn't even frickin' cheese by almost anyone's standards. Get some real cheese.

Also, to nitpick: it's bison, not buffalo, unless you're making water buffalo burgers, which would be a waste of an animal who's milk makes some of the best cheese ever; real cheese, unlike kraft "American" cheese.

Handling the burger pre-cooking is fine, but yeah, don't ever squish cooking meat, you're just squeezing out the flavor. Another thing that seems to help is to let the meat come to room temperature before you cook it. This helps get even cooking without turning your burger into a hockey puck on the outside.

[Warriorbird]

Kraft "American" cheese is un-American. It isn't even frickin' cheese by almost anyone's standards. Get some real cheese.

Also, to nitpick: it's bison, not buffalo, unless you're making water buffalo burgers, which would be a waste of an animal who's milk makes some of the best cheese ever; real cheese, unlike kraft "American" cheese.

Handling the burger pre-cooking is fine, but yeah, don't ever squish cooking meat, you're just squeezing out the flavor. Another thing that seems to help is to let the meat come to room temperature before you cook it. This helps get even cooking without turning your burger into a hockey puck on the outside.

I obviously make Cape Buffalo burgers! That's how manly they are.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3d/African_buffalo_Syncerus_caffer_retouched.jpg/800px-African_buffalo_Syncerus_caffer_retouched.jpg

Dubious safari targets aside, you're correct. We cook tasty local bison.

Post going to college in a town announced by a "Cheese, Liquor, Fireworks, and Guns." store I haven't really been cheese on burgers, but I'd like to echo the "American Cheese is terrible." sentiment as well.

EDIT:

LOL. Old image from a debate with some family. Somebody claimed Daily Kos wasn't politicizing the Arizona shooting.

[Paradii]

Flattening the patty at any point is fucking amateur. You press the fat out, and the burger isn't as good.

If you're having problems with the patty falling apart, then add some cracker crumbs as a cohesive agent. And putting bbq sauce in your raw meat makes me fucking cry.

I will disagree to a point. When dealing with beef, I will say don't touch it. If you are using a leaner meat such as venison, elk, or moose, I would apply some pressure to it. Not to the point of flattening it but you want to squeeze some of the juice out, but I didn't read the OP since I have that DB ignored.

[NocturnalRob]

I've never eaten elk or moose. And I would never make a burger out of a meat as lean as venison.

So...yeah.

[Paradii]

I've never eaten elk or moose. And I would never make a burger out of a meat as lean as venison.

So...yeah.

I hate to break it to you. Venison is superior to a beef burger. I'd look into it if I were you.

[NocturnalRob]

I hate to break it to you. Venison is superior to a beef burger.
Forgive me if I am of the mind that your opinion is total dogshit in most regards. Especially when it comes to overarching statements like this.

[Warriorbird]

Forgive me if I am of the mind that your opinion is total dogshit in most regards. Especially when it comes to overarching statements like this.

Venison CAN be good. Most of the stuff people get in the states is pretty terrible though. Most hunters also don't really get how to prep it. I still don't squish game type burgers though. Kills the juice. If I do venison I'm more likely to do a steak or roast.

[NocturnalRob]

If I do venison I'm more likely to do a steak or roast.
^^this. Again, why would you waste venison making a burger?

[Warriorbird]

^^this. Again, why would you waste venison making a burger?

Some of the meat involved won't necessarily work for other stuff. We usually use that for sausage, but not everybody wants to go through the sausage making process.

I prefer beef or bison burgers even though with effort I could probably have way too much venison.

Some more adept hunting folks might have different opinions.

[Archigeek]

Some of the meat involved won't necessarily work for other stuff. We usually use that for sausage, but not everybody wants to go through the sausage making process.

I prefer beef or bison even though with effort I could probably have way too much venison.

Exactly. Not all cuts of venison are suitable for making steaks or roasting, but mix it with some quality pork and you get some pretty good sausage. The same would apply to a burger I'd think.

[Revial]

Take your beef and some diced/cut up onions and mix the two together with some marinade (whatever flavor you want). Take your meat and put it on the grill after you've made your patty, cook it.

That's my recipe. Enjoy.

[Danical]

http://www.cooksillustrated.com/recipes/article.asp?docid=15209&Extcode=K00NCSW00

The video for members (14 day free trial!?!>?!?!!?1) gives me a raging erection.

[Back]

Please don't make me demoralize the fuck out of you yet again.

And LOL at you accusing anyone of being gay.

Do you lather your ath with thage butter altho? Tho delithous!

I mean seriously. You flame Iorake for putting onions in his patties then come back with sage butter? Really?

ITS FUCKING HAMBURGER. If you get this defensive about ground beef you’ve obviously got something more to prove to somebody who gives a shit.

[Revial]

ITS FUCKING HAMBURGER. If you get this defensive about ground beef you’ve obviously got something more to prove to somebody who gives a shit.

Some dudes get pretty hostile about their meats.

[NocturnalRob]

ITS FUCKING HAMBURGER.
yeah, that's where you're wrong. enjoy your shitty burgers, guy.


If you get this defensive about ground beef you’ve obviously got something more to prove to somebody who gives a shit.
Hey, have you seen your Beer thread? Right. Fuck you.

[Revial]

Say Rob, you take ketchup on your steak?

[Paradii]

^^this. Again, why would you waste venison making a burger?

......obviously you do not know anything about what happens when you slaughter an animal.

[NocturnalRob]

Say Rob, you take ketchup on your steak?
Nope. Only sage butter.


......obviously you do not know anything about what happens when you slaughter an animal.
You are correct. I would assume it dies and you're left with various cuts of meat?

[Paradii]

Nope. Only sage butter.

Then keep your "overarching" opinions to yourself, numbnuts.

[Revial]

Nope. Only sage butter.

So it's just butter on your meat?

[Warriorbird]

Some dudes get pretty hostile about their meats.

Like Tony Soprano.

[Revial]

Like Tony Soprano.

Yeah, like him. Every good crime boss has to be protective of his food. Especially if they're fat.

[NocturnalRob]

Then keep your "overarching" opinions to yourself, numbnuts.
Your response was to a question I asked. It wasn't an opinion.

But if you want to present something as fact without explaining it, maybe you and PB should hang out more often.

[waywardgs]

I love how on the pc, no matter what the topic, every single thread devolves into a fight.

[NocturnalRob]

I love how on the pc, no matter what the topic, every single thread devolves into a fight.
YOU SHUT UP! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!

[Warriorbird]

I love how on the pc, no matter what the topic, every single thread devolves into a fight.

SHOW'S WHAT YOU KNOW!

[Revial]

I love how on the pc, no matter what the topic, every single thread devolves into a fight.

If the PC were a country, it'd be fucked.

[NocturnalRob]

SHOW'S WHAT YOUR KNOW!
sigh...

[Warriorbird]

sigh...

SHOW'S WHAT YOUR KNOW!

On topic:

Iceberg lettuce is just as bad as "American" cheese.

[NocturnalRob]

Iceberg lettuce is just as bad as "American" cheese.
That, sir, is a fake lettuce. FAKE, I SAY!

[Warriorbird]

That, sir, is a fake lettuce. FAKE, I SAY!

I can even impersonate the Beer thread.

I had some hydroponic lettuce, Bibb, from Boston, the last time I made burgers. It was incredible. It was so good it actually reduced a little bit of the hate I hold for the current residence of the ex.

[NocturnalRob]

I can even impersonate the Beer thread.
Had some iceberg lettuce last night while I cried myself to sleep. The crunch was reminiscent of my first non-sexual carrot experience. The texture was firm, yet gentle. The odor was mild, yet masculine. The aftertaste was just what I was seeking. Overall an effervescent and fruity lettuce with hints of boldness.

[Stanley Burrell]

Pretty sure /thread.

[Back]

Pretty sure /thread.

Blah... I can snob up burger if I really wanted too. Kobe beef burger, fed a beer everyday and massaged in champagne, with organic wheat bun and micro arugula with Belgian monk ground mustard and aged gruyere with Okinawan purple potato fries fried in duck fat.

Fuck sake.

[Kuyuk]

Fuck sake.

I like hot sake.

[Back]

Now I am hungry.

[NocturnalRob]

massaged in champagne
That would dry the beef out.


Fuck sake.
I like sake. Experience other cultures.

edit: DAMN YOU, KUYUK

[Stanley Burrell]

Blah... I can snob up burger if I really wanted too. Kobe beef burger, fed a beer everyday and massaged in champagne, with organic wheat bun and green sprouts with Belgian monk ground mustard and aged gruyere with Okinawan purple potato fries fried in duck fat.

Fuck sake.

What happened to the Backlash who would do stuff like photoshop "Dude" on my back as a tattoo? It was no Eda(a)rin animated nipple .gif, but it was still pretty O.K.

What happened?

[Back]

What happened to the Backlash who would do stuff like photoshop "Dude" on my back as a tattoo? It was no Eda(a)rin animated nipple .gif, but it was still pretty O.K.

What happened?

That was years ago. Lets move on.

[subzero]

I hate to break it to you. Venison is superior to a beef burger. I'd look into it if I were you.

I have to agree that good ole' Bamby burgers are pretty damn good.

[diethx]

I can even impersonate the Beer thread.

I had some hydroponic lettuce, Bibb, from Boston, the last time I made burgers. It was incredible. It was so good it actually reduced a little bit of the hate I hold for the current residence of the ex.

lol. I heart you.

[IorakeWarhammer]

wouldn't venison be too gamey for a burger?

just made up a stupid joke

whats it called when IW makes fries?

BEARD BATTERED!!!!! eheheoea

[Back]

Honestly I think venison makes better sausage than burgers.

Look, ok, all snobbery aside, I love loose ground chuck or angus, nice and juicy, on butter toasted potato rolls. Give me real cheddar or swiss or both and some bacon with lettuce and tomato. Sauté some onions, get me some brown mustard and decent ketchup and I am in a coma.

PS. I’ll path on the thage butter, thankth thweetie.

[LMingrone]

I just had Five Guys. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO. Free peanuts.

[Back]

I just had Five Guys. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO. Free peanuts.

They do simple burgers well.

[LMingrone]

Plus if you ask for fries they fill the bag to the MAXXX. Doesn't hurt that I know one of the owners.

Edit: I made the signs for the Orange and New Haven locations. CT. BURGERS SON.

[Paradii]

I just had Five Guys. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO. Free peanuts.

Speaking of you having sex with five men, you should try Five Guys the burger joint. It's pretty good.

[LMingrone]

"Paradii is gay"

That's the last rep I got.

[Paradii]

"Paradii is gay"

That's the last rep I got.

Yeah, I get that rep a few times a week. I blame it on wishful thinking by Rob and Anticor.

[NocturnalRob]

Yeah, I get that rep a few times a week. I blame it on wishful thinking by Rob and Anticor.
Sorry. Mine would read "Paradii is dead."

[Paradii]

Sorry. Mine would read "Paradii is dead."

you forgot sexy at the end.

[LMingrone]

Hah. Wasn't trying to be a bitch, that was honestly the last rep I received.

the Art of the Burger 01-11-2011 06:30 PM Paradii is not gay, I would know, I am a dude and he won't have sex with me ~ Paradii
the Art of the Burger 01-11-2011 06:29 PM no he isn't! yes he is.

[Paradii]

Hah. Wasn't trying to be a bitch, that was honestly the last rep I received.

the Art of the Burger 01-11-2011 06:30 PM Paradii is not gay, I would know, I am a dude and he won't have sex with me ~ Paradii
the Art of the Burger 01-11-2011 06:29 PM no he isn't! yes he is.
Respond to Reputation... 01-07-2011 12:49 PM Paradii is gay

Oh, I didn't doubt you. I am fully aware that people call each other gay via the rep system.

[diethx]

Plus if you ask for fries they fill the bag to the MAXXX. Doesn't hurt that I know one of the owners.

They do that for everyone.

[LMingrone]

They do that for everyone.

Do they drop it off at your place of work? Nothing better than having some dude drop off five double-burgers and five bags of fries while you're working.

[diethx]

Do they drop it off at your place of work? Nothing better than having some dude drop off five double-burgers and five bags of fries while you're working.

I'm not sure if the ones here deliver, i've never tried to get delivery.

[LMingrone]

The ones around here don't deliver, none of them do. I'm saying, since I worked for them, they drop off BACON BURGERS and FRIES to me for FREE.

[Back]

5 Guys made it to CT? Their business model and product are winners.. though I wish they would add chili to their toppings.

[diethx]

The ones around here don't deliver, none of them do. I'm saying, since I worked for them, they drop off BACON BURGERS and FRIES to me for FREE.

Probably should've led with that then ;)

[LMingrone]

Probably should've led with that then ;)

You're right. I don't wanna be looked at like a troll. Five Guys burgers are soooo good though. That was the only point I was trying to make. I tried too hard to make myself to look like a free-Awesome-burger-eating-king. My bad.

[diethx]

You're right. I don't wanna be looked at like a troll. Five Guys burgers are soooo good though. That was the only point I was trying to make. I tried too hard to make myself to look like a free-Awesome-burger-eating-king. My bad.

Apology accepted!

[Androidpk]

Five Guys burgers...

Now I remember why I want to go back to DC.

[WRoss]

I usually get my meat from a local butcher who gets great meat. Kobe, filet, ostrich...etc. My favorite burger, which is also a heart attack on a plate goes like this.

Serves 4

2lbs ground meat (your choice)
2 egg whites
2 tbspn Worcestershire
2 tbspn Soy
2 tbspn teriyaki
2 tbspn water
pinch garlic salt
4 slices cheddar
1 jalapeno
slices of bacon to taste

Make 4 patties with the ground meat. Work in the egg white while making patties. This will hold in the moisture in the meat creating juicy awesomeness.

Combine the soy, teriyaki, Worcestershire, and water. Stir and add the pinch of garlic salt. This will turn into the juicy salty awesomeness.

Put the patties on the grill, glazing the tops of each burger with 3/4 of the marinade. A lot will burn off, which is alright because it should smell amazing. After flipping the burgers glaze the burgers with the remaining marinade. I place the jalapenos on the burger before the cheese. I add the cheese with about 60 to 90 seconds left to give a chance for the jalapenos to soften a little.

Add bacon to taste. I prefer to serve it open faced on different artisan breads, but a good ole bun will work.

[Cephalopod]

I usually get my meat from a local butcher who gets great meat. Kobe, filet, ostrich...etc. My favorite burger, which is also a heart attack on a plate goes like this.


Good-looking recipe.

Question: I've never had a Kobe burger, but a place near my office has one on their menu. It seems like some sort of sacrilege to use such expensive beef in a burger. How do they taste?

[RichardCranium]

Good-looking recipe.

Question: I've never had a Kobe burger, but a place near my office has one on their menu. It seems like some sort of sacrilege to use such expensive beef in a burger. How do they taste?

Like a nineteen year old white girl and a two million dollar diamond?

[Warriorbird]

Good-looking recipe.

Question: I've never had a Kobe burger, but a place near my office has one on their menu. It seems like some sort of sacrilege to use such expensive beef in a burger. How do they taste?

Imagine all the good quality and juiciness of fat in beef without any of the 'that's weird' that comes with eating lower quality beef. I've only had a Kobe beef burger once. I wasn't paying. I enjoyed it a great deal though.

Many people do think using Kobe beef for anything other than steak is ridiculous. The marbling is fantastic. The actual Wagyu beef is very white. A lot of what you get as "Kobe" beef in America is crossbred with Black Angus to work out well here and be redder and be less expensive for the chef to use.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bf/Wagyu_beef_marbling_detail.jpg

[WRoss]

Good-looking recipe.

Question: I've never had a Kobe burger, but a place near my office has one on their menu. It seems like some sort of sacrilege to use such expensive beef in a burger. How do they taste?

I love it. If you want to be completely absurd, add in some white truffle oil while you are pattying the meat then put some truffles on the burger before you melt the cheese! NOM NOM NOM

[Back]

I love it. If you want to be completely absurd, add in some white truffle oil while you are pattying the meat then put some truffles on the burger before you melt the cheese! NOM NOM NOM

And pop some Dom Pérignon while you are at it. Shit aint cheap.

[WRoss]

And pop some Dom Pérignon while you are at it. Shit aint cheap.

That's funny because someone gave me a 1998 bottle of Dom for Christmas and I have a 2lb jar of truffles. Random that I have both at the same time. That'll likely never happen again.