Early mid-life crisis.

[DCSL]

Things got better.

[BriarFox]

write and go back to school

You've got 3 months, so write that book (or those articles, or whatever it is). Take an online class or two if you want. Learn the intricacies of the tea ceremony. Study Zen Buddhism. Sounds like fun, actually. ;)

[Fallen]

That ate up a good hour. Now, what to do with the rest of the possible three months...
I suggest a crippling addiction to your video game of choice.

[Tisket]

Introspection is a good, healthy thing but too much of it can fuck with your head.

[HouseofElves]

I'm going to support you whatever, because you're amazing. Just make sure you can come back to Austin next year so we can get shitfaced.

<3 you.

[Stanley Burrell]

All I know is that you are awesome.

So awesome, you can spontaneously change your gender, be a 16-18 year old white male, last seen in a subway station wearing a grey shirt and khaki pants with white sneakers. Approximately 5'8" with dark auburn hair at about a 10 cut. 140 lbs. White Jordan headphones.

That's how awesome you are :hug: (but you need to do the dance.)

[Ceyrin]

I'm all about living up to your responsibilities... but I'm also of the mind that life is short and do what is best for you.

I would have a discussion with both the BF and mother and let them know how you feel. It will be the most difficult night of your life, but once everything is on the table.. it can only get better. Figure out how it can get better for you... BF maybe needs to move out.. mother needs to step it up... whatever it is, make a plan and stick to it.

If this doesn't put you back on the path to some sort of happiness, then I say do whatever the fuck you want... at least you tried to fix your life.

Sometimes you just need a reset.

:yeahthat:

[Bobmuhthol]

Here's my 3 step solution:

1. I will support your mother by throwing money at the problem.
2. I will support your boyfriend by throwing money at the problem.
3. Now you are free to have uncommitted sex with me all the time and I will support you by throwing money at the problem.

[Skeeter]

I also offer sex with me as a solution. Now you have options.

[IorakeWarhammer]

Hm. That ate up a good hour. Now, what to do with the rest of the possible three months...

Turn to Allah ~ Verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful

[IorakeWarhammer]

But there would be consequences for any of that. And not just for me. I'd wreck my boyfriend's life and it's not like I don't care for him anymore. I do care. Seriously, he'd go down in flames in a lot of ways. He's practically my housewife. My mother's budding antiques business would probably go down. I don't care as much about that bullshit but my mother is the only one in my family that actually talks to me. If I cut myself out of that, I would, for all practical purposes, have no family at all. I'm pretty solitary, yeah, but that's such a depressing concept.


Imams Bukhari and Muslim reported that the prophet (S.A.W.) said: "Allah created His creation, and when He finished it, the womb got up and caught hold of Allah whereupon Allah said, "What is the matter?" On that, it said, "I seek refuge with you from Al-Qati’ah (those who cut the ties of kith and kin)." On that Allah said, "Will you accept (be satisfied) if I bestow My Favors on him who keeps your ties, and withold My Favors from him who cuts your ties?" On that it said, "Yes, O my Lord!" Then Allah said, "That is for you." Then the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.), said recite if you wish "(The two verses 21 and 23 in surat Muhammad)"

The prophet (S.A.W.) also said reported by Imams Ahmad, Abu Dawud, At-Tirmithi, and Ibn Majah, "There is no sin that Allah (S.W.T.) more readily inflicts the punishment for in this life, in addition to what Allah (S.W.T.) keeps as punishment for the sinner in the Hereafter, than the sin of transgression and cutting off relations with relatives."

[Paradii]

Oh shut the fuck up, asshat....

[Latrinsorm]

Introspection is a good, healthy thing but too much of it can fuck with your head.In that vein:
I am simply going to remind you that whatever you choose to do, you are not doing anything "wrong". etc.You can even manage to convince yourself of opinions like these.

I tried looking up "volunteering with a broken hand" but I didn't get anything helpful. Tony Gwynn, Jr. got put on the DL and Pat Summitt got 1000 wins. Sorry. :( On the other hand, John Mayer's "Dreaming with a Broken Heart" is a pretty good song.

[Sylvan Dreams]

Hm. That ate up a good hour. Now, what to do with the rest of the possible three months...

There is no reason why you cannot incorporate some of the changes into your life that you're interested in - just not necessarily in the way they manifested in your fantasy. Go to school if you want to, online if you can't be in a sit-down class. Help your mother find someone to replace you in her business if you want out. Try finding another hobby for you to do when your cast comes off and make plans with your BF to go do them. You don't have to flip everyone's life in order to get things you want, nor do you have to give up on the things you want. See where I'm going?

[Stretch]

In the immortal words of Mr. Snoop Dogg, "smoke weed every day."

[Androidpk]

In the immortal words of Mr. Snoop Dogg, "smoke weed every day."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93jQI_6G5Cw

[Thug Life]

Damn bitch, just the fact that you even think like that makes you a self centered bitch. I'm glad you're not my girlfriend.

[AestheticDeath]

Why does your boyfriend suck so much?

(Nine years in a personal relationship is a long time, and I just assume you didn't start this at like age 5 ... or 10. That was not a relationship if so. So assuming you started it somewhere in your teenage life or after that, he has to be old enough to be out of school, college if he went etc.)

Having read only your first post, and knowing nothing else about you or your significant others, you have to ask yourself why you are so important to their well being, and why they cannot get along on their own.

You say you make twice as much as your boyfriend, yet say your mother couldn't do without you. I am wondering if you have a full time job that supports you, and help your mother for free? Otherwise, if you work only for your mother, and she pays you twice what your BF makes, I cannot see how she could not just pay someone else that money and get along just as well. Or maybe you make less than someone else would be willing to make to put up with your job, and your BF makes next to nothing.

Just some wondering and rambling, but you basically have one choice, and after that two choices.

1) No matter if you are in the wrong for whatever reason, your first choice is whether you want to make yourself happy, or make others happy and have a very unfulfilled life of your own, which I don't recommend. So assuming you make the only logical choice I can fathom, and decide your own happiness is of utmost importance, you have another choice to make.

2) Do you care about your significant others lives and happiness? Since it seems you do, you have to make the logical jump to help them, but at little to no cost to you and your happiness. Tell your mom to hire another person, or find a volunteer, whatever it takes. Tell and/or help your BF go to school if he hasn't already, and get that fucker a better job so he can support himself instead of living off of you!

And people will say you can have the best of both worlds and make everyone happy. But I say to that, someone will always be happier with whatever is going on. Who is going to be happiest? And is it happiness or contentedness?

Who comes first, and do you really have to be the person that makes other people happy/content, or should they be responsible for their own lives?


AND, is your mother happy with your help? Is your BF happy with making little, being supported by his woman/non-wife of NINE years?

[4a6c1]

Dex.

As crackerjack as this sounds...you only live once. It's your life. Not anybody elses. In her heart your mother wants you to be happy. I'm guessing your boyfriend feels the same. Dont end things but tell him you need distance and space. You should never apologize to anyone for wanting to change yourself or change your life. Just do it.

[Paradii]

Also, remember to never to listen to anyone on an internet forum.

[Asha]

You got a course of painkillers though right?
Yeah take those, get into WoW and 3 months will fly by. Although you may weigh 80lbs more.

[AnticorRifling]

I went ahead and wrapped this whole thread up in a PM. You're welcome.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I went ahead and wrapped this whole thread up in a PM. You're welcome.

I'd love a copy of the PM.

Honestly Dex, you know that my life is currently super cluster fucky so I can't offer much advice on any of this. My immediate gut reaction though is if you have the means to take a leap and do what you really want you should go for it, but then I know I wish I really had the means to do just that so that's probably influencing me a lot.

[TheEschaton]

I've been wanting to just drive to, say, Costa Rica, and sit on the beach all day sipping 5 cent mai tais til I get kidnapped. You could do that.

In a somewhat serious vein, I do get where people say "do what you need to do to make you happy." I don't know how I feel about that, to be honest. We are social creatures, we create obligations and duties to each other not because it's some artificial construct forced on us by society, but because it's "part of our nature," for those fucktards who are advocating the naturalist "fuck lots of people, be greedy" position. My own opinion is you need to have a network of support to prop you up, sometimes, before you take a "leap" that might involve cutting off your mother and/or dumping the boyfriend. Figure out who that is, listen to them, and then, if they think they're capable of fixing you if you fall flat on your face, leap. If they're not capable, find a lower cliff to leap off of. Hanging prepositions FTW.


-TheE-

[Celephais]

nnngh

I think that about covers it.

Also Rojo has the best advice, you only live once. It's your life, it's not your responsibility that these people are using you as a crutch and holding you down.

[TheEschaton]

As for the writing thing, just keep a pad and pen near you at all times. That's what I did, and suddenly I was writing constantly. If it ever gels into a book, it'll be completely handwritten and on 342443 different pieces of paper, but it's a start.

School is a big trap, imo. It'll put you in ridiculous debt and make you think you need to get a job that pulls down ridiculous sums of cash just to pay off that debt (if you're a responsible person, at least). If you get a scholarship, or are willing to live a debt-ridden life for the sake of your art, go for it, I guess.

[TheEschaton]

I think that about covers it.

Also Rojo has the best advice, you only live once. It's your life, it's not your responsibility that these people are using you as a crutch and holding you down.

I keep waiting for the day when humankind evolves past its selfish animal nature to the divine beings they all have the potential of being. I suppose I have some time to wait. ;)

[AnticorRifling]

Also, remember to never to listen to anyone on an internet forum.

But this advice is on an internet forum? Do we heed it? Do we ignore it, but if we ignore it then we have to follow it because it's on an internet forum and then we are forced to.....brain asplode.

[ElvenFury]

I think that about covers it.

Also Rojo has the best advice, you only live once. It's your life, it's not your responsibility that these people are using you as a crutch and holding you down.
I'm not sure how it all went down, but IMO if you offer to help someone with the knowledge that that person might become dependent on you, then you have some obligation to not fuck that person over. I think the exact amount of responsibility depends on a number of variables, but if you don't want people to lean on you then it's probably best to tell them that before they do.

Doing what you want is a great thing, but I'd encourage finding a solution that gives these people plenty of time to make adjustments. Even if that solution is harder and more time consuming.

[AnticorRifling]

Who let you back in here?

[ElvenFury]

Who let you back in here?
Rojo rezzed me. BTW, why did I wake up in a pit in your back yard? Asshole.

[AnticorRifling]

Rojo rezzed me. BTW, why did I wake up in a pit in your back yard? Asshole.

I'm having the tool shed fumigated had to keep you somewhere.

[Celephais]

Oh! and why didn't you SotT madlib post about your bar fight!?! Or did I miss it?

[Celephais]

I keep waiting for the day when humankind evolves past its selfish animal nature to the divine beings they all have the potential of being. I suppose I have some time to wait. ;)


I'm not sure how it all went down, but IMO if you offer to help someone with the knowledge that that person might become dependent on you, then you have some obligation to not fuck that person over. I think the exact amount of responsibility depends on a number of variables, but if you don't want people to lean on you then it's probably best to tell them that before they do.

Doing what you want is a great thing, but I'd encourage finding a solution that gives these people plenty of time to make adjustments. Even if that solution is harder and more time consuming.

There is a difference between reasonable relationship building and dependency leeching. The meer fact that both of them would crumble so hard means that they've unfairly put their burdens on Dex. I have people I depend on, but I'm not so selfishly all in on their support that I'd crash and burn if they wanted to move. I'm not suggesting pulling the rug out and intentionally burning them, but she should be able to say "I want to move to Japan" and in a few months, move to Japan, and her mother and boyfriend shouldn't be relegated to the gutter. They should not have built their foundation on Dex knowing she's an independent, fear of commitment, nomad like woman. It wasn't fair to her for them to do so.

[AnticorRifling]

Nomads you know. Small hands, smell of cabbage.

[TheEschaton]

Then she 1) shouldn't have taken on the responsibility of helping her mother's business out, and 2) not have strung this guy along for 9 years, especially if he's been patiently waiting for her to change her mind about marriage, something she plans on never changing her mind about.

Weird, how those past life choices affect the current ones.

[TheEschaton]

I.E., you break it, you buy it.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Then she 1) shouldn't have taken on the responsibility of helping her mother's business out, and 2) not have strung this guy along for 9 years, especially if he's been patiently waiting for her to change her mind about marriage, something she plans on never changing her mind about.

Weird, how those past life choices affect the current ones.

You're a fucking dumbass, mostly for the highlighted part. That is all.

[TheEschaton]

Well, to be fair, he shouldn't have stuck around for 9 years either, but I stand by my statement.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Well, to be fair, he shouldn't have stuck around for 9 years either, but I stand by my statement.

I find the idea that because you've been with someone for x amount of years that you somehow owe them, really offensive. Not just to the person who you're basically saying should forfeit their wellbeing and happiness to slog through something that may not be right for them, but also the person who is being stayed with out of pity and/or a sense of duty as opposed to a legitimate, "I like this person and wish to stay with them" feeling.

Beyond that, it's not like Dex has been promising to marry him and then holding out. She states pretty clearly in the OP that she's always been averse to serious commitment and that it's been HIS choice to look beyond that and attempt to 'wait it out'.

You don't get a prize for treating your love life like a charity.

[Celephais]

Then she 1) shouldn't have taken on the responsibility of helping her mother's business out, and 2) not have strung this guy along for 9 years, especially if he's been patiently waiting for her to change her mind about marriage, something she plans on never changing her mind about.

Weird, how those past life choices affect the current ones.

Wow, you've said some dumb stuff but... So don't help anyone unless you plan on helping them forever.

[TheEschaton]

"Helping a person" isn't "you break it", dumbass.

And I'm sorry, if you've been in a relationship with someone for 9 years, you have created a tie there. It's not a matter of owing someone something, but that there is a connection that cannot be easily severed, and the severance of such connection should take into consideration the other end of the connection, not just one's own self.

I don't know this specific relationship, but if he's wanted to get married for awhile, and she's said she doesn't want to get married, a few things can be said: 1) Either he's actually happy with being in a non-married relationship, or 2) he's unrealistically expecting her to change and thus should have gotten out a long time ago. If it's the latter, and she knows she's not going to change, she has to consider that she's nevertheless stuck with the thing for 9 years despite knowing she has no intention of doing what he wants (ETA: and thus created the problem which she now has to deal with before breaking it).

-TheE-

[Celephais]

Well, to be fair, he shouldn't have stuck around for 9 years either, but I stand by my statement.

So what's the cutoff on not being able to leave a relationship? Can you breakup with someone after 8 years, but once you reach year 9 you're married? What if it's off and on, does it reset? What a fucking retarded mindset, forget all your peace/love dumb moments, you think that any sort of foray into a relationship (be it a love relationship or offering your help and support) obligates you to them? Situations change, it doesn't mean the person doesn't care and doesn't want to support them, often they've given more than they should have.

[TheEschaton]

Technically, 7 years of living together is a common law marriage, but I'd say anything over...mmmm...4 years, requires some sort of consideration. I'm not saying they can't break up, but I'm saying you have to take the other person into account.

[Celephais]

"Helping a person" isn't "you break it", dumbass.

And I'm sorry, if you've been in a relationship with someone for 9 years, you have created a tie there. It's not a matter of owing someone something, but that there is a connection that cannot be easily severed, and the severance of such connection should take into consideration the other end of the connection, not just one's own self.

I don't know this specific relationship, but if he's wanted to get married for awhile, and she's said she doesn't want to get married, a few things can be said: 1) Either he's actually happy with being in a non-married relationship, or 2) he's unrealistically expecting her to change and thus should have gotten out a long time ago. If it's the latter, and she knows she's not going to change, she has to consider that she's nevertheless stuck with the thing for 9 years despite knowing she has no intention of doing what he wants (ETA: and thus created the problem which she now has to deal with before breaking it).

-TheE-

So she's in this situation now, should she just marry him? Is that how she should "deal with it"? Or could she be reasonable and say to him that she feels trapped and needs to get out? It sucks that he's going to have to move back in with his parents, but that's his fault for unreasonably suspecting she'd change. She can feel bad about it, it's not what she intends to happen to him, but it's not her fault, it's not even his fault, it's just the way things are.

[TheEschaton]

Plus, your sense of obligation is stemming from some sort of retarded credit/debit idea, my sense of obligation stems from the obligation human beings all have to each other, i.e., "the ties that bind."

[TheEschaton]

So she's in this situation now, should she just marry him? Is that how she should "deal with it"? Or could she be reasonable and say to him that she feels trapped and needs to get out? It sucks that he's going to have to move back in with his parents, but that's his fault for unreasonably suspecting she'd change. She can feel bad about it, it's not what she intends to happen to him, but it's not her fault, it's not even his fault, it's just the way things are.

Isn't she just as unreasonable in expecting he'll change to be happy with an uncommitted relationship? Both parties are asking the other to change, and suddenly she's the only one allowed to disregard the other because she's not happy with the way things are? I'm not saying they should get married, I'm the last person who thinks you should get married if you're not in love and intent on spending the rest of your life with a person. I *am* saying that he has to factor into her decisions. If she honestly believes he'll be better off, fine. If she honestly believes he'd crash and burn and fall apart and never recover when she leaves, but she needs to leave for her own well-being, she still needs to make sure she tries to mitigate his crash and burn as best she can.

[Celephais]

Plus, your sense of obligation is stemming from some sort of retarded credit/debit idea, my sense of obligation stems from the obligation human beings all have to each other, i.e., "the ties that bind."

You need to start putting things into the real world. What would you suggest? You can say all you want about what she should have done, how she should have told him that she wasn't going to change (as if she could know) from the start, and broke up with him at 3.9 years, but she didn't. Now this is her situation. You want her to suffer, to drag out his suffering? She is considering him, but there's no magic button she can press to split the part of her that would commit from the wanderlust.

We're shitting up her thread with your psychopathic interpretation of life where everyone lives in theory and nothing has to fit into the constraints of the reality of the situation. Yes she should consider him, because she cares about him, but in the long run, there's two possibilities, she's either going to leave, the sooner the more time he has to heal, or she's going to marry him, and live her life, unintentionally blaming him for the rut, for that sense of regret, and subconsciously make them both unhappy.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

'Mitigate the damage'.. ??

What the fuck does that even mean? I mean in real terms, not more retarded perfect world cliches.

Yeah, Dex, before you break up with someone you've been with for 4 years or more you should make them a cake and pay for two weeks worth of hookers so they can get their grieving sex on. Once that's complete you've mitigated the damage and it's okay to dump them.

Anyone who's actually been through a break up of a long term relationship knows there's no such thing as 'mitigating the damage'. Break ups fucking suck and it hurts like a bitch, period, end of story.

[Atlanteax]

You need to start putting things into the real world.

Unfortunately TheE has consistently been unable to do this.

Hence this:


We're shitting up her thread with your psychopathic interpretation of life where everyone lives in theory and nothing has to fit into the constraints of the reality of the situation.

.

Dex, you should try to approach it as attempting to accomplish a psuedo fresh-start for yourself, and for him as well. It will be a "shock" to you both, but you will each be better off in the long-run.

Also, to echo the "your mother will only want you to be happy" sentiment, tell her you want to make a major change for yourself, and ask her to find someone else to handle the work that you have been doing on her behalf.

[CrystalTears]

Dex, do what's right for you. It's unfortunate that you wound up with obligations as life rolled on, but it does not.. DOES NOT.. mean you have to continue to labor these obligations, especially since they are not YOUR problems.

I'm not even going to touch the patchouli-sniffer's comments about relationships because I'll just go into a PMS frenzy.

[Ryvicke]

Holy shit Nikki's at 7,777 posts RIGHT NOW!!!! She can get something supercool if this was her Cait Sith slot roll in FF7!!!

Also, Dex. Do everything that makes you happy. My Mom did some massively hard shit (divorcing my Dad, some other stuff) and made my life so much better than it would be had she not done the hard shit. That's just what I always go by I guess.

[iJenni]

post retracted - sorry!

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

You sound depressed to me, since you are essentially looking for a reset button on your life. Personally, I'd start with the thing that bothers you the most about your situation, and work to fix it. Then, if you still feel poorly, work on the next, and so on, until you find you are happy again.

[iJenni]

I think I got a response about saying hi. Okay! Thank you!

~ Jen

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

If you post anything remotely resembling an advertisement, make sure it rates at least 10 wolves or else we'll firebomb your house, iJenni.

[TheEschaton]

Dex, do what's right for you. It's unfortunate that you wound up with obligations as life rolled on, but it does not.. DOES NOT.. mean you have to continue to labor these obligations, especially since they are not YOUR problems.

I'm not even going to touch the patchouli-sniffer's comments about relationships because I'll just go into a PMS frenzy.

I actually can't stand patchouli. And I shower every day, too, with soap and everything.

Listen, perhaps my ideas don't fit into reality so well. Last I checked, reality isn't doing so well, both in general, and in this particular situation.

Not to mention, the "reality" you happen to be talking about is solely shaped by human emotion, and thus subject to change with a change in behavior, attitude, what-have-you. We're not talking the laws of physics, we're talking about how we live our lives, deal with other people, and the relationships we form with them.

-TheE-

[CrystalTears]

I actually can't stand patchouli. And I shower every day, too, with soap and everything.

Listen, perhaps my ideas don't fit into reality so well. Last I checked, reality isn't doing so well, both in general, and in this particular situation.

Not to mention, the "reality" you happen to be talking about is solely shaped by human emotion, and thus subject to change with a change in behavior, attitude, what-have-you. We're not talking the laws of physics, we're talking about how we live our lives, deal with other people, and the relationships we form with them.

-TheE-
Except that people haven't been saying to Dex, "Fuck him. Throw him to the curb and to hell with your mother's business too." She's intelligent and wise enough to have tact when dealing with these delicate issues.

However what you are suggesting is that she should have to endure an unfulfilling relationship because of the length of time invested in it. People change, circumstances change. Why should she have to continue being unhappy? She has to hang onto guilt and pity to help this guy out rather than dealing with the fact that this isn't truly what she wants and needs to find that out for herself?

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Instead of offering useful, practical advice you're spouting stupid, vague bullshit that really doesn't help anyone. Basically you're just giving yourself a pat on the back for having a completely deluded world view, but hey at least it's pretty and everyone shits rainbows there, right!?

Also, feel free to actually elaborate on what the fuck you mean by 'mitigate the damage', with specific, practical examples (for bonus points try to avoid painfully obvious things like, "Don't light his stuff on fire" and "Don't kill his cat" and "Don't let any joint financial responsibilities lapse and ruin his credit".. you know, stuff that most people don't need spelled out for them) of how one actually does that.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I didn't go back and reread her original post, but I don't recall her saying she dislikes him, only that he wants to get married and she doesn't. If that doesn't make HER unhappy, she should continue it, IMO. I still think she's depressed and should take things a little at a time, rather than looking for the big reset she mentioned about moving and leaving everything she knows behind.

[Keller]

College friend of mine just went though a similar thought process.

She was a civil engineer in SF dating the same guy she dated in college.

She broke up with him, quit her job, moved to Sydney Australia, and is not tending bar and having fun.

She's having a blast, and I'm super envious. You're life is malleable, do what the fuck you want.

[Drew]

She broke up with him, quit her job, moved to Sydney Australia, and is not tending bar and having fun.

Well we know what she isn't doing, but what job is she doing?

[CrystalTears]

I didn't go back and reread her original post, but I don't recall her saying she dislikes him, only that he wants to get married and she doesn't. If that doesn't make HER unhappy, she should continue it, IMO. I still think she's depressed and should take things a little at a time, rather than looking for the big reset she mentioned about moving and leaving everything she knows behind.
She cares about him but she added that he'd go down in flames without her. It just sounded like she's full of guilt if she left him. She didn't even say love. It sounds like she's worried about a puppy not a boyfriend.

Besides, how great can a relationship be if he wants more and she doesn't? If they were both in the relationship with the understanding that it was never going to go anywhere, that's one thing. But it seems like he's just waiting for her to change. That would drive me insane after a while.

[Ryvicke]

Not to be a total swizzledick and make public my yearning for Dex to move out and get her ass to NYC BUT I do hang out with quite a few girls that are friends and New York is like a breeding ground for total douchebags and of all the times they've been like "I can't dump {maybe loser guy} cause he'd just never be able to live without me," they always somehow survived. I mean, you break up, you get sad--sometimes for a long time--and it sucks. But everyone deals.

[DCSL]

Wow, this shit exploded. It was only one page last I looked.

Alright, my boyfriend. He seems pretty content, actually. He never brings up getting married so I'm pretty sure it's not consuming his every waking thought. He's an extremely easy going guy and is happiest when other people (me) are making the decisions for everyday life. It doesn't bother him that I make more. Doesn't bother me either, other than the wreck it'll make if I leave him. He plods along at what has become "our" pace and is always surprised whenever I want to make a change.

Also, common law marriage has been done away with in most states. Without looking it up, I think there're only a dozen or so that have it still. And, of course, the qualifications for it are different everywhere. It used to be in Pennsylvania that if you checked into a hotel under the same last name, signing it Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so, you could legally claim that as a common law marriage. Just sayin'. ... I attended a lot of my mother's law classes as a kid.

I talked over the business stuff with my mother and I'll be flying up to NJ for a week or so soon to pick up some new shipments. If I stick this out for five years to establish the business, she'll see to it that I can move wherever I want and just reap the benefits of partial ownership of the business (I own 5% of it at this point.) At least I'll be able to get my NYC fix while I'm up there for a bit.

As far as the relationship goes... I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it.

[iJenni]

If you post anything remotely resembling an advertisement, make sure it rates at least 10 wolves or else we'll firebomb your house, iJenni.

...ok...

Duly noted!

[DCSL]

It was a bit of hyperbole with the going down in flames bit. He IS puppy-like in that way. If I look back over our relationship honestly, I have provided the direction for him in practically every way from moving to different states away from Austin, TX to playing more metal and Spanish guitar rather than the surf rock he used to play.

I don't think he'd commit suicide or anything without me. But it would profoundly change his life and I know it. He would be alright eventually but it would be a hard road.

[Sylvan Dreams]

'Mitigate the damage'.. ??

What the fuck does that even mean? I mean in real terms, not more retarded perfect world cliches.

Yeah, Dex, before you break up with someone you've been with for 4 years or more you should make them a cake and pay for two weeks worth of hookers so they can get their grieving sex on. Once that's complete you've mitigated the damage and it's okay to dump them.

Anyone who's actually been through a break up of a long term relationship knows there's no such thing as 'mitigating the damage'. Break ups fucking suck and it hurts like a bitch, period, end of story.

I took what he wrote to mean in the financial sense, since he is depending on her financially.

[pabstblueribbon]

It was a bit of hyperbole with the going down in flames bit. He IS puppy-like in that way. If I look back over our relationship honestly, I have provided the direction for him in practically every way from moving to different states away from Austin, TX to playing more metal and Spanish guitar rather than the surf rock he used to play.

I don't think he'd commit suicide or anything without me. But it would profoundly change his life and I know it. He would be alright eventually but it would be a hard road.

Its.. a hard.. road. A hard rocky.. road. A hard walk. He's going to walk, harrd.

I think he's doin pretty good for a 15 year old with a baby.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I took what he wrote to mean in the financial sense, since he is depending on her financially.

She was pretty upfront in the OP that she likes him and harbors no ill-will, so I thought I was safe in assuming that if they did break up she wouldn't just put his stuff on the porch and tell him to go find a nice cardboard box to live in. It's like CT said, no one was saying she should be cruel or bitchy, just that she shouldn't feel obligated to stay with someone if she doesn't want to, even if they are depending on her financially. Tell them how you feel, give them a little amount of time to get their stuff together, and then move on. But I think most of us just assumed that Dex knew that/would do that.

[Sean]

I'm not one to judge but if you want to be in the New York area and pay my bills for the next 9 years I'll be your dependent instead. You can even have sex with other people so long as my bills get paid on time, even if you have to pay for them by having sex with other people... for 9 years.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Sean is a whore!

[AnticorRifling]

Is that a black man trying to get a white woman to pay his bills with or without sex for money as the revenue?!

Holy shit the stereotype police are gonna break this thread's door down!

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

Oh wait, he's not a whore. He wants a sugar mama. I retract my calling him a whore for THIS instance, and this instance only.

Keep the pimp hand strong.

[Sean]

Is that a black man trying to get a white woman to pay his bills with or without sex for money as the revenue?!

Holy shit the stereotype police are gonna break this thread's door down!

She's welcome to group together with other women and form, for the lack of a better word, a stable of women of the same character.

[pabstblueribbon]

Oh wait, he's not a whore. He wants a sugar mama. I retract my calling him a whore for THIS instance, and this instance only.

Keep the pimp hand strong.

Whores men do not make. Since I don't think we can technically charge for it. Well, so long as you don't fuck old white dudes in public restrooms for money.

Sounds more like a dashing young man with unparalleled fashion sense, a propensity to smack a bitch, and a cane so that his confident stride ain't fucked wit.

Yep.

[Keller]

Well we know what she isn't doing, but what job is she doing?

She is NOW tending bar.

I expect that will end up in PB's favorites folder for future use.

[Ceyrin]

I find the idea that because you've been with someone for x amount of years that you somehow owe them, really offensive.

I decided I just found it offensive that the guy pretends to know exactly what he's talking about. Example, using the opinon/impression word, along with someone elses name, and then the word NEVER.

That was seriously pro. Internet pro, even.


FUCKING NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER USE NEVER ON PEOPLE YOU DON'T NEVER EVER FUCKING KNOW NEVER EVER ABOUT MOTHERFUCKER!



NEVER!

=)

[4a6c1]

I'm offended too.

[Ceyrin]

but I'd say anything over...mmmm...4 years, requires some sort of consideration. I'm not saying they can't break up, but I'm saying you have to take the other person into account.

I'm afraid I'm going to need to see this in some form of legal document, or I call bullshit.

Matter of fact, I'm just going to call bullshit on you anyway.

PS: You're obviously a closet republican. =)

[Latrinsorm]

It will be a "shock" to you both, but you will each be better off in the long-run.Unless he...
I don't think he'd commit suicide or anything without me.Oh. Then Atlanteax is right unless... he deletes the .txt documents of your best alters, I guess?

[Delias]

So... This might seem ridiculous, but you if he is as dependent on you as you make it sound, leaving him might actually end up being the best thing for him. A man has to be able to stand on his own two feet and make his own decisions, needs to be able to cope with change.

I have an example: My friend was living with me, at a very low rent... so instead of actually doing anything with his life, he only worked a couple of days... long enough to pay for WoW and food and that's about it. His plans of going back to school faltered. He had a ton of trouble with his girlfriend. He was stagnant. No growth taking place... because I had artificially created a pace that required too little effort. I kicked him out... and within two years he found a wife and finished a fast track school program and has a career.

Now, I'm not claiming the situation is the exact same... but my point is that the easy move is rarely the right move... if it was, being good wouldn't suck.

[DCSL]

Unless he...Oh. Then Atlanteax is right unless... he deletes the .txt documents of your best alters, I guess?

Then I would be forced to kill him if he deleted my alter docs.

[Ceyrin]

I'm offended too.

Yeah, but that's like shooting fish in a barrel... using dynamite.

Which believe me... it's real easy... really easy.

[Ceyrin]

So... This might seem ridiculous, but you if he is as dependent on you as you make it sound, leaving him might actually end up being the best thing for him. A man has to be able to stand on his own two feet and make his own decisions, needs to be able to cope with change.

Or he at least needs to be the one in charge, callin' the shots and all that, not tucking his dick between his ass cheeks.

Just sayin'...

[Parkbandit]

She is NOW tending bar.

I expect that will end up in PB's favorites folder for future use.

You are so imprecise with your words, but we are used to it by now.

[Delias]

Or he at least needs to be the one in charge, callin' the shots and all that, not tucking his dick between his ass cheeks.

Just sayin'...

I don't even think that's the problem. But thanks for playing.

[Ceyrin]

I wasn't referring to Dex's situation at this point.

I was just broadening the scope of your example.

Please try to only read the words and not the hidden symbols you hallucinate between them.

Kthxbai

[Delias]

I wasn't referring to Dex's situation at this point.

I was just broadening the scope of your example.

Please try to only read the words and not the hidden symbols you hallucinate between them.

Kthxbai

I will endeavor to do so, if you will try to stick to the topic at fucking hand you filthy fucktarded fornicator. Oh wait, scratch the fornicator part. Just filthy and fucktarded.

Perhaps you could insert some eraser phrases, like "all due respect".

[Ceyrin]

Oh... you just had to go and use dirty language.

I'm not going to sink to your level Delias, you overgrown gorilla humper!

I refuse to be baited into some stupid fucking argument with a retarded overgrown cabbage patch kid!

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

/THREAD

[Parkbandit]

I think I'm having an early mid-life crisis due to too much time to think. I had a lapse in judgment (I got in a fight at a bar) almost two weeks ago now that resulted in a possible navicular scaphoid fracture (CT scans have been ordered to double check) and now I can't do anything with myself.

I've had to take a medical leave from work. My car insurance won't cover drivers in casts so I can't take myself anywhere not within walking distance. None of the books I'm waiting for will come out any time soon. Typing with the cast on one hand is difficult but I've gotten better. Still, I can't play GS ALL the time. I'm facing a possible three month sentence with this fucker on. I get bored.

Now, I'm constantly reminded of the things I can't do. I don't mean because of the cast but because of the people I've let bind me. I have to live in Albuquerque to help my mother with her business. I can't just pick up and move. Plus, my boyfriend is not the rolling stone that I am. He needs a good run up on the idea of moving to get him to uproot, whereas I would just pick up and leave the instant the idea occurred to me.

I feel.. responsible. I don't like it. I make twice what my boyfriend makes so if I were ever to leave him, he'd be screwed in a serious way. He'd probably have to move back in with his parents in Texas. I can't do what I really want to (write and go back to school... I like school, I'd probably stay in until I got four doctorates if I could, probably move to NYC) because if I stop making the money I do now, we would not be able to support ourselves.

I'm also kind of feeling the "I reeeeeaaaally want to be able to sleep with anyone I want" kind of thing. Not because there's really anything wrong with my current relationship but because I'm bored. Not in bed, necessarily, but just in general. I'm bored with this relationship. I've been with this guy on and off for.. what, almost nine years now. Jesus fucking Christ. We're not married because I have a serious fear of commitment and he's all irritatingly patient about it. I won't cheat on him but I've been getting the urge more often in the last couple of months.

Ugh. Or maybe, nnngh. If I could, I'd quit my job outright, tell my mother to screw herself and strike myself from the family tree, break up with my boyfriend, and take myself off to NYC. Or San Francisco. I haven't lived there yet. Or maybe Miami. I like to be warm. Although I do like Seattle too. Or maybe fly to Japan to join my friend in Osaka and participate in his crazy life.

But there would be consequences for any of that. And not just for me. I'd wreck my boyfriend's life and it's not like I don't care for him anymore. I do care. Seriously, he'd go down in flames in a lot of ways. He's practically my housewife. My mother's budding antiques business would probably go down. I don't care as much about that bullshit but my mother is the only one in my family that actually talks to me. If I cut myself out of that, I would, for all practical purposes, have no family at all. I'm pretty solitary, yeah, but that's such a depressing concept.

Hm. That ate up a good hour. Now, what to do with the rest of the possible three months...

I'm all about living up to your responsibilities... but I'm also of the mind that life is short and do what is best for you.

I would have a discussion with both the BF and mother and let them know how you feel. It will be the most difficult night of your life, but once everything is on the table.. it can only get better. Figure out how it can get better for you... BF maybe needs to move out.. mother needs to step it up... whatever it is, make a plan and stick to it.

If this doesn't put you back on the path to some sort of happiness, then I say do whatever the fuck you want... at least you tried to fix your life.

Sometimes you just need a reset.

[Ryvicke]

Then I would be forced to kill him if he deleted my alter docs.

Seriously wtf, I invited you to put all your alter ideas in my shared google doc alter spreadsheet FOREVER ago. I want your brain in MY CLOUD.

Also: does anyone else get a little rush whenever Delias and Ceyrin get to exchangin little words? Pervin is some serious shit: there can only be one (alternate title: Pervin is Some Serious Shit: Battle to Yogurt Vajazzle Gnome Rage).

[Delias]

Seriously wtf, I invited you to put all your alter ideas in my shared google doc alter spreadsheet FOREVER ago. I want your brain in MY CLOUD.

Also: does anyone else get a little rush whenever Delias and Ceyrin get to exchangin little words? Pervin is some serious shit: there can only be one (alternate title: Pervin is Some Serious Shit: Battle to Yogurt Vajazzle Gnome Rage).

Perhaps the swords will be drawn forth from our canes in an ancient and honorable duel. It's a shame that pimpin ain't easy, because now one of us gotsta ta die, sucka.

[Ceyrin]

Seriously wtf, I invited you to put all your alter ideas in my shared google doc alter spreadsheet FOREVER ago. I want your brain in MY CLOUD.

Also: does anyone else get a little rush whenever Delias and Ceyrin get to exchangin little words? Pervin is some serious shit: there can only be one (alternate title: Pervin is Some Serious Shit: Battle to Yogurt Vajazzle Gnome Rage).

http://cdn1.knowyourmeme.com/i/9988/original/internet_serious_mf_business.jpg

PS:

http://www.yourresumesucks.biz/mind_your_business_cover_med.jpg

[DCSL]

Seriously wtf, I invited you to put all your alter ideas in my shared google doc alter spreadsheet FOREVER ago. I want your brain in MY CLOUD.


Oh yeah. I dunno if a shared doc could handle this much glory.

[Keller]

You are so imprecise with your words, but we are used to it by now.

I was sloppy, not imprecise.

But that was ironic, thanks!

[Ceyrin]

College friend of mine just went though a similar thought process.

She was a civil engineer in SF dating the same guy she dated in college.

She broke up with him, quit her job, moved to Sydney Australia, and is not tending bar and having fun.

She's having a blast, and I'm super envious. You're life is malleable, do what the fuck you want.

This is a false story.

There are no straight people in SF, and you clearly indicate that a guy and a girl are dating.

Please stop trolling =)