Letting Go

[Vesi]

Was just curious if this is really common in Gemstone. Not being able to let go of a relationship.

I know of a few people that are heartbroken in real life because something happened to their in game relationship. I think I would be able to understand roleplaying a tormented soul who had lost their love in the game. The people I'm talking about can't seem to let go out of the game. Then there are the in game ones that don't roleplay it out and just make up rumors or constantly harrass their former SO.

Thoughts?

Vesi

P. S. Hope this didn't sound too garbled.

[Scott]

Demiloa rings a bell when Yact dumped him. I remember him almost deeding himself because of it. I think be the time everything was done and he stopped, he was like 350k till. I'm sure he was crying at his computer or something....

[longshot]

I've seen some pretty ugly stuff too. I don't understand it. It is only a game.

[StrayRogue]

For some GS is more than a game; it becomes a lifestyle. I have been moved to emotion, be it happy, joyous, amused, saddness, anger etc. I think its pretty impossible for anything to be so into their character and NOT be touched by emotional things.

But I know what you mean. It IS just a game. I wouldn't kill myself RL over GS.

[Vesi]

Originally posted by StrayRogue
For some GS is more than a game; it becomes a lifestyle. I have been moved to emotion, be it happy, joyous, amused, saddness, anger etc. I think its pretty impossible for anything to be so into their character and NOT be touched by emotional things.

But I know what you mean. It IS just a game. I wouldn't kill myself RL over GS.

I also am moved concerning things in game. (me as a player) I guess I started this thread because I know someone that is torturing themselves because their SO in the game seems to have just dumped them. I'm sort of thinking it was because this player thought they were in love with the actual player and not character.

I've seen people leave because their real life SO can't stand the thought of them having a boyfriend or girlfriend in the game. I always make it clear up front my relationships in the game don't carry over to real life. I know some people have met and even married in real life because of this game and that's great.(and also sort of rare and lucky I suppose)

I guess I just hate to see someone suffering like this. I don't really have any words of wisdom to give them that won't make them look like they were foolish for getting so attached without verifying that both players felt the same. I don't know. I really started this thread hoping to get some suggestions or examples, though I see I didn't make that very clear.

Vesi

[Vesi]

Originally posted by ElanthianSiren

I'm having problems understanding, I think. So, this girl was in love with this guy whose character she happened to be dating? The guy didn't return the feelings and dumped her IC and never had any feelings ooc?

I'm not sure any one of us is qualified to comment on this situation Vesi because as they say "It takes two to tango." Whether he led her on or not, she obviously felt that there was something there. I'd like to get the full story before I say anything.

Tell your friend to try some creative writing on the subject. You never know, it might blossom into a 12 novel series with intricate plot twists etc etc. ::Ducks her head and glances around:: Not that I know anyone that happened to... of course.

-Melissa

In this case it was a girl leaving a guy (and yes I know that's just semantics) however I can see how my posts might be confusing.

The girl and guy were in a relationship in the game. Obviously, this guy (only know all this from his side) said her player had to take a break from GS. Then, she just dropped off the face of the Earth (at least as far as he knows) and he never hears from her again. Long story short, he still carries a major torch for her in the game and in reality. I was sort of looking for a way to tell him that maybe he should quit carrying that torch. Personally, I think the girl dumped him and didn't have the guts to tell him. And, looking over what I have written, I suppose that none of us can really help him. Guess I'll just tell him what I think has happened. I think my posting all this was more a 'let it out' thing than anything.

So, since I maybe have resolved that, anyone here have any juicy gossip?:P

Vesi

[Savanae]

Originally posted by Vesi

from her again. Long story short, he still carries a major torch for her in the game and in reality. I was sort of looking for a way to tell him that maybe he should quit carrying that torch. Personally, I think the girl dumped him and didn't have the guts to tell him. And, looking over what I have written, I suppose that none of us can really help him. Guess I'll just tell him what I think has happened. I think my posting all this was more a 'let it out' thing than anything.

Vesi

Best thing you can do in my opinion is just be there. I wouldn't tell him you think she dumped him or anything because it seems that no one really knows what happened to her. Just be there to listen if he needs to talk and maybe help him past the tough spots. Thats what friends do right? :grin:

[Vesi]

Originally posted by Savanae

Best thing you can do in my opinion is just be there. I wouldn't tell him you think she dumped him or anything because it seems that no one really knows what happened to her. Just be there to listen if he needs to talk and maybe help him past the tough spots. Thats what friends do right? :grin:

Yeah. I decided against saying that she dumped him just for that reason. I've just been available for him to talk. I even got him to roll up another character and he seems to be enjoying that. He needed that distraction I think.

Vesi

[SpunGirl]

People get crazy with their character's love lives and confuse them with their own.

My character had a great relationship and then it ended, it was completely IC, but it's somtimes hard to understand why this person doesn't want their character with yours anymore. I managed to funnel it into the RP for my character quite nicely, but it still sort of sucked.

I get emotionally involved in the things my girl does, because I have time invested in her. She had a really intense interaction the other month with someone, and it actually made ME a little weepy at my computer screen. I thought it was sort of pathetic, but someone told me, "it's no different than laughing or crying at a book or movie," and I guess that's true. As long as you can get up and walk away from the computer and leave it behind, I suppose it's harmless.

-K

[Weedmage Princess]

Originally posted by SpunGirl
I get emotionally involved in the things my girl does, because I have time invested in her. She had a really intense interaction the other month with someone, and it actually made ME a little weepy at my computer screen. I thought it was sort of pathetic, but someone told me, "it's no different than laughing or crying at a book or movie," and I guess that's true. As long as you can get up and walk away from the computer and leave it behind, I suppose it's harmless.

-K

I totally agree...I cry over movies and books quite a bit..heh. The problem is though...when people can't leave it at that. That's what people need to be careful of.

[Drew2]

I will never admit to crying, screaming, etc. at a computer game.

But having grown up with Tayre, basically, I find it very easy to fall into his state of emotion. Granted, as soon as I walk away from the computer for about 10 minutes it usually fades from my head, but while you're in the heat of the moment, It's quite easy to let yourself feel what you or others around you feel. GS, unlike most online environments, has a great many ways to convey thoughts and emotion, and it's quite easy to lose yourself in it. Well, for some of us, anyways.

[Vesi]

I get a little emotional if a close friend leaves the lands. I usually understand why they need to, but I still feel sad.

On the positive side, out of everyone that's left, I've been able to keep in contact with them in either IMs or e-mail.

Vesi

[HarmNone]

Most good roleplayers have an emotional investment in their character/s. The intensity of that emotion will vary depending on circumstance and current happenings both in and out of Elanthia. For most, even the strongest emotional reactions will fade rather quickly once the connection to the game is broken. The character reacts and the player is touched. However, once away from the game, any lingering emotional effect should dissipate rather quickly. If it does not, there has been some bleed-through of fantasy into reality. It is here that the difficulties begin.

With sufficient emotional maturity, any human (or elven, for that matter) emotion can be roleplayed, enjoyed, and left behind in the fantasy world to which it belongs. Without that emotional maturity, the line between fantasy and reality blurs, and people get hurt.

One thing you, and your friend, might consider is that the player of your friend's in-game love may have left for reasons other than those you are considering, and may have been unable to let anyone know. It would not be the first time that has happened. Since no contact was made, it cannot be assumed that she "dumped" him. In fact, nothing can be assumed, nor should it be.

[Vesi]

Originally posted by HarmNone
One thing you, and your friend, might consider is that the player of your friend's in-game love may have left for reasons other than those you are considering, and may have been unable to let anyone know. It would not be the first time that has happened. Since no contact was made, it cannot be assumed that
she "dumped" him. In fact, nothing can be assumed, nor should it be.

I did back off from telling him what I thought. Simply because it was only my opinion and not fact.

He seems to be focusing his energy into playing his new character. Much better than sitting around moping as his old character.

He still talks about it a lot in IMs, but I just listen and say something like you never know what might have happened. (or try to get him talking about something else)

Vesi

[HarmNone]

His disappointment will pass. It is good of you to be the friend he needs at this time, and good that you understand that the true friend is supportive in times of hardship. It is important that he understand that when someone simply disappears from the virtual world, it is usually because of real-world demands.

HarmNone

It's always hard to let go of a loved one. Even if the relationship is only virtual.

[Fraidycat]

I am the master of becoming too attached to my character emotionaly . . but I still have the ability to walk away thank god.
One particular break up with a girlfriend of Shimms was awful and I cried in RL fer a minuite . . after that , I took a deep breath and thought ' wow , that was great '.
Heh heh

Shimmerain K'aryeu

[Norator]

Oddly, I'm posting on a board, a rare occaision fer me. Figured this might not help, and the problem looks solved, an nobody prolly even looks here no mer. But why not give the viewpoint of one guilty of the crime. Any that knew Norator, my present body, or the others, well, knew him well I should say, knows..I never separate. I never could, and well..don't know if I ever will be able to. For me, it's hard to. Ganalon I can tell knows a bit, cause it's exactly like he said, escape from reality, immerse yourself in gemstone, and then...it is your reality. For the jerks that'll ask, oh, can you cast sorcerous spells rl, no jackoff, I can't.

It's not that part, the personality, the people he interacts with. Whenever someone has ever done something to me, it effected me. Granted, all of that has slowly bit me over the years, but I've gained a great many people I truly trust. Simply from the fact that knowing me as they do, they've been there time and again through things. When Nilandia ripped me to shreds, all I did for months, was sit at a table, and spell people up. Until their daughter sat and talked with me for a while, and drug me out. It's hard to separate.

Recently, I've been changing a bit tho. Soon, I hope, the time will come for me to return to the real world. Granted, I should have done it a long time ago, but, I'm slow sometimes. On a different note, trying to win his heart that is, sitting there and being there for him will help a ton. You've prolly already gotten the reaction you wanted, but fer me, I would be at the mercy of whoever sat there with me through the crying stage. No, I din cry over many in rl, Jes three about. Those three know who they are.

[Amaron]

I get emotional from time to time..

I remember a big break up. We did it IC ( ooc we both agreed it was time).

He was a darker character and he was a little nutty, swung a claid at her scared the crap out of her.

I was like aww you poor thing. I felt bad for her.



One character I have I just stopped playing regularly. Her SO of over 3 years is one of my best friends in RL even if we do not live too close. He has been very ill for a few months in RL.

His son has been playing his account. I tried to keep rping it but when I saw her SO in I would go greet him and sometimes he would just pretend he didn't know her and "I" knew it must be the son playing (which I hate) but she didn't and instead of getting all freaked out after the second or third time just started ignoring him.

When dad is able to come back we can work it out but until then she pretends he is off on a journey.



Third example is my bardess getting married. her SO's player and I are great friend OOG. We joke about our characters OOG and just have fun.



The lands are funny. Just have to decide how to handle relationships and stick with it. Come to an understanding oog ( Iknow maybe not great but might save bad bad feelings in the long run).

[Kainen]

I admit to getting emotionally involved in what my character is doing.. but like Tayre said.. it doesn't stay with me all the time. Because of my chars IG relationship I am possibly having the best time in GS that I ever had. But we keep it where it belongs.. IG. I too get weepy sometimes over books or movies.. why is it so surprising that someone would be moved by something that happened to thier char? The mistake is, is when you take it to a level the other person isnt on with you or is uncomfortable with.. Like my IG partner said to me "Let go of your real life when you come here.. this is playtime."

[Wezas]

All of my in game relationships (none of which were extremely serious, but they were relationships) - all 3 of them ended because one of us or both of us either stopped playing or took an extended break.

Anticor has of course been left off of the above list because he broke my heart. :offtopic:

I've been put off of an IG relationship for about the next century after the last psycho bitch. And what's with all the psycho bitches playing GS anyway?

[SpunGirl]

I agree with Kainen. I've teared up at the computer during one particularly emotional RP interaction that I can think of - no different than when I cried reading The Green Mile. But when I closed the book, exited the game, etc, I left the emotion there.

That's the key.

-K

I cry everytime I see someone kill a hooded figure. It is hard to leave that type of emotion at the computer though.

- Arkans

[SpunGirl]

:lol: If you weren't so funny, Arkans, you'd be a total fucker 90% of the time.

-K

:party: !!!!

- Arkans

[Nilandia]

Originally posted by Norator
When Nilandia ripped me to shreds,
Things go both ways. Don't even tell me that you're not at fault in some part. And don't even tell me it was strictly IC.

Nilandia

[C7L34N]

I cry everytime I see someone kill a hooded figure. It is hard to leave that type of emotion at the computer though.

- Arkans



Imagine what the Hooded Figure is thinking, poor Lost unloved soul.



:bye:

[TheRoseLady]

Ganalon - your wife is lucky to have a smart and intuitive husband. You really summed up much of my feelings on the topic.

I have made some amazing friends in this game over the years. Some are people with whom I know their first names, where they live - share in the triumphs and disappointments of their lives - including my one character's husband. I have met him along with his wife and daughter. I have also found someone that given a different time and place in our lives - he could most definately have been the love of my life.

I laugh, cry, get angry and all of the things that go along with being a human being. I also find myself shying away from making new friends because there are so many kids and crack pots around. It's a balancing act, but one that I don't seem to mind enduring. :grin:

Mike, Dennis, Matt, Bill, Todd, Karen, Paul, Stefanie, Beth, Luke you all know who you are :)

Vesi - you sound like a good friend - I hope that your friend can find some common ground and enjoy Gemstone once again.

Use the Force, Luke!

- Arkans

[Souzy]

Wow...OMG. GS relationships is more of a friendship to me. So I would feel like my friendship with that person meant nothing. But, I wouldn't go crazy over that. Damn...like longshot said, it's only a game.

[Lucifer]

i think youre all a bunch of losers if you let a game affect your real life sensabilities. i just started checking out these forums and i cant believe the amount of pansies i see bitching and crying about shit that takes place in a fucking video game. heres how i see it. theres reality and then theres fantasy. if you cant seperate the two then you need therapy. :violin:

[Asha]

And posting on boards, calling people 'pansies' (wtf?) and losers is NOT a sign of someone who needs therapy?

[ElanthianSiren]

Originally posted by Drayal
And posting on boards, calling people 'pansies' (wtf?) and losers is NOT a sign of someone who needs therapy?



Originally posted by Drayal
And posting on boards, calling people 'pansies' (wtf?) and losers is NOT a sign of someone who needs therapy?



Originally posted by Drayal
And posting on boards, calling people 'pansies' (wtf?) and losers is NOT a sign of someone who needs therapy?

oh wait, it needed to be repeated again:


Originally posted by Drayal
And posting on boards, calling people 'pansies' (wtf?) and losers is NOT a sign of someone who needs therapy?

Seriously, even being one of those people that "plays" fantasy games, I have the sense to avoid things I'm not interested in and/or not comment on them. Go you! You managed to make flaming comments on a months old thread on a roleplaying forum! Your mommy must be so proud! :D

-Melissa

[Gan]

Originally posted by Lucifer
i think youre all a bunch of losers if you let a game affect your real life sensabilities. i just started checking out these forums and i cant believe the amount of pansies i see bitching and crying about shit that takes place in a fucking video game. heres how i see it. theres reality and then theres fantasy. if you cant seperate the two then you need therapy. :violin:

And yet another intellectual giant enters the fray. Welcome to the PC. :lol:

[StrayRogue]

I notice he has a similar posting style to Psykos/Spunkmonk. What a fucking loser.

[SayGoodbye]

I'm kinda glad he bumped this thread to flame it. It's a good thread and provides some actual insight into some of the posters on this forum.

Edited to add: Well the flaming part is still lame of course, I meant the content before the flame.

[Edited on 5-1-2005 by SayGoodbye]

[Lucifer]

i think what it does is show what a bunch of losers play this game. ive met some real cool people who can seperate FANTASY from REALITY. the fact that you even defend the fact about people letting this game affect their feelings just shows me what a bunch of *edit* a good portion of you are. i bet most of you have nil of a socail life so the only place you can shine is in gemstone. as a mtter of fact i know a good portion of you dont date much based on the pictures ive seen on the psinet link site. and then you wanna flame me? listen. IF YOU LET A GAME AFFECT YOURE REAL LIFE FEELINGS AND ACTIONS. IF YOU SIT AT HOME OR AT WORK HURT OR UPSET BECAUSE OF SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED IN A GAME THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING LOSER!!!! PERIOD!!! END STORY. now you can make all the remarks to me that you want. curse me out and insult me. but he fact remains its a game. what happened mommy didnt love you enough? jesus if you people get upset over a fucking game what do you do when your real life problems occur? but then again.... gemstone probably is your real life. :clap:

[Edited on 5-2-2005 by HarmNone]

[StrayRogue]

Please learn how to use capital letters.

[Asha]

Paragraphs.
Common sense.
Ect.

[Gan]

Wow, we should charge Lucifer for the agression therapy he seems to be enjoying on these boards.

Whats the matter, did you get dumped by your in game girlfriend? Or did you suddenly find out your cyber partner had man boobies?

Please, let it all out and tell us how you really feel.

[Edaarin]

Walls of text are not effective means of communication.

I see that and I wonder why zookeepers don't shoot retarded chimps instead of sticking them in a place where they can access the internet.

[SayGoodbye]

So thinking back to the days when guys overseas would have Penpals, and people would spend months sending letters to each other. People would fall in love. I guess they were losers too. I guess getting a dear John letter shouldn't have any emotional effect on them whatsoever cause it wasn't "real".

Man, they were losers.

And people wonder why I don't advocate huffing ether on a regular basis.

- Arkans

[Czeska]

Originally posted by Arkans
And people wonder why I don't advocate huffing ether on a regular basis.

- Arkans

Somehow, that's funny, even out of context.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled hostile generalizations.

[DeV]

Originally posted by Arkans
I cry everytime I see someone kill a hooded figure.- Arkans I'm surprised Wezas hasn't jumped on this one yet. Hooded figures and all...

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Edaarin
I see that and I wonder why zookeepers don't shoot retarded chimps instead of sticking them in a place where they can access the internet.

The truth of that statement is almost as great as the humor in it.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by DeV

Originally posted by Arkans
I cry everytime I see someone kill a hooded figure.- Arkans I'm surprised Wezas hasn't jumped on this one yet. Hooded figures and all...

I usually stay clear of the relationship topics - but just for you:

http://www.klanparenthood.com/images/DrHood.jpg

[Lucifer]

i think ill need a tissue. you guys have hurt my feelings. that does it now im going to have to roleplay something in game to make me feel like a man again. oh whoa is me. im so depressed i think ill go find an empath to make it all go away. or better yet perhaps one of you dashing, heroic people can show me how to drown my sorrows in game. then i can share it with you all here and become a pansie myself! say what you want about my posts. the fact remains that its true. so much so that if simutronics went bankrupt and the games were shut down im sure id hear about a few of you bitting the bullet. just do society and favor and dont miss ok sunshine? thanks

[Brattt8525]

i think i need some balls. you guys have hurt my tiny dick feelings. that does it now im going to have to mastrurbate in game to make me feel like a man again. oh whoa is me I can't spell. im so depressed i think ill go find my spine to make it all go away. or better yet perhaps someone desperate and who has no life like me can show me how to drown my sorrows in game. then i can share it with you all here and show how truely sad I am! say what you want about my posts. the fact remains that its true. I am a loser thanks


This is what he meant to say.

[Meos]

I really dont see a problem, because its not a computer program on the other side talking to you.. Its a person. These people become your friends, and you miss them when they're gone. But that's alright, your doin a fine job making fun of yourself.. or maybe I'm a loser. I don't know and I don't care.

[Lucifer]

hey bratt give me a heads up anytime you head to ny so we can continue this conversation in private.

[Brattt8525]

Originally posted by Lucifer
hey bratt give me a heads up anytime you head to ny so we can continue this conversation in private.

Not a problem, would be great to meet you in person.:D

[Skirmisher]

Did I read that right?

Did Lucifer just threaten someone over the internet?

:wow2:

[Lucifer]

hehehe. oh my goodness! call the feds!!!!

[Vitruvian]

What you have to realize is that most people are on here cause they have no lives and cant get anyone in RL. So when someone breaks up with them on here, its like damn " I cant even catch someone that doesnt know what I look like". And that has to hurt.

[Kainen]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Did I read that right?

Did Lucifer just threaten someone over the internet?

:wow2:

Yeah.. there are a few people FAMOUS for that.. some people have to threaten you to make themselves feel better. :lol:

[Gan]

Thats just weak.

[Lucifer]

initialy i wrote a long response. but the i got to thinking that this wasnt even worth it cause it would fall on deaf ears, or rather blind eyes. insult me all you want. the fact remains. if you let this game affect you after the computers turned off, then youre a fucking loser; end story. but please, continue with your insults defending the fact that in order to meet people and develope relationships you need to pretend youre someone else. sad,sad,sad:violin:

P.S.
Therapy and progarms have shown a high level of success. i suggest the lot fo you look into it.

I don't know who you are, but if I saw you walking down the street, I'd chuck a soda can at your head.

[Gan]

:lol2:

I cant tell you how blessed all of us are to have you come here and point this out to us inexperienced losers. We suck at life so much that we will no doubt follow your advice to the letter and sign up for therapy as soon as the offices open up on Monday.

Now you will be able to sleep at night knowing that someone has actually paid you enough attention to type out responses to your unsolicited tactless pile of text drivel. Please keep walking where you were going and know that your words will be missed in about the same amount of time as it takes to lean left and squeeze out a left cheek sneaky.

Cheers! :lol:

[Brattt8525]

Left cheek sneaky :lol2:

[HarmNone]

By the Grove, Lucifer. Quit trying to fit everyone into one box. It never works. There are as many kinds of people who play (or have played) GemStone, as there are people who have played poker, or people who shop at the mall. Blanket statements are simply silly.

[Stunseed]

< P.S.
Therapy and progarms have shown a high level of success. i suggest the lot fo you look into it. >

One could say the same for a spell checker for you.