HYSTERICAL JOKES LMFAO - Sensitive Material Be Warned

What's Red..
Bubbly..
And scratches at the window..?

[Edited on 4-15-2004 by Tijay]

[Artha]

A baby in a microwave.

What's the best thing about having sex with 23 year olds?

[Bobmuhthol]

They're ten years older than me and that rules?

[Artha]

There's twenty of them.

Also, the joke's like 10 times better if you use 28 or 29 instead of 23.

[Edited on 4-14-2004 by Artha]

Okay, Artha, down to business...

What's better than a dead 4 year old?

A DEAD SNOWDROP!

[Bobmuhthol]

Fuck off, dude.

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?

A: A baby with slashed floaties!

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?

A: A: The same baby three weeks later!

[Artha]

What's better than a dead 4 year old?

Replace 'better' with funnier, and '4 year old' with baby, and the answer is 'a dead baby in a clown suit.'



What's red and orange and floats at the top?

Floaties with a slashed baby.

[Nieninque]

When do the jokes get hysterical?
As opposed to sick or paedophillic?

[Artha]

They're not funny as in 'HOLY CRAP I <3 THINKING ABOUT THAT,' but more for shock value.

HOLY CRAP I HEART THINKING ABOUT SNOWDROP FLOATING ONTOP OF A SWIMMING POOL WITH SLASHED FLOATIES! LMFAO.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Artha
They're not funny as in 'HOLY CRAP I <3 THINKING ABOUT THAT,' but more for shock value. I suppose we can call you Pitchfork Junior from now on. Or Pitchfork 2.0, or something.

[Artha]

Hey, that reminds me of a joke...

What is wrong with a baby wedged on a pitchfork????


No one's taken a bite yet.

[Artha]

Not that one.

[Wezas]

<going to refrain from saying the truck loading joke>

[Artha]

<going to refrain from saying the truck loading joke>

That one.

[Wezas]

I promised Caiylania that I wouldn't say that joke again. I welcome you to share it though, Artha.

[Artha]

I haven't seen her post in awhile, so hopefully she won't be all **CRIE** again...

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't use a pitchfork to load a truck of bowling balls.

[Anebriated]

I guess thats better than the porsche joke...

[Artha]

The porsche joke is still better than the fan joke.

I like that one, it's cute.

Q: What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and a dead baby?
A: About 25 minutes of cook time
A2: The baby has more white meat

[Artha]

How do you make a dead baby float?

A1: One cup of coke, three scoops of dead baby.
A2: Take your foot off it's head.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't use a pitchfork to load a truck of bowling balls.

Ummm... That's like 1/16th of the joke con't...

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can figure out which ones are still alive.

Q: What do you get afterwards?
A: An erection.

Q: What's this? (Hold arms out and shake them)
A: A live one.

Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes

[Artha]

What's red and white and moves at 150 mph?

A baby in a blender.

How do you fit 1000 babies in a phone booth?

With a blender.

[Wezas]

Mods, can we change the title of this thread to reflect the fact that it's mostly off-color baby killing jokes? We had quite a situation last time we had a thread like this.

OMG Wezas, what the fuck are you trying to pull here. This is entertainment at its best.

Q: What's red and silver and sits in a highchair gurgling?

A: A baby eating razor blades.

[Artha]

How do you fit 1000 babies in a phone booth?

With a blender.

How do you get them out?

A straw.


And yeah, changing the title would be a good idea...we did have quite a situation last time this came up.

[Sean]

Originally posted by Wezas
Mods, can we change the title of this thread to reflect the fact that it's mostly off-color baby killing jokes? We had quite a situation last time we had a thread like this.

Done

[Sean]

For reference this is what happened last time...

http://forum.gsplayers.com/viewthread.php?tid=2334

[Marl]

Here is one Bob will like.....

What is the best thing about a 13 year old getting out of the shower?

She looks 10!!

Yucka Yucka Yucka

Lighten up folks. There is nothing more delightful than the innocense of a new born babe. They require special attention; cuddling, diaper changing and of course, proper bathing.

[Artha]

What's white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson

[AnticorRifling]

Do I need to start on this thread?

Yes, yes I do.


Just remember a few phrases.

If they are old enough to crawl they are in the right position.

If there is grass on the field play ball, if not flip them over and play in the mud.

Whats the best thing about 10 yr old girls, put them in the shower, slick their hair back and they look like 10 yr old boys.

How can you tell it's bed time in Neverland? When the big hand is on the little hand.

What's smooth, white and can be found in a kids pants? MJ's hand.

How can you tell there is a party at Neverland? All the powerwheels parked out front

What does MJ and Target have in common? Both have little boys pants half off.

What does a dead baby and a tootsie pop have in common? I've never made it to the center of each without biting.

I'm tired so that's what I've got in this genre of humor. More when I can think of them tomorrow.

Remember these are jokes and in no way reflect my true feelings on any subject other than MJ. Sure the man is the king of pop but he's got issues. Not major issues, minor ones Zing!

[Artha]

What does a dead baby and a tootsie pop have in common? I've never made it to the center of each without biting.

I have to stop reading these boards and talking on the phone at the same time...having to explain sudden (and inappropriate) outbursts of laughter = not fun.

Heh, originally heard it as : "When can you tell it's bedtime in MJ's home" - "When the big hand touches the little hand." Nice spin-off though.

[Anebriated]

A: Knock-knock
B: Who is there
A: Little boy blue
B: Little boy blue who?
A: Michael Jackson

I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "fucking kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.

[AnticorRifling]

A baby seal walks into a club.

[Skirmisher]

At least Anticor remembered to bring the funny.

[AnticorRifling]

That's what you get when you hang out with the highway patrol. We bring the funny.

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Tijay

Originally posted by Wezas
Mods, can we change the title of this thread to reflect the fact that it's mostly off-color baby killing jokes? We had quite a situation last time we had a thread like this.

Done

Thanks Tijay.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Why did Stanley cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

[Skirmisher]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
That's what you get when you hang out with the highway patrol. We bring the funny.

Hanging out in what way? I must have missed a thread somewhere.

[longshot]

Almost as funny as the jokes themselves is Chlamydia's psychotic, ranting response in the short jokes thread I started awhile back.

I highly recommend it.

http://forum.gsplayers.com/viewthread.php?tid=2334

This is what happens when you have nothing to do all day... don't let this happen to you!!

[Edited on 4-15-2004 by longshot]

[Atlanteax]

I'm really regretting having read this thread... :weird:

Disgusting, and so very Lame. :thumbsdown:

[Skirmisher]

Longshot, would you let that go?

The title of this thread was changed to help avoid any unpleasantness and here you are seeking it out.

Just enjoy making a bad joke and let the old conflicts fade away.

[AnticorRifling]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
That's what you get when you hang out with the highway patrol. We bring the funny.

Actually it should have been "We show you the funny"

It's a line from the movie Super Troopers so don't feel like you missed something unless you haven't seen it :cool:

[Skirmisher]

Oops, missed it.

Now if you had chugged a container of syrup and growled out "I am all that is man!" I would have been right with you.:grin:

[Betheny]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
What's the best thing about having sex with 23 year olds?

That's scary, because I"m 23. :no:

[peam]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
That's what you get when you hang out with the highway patrol. We bring the funny.

Actually it should have been "We show you the funny"

It's a line from the movie Super Troopers so don't feel like you missed something unless you haven't seen it :cool:

If you haven't seen it, you HAVE missed something.

[Betheny]

Originally posted by Stanley Burrell
I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music. Some kids ran in front of my car, and I shouted "fucking kids!", and it played Michael Jackson.

I fell for this one on the move out to VA.

Boy did I feel retarded.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by peam
If you haven't seen it, you HAVE missed something. You've missed 4 good jokes and 2 (hundred) hours of lame, boring crap.

[AnticorRifling]

No, I agree with Peam it's a great movie.

[Skirmisher]

I dunno...I liked parts of it alot, but it did seem to me like one of those SNL movies that started out as a REALLY funny skit that they tried to stretch just a wee bit too long.

[AnticorRifling]

Back on topic...

Two guys are taking a semi cross country. They are traveling down a back road and the driver sees a sheep with it's head caught in the fence. Seeing that no one is around he stops the truck, runs over to the fence drops his pants and proceeds to bugger (change that to whatever word suits you) the sheep. The other guy gets out and yells "What the hell are you doing?!" to which the driver replies "Get over here and get you some of this!" So the other guy runs over, drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

Ahh thank you.

[Betheny]

Does your wife know you talk like that?!

[AnticorRifling]

Yup.

[Ravenstorm]

Originally posted by AnticorRifling
Back on topic...

[joke]

Ahh thank you.

Now that's funny.

Raven

[AnticorRifling]

What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser?

Depth perception.

[Betheny]

Why did the dead baby run across the road?

It was stapled to the chicken.

[Artha]

What's better than swinging a dead baby around on a fan?

Stopping it with a shovel.