Job Q

[Stanley Burrell]

I am being hired to work. Extremely, extremely hired. I know how to do what is requested of me about a thousand times better than the one other person (already) employed in a four slot-open career.

What I'm doing is very niche, needed and secure. I can't really say what it is that I'll be doing unfortunately; but I do have an issue, which is that my employer is hardcore and the special sub-division that I will be working for within the general infrastructure is also hardcore. So, like, hardcore-hardcore requirements are being placed on my shoulders:

What I want to do, somehow, is know how to talk-the-talk before I walk-the-walk. There is no such thing as starting out as a volunteer. But I really want to have things toned down at first, even though I know very well what it is that I will be doing: How do I ask this question without seeming weak or audacious, but (hopefully) start out on (ideally) less hours and leave the impression that I'll be O.K. how my work is done (and demanded) without a bit of what I expect to be rabid pushing from my employer to climb ranks quickly? And leave an I'm-not-taking-it-to-the-next-level impression in the most sincere and appropriate manner possible?

[AnticorRifling]

Link the employer to this thread, we can answer questions for both of you and act as professional, and unbiased, moderators.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I always have had a hard time understanding what you write, so I'll restate what I think I read:

You are being hired for a job you can't talk about, and you are over qualified for it, and want to know how you can do the job in a mediocre way so as to prevent upward mobility?

[Celephais]

Oh, I'll play, this is what I read:
Hired for a job he can't talk about.
Is good at it, but inexperienced with doing it in a corporate environment.
Wants them to give him a good amount of time to learn the lingo/process/red tape that they use, so they realize he's good at the actual work, instead of giving up on him because he's new to the environment.

[Cephalopod]

Could you be a bit more vague and cryptic? That may help.

[Clove]

All I'm hearing is clicking noises. Please tell me this job doesn't require a facility with writing in English.

[Methais]

I am being hired to work. Extremely, extremely hired. I know how to do what is requested of me about a thousand times better than the one other person (already) employed in a four slot-open career.

What I'm doing is very niche, needed and secure. I can't really say what it is that I'll be doing unfortunately; but I do have an issue, which is that my employer is hardcore and the special within its infrastructure is also hardcore. So, like, hardcore-hardcore requirements are being placed on my shoulders:

What I want to do, somehow, is know how to talk-the-talk before I walk-the-walk. There is no such thing as starting out as a volunteer. But I really want to have things toned down at first, even though I know very well what it is that I will be doing: How do I ask this question without seeming weak or audacious, but (hopefully) start out on (ideally) less hours and leave the impression that I'll be O.K. how my work is done (and demanded) without a bit of what I expect to be rabid pushing from my employer to climb ranks quickly? And leave an I'm-not-taking-it-to-the-next-level impression in the most sincere and appropriate manner possible?

http://memegenerator.net/Retard-Horse/ImageMacro/652311/Retard-Horse-HORSE-What-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about.jpg

[peam]

The green whale, Stanley.

Oscillate is heavily over a small radium snail tube and then ask the door delegate to aspirate you heavily seven to ten times.

[Warriorbird]

We do have people who ...

A. deal drugs
B. do porn

Don't be scared.

[ElvenFury]

Bring in Brisket Tacos for the whole office.

[4a6c1]

Also making the assumption you have signed on with a corporation...

SB, how can anyone give you accurate advice without details (phishing!) ?? Here is my general assessment but since we are at opposite ends of this problem (I have massive amounts of corporate experience and NO industry knowledge) I really just want to make fun of you. First. DO NOT ask for things to be toned down. If you have been thrown into the bullpen you are going to need to learn how not to get impaled by the horns. Quick. Stay up all night trying to figure it out. DO ask questions here and there of people who seem in the know but limit those questions and spread them around between different people (1 per person per day for the first month is ok). Make friends with the girl who answers your phone and gets you coffee. Get chatty with the mail office. Bring coffee one day for 2 people at your pay grade. All of these people will help make life as pleasant for you as you make it for them. DO NOT ask for less hours. Get everything done in half the time it takes everyone else and then ask for MORE hours.

You really need to prove yourself, the company is not going to prove itself to you. If you are not used to doing this welcome to corporate America, the farther up the ranks you go the harder it gets. You have to fit in or get out. Skill is irrelevant. You have to be on the ball with your eyes open. Be productive, efficient, cordial, and precise. Do all this quickly or someone else will get the job, someone with less skill who is better able to adapt.

(sorry. it's truth. <3)




The green whale, Stanley.

Oscillate is heavily over a small radium snail tube and then ask the door delegate to aspirate you heavily seven to ten times.

Also good advice.

[Stanley Burrell]

I have to be reasonably discrete about it, here:


I always have had a hard time understanding what you write, so I'll restate what I think I read:

:lol:


You are being hired for a job you can't talk about, and you are over qualified for it, and want to know how you can do the job in a mediocre way so as to prevent upward mobility?

Not deliberately mediocre, but in a way to avoid being pushed up the ladder extremely quickly, which will very likely happen unless I do something (thanks Anticor! :heart:) to absolutely ensure that I am not given a higher position until (ideally, anyway) I want to accept that larger responsibility. And I need to know the best way to do this on my own merit, without deliberately striving for mediocrity/mooning everyone.

[4a6c1]

wtf...

Nevermind. To my entire post. Apparently I didnt understand what you were asking.

Just wear this. I've heard it hinders upward mobility.

http://i91.photobucket.com/albums/k293/Hans-Von/three-wolf-moon.jpg

[Tea & Strumpets]

Let your boss know right away that you aren't going to put up with any of his bullshit.

[peam]

Let your boss know right away that you aren't going to put up with any of his bullshit.

Really you'll probably want to beat the guy up on your first day.

[Some Rogue]

And if all else fails, point to the picture on his desk and ask who the cunt is with the retarded brats.

[Liagala]

Not deliberately mediocre, but in a way to avoid being pushed up the ladder extremely quickly, which will very likely happen unless I do something (thanks Anticor! :heart:) to absolutely ensure that I am not given a higher position until (ideally, anyway) I want to accept that larger responsibility. And I need to know the best way to do this on my own merit, without deliberately striving for mediocrity/mooning everyone.
1. Do your job well (see Jihna's post)
2. When you are offered a chance to move up the ladder, decline. Say that matters in your personal life don't allow you to take on the extra responsibility at this time, but you appreciate the offer and if it ever opens again in the future, it might be an option then. Be sure to give the impression that you really do want it, would do an awesome job at it, and are quite disappointed that you really just can't accept right now.
3. ????
4. Profit

Limiting your performance now to avoid said promotion makes you less likely to get it when you want it. Declining means it might not open up again in the future, but at least it doesn't make management overlook you if the opportunity does come up later.

[Celephais]

I'd suggest just doing really good, be offered the position and let them know that you're getting a lot of job satisfaction doing what you're doing right now and want to stay there for a bit longer, and schedule a specific date to reconsider.

I see it going something like this:
Boss: "Stanley, you're doing such a good job impregnating chicks to sell babies on the black market we thought we'd move you up to counterfeiting money"
Stan: "I feel this current line of work is well suited for me and the state of my personal life at the moment. Could I schedule another evaluation six months from now to discuss my future in the bad ass mo-fo mafia?"
Boss: "That's cool man, continue to rock out with your cock out"

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

I'd do the best you can, and take any promotions they offer you if it is more visible and has greater opportunity for making more dead presidents. Most people underestimate themselves in terms of potential, if your boss(es) say they want to move you up, take it.

[Clove]

Yeah, I'm just thinking trying to retard your advancement (before you're actually offered any) is a bad idea. But what do I know?

[Fallen]

Say you need the extra downtime/freetime/freedom/etc to go to school. Then, just to fuck with their heads, go to school.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I'd suggest just doing really good, be offered the position and let them know that you're getting a lot of job satisfaction doing what you're doing right now and want to stay there for a bit longer, and schedule a specific date to reconsider.

I see it going something like this:
Boss: "Stanley, you're doing such a good job impregnating chicks to sell babies on the black market we thought we'd move you up to counterfeiting money"
Stan: "I feel this current line of work is well suited for me and the state of my personal life at the moment. Could I schedule another evaluation six months from now to discuss my future in the bad ass mo-fo mafia?"
Boss: "That's cool man, continue to rock out with your cock out"

This this this.

[Stanley Burrell]

Say you need the extra downtime/freetime/freedom/etc to go to school. Then, just to fuck with their heads, go to school.

There's a bit of rapidly recycled clearance beyond my already being accepted: Especially (I'm imagining, from what I've been allowed to witness, so far) in the narrow venue of the company I'll be working for.

I sort of already have a B.A. -- and was, separately, 120 credits into receiving my B.S., until this opportunity convinced me that I would much rather work for this organization with my degree and humbly decline taking another 11 required courses for my second undergraduate plaque, and entering the Guinness Book for the "Abso-fucking-lutely Ridiculous Amount of Credits Before Earning a Second Degree from a State University" record.

In short, what I do in my off-time will be monitored (I don't know, nor am I stupid enough to inquire) to some degree. So, it's a bit tricky to fuck with their heads.

And since I never mention a large, certain chunk of my past, I'll trust you to believe me that I have severe disciplinary upbringing. And that I sometimes wake up throwing the jab and hook at my covers (learning boxing basics as a kid from a commando can do that to you.) And I've seen worse things; than some of the most horribly imaginable deaths you can think of, or that I've witnessed, done simply to one-and-a-half fingers of a subdued individual... I may even trust you guys enough to believe I use these forums as an outlet because I'm bitter about a few years of my life that sends that whole "you can't change another person" shit directly down the aquatic disposal unit.

Anyway; I'd like to stick to what my job will start out as, which is deciphering demographics, in a special sort of manner -- And not immediately jump to (because I will be pushed to do so from my supervisors) carrying standard and specialized weaponry on me at almost all times and not being allowed to drive my minivan, because Uncle Sam's dime is going demand my ride to look like an undercover's taxi cab (at times) so that I can go into work and run certain routines, where if I even mention a syllable of their names, I can disappear. Legally.

Anyhoo, good day sirs and madams.

[4a6c1]

Thilly thtanley.

[Stanley Burrell]

Thilly thtanley.

In all honesty, when the Sgt. Maj didn't notice ;) ;) ;) that the surgical procedure of removing millimeter bit-by-bits of a person's fingers using a metal barracks door was underway ... the douchebag kind of deserved it for stabbing a senior officer in the head with a fork.

[Latrinsorm]

In short, what I do in my off-time will be monitored (I don't know, nor am I stupid enough to inquire) to some degree.So you're working for the http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v456/johnnyoldschool/killwhitey.jpg?

[Stanley Burrell]

So you're working for the http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v456/johnnyoldschool/killwhitey.jpg?

There are some black people but they're not really rectangular-shaped.

[ElvenFury]

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2010/3/20/634046695039753180-privatepyle.jpg

[4a6c1]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v289/abnormalmembrane/opcopy.jpg

[RichardCranium]

2 Xanax 3 times a day and you're golden.

[Stanley Burrell]

2 Xanax 3 times a day and you're golden.

There's ... a bit of stigma prooobably around the point to where I shouldn't be eating poppy seed bagels.

So:

It's all about the jenkem now.

[RichardCranium]

There's ... a bit of stigma prooobably around the point to where I shouldn't be eating poppy seed bagels.

So:

It's all about the jenkem now.

Ah, that old chestnut. Well then, just be as straight-forward with them as you can be?

[Methais]

There's ... a bit of stigma prooobably around the point to where I shouldn't be eating poppy seed bagels.

So:

It's all about the jenkem now.

http://free0.hiboox.com/images/2509/diapoe2d01c3532bd266fe584ebe10ba6852f.jpg

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Totally unrelated, but the most nervewracking job interview of my life (because it was for a position that I don't hold formal qualifications for) happened recently, that also required me to answer an interview question with "Over 9000".

[Stanley Burrell]

So:

After I do more of the work that it is that I have been doing, it is being highly recommended to me (and essentially a pending direct order) to work with an association involved in what I have been doing; up to this point, that has ≈ five times the communication capability than the units I currently work in.

It's weird ... every day I've been working, the only clearance object that has been issued to me, that I can take home and bring in as authentication is a hall pass-like object.

I check in my shiny badge; and, more importantly, my true clearance item every working day, with whatever agent, officer or civilian (in the units I've been assigned to that day) who has the highest overall clearance.

Recently, I was just upgraded from having to show up at a specific time each day (only to see whether or not I would actually be allowed to work that day) to being provided with a relay system, that eventually (after four dispatch redirects) patches me in to one of my three mentoring superiors, whom I then get the privilege after half an hour if I am on my third inquiry as to whether or not I my level of clearance is O.K. to head into work that day.

The whole thing has been strange, odd, unusual and really cool.

Edit: The scramblers and jammers in strategic locations within the premises of my employer are starting to send secret signals ... and tumors ... into my brain.

[Celephais]

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2009/5/7/633773126406997820-Itsnotatumor.jpg

[Methais]

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a162/DoyleHargraves/Arnold_toomah-1.jpg

[g++]

My friend was declined a job at the NSA about 3 months ago because they said he drinks too much on the weekends. Is it possible Stan actually has a top secret clearance?

[Fallen]

All of those jobs expect you to lie when given those types of questions. If you tell them 1 drink a week they will look at you cockeyed. If you tell them i've never even tried alcohol in my life they will nod approvingly, and send you on your way with a smile.

[g++]

All of those jobs expect you to lie when given those types of questions. If you tell them 1 drink a week they will look at you cockeyed. If you tell them i've never even tried alcohol in my life they will nod approvingly, and send you on your way with a smile.

Your aware this test is given while strapped to a lie detector for top secret clearance and if you do not clear each question as non-evasive you fail right?

How much do you drink on the weekend?
I have a few
Your being evasive.
3-4
Your being deceptive
I drink like 10 beers a night some saturdays
Alrighty next question

If you keep lying they just fail your ass.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

My friend was declined a job at the NSA about 3 months ago because they said he drinks too much on the weekends. Is it possible Stan actually has a top secret clearance?

Your friend is a skeezy shitbag.

That's why he didn't get clearance and why he'll never amount to shit. Ask him to honestly admit to you why that's the case and you're not going to get anywhere. Ask someone who did get clearance for explanation and you can go fuck yourself.


Have a nice fourth. :D

[g++]

Your friend is a skeezy shitbag.

That's why he didn't get clearance and why he'll never amount to shit. Ask him to honestly admit to you why that's the case and you're not going to get anywhere. Ask someone who did get clearance for explanation and you can go fuck yourself.


Have a nice fourth. :D

Funny you should mention that he actually showed us the letter, it cited drinking as the reason he was declined. Fourth of july is also over. I have other friends who have clearance who drink with me and the guy who was declined. Are you drunk?

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Funny you should mention that he actually showed us the letter, it cited drinking as the reason he was declined. Fourth of july is also over. I have other friends who have clearance who drink with me and the guy who was declined. Are you drunk?

Your friend got a letter for being declined for top secret clearance because he drinks too much.

This is the premise, yes?

[g++]

Your friend got a letter for being declined for top secret clearance because he drinks too much.

This is the premise, yes?

Its not a premise, its a fact. He received a letter back from his top secret clearance review auditor or whatever they call themselves telling him he was declined. Substance abuse was the only thing listed and he does not use drugs. I have know this guy 10 years, none of us use drugs. He was declined for drinking too much.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

1- you submit hair samples.

2- honesty goes a long way and that is a mother fucking fact.




3- your friend didn't get a letter explaining why he failed. At most the company/business trying to gain his clearance was notified why he failed and told him. Most likely even that is not the case. Enjoy your ride with your piss-filled douche canoe friend though, dipshit.

[g++]

Your simply wrong.

http://fas.org/sgp/spb/class.htm

When your applying to the NSA for a top secret position where the job is offered to you contingent on your receiving the clearance, you get the fucking letter.

[AnticorRifling]

1- you submit hair samples.

2- honesty goes a long way and that is a mother fucking fact.




3- your friend didn't get a letter explaining why he failed. At most the company/business trying to gain his clearance was notified why he failed and told him. Most likely even that is not the case. Enjoy your ride with your piss-filled douche canoe friend though, dipshit.

LOL wut?

1 - No

2 - Okkayyyy

3 - derp

[Stanley Burrell]

My friend was declined a job at the NSA about 3 months ago because they said he drinks too much on the weekends. Is it possible Stan actually has a top secret clearance?

Even individuals with top secret clearance, who would walk into, say, Records ... will not head to the end of a hallway, in Records. I don't even make eye contact with the filing cabinets past the first three. Yes, I cower from inanimate storage objects.

[AnticorRifling]

Yeah my TS didn't get me anything real super secret squirrell like I hoped. I wanted a shoe that had a lazer in it or something but no all I got was a side (which is still fun because you're at the range with a bunch of officers and senior staff while you're a LCpl and they are like WTFGTFO and you're all PEW PEW PEW)

[Stanley Burrell]

A lazor shoe would suck because I'd have to take it off every time I go to take a piss.

Oh right, the reasoning behind this is that every single person runs the risk of somehow dropping their rocket launcher, flamethrower and ICBM while inadvertently shaking two times before zippering up. And then anyone non-affiliated who uses that restroom as if it didn't have a camera in each stall and toilet will then pick it up and go on a rampage.

I need to inquire about a laser wig.

[Cephalopod]

http://i.imgur.com/GdX42.jpg

[AestheticDeath]

nikki, you are a cook yeah? WTF are you busting someones balls over clearance letters for?

[Soulpieced]

Typically you'll just get a letter saying you haven't been selected for the position. Clearances require adjudication into the "whole person concept", which will take into account background checks, interviews with yourself, neighbors, anyone listed on SF-86, polygraphs, and potentially psych evals. Drinking alone probably wouldn't DQ you, but it depends on how an investigator, polygrapher, psychologist, or adjudicator feels on any given day.

[Stry]

Maybe Nikki has uber CIA kitchen supplies access. (See photo above.)

[Stanley Burrell]

Typically you'll just get a letter saying you haven't been selected for the position. Clearances require adjudication into the "whole person concept", which will take into account background checks, interviews with yourself, neighbors, anyone listed on SF-86, polygraphs, and potentially psych evals. Drinking alone probably wouldn't DQ you, but it depends on how an investigator, polygrapher, psychologist, or adjudicator feels on any given day.

They absolutely interviewed my neighbors.

They also had a psych evaluator and an investigator bring me into an interrogation room -- Then I was told to sit down immediately. They asked a lot of very relaxed questions with a soft tone and kind demeanor, then all of a sudden barked, "Stand up and face the glass!" "Take a look at that guy. IS HE GUILTY?! Quick answer, quick answer! Now!" And then suddenly went back into "It's O.K., you can sit down now," followed by a bunch of more light questions with an easy-going ring to them. And then the shrink dimmed the lights and the investigator immediately took on an intimidating stance and asks, "What are we going to find out about you?"

Other interview-esque processes involved; And I'm not kidding, have been being given (e.g.) a laptop, a few wires and some disks and being told, "Learn. Then explain to me exactly what it is you have learned. You have 15 minutes." Then being asked whether I prefer to duplicate the information on either Wordpad or Excel. I said Wordpad, so the investigator said, "In that case, show me what you now know in Excel."

The only "trouble" I've got in so far has been not immediately turning my neckpouch 180-degrees and stuffing it down the back of my shirt the second I need to destroy certain papers. What's even more comical is that if I've personally reviewed these papers, that even if it's a return fax from the DMV or clearance authorization for someone to join the Military, I still have to stack these papers with their displayable information face down. When someone hands others or myself any sort of document to dispose of, they either fold it (so that you're only seeing the blank piece of the paper, crinkled photo, etc.) or it's put inside envelopes. Kind of over-the-top at face value, but there is a definite and needed reason for it.

[AnticorRifling]

They never yelled in my interviews, but yeah it was a blasty.

[Rinualdo]

Typically you'll just get a letter saying you haven't been selected for the position. Clearances require adjudication into the "whole person concept", which will take into account background checks, interviews with yourself, neighbors, anyone listed on SF-86, polygraphs, and potentially psych evals. Drinking alone probably wouldn't DQ you, but it depends on how an investigator, polygrapher, psychologist, or adjudicator feels on any given day.

During an SSBI, they will only rarely do anything more then checking references, criminal history, etc... Anything more is only for a job requiring either a lifestyles polygraph or a full scope polygraph.

Initial clearance can be granted when the investigation is 75% complete, referred to as an interim clearance. There are some trigraphs and programs that require a full SSBI and adjudication to be completed prior to being read into them. Those are fairly limited, however.

[AnticorRifling]

Oh shit it's EPSQ up in this mother!!!!

[4a6c1]

LOL.

Great thread.