longshot
04-19-2004, 05:47 AM
Gibson's Father Convinces Jews To Give Up World Control
by Dan Barash
April 13, 2004
Bowing to intense pressure from Mel Gibson's father, Jews announced today
that they would no longer control the world. In a press release, Jews stated, "Although we have thoroughly enjoyed the
challenges of world domination for the last 3000 years, we feel it's time
for gentiles to take control of their own affairs. We plan to spend more
time with our families and pursue other
interests."
Hutton Gibson stated he was pleased with the announcement, but expressed
concern he was losing a scapegoat for all of his problems. He said he would be launching a search for a new minority group
to demonize.
Many Jews expressed relief that they could give up burdensome responsibilities. Retired accountant Jerry Friedman,
who controls all media in Montana, said, "I would just as well let the
citizens of Montana manage their own TV and
newspapers. Don't get me wrong, Montana is a fine state. But it gets
awfully cold, and there's nowhere to get a good bagel."
Attorney Allen Franks said he's glad he no longer has to manage Bulgarian
monetary policy. "It was getting to be quite a
hassle," he said. "I already have a full time job and can't even balance my
own checkbook, let alone control the
finances of an entire nation."
Homemaker Judith Levine said she would "...miss the hustle and bustle of
setting the international price for magnesium every day. But my son is about to be Bar Mitzvah'd, and oy! Such a party we're
gonna have you wouldn't believe!"
Hollywood producer Sidney Greenbaum was pessimistic about the announcement.
"Do you really think goyim know how to make movies?" he asked. "They'll all
end up being high budget, Technicolor snuff flicks if you leave things up
to Mel and his kind."
Comedy experts expressed concern that the business would suffer if Jews
suddenly withdrew. According to one insider, "Take away all the Jewish comics and writers, and all you have left is Carrot
Top. That's not a world I want to live in."
------------------------------
So, uh, yeah.
Enjoy.
by Dan Barash
April 13, 2004
Bowing to intense pressure from Mel Gibson's father, Jews announced today
that they would no longer control the world. In a press release, Jews stated, "Although we have thoroughly enjoyed the
challenges of world domination for the last 3000 years, we feel it's time
for gentiles to take control of their own affairs. We plan to spend more
time with our families and pursue other
interests."
Hutton Gibson stated he was pleased with the announcement, but expressed
concern he was losing a scapegoat for all of his problems. He said he would be launching a search for a new minority group
to demonize.
Many Jews expressed relief that they could give up burdensome responsibilities. Retired accountant Jerry Friedman,
who controls all media in Montana, said, "I would just as well let the
citizens of Montana manage their own TV and
newspapers. Don't get me wrong, Montana is a fine state. But it gets
awfully cold, and there's nowhere to get a good bagel."
Attorney Allen Franks said he's glad he no longer has to manage Bulgarian
monetary policy. "It was getting to be quite a
hassle," he said. "I already have a full time job and can't even balance my
own checkbook, let alone control the
finances of an entire nation."
Homemaker Judith Levine said she would "...miss the hustle and bustle of
setting the international price for magnesium every day. But my son is about to be Bar Mitzvah'd, and oy! Such a party we're
gonna have you wouldn't believe!"
Hollywood producer Sidney Greenbaum was pessimistic about the announcement.
"Do you really think goyim know how to make movies?" he asked. "They'll all
end up being high budget, Technicolor snuff flicks if you leave things up
to Mel and his kind."
Comedy experts expressed concern that the business would suffer if Jews
suddenly withdrew. According to one insider, "Take away all the Jewish comics and writers, and all you have left is Carrot
Top. That's not a world I want to live in."
------------------------------
So, uh, yeah.
Enjoy.