Green Cards

[Delias]

So here is the situation: my friend has been in a relationship with this guy for... 6 years, kinda. 4 on, 1 off, 1 on. She always anticipates he will ask her to marry him, but so far hasn't yet. They are getting married tomorrow now, because otherwise he has to go back to canada. She hasn't told her parents because she wants to let him wait to propose and then still have a ceremony. I tried to point out that a proposal would be bunk because they would already be married, and that if they wanted to still have a ceremony, to do it as a vow renewal. "technically" married is the only kind of married there is...you are either married or you aren't. I said she needs to call her parents and let them know, and let them have their say even if she doesn't listen to it. She maintains her parents are cool and won't mind, but speaking as a parent myself, I feel that no matter how cool your parents are, if you are there little girl and you get married, even if it is apparently just a green card marriage, they will want to know, and if you keep it a secret and it comes out later, it can seriously damage your relationship with your parents. Where do you stand on this issue?

[radamanthys]

Send them to arizona. Let hilarity ensue.

[Delias]

Hah, maybe I will abduct them, write "ALIEN" on their foreheads in permanent marker, and drop them off in the middle of the state.

[Stanley Burrell]

Send them to arizona. Let hilarity ensue.

...

Or South Africa:

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/4491/district9image.jpg

You can tell all I wanted to do was image-link a District 9 photo. I'm not even trying. Bah.

[Drisco]

Jesus why doesn't she just come back to Canada? Who wants to live in a fuck up country like America? You guys are all ass backwards and always starting shit.

[Rinualdo]

I have a friend who met a guy on WoW 3 months ago, and due to a green card issue they got married yesterday.

Strangeness aside, people shouldn't get married for their parents reasons, but for their own. If they're happy with a green card wedding then more power to them!

[Cephalopod]

...

Or South Africa:

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/4491/district9image.jpg

You can tell all I wanted to do was image-link a District 9 photo. I'm not even trying. Bah.

Derail: I just saw this a few days ago, and liked it a great deal. Not at all what I was expecting.

[radamanthys]

Jesus why doesn't she just come back to Canada? Who wants to live in a fuck up country like America? You guys are all ass backwards and always starting shit.

Nuh-uh.

America! Fuck yea!

[Atlanteax]

So here is the situation: my friend has been in a relationship with this guy for... 6 years, kinda. 4 on, 1 off, 1 on. She always anticipates he will ask her to marry him, but so far hasn't yet. They are getting married tomorrow now, because otherwise he has to go back to canada. She hasn't told her parents because she wants to let him wait to propose and then still have a ceremony. I tried to point out that a proposal would be bunk because they would already be married, and that if they wanted to still have a ceremony, to do it as a vow renewal. "technically" married is the only kind of married there is...you are either married or you aren't. I said she needs to call her parents and let them know, and let them have their say even if she doesn't listen to it. She maintains her parents are cool and won't mind, but speaking as a parent myself, I feel that no matter how cool your parents are, if you are there little girl and you get married, even if it is apparently just a green card marriage, they will want to know, and if you keep it a secret and it comes out later, it can seriously damage your relationship with your parents. Where do you stand on this issue?

IMO, she should be seriously offended that this guy was never going to propose, and then finally relents on the marriage thing (relent being the proper choice of word, as he was never going to propose) due to the fact that he needs the green card.

The question I would suggest you ask her is why has she not dumped this guy yet? (back to the presumption that she should had been seriously offended)

[Gan]

I see "sucker" written all over this.

[Latrinsorm]

Two threads:

First, marriage is not just a legal technicality. It carries tremendous societal and emotional baggage that are not matched by (for instance) loitering fines or zoning regulations. As such it is completely reasonable for a person to want a real marriage even if according to the law they are already "married".

Second, she should definitely tell her parents. I don't get how this is even a question for her.

[MotleyCrew]

Idiots like this muck up the system for people with legitimate marriages.

[Drew]

I've had a couple friends get married and then have a "marriage" ceremony. They both tried to keep it private but it got out./ --

[Delias]

You know what I like about this? Most of you are in essence saying that I'm right and she's being an idiot. The crazy part is, she's probably the most intelligent person I know... I guess emotions make everyone retarded sometimes, especially if they have ovaries. This is the kind of thing that can seriously haunt a person for the rest of their lives, and I don't feel she's given the ramifications their due deliberation. They did break up for a while, I think they've been back together for... Oh, I don't know, 8 months or so, maybe.

The only reason I opened it up for debate on here is because my family is somewhat crazy, so I figured that in the spirit of fairness I'd seek consensus on the subject. If my son ever got married without telling me... I don't know. I'd probably kick his ass. It isn't about my approval or disapproval of his choice to wed, it is about having the decency to inform his own father.

[Celephais]

Derail: I just saw this a few days ago, and liked it a great deal. Not at all what I was expecting.

Weird, I just saw this on Tuesday. I enjoyed it, wasn't what I was expecting either, glad I waited instead of watching it when it was all hyped up, because it certainly wasn't up to the hype, but it was better than the impression I had from all the people who watched it while it was hyped who told me it sucked.

Oh the marriage thing... if it makes her happy... If her parent's don't get over it in the future if they find out, then they're crappy parents.

[Sylvan Dreams]

IMO, she should be seriously offended that this guy was never going to propose, and then finally relents on the marriage thing (relent being the proper choice of word, as he was never going to propose) due to the fact that he needs the green card.

The question I would suggest you ask her is why has she not dumped this guy yet? (back to the presumption that she should had been seriously offended)

Worth repeating.

She is probably ashamed that the reason for their marriage is his green card, and not his love for her, and wishes to disguise this fact by hiding the marriage from her parents. She probably wants them to believe that the marriage is real and based on love for her - not for his love of her citizenship status.

[Archigeek]

Yep. The guy really doesn't want in so-to-speak, but he's doing it for convenience anyway. She on the other hand has the classic messed up idea that she can change him and he'll see that it's true love once they're married! Oh happy day.... not. I predict it all goes to hell in a hand basket and she cries a lot and says "why was I so stupid!"

As for smart people being suckers. Sometimes smart people are pretty good at creating their own logic purely to fit the situation, and convince themselves that it must be true. Smart people aren't immune to being stupid.

[Atlanteax]

Even smart people do dumb things.

What makes them smart is that they *usually* make good decisions.

[Celephais]

Emotions level the playing field pretty quickly for the smart and the stupid.

[Methais]

If a gay guy marries a lesbian, is that a gay marriage?

[Archigeek]

If a gay guy marries a lesbian, is that a gay marriage?

Nope. It's a sitcom.

[Caiylania]

Marriages like this are what made it so hard and expensive for true fiance visa marriages. We had to go through so many steps to prove we were a real couple because of things like this.

She better realize the consequences if Immigration finds out. While there is a good chance they will get away with it, if they are discovered it won't end well.

Is she hoping he will truly fall for her because now he is tied to her ala The Proposal (also about a Canadian wanting a green card)

[Caiylania]

Oh, and yes. She should 100% tell her parents. It would break my heart if my girls didn't tell me. If she cares about them it would be cruel not to.

[Methais]

Oh, and yes. She should 100% tell her parents. It would break my heart if my girls didn't tell me. If she cares about them it would be cruel not to.

Would be legendary if she tells her parents and then they report it to Immigration.

[Caiylania]

Would be legendary if she tells her parents and then they report it to Immigration.

I have no doubt that has happened if you think about it. If they think they are doing what is right for their daughter. So you have seen The Proposal huh? :D

[Delias]

Update: She did tell her parents and apparently he asked her father for permission. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

[Methais]

Update: She did tell her parents and apparently he asked her father for permission. We'll see how it goes, I guess.

Her father: YA DUN GOOFED!

<calls immigration>