50 Facts About Women. (Article Happily Plagiarized)

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'.

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-
language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentines Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a
conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

41. Did I mention that even after a careful and through explaination to the men in their lives, only women will understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'?

42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'


By Stan, A feminazi.

[DeV]

Number 8 is false. :)

[Artha]

49 out of 50 isn't bad.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Artha
49 out of 50 isn't bad. I could have gone on. I stopped reading after 8.

[Weedmage Princess]

Yeah, I'm going to a male-bashing site. I'm hating men right now.

Weedmage, please carefully read #4, and cry loudly into the microphone about your newfound hatred of men.

[Weedmage Princess]

I'd tell you what you can do Stanley, but I'd wind up getting banned from the boards. I'll just say it involves chains, shackles and sulfuric acid. And :stfu:

[Artha]

'll just say it involves chains, shackles and sulfuric acid.

Little Timmy was a chemist, but is a chemist no more. What he thought was H20 was H2S04. + Chains and shackles.

[Weedmage Princess]

muahahaha!

[J-Tech]

Originally posted by Artha

'll just say it involves chains, shackles and sulfuric acid.

Little Timmy was a chemist, but is a chemist no more. What he thought was H20 was H2S04. + Chains and shackles.

roflmao - thats some funny shit man.

weedmage is so sexy when she's frusterated. 24/7 sexiness.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<weedmage is so sexy when she's frusterated.>>

Somewhat true.

<<24/7 sexiness.>>

Yes.

Bob's got the DL

[Weedmage Princess]

I might be many things, but frustrated isn't one of them.

[CrystalTears]

OMG according to that list, I'm not a woman. Good thing I have big breasts and a hottie frame to remind me.

[Artha]

Denial's not just a river in Egypt, CT :)

[CrystalTears]

Most of those don't apply to me. :shrug: #19 is pretty much it.

[Edited on 4/24/2004 by CrystalTears]

[Faent]

>>Little Timmy was a chemist, but is a chemist no more. What he thought was H20 was H2S04.

Heh. Cute little ditty, but Little Timmy was obviously never a chemist. H2S04 is exceedingly viscous and odoriferous. There is no way in hell it could ever, ever, ever be mistaken for H20. Yes, God is good.

I loved that list, by the way. Hilarious. And women who reject number 8, provided they aren't lesbians, are by far the coolest girls a man can date. You definitely want a woman whose libido outpaces your own. This turns the tables in your favor. Not only will this undersexed woman do everything she can to make you enjoy sex more so that she can get more sex, but her natural reforming instinct will kick in as well to try and fix your perceived lack of a sex drive.

-Scott

[Artha]

Heh. Cute little ditty, but Little Timmy was obviously never a chemist. H2S04 is exceedingly viscous and odoriferous. There is no way in hell it could ever, ever, ever be mistaken for H20. Yes, God is good.

Heh, yeah, but it's a good way to remember the chemical formula of sulfuric acid.

[TheEschaton]

The easier way to remember it is that all "ic" acids contain oxygen, all acids contain hydrogen, remember that oxygen forms two bonds, hydrogen 1, and sulphur 4, and bam, there you have it, the math works itself out.

-TheE-

[Xcalibur]

Facts: most women's toilette in public area are DIRTIER than men's.

Reason is simple: It's not their own, respect is then secondary.

Women = rock

Women's mind = easy to understand

Women in general = cool:cool::socool:

[Artha]

The easier way to remember it is that all "ic" acids contain oxygen, all acids contain hydrogen, remember that oxygen forms two bonds, hydrogen 1, and sulphur 4, and bam, there you have it, the math works itself out.

Sure, but can you make that rhyme?

[Atlanteax]

Hilarious stuff... :lol: :roll: :lol:

Though #39 doens't apply to me (as a male).

[SpunGirl]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

Wrong. I also feel in control in my car, at my job, and most of the time, in my house. I do share the control a little, but I can take it back if I want.


[i]4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

Crying alone for me is pointless, because you can't resolve the issue unless you can talk to someone about it. Why sob to yourself?


[i]8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

This has to be the biggest loser on this list. If I wanted to air my own dirty laundry here I could go into a multitude of reasons why. But I won't.


[i]14. Women think all beer is the same.

I'd like to refer you to the thread where I tell Tayre, upon his first drunken escapade, that I am deeply dissapointed in him for drinking Keystone and I request that next time he try Rolling Rock or Bass.


[i]16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

There are a TON of women that play GS, and "an escape from reality" is exactly what GS IS. Dur.


[i]29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

I usually do.


[i]33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

I heart my boobs.


[i]40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

I have guest towels in my guest BATHROOM. If you cannot understand this, you are a moron. I do not have good china, I have some excellent Dansk dishes that food sits on just fine - cheeseburger or salmon, whatever.


[i]42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

I have no problem with women having to sign up for the draft.


[i]6. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Gilbert Gottfried is not funny, just annoying. Jon Stewart, on the other hand, is funny AND hot.


[i]49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

We're a lot more sly. Get used to it.

The omission of arguments to some of the 50 does not mean I find them truthful. In some cases, they are simply too moronic to debate.

Except for the one about spiders, which I hate.

-K

[TheEschaton]

Just for SpunGirl

http://entomology.unl.edu/images/spiders/blkwidow1.jpg

-TheE-

[Atlanteax]

Originally posted by TheEschaton
Just for SpunGirl

[image of spider]

-TheE-

:lol: Nicely done there... :clap:

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by TheEschaton
The easier way to remember it is that all "ic" acids contain oxygen, all acids contain hydrogen, remember that oxygen forms two bonds, hydrogen 1, and sulphur 4, and bam, there you have it, the math works itself out.I'll take sulfate and sulfite for $400, Alex.

[Mint]

Damn another @##%$#@#@$$% spider picture! I hate you. Is no thread safe from you spider picture posters???

[SpunGirl]

If you didn't hear it where you were, that was an audible shriek.

I FUCKING HATE SPIDERS. Except daddy longlegs.

-K

[Caiylania]

I have a good reason to hate spiders, one bit my daughter and caused her to scream and her hand to swell up and not be able to move.

Like Spun, I could argue the list, but why bother. Let men have their myth's, it gives us more power.

:D

I just copied the list from some stupid sight. Women have all the power anyway, now clamp me down and dominate me.

[Shari]

So I had like 5 of these rumors dispelled and hit the wrong fucking button and deleted it. I'll re-summarize.

I must be the exception to the rule because many of these I find to be false.

1. I like to shop. But I am in control of everything in my life, and if I'm not, I'm working to correct that.
2. Poor college student-I can ONLY buy things on sale.
3.Forget to do laundry, don't have time to do it, last minute panic.
4. Bullshit. I wait to cry when nobody can see me.
5. I like a debate. Pretty good about not saying who's right or wrong.
6. I like to talk when there is something TO talk about. Silence is good.
7. This just pisses me off.
8. I don't think its an emotional thing that makes me not want sex enough as a guy, but you need to be creative to keep my attention or I don't want it.
9. I hate bugs...but I did make my own flame-thrower from wd-40 to incincerate a black widow tonight.
10. I am a VERY good secret-keeper. Unless it endangers someone's life, I don't say a peep.
11. I FUCKING HATE THIS. I don't understand it myself. I go in there to pee, not gossip.
12. I am purposely online so I can avoid phonecalls.
13. Likes toys too. Especially big expensive ones.
14. Why drink beer when there is tequila?
15. Sorry, true. But you forget the 4 body washes, conditioners, facial scrubs, etc.
16. Plays softball, pool, darts, anything that is HIGHLY competative.
17. Sorry but true.
18. Umm, no. Sometimes I wont brush/wash my hair all day and just keep it in a ponytail.
19. Lick only, and gently suck out icecream from down inside cone
20. No argument there
21. Has been wrong, but refuses to say when.
22. I can change my own oil, oil filter, fuel filter, air filter, transmission fluid, and my tires. Will learn to chang diff fluid soon too.
23. True
24. True
25. I like INDOOR cats. People who let cats run around outdoors are stupid. But, I am allergic so no owning cats.
26. Didn't I just express my hatred of phones earlier?
27. Are you kidding me? During school days I roll out of bed.
28. No way...gotta use that 4wd for something!
29. Um...talk to my boyfriend about that one.
30. I have good self-esteem. I want to know if I look fat in something.
31. Dumb.
32. Ken doesn't even have all his parts, so dissapointing.
33. Not all of us are...140lbs, butt is fine, breasts are fine, albeit too big.
34. wtf!?
35. You're right, it does.
36. ?
37. Not all the time...
38. Again...I'm secure with my weight.
39. Hehe...some guys DO care and sometimes I receive flowers just for the hell of it. And he gets "stuff' just for the hell of it too.
40. Guest towels make the spare bath look nice and I don't have to wash them every freaking weekend, I don't own good china.
41. Was this necessary?
42. Hey, I'm all for drafting women, equal rights should be TOTALLY EQUAL....and I take out the trash, and do date nights where I pay for everything. And we have a walk-in closet..not a problem there.
43. This cracked me up! I bought one of those toilet-seat covers just comfort...not to get revenge. Had no idea it would fall until my boyfriend told me, and we removed it promptly.
44. Is guilty of this.
45. 3 speeding tickets later and a totaled truck? Um NO...this does NOT WORK.
46. Gilbert Gottfried is not funny. I would marry Robin Williams in an INSTANT.
47. Hehehe
48. That's because many straight men fucking SUCK and will not dance with their girlfriend because they think they're bad at dancing! So the girlfriend is stuck dancing with other girls so's not to piss off the boyfriend. <fumes>
49. This is because we're gifted.
50. Nah...what I usually say is..."I look SOOO way better in that then her."

[ThisOtherKingdom]

#51.) Women get so insulted whenever you say anything bad about them that they take time out of their day to refute every single point on a stupid list.

[Ambrosia]

I once bought a very thick book that was titled "What men know about women" and inside there was countless pages... of absolutely nothing.

:moon:

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom
#51.) Women get so insulted whenever you say anything bad about them that they take time out of their day to refute every single point on a stupid list.

And some people have strange hang ups about milk.

To each their own.

[Artha]

I once bought a very thick book that was titled "What men know about women" and inside there was countless pages... of absolutely nothing.

52) Women will not read a book before they buy it, to make sure it has things like words.

http://klaro.ath.cx/images/spider/evil_one_002.jpg

BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA

[ThisOtherKingdom]

Originally posted by Skirmisher

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom
#51.) Women get so insulted whenever you say anything bad about them that they take time out of their day to refute every single point on a stupid list.

And some people have strange hang ups about milk.

To each their own.

It's not a strange hang up, if you like it go ahead and drink it. But cow's milk is not meant for humans, there's no denying that.

[Shari]

Hey, I wasn't insulted, I was bored. And I didn't refute every single one, I actually agreed with a few.

IF SOMEONE POSTS ONE MORE SPIDER PICTURE I'M FLYING TO WHERE YOU LIVE AND KICKIN YOUR ASS!

Sounds kinky.

<finds a spider pic>

[Ambrosia]

Originally posted by Artha

I once bought a very thick book that was titled "What men know about women" and inside there was countless pages... of absolutely nothing.

52) Women will not read a book before they buy it, to make sure it has things like words.

BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA

I didn't buy it, it was on a counter of a guy my mom was dating when we went for dinner. :P Bugs really don't scare me. That's what raid or a good ol fashioned tennis shoe is for.

[Artha]

That's what raid or a good ol fashioned tennis shoe is for.

That one was as big as a tennis shoe :)

How to defeat a spider:
http://www.4square.ca/Gerry%20w%20spider%202.JPG

[Ambrosia]

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom
[It's not a strange hang up, if you like it go ahead and drink it. But cow's milk is not meant for humans, there's no denying that.

Do you suppose that we should milk womens breast and drink breast milk for the rest of our life? :?:

[ThisOtherKingdom]

Originally posted by Ambrosia

Originally posted by ThisOtherKingdom
[It's not a strange hang up, if you like it go ahead and drink it. But cow's milk is not meant for humans, there's no denying that.

Do you suppose that we should milk womens breast and drink breast milk for the rest of our life? :?:

No, we drink our mother's breast milk as babies because it contains the nutrients we need at that time. See the connection? Your mother's milk goes to you, the cow's milk goes to it's offspring. Your body needs calcium, not cow's milk. Calcium does a body good.

P.S. This is my last response here about this, I don't want to argue about milk in an unrelated thread. Feel free to discuss it in U2U.

[Edited on 4-24-2004 by ThisOtherKingdom]

[Miss X]

Artha = sick.

[firegirl]

Alright, I guess this is my personal opinion on some those comments. It did make me laugh this morning. Granted some are true…


1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

I think it is not the actual shopping we love. I think it is the fact you get three of your girlfriends together to walk around one afternoon, stop by a couple stores, chat, browse, joke around. It is a social thing really not an obsession to always spend money.

On the other hand….
I am sure there is other woman out there that might agree with me on this… I like grocery shopping alone sometimes, gives me a moment alone to think and not bother being social with anyone at the moment. Just give us our time.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant; so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

That is bull I think personally, I would not waste 50 dollars on a bread maker cause it is on sale and I know very well I do not eat bread or I have one in my cupboard anyway. We are saving the money to buy a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. Forget all other deals.

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

How does anyone know if we do not cry alone when absolutely no one is around to overhear or see. One reason crying is good and women are more capable of doing it, we release out emotions, grudges or feeling mostly. Example.. Break up with a boyfriend of 8 years, Cry, hurt, curse, and then we get up and go on with our lives.. Men, hold the grudge for a long time usually to woman.


5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

True. One of our many gifts.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

True as well.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

Not sure, that is an iffy one. I think it is more that we like drama to relieve our minds for that hour.
What is better for an hour of free time?.
Thinking how Victor is going to seduce Angela alone tonight
Or
I got to make dinner, Do not forget to put softener in the wash, he left a mess in the bathroom again, In the mood of sex tonight, what should I wear, I hope Jenny’s project at school goes well? … Woman= multithinkers

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

That is a lie! Obviously the person who wrote this has not been finding the right woman. I think women actually think of Sex a lot more than men – you would be surprised. I also believe that it just comes down to we are more refined. We are not really the type when we are all sweaty and full of dirt from working in the garden, come in drop our pants and say Let’s fuck. If we are gonna do it or want it, we make it worth it. We do not like bad tastes in our memories of sex.
Men need to know they are loved and desired as much as women do. It is a natural Human need in us all.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

Speaking about my group of Girlfriends, yes we gossip, we chat.. BUT stuff that is about our significant other or anything personal like that. We do not talk about. It is rare to hear to your best friend say “you know my boyfriend’s dad used to abuse him and he has these awful scars of when he used to whack him with a belt”… That is between our man and us. Always will be.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

While typing my answer to this, someone mentioned woman’s bathrooms are unclean and that is the reason… Honestly, I own a business.. Women are pigs in public bathrooms! My servers have to clean the ladies rooms at least 5 times a night, Men 1 time.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

I like that.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

Not all.



15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

My reasons for my completely cluttered bathroom… After using the same shampoo for about a month, hair gets used to the oils and nutrients it is getting and becomes prone to oiliness and breakage again. It is good to keep switching to keep it healthy not on an every day basis but a monthly or such basis.
Secondly, for the men we do this or the mood we are in. Some shampoo smells enhance your mood better: sexier, clean, refreshed, relaxed, etc…


27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

It comes down to the way we are brought up really. Dressing up in your eyes can be just normal for us, reason why.. Some mothers or both parents teach that a woman is dressed appropriately, respectfully, clean, proper. Not saying being in a t-shirt and jeans is bad at all! Just saying the interpretation of dressing up is different in your eyes and ours. Secondly, ask this question… How do you feel if your wife was always in a jogging suit and never dresses up? Does that appeal to you; I mean men do like women that look like “a women” should, no?

35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-
language.

Men need to stop thinking every “Oh, nothing” has to do with them. We do think of other things during the day that we really just do not want to talk about. We are thinking about it!


39. If it is not Valentines Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

I hope that is not true. Would be sad that there are no guys out there that do not do nice things for their wives, girlfriends or mother of their children unless they feel they half to. That really just makes the man look like shit.

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

Never try to understand a woman and their orgasms. There is much more to it that that simple saying?

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay; you don't see straight men dancing together.

Okay, and that is our problem? That has to do with male views on Homosexuality. Nothing to do with us.

[Weedmage Princess]

Why are women arguing this? Men are too thick to understand better reasoning and logic. So when they're not scratching their balls, grunting and looking at airbrushed pics of women that even if the women really DID look like that, they'd never get the time of day from thm...they're coming up with lists like this.

:bleh:

[Edited on 4-24-2004 by Weedmage Princess]

[Skirmisher]

Any spider I find out of line gets skooshed.

There may exist a spider in north america that my shoe cant squash, but I haven't met it yet.

[MPSorc]

*grunt*

scratch

scratch

[Weedmage Princess]

::tosses MP Sorc some jock itch cream::

Get that looked at. ::nods::

;p

[Edaarin]

Don't underestimate what men can do or understand. Before I found these boards, I didn't even know that women knew how to read. The things you learn on the internet...

[MPSorc]

naw, Weedie, its just sittin in this chair for 12 hours, rubs me raw, got some corn starch?

[Weedmage Princess]

::tosses MP Sorc a box of Argo corn starch::

[MPSorc]

ahh, now if i can get these drunks to get stupid and do some crazy shit i won't have to sit at this desk all night, been two weeks without anything of interest.....damn field training.

[Artha]

By request (and because this page is feeling lonely):


http://www.eqeq.com/Wildlife/images/DSC00513.JPG

[Weedmage Princess]

Holy Crap wtf type of spider is that?

I'd actually pause momentarily before stomping it.

[Artha]

Female banana spider.

[Jack]

I got a pretty good laugh out of all of those, they each have some merrit, though may not all apply to every woman. And here's a nice spider:

those are the camel spiders that eat humans right?

[Mint]

I knew better than to check this thread again. Why God why...

To spider picture posters everywhere:

[TheEschaton]

Men are too thick to understand better reasoning and logic. So when they're not scratching their balls, grunting and looking at airbrushed pics of women that even if the women really DID look like that, they'd never get the time of day from thm...they're coming up with lists like this.


Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!


_tHEe_

[Edaarin]

Dear Mint

Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do. You're not one, so no one's scared :bleh:

-- Some reporter on Family Guy

[Mint]

Originally posted by Edaarin
Dear Mint

Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do. You're not one, so no one's scared :bleh:

-- Some reporter on Family Guy

Yeah but I can hire someone to do the deed...

disclaimer: NOT a death threat, merely and observation :D

[Jack]

Originally posted by RangerD1
those are the camel spiders that eat humans right?

That is a pair of camel spiders, yes. I suppose they could eat humans if they were slow or retarded, they eat just about anything. They got the name camel spiders by getting under the packs on Beduin's camels, burrowing under the camels skin, and eating them from the inside out.

[Artha]

ph34r, Mint.

http://members.ozemail.com.au/~bradmin/spiders/CHRIS.gif

[Mint]

You made me snort laugh so you are forgiven Artha. All others can jump off a cliff.

Don't make me piss on your fare box. You forget I could easily do it.

[Mint]

Originally posted by RangerD1
Don't make me piss on your fare box. You forget I could easily do it.

<--- Is scared :sleep:

[Shari]

<purchases tickets from Southwest Air for a flight to Chesterfield, VA with a few hours layover in Texas>

[HarmNone]

Ahem. On camel spiders:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp

HarmNone, helping Snopes to debunk urban legends

[Mint]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Ahem. On camel spiders:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp

HarmNone, helping Snopes to debunk urban legends

Why HN, why?? That link should come with a disclaimer HarmNone...or should I call you HarmAllWhoFearSpiders? :(

Everyone else: This damn thread is supposed to be about bashing women NOT about spiders. Get busy.

well then what the hell are those things

[HarmNone]

Heh. I hate spiders myself! That is why I posted the link. Spiders the size of those in the above picture are, to put it simply, obscene! They do not exist!

Besides, I have seen a camel spider, so I know those ain't real. ;)

HarmNone, putting your fears to rest

[Mint]

Originally posted by HarmNone
Heh. I hate spiders myself! That is why I posted the link. Spiders the size of those in the above picture are, to put it simply, obscene! They do not exist!

Besides, I have seen a camel spider, so I know those ain't real. ;)

HarmNone, putting your fears to rest


Oh, I didnt actually read the text...just glanced at the pictures. Okay, I like you again.

[Jack]

The dead and preserved camel spider they showed us at our safety briefing in Kuwait was just a little smaller than the ones shown in that picture. They do get that big.... As for the eating camels from the inside out, that is most likely a myth.

[Artha]

Speaking of evil women...

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/images/4453/4453-26291-27039-27433.jpg

[Myshel]

I guess being a floridian, seeing the biggest spiders and cockroaches running around on a regular basis, I've never understood why people are so afraid of them. I can take a flip flop and ace one off the wall at 10 feet, which has always impressed my kids.

We used to have banana spiders in our back yard when I was a kid, they would web between the palm tree's and they were huge.

Make me a MOD and I will squish all those spider jpegs that the ladies are trembling in fear of.

I'm on your side lady.

[Myshel]

I wanted to add I am afraid of brown recluse spiders. They are tiny little things and most of the time when your bitten you never see it. My sister got bit by one and it set up an infection in her leg, that by the time it was finished looked like she had been shot.

[SpunGirl]

"Camel spiders can traverse desert sand at speeds up to 25 MPH, making screaming noises as they run."

I don't care if it's false, this is enough to give me nightmares for weeks.

You know what else scares me? Fuckin' trapdoor spiders. I watched a Discovery Channel bit on them (because it's fun to scare myself with spiders on TV) and they're these little freaks that make a trapdoor in the ground with a tunnel, and when something tasty runs across the door they SPRING out and DRAG IT INTO THEIR DARK HOLE OF DEATH AND EAT IT.

What if these things mutate and start eating hikers in the woods!

-K, my hiking boots are getting put away.

[Artha]

You guys make this too easy :)

http://goodnightstories.com/wildlife/insects/card29_3.JPG

[SpunGirl]

:help:

-K

[Skirmisher]

Taken from:
http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp


According to most spider experts, these claims are all false. Camel spiders (so named because, like camels, they can be found in sandy desert regions) grow to be moderately large (about a 5" leg span), but nowhere near as large as dinner plates; they can move very quickly in comparison to other arthropods (a top speed of maybe 10 MPH), but nothing close 25 MPH; they make no noise; and they capture prey without the use of either venom or anesthetic. Camel spiders rely on speed, stealth, and the (non-venomous) bite of powerful jaws to feed on small prey such as other arthropods (e.g., scorpions, crickets, pillbugs), lizards, and possibly mice or birds.

AKA: Skooshable.

Now this version of the taratula known as The Goliath Birdeater would make me fetch a shovel as it gets up to a foot in wingspan this site says. They also shed skin which I didnt know till an old supervisor of mine brought in the skin her tarantula had just shed the night before. The screaming of my one co worker was literally heard on different floors of the building.

This site below also has a little video of one shedding its skin.

http://www.wcsscience.com/biggest/goliathshedding.avi

I would advise Mint and others not on friendly terms with spiders to avoid it but I thought it was pretty cool.

[Ambrosia]

If you're scared of spiders and big cockroaches, don't ever move to Texas. I think the roaches here are like 3" long and an inch wide. I see spiders constantly in my back yard, most of them are only the size of a quarter though. :P

[Betheny]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

Nope. I never shop.


2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

Untrue again, as I never shop. Except for groceries on occasion.


3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.

Not true again, I'm happy wearing wtfever I pull out of the closet, and I really could care less if it matches. I get clothing advice from my boyfriend, who has 100x more clothes than me, and 100x more fashion sense. T-shirt and jeans, baby.


4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

Not true again, as I would much rather cry by myself than in front of someone. Crying = weakness, I'm not willing to show that to anybody.


5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

Wrong again, guilt is a negative feeling, I just want honesty. If someone can't give me an honest answer, whether I like it or not, then they don't trust me to be an adult and handle things like one. Encouraging positive feelings = good.


6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

Not true again, for many reasons.


7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

I hate Oprah and most daytime TV. The only thing I like on daytime is Springer reruns, but I doubt that's a female thing -- because there's nothing like a good FAKE setup of people in rediculous situations. And fights.


8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

Not true again. :( I always want it.


9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

I'll concede to this, as I have a major case of arachnaphobia. But if no one else is around, I will squish spiders. Other bugs, I have no problem mashing whatsoever.


10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

...Wow. I keep secrets pretty good, I think. But, whatever.


11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

I don't generally like or get along with other women, and it's rare I go out. I don't want to sit next to someone I know and piss, I don't want to have anything to do with anyone I know going to the bathroom. As for gossip, that's not strictly limited to women, thx.


12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

Not true, I hate answering the phone, almost as much as I hate talking on it.


13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.

If I was rich I'd have a lot of toys.


14. Women think all beer is the same.

Not true.


15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.

I own a few kinds, mostly because I have a lot of hair and I end up running out and having to go to the store, w hich sucks. So I keep extra.


16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

<3 hockey.


17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

Not true again, I'm the lightest traveller ever. On the 2-day trip from Minnesota I packed pants, a t-shirt, a sweater, and underwear. That's it.


18. Women brush their hair before bed.

I brush my hair before I go to work... and that's it.


19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

If you say so.


20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.

And men are held to the same societal standard of beauty as women.

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA.


21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

Depends on whose fault it is. I usually think apologies should be mutual. I.e. "I'm sorry I fucked up" and "I'm sorry I overreacted".


22. Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'

I can put brakes on a car and change alternators, as well as change my own oil. My dad was a mechanic. I always kick myself for not learning more from him.


23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

Only in fancy places.


24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Depends on the guy and how well groomed he is.


25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Better not...


26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

I hate talking on the phone.


27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

My boyfriend dresses up to go out, not me.


28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

...not really.


29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

I don't know who you're sleeping with, but you need a new woman.


30. Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'

Yeah we do, you're the one that has to look at us.


31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter.

Nah, it's code for "Don't do anything stupid". It might seem funny to guys, but how whiny and crabby do you guys get when you're constipated? Add hormones to that. And you'll come close to PMS.


32. The first naked man women see is 'Ken'.

If you can call Ken a man.


33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.

Kinda like guys and their dick sizes. I'd like to see what happens when guys start getting dick implants. Wouldn't you be a little insecure if you were compared to John Holmes or something?


34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

No...


35. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-
language.

No, and if it did, it means "I don't feel like discussing it right now" and will be brought up later, when one is more able to talk about it.


is Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

I don't even know what this means.


37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

Naw...

[/quote]38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain. [/quote]

I don't care much about what people think, if I"m happy with myself then that's good enough.


it is not Valentines Day and you see a m n in a flower shop, you can probably start up a
conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

I don't really like getting flowers, they die. I'd much rather have a sincere apology, maybe some steak.


40. Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.

I don't have any, if I had my way I'd eat off of paper plates, and so would everyone else.


41. Did I mention that even after a careful and through explaination to the men in their lives, only women will understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'?

I don't think anyone cares.


42. Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

I'd love to be drafted.


43. If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)

WTF??!!??


44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

That's not true, either.


45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

Not true. :( Try being a chick and being stopped by a female highway patrol dyke. Yikes!


46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

Actually I think the hottest guy evar is probably Ewan MacGregor or Henry Rollins.


47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

Who needs foreplay.


48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, You don't see straight men dancing together.

I don't dance, so who cares.


49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

I'd kill anyone that was busy eying up someone else. That's just rude. I'm out with someone, they have my full attention, and I better have theirs.


50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!'

Never been to a formal party, could really care less. Dressing up is a pain in the ass.



By Stan, A feminazi.