Turncoat motherfucker.

[Delias]

My wife cost me a hundred bucks at the poker table last night by sharing my plays with her girlfriend. Then had the fucking nerve to ask me if I was mad.

So I'm thinking, is it better to dump her in a swift flowing river and hope she makes it down the gulf and dissolves in the chemical vat, or should I just try to sink her to the bottom of a closer body of water and hope she doesn't float back up?

[Ribbons]

Pow, right in the kisser?

But yeah, I'd be pretty pissed.

[Kerranger]

I know a guy with some pigs way up on the side of a mountain. Noone can hear anything. Let me know.

[Delias]

Never ever allowed in the same room as a poker game ever again.

[Ryvicke]

When you say "sharing my plays" do you mean she was telling her gf your cards specifically or just your tells? Were they using codes n shit to deceive you?

In any event, sounds fucked up. Next time she wants to take pictures with champagne and dildos just bring natty ice and a small souvenir baseball bat and tell her you're broke now.

[radamanthys]

You need to fuck her friend.

"You're not mad, right?"

[Kerranger]

Better tell that bitch to cook you some bacon to help ease the pain. And let you put it in her butt.

[Delias]

You need to fuck her friend.

"You're not mad, right?"

Err.. Well, we did that once. But that is beside the point.

Ryvicke, I mean she was sharing tells and the keys to my different methods of play... shit I taught her so she would be a better poker player, or shit I told her because I was confiding in my wife, not so she could fucking sell me out. In the grand scheme of things I am way less pissed about the money than about the fucking betrayal. I play a lot of poker, so for someone to basically give away a guidebook to the way I play can really have some long lasting consequences.

[Ryvicke]

Can you give me your guidebook? I'm playing Saturday and I'm no good, my strategy mainly involved twisting oreos and seeing which side the frosting sticks to.

[IorakeWarhammer]

QURAN AND GAMBLING
It is stated in the Qur’ân: “They ask you regarding wine and gambling. Say, in both of them is major sin, and there is some benefit for men, but the sin of them is far greater than benefit ”

[Some Rogue]

I play a lot of poker, so for someone to basically give away a guidebook to the way I play can really have some long lasting consequences.

They will never be the same?

[Delias]

Can you give me your guidebook? I'm playing Saturday and I'm no good, my strategy mainly involved twisting oreos and seeing which side the frosting sticks to.

Well I can give you advice but honestly, you can read every book in existence on the game and all it will give you is a place to start. Trying to play like someone else never works... you need to develop your own style based on experience and knowledge of the game. Books can give you the latter, but there is no substitute for the former.

Oh, and don't play online, because it's for tards.

[Drisco]

Oh that's dirty, You gotta keep that shit secret, you never tell anyone no matter how close they are to you. It's like Magic tricks, that shit isn't shared with anyone unless it's required to perform the act.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Well I can give you advice but honestly, you can read every book in existence on the game and all it will give you is a place to start. Trying to play like someone else never works... you need to develop your own style based on experience and knowledge of the game. Books can give you the latter, but there is no substitute for the former.

Oh, and don't play online, because it's for tards.

This, but I do have a couple bits of advice if you're playing Hold Em.

-If you're playing 2-4 limit don't show up at the table with a hoodie, baseball hat and sunglasses on like a god damn tool factory.

-If you don't know who the sucker is at your table, you're probably the sucker.

- Learn to play your position. Movies and stuff like to romanticize bluffing but bluffing is really only effective or worthwhile if you do it in the right place at the right time with the right lead up. When you've been limping in with checks right up to the river and suddenly you're going to try to steal the pot, probably not terribly effective. If you only look for info one thing, look for info on playing your table position.

Also Delias, it's time to choke a bitch.

[TheLastShamurai]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3024/2852731720_c655d80ae4.jpg

[Delias]

This, but I do have a couple bits of advice if you're playing Hold Em.

-If you're playing 2-4 limit don't show up at the table with a hoodie, baseball hat and sunglasses on like a god damn tool factory.

-If you don't know who the sucker is at your table, you're probably the sucker.

- Learn to play your position. Movies and stuff like to romanticize bluffing but bluffing is really only effective or worthwhile if you do it in the right place at the right time with the right lead up. When you've been limping in with checks right up to the river and suddenly you're going to try to steal the pot, probably not terribly effective. If you only look for info one thing, look for info on playing your table position.

Also Delias, it's time to choke a bitch.


What Nikki said. Also, if you are better at math, play limit. If you are better at psychology and reading people, play no limit. If you are good at both, definitely play no limit. It's ever so much more fun.

Here's the part about it that really chaps my ass... I'm definitely the best player among my regular gang (they freely admit it, too). My game was sharp too, I was kicking ass until that bitch wife of mine sat down with her friend. Should have made at least two hundred bucks last night. cunt. I am still so fucking pissed... I can't even think of a way to stop being angry. I finally just walked away and went to play red dead redemption.

[Nieninque]

You're such a good choice in partners. Child abusers and betrayers. YOU IS LUCKY IN LOVE, HOMIE!

[Delias]

You're such a good choice in partners. Child abusers and betrayers. YOU IS LUCKY IN LOVE, HOMIE!

Hey there was a good girl in there too. A painter/figure skater who got good grades and didn't put out. I think you can see the route I've chosen to go, instead of that one.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

What I don't get is, why didn't you tell her to shut the fuck up when she first started in?

[Delias]

What I don't get is, why didn't you tell her to shut the fuck up when she first started in?

I thought I was making it very clear with my statements of "One player per hand" and "would you fucking go to bed already". Apparently I should have been more blunt. As in object, and striking.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Yeah, I meant along the lines of "Shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you."

What you described is also why I don't play any serious games with a group of friends. The games I go to, if someone started shooting off their mouth like that they'd have been told to shut up or leave. It's one thing to shit talk and banter but what she did is entirely different.

[Abilene]

FWIW if you play with the same people all the time, it's good to change up your style of play periodically anyway. Can't stick to one thing forever, they'll get wise to you anyway... unless they're all fucktards.

[Delias]

FWIW if you play with the same people all the time, it's good to change up your style of play periodically anyway. Can't stick to one thing forever, they'll get wise to you anyway... unless they're all fucktards.

Yeah... it's different when you're trying to deceive someone you've been with for ten years as to what you're doing, and they rat you out. I tried changing gears a number of times, believe me. This is just a friendly game we try to do twice a month or so, otherwise she wouldn't even have been there... which, as it turns out, she never will be again, mark my fucking words.

[Delias]

Also it just occurred to me that we should set up a PC tournament somewhere. That would be fun.

[Latrinsorm]

That is an odd post to make in a thread about killing your wife (who you presumably care about more than PC nubs) over a poker game.

[Ryvicke]

I've been kind of lol'ing everytime I see the title of this thread. 'Turncoat Motherfucker' is just so full of rage and then I remember that it's about his wife probably giggling and telling her friend his secrets while having a drink and not giving a shit.

[Kuyuk]

I've played with friends for the past two years or so.. when we started out, I was mediocre... I've gotten significantly better, and know exactly how they play, and bet.. and use it against them. Out of the past 10 weeks or so, I've taken home the majority of the money every week.

[Delias]

I've been kind of lol'ing everytime I see the title of this thread. 'Turncoat Motherfucker' is just so full of rage and then I remember that it's about his wife probably giggling and telling her friend his secrets while having a drink and not giving a shit.

That's quite accurate. So, on a completely unrelated note, anyone know anything about what sort of acid would most quickly dissolve a... ah, "dog" corpse?

[Gan]

You need to fuck her friend.

"You're not mad, right?"

Worth about $100.00 inorite?

I'd call this a win.

[Leloo]

Always go with lye. Also, I've heard lionfish poison (you know, those prickly little fish you can buy for your tropical fish tank) placed in a drink causes what looks like a heart attack.

On another note... I'd be afraid to play poker with you! I'll go with rummy.

[Delias]

Always go with lye. Also, I've heard lionfish poison (you know, those prickly little fish you can buy for your tropical fish tank) placed in a drink causes what looks like a heart attack.

On another note... I'd be afraid to play poker with you! I'll go with rummy.

Well, it basically amounts to cheating... which I cannot abide.

[Kerranger]

Always go with lye.

Lye nothin. This is exactly why i offered to take you to the pig farm. Nothing beats pigs for getting rid of a corpse.

[Leloo]

Also, eye drops are highly poisonous if ingested.. I believe 3-4 in a drink will cause gastro problems but maybe closer to 10 is lethal?

[Gnome Rage]

2-3 will induce vomiting.

[Gan]

Lye nothin. This is exactly why i offered to take you to the pig farm. Nothing beats pigs for getting rid of a corpse.

Damn, what movie was that in?

"Never trust a pig farmer."

[Stanley Burrell]

Pretend you forgive her: Then slowly rebuild the relationship using fake protocol next time and have her think she's using your plays, then go to plan B. It will be the most awesome, supreme, greatest waste of time for getting your wife back for a $100 betrayal known to man.

[Kerranger]

"Never trust a pig farmer."

That was from Snatch. Which is a fuckin awesome movie. But theres truth behind it, cause pigs will eat anything. Theyre scavengers.

[AnticorRifling]

Damn, what movie was that in?

"Never trust a pig farmer."

Man card, turn it in.

[Danical]

my strategy mainly involved twisting oreos and seeing which side the frosting sticks to.

So full of win.

Haven't seen that movie in a long while.

[Leloo]

Ever get the feeling we're bad people for knowing so many ways to kill people and dispose of the bodies?

Also, if you're in the NY/NJ area, the Hudson river is already full of bodies.

[Kerranger]

Ever get the feeling we're bad people for knowing so many ways to kill people and dispose of the bodies?

It comes in handy sometimes. One of my best friends almost beat this guy to death with a weight bar one time in the living room, and the whole time, i wasnt worried about stopping him, i was thinking about how to get rid of the corpse. Disturbing, but tough shit.

[Methais]

My wife cost me a hundred bucks at the poker table last night by sharing my plays with her girlfriend. Then had the fucking nerve to ask me if I was mad.

So I'm thinking, is it better to dump her in a swift flowing river and hope she makes it down the gulf and dissolves in the chemical vat, or should I just try to sink her to the bottom of a closer body of water and hope she doesn't float back up?

Casually throw it in her face next time she wants you to buy her something and be like, "Gee honey I'd love to, but I can't afford to now since you FUCKING SOLD ME OUT TO YOUR FRIEND IN POKER AND THE BITCH TOOK MY MONEY!!!!!!!!!!11"

Then deliver a flying elbow off the table for good measure.


Pow, right in the kisser?

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/4324/a27e91c893eecc8b5ef86880beaeff3dgb7.jpg

[RichardCranium]

Send me all the pron you have of her. That'll learn'r.

[AestheticDeath]

Not sure you guys know what your talking about with the eyedrops...

Any of you ever actually try it on someone or have it given to you?

[Leloo]

I saw it on a CSI once. But since you asked I decided to google to see if CSI had duped me (Miami I believe).

http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp

This website, which for some reason refuses to let me copy a quote from it, lists the various things eye drops can do to you if ingested. And if you scroll down list several incidences of adults consuming it.

It is finally an article on e-how (link posted below) that will let me copy so...

"If eye drops are ingested, especially those containing Tetrahydrozoline, a person could experience blurred vision, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, difficulty breathing, dangerously low body temperature, fluctuating blood pressure and even seizures. Eye drops should never be ingested. Even just a few drops can cause problems."

Read more: Can Swallowing Eye Drops Make You Sick? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/about_5531479_can-eye-drops-make-sick.html#ixzz0vltYQ8hh


So the answer is... CSI didn't lie.

[Tea & Strumpets]

Not sure you guys know what your talking about with the eyedrops...

Any of you ever actually try it on someone or have it given to you?

If you ever went to see a movie, you'd know that hundreds of people per year die from eye drops and pig farms.

Also, if you ever happen to fall out of a plane while being inside a tank, remember to just point the barrel at the ground and keep firing. Scientifically, this will slow you down so much that you will have a nice soft landing (A-Team movie in yo face).

[WRoss]

Can you give me your guidebook? I'm playing Saturday and I'm no good, my strategy mainly involved twisting oreos and seeing which side the frosting sticks to.

Haha, nice reference.

[Kerranger]

Can you give me your guidebook? I'm playing Saturday and I'm no good, my strategy mainly involved twisting oreos and seeing which side the frosting sticks to.

If it worked for a russian mobster in a movie, why would it not work for you? That shit is obviously legit.

[Ryvicke]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qPgrCFcwFk

[Kainen]

shit I taught her so she would be a better poker player,

Dummy.

[radamanthys]

Delias not telling his woman.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_WmMIrkP-2Ns/SVBnKcj_GiI/AAAAAAAABHM/XgqvIhlDBVE/s400/Domestic+Violence.bmp

Show her what a real poker face is.