How important is sex to a relationship?

[Revalos]

So, I figure I've been slacking with my ridiculous relationship threads here, but now I've got a good one.

I've been dating a girl for a few months now that has some serious issues with sex. Suffice it to say it is quite frustrating and I am not sure how to fix the problem since it is both a mental and a physical one with her. She claims she got nerve damage the first time she had sex with a guy since neither knew what they were doing and has been skittish and uninterested ever since.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I'm not going to be able to enjoy having sex with her if she isn't going to enjoy it too. She basically resorts to handjobs (she's not very good at oral either) and that gets pretty old. Last night she told me to turn on the television in order to get her mind off the penetration part and it was a bit awkward and I just lost interest.

I really like this girl otherwise, but I'm wondering long term if I am going to be able to handle not really being sexually satisfied with her. She's going to try using lidocane to numb herself, and we'll see if that helps, but I am still concerned. I'm willing to find ways to make it work since she really does want to try, but as it has been like this for a while, I'm trying to extrapolate how it will be in the future too. So, guys, gals, and Sean...what is your level of importance of sexual satisfaction in a long term relationship?

[Asrial]

It's all dependent on the person really. Sex is important to me, but not at the expense of a good relationship.

The key thing here is that she's not outright denying you, but is actively trying to work with you on it. She obviously understands that this is frustrating to you.

[4a6c1]

Trigger finger response. I want to change my answer!

It depends on the relationship. I have guy friends I've been teasing back and forth with for YEARS and I have my deepest relationships with those people. Honestly the guys I've fucked I usually dont stay in touch with. I was thinking with my vagina when I hooked up with them in the first place and they really werent that interesting.

I thought I was a number 1 but it seems my actions contradict my mind. In the relationships I cherish the most, sex is overrated.

[iJin]

..sex is overrated.

This.

[ElvenFury]

What, no stick it in her pooper option?

[Anebriated]

Either both parties need to want it or both need to be indifferent. Otherwise there will be issues on one side.

[TheEschaton]

The issue sounds more mental than physical, cause I don't know how exactly you can get permanent nerve damage from sex. Get her a good sex therapist.

[Rucca]

Either both parties need to want it or both need to be indifferent. Otherwise there will be issues on one side.

I agree with this...if one is into it and another isn't, in time it will start becoming a problem. Sex is awesome, but only if both people are enjoying it. If not, well then someone will start feeling bad and the relationship will eventually become stale.

:heart:

[Bobmuhthol]

The issue sounds more mental than physical, cause I don't know how exactly you can get permanent nerve damage from sex. Get her a good sex therapist.

This is because you have a small dick. I damage every woman just by standing near them, man.

[RichardCranium]

This is because you have a small dick. I damage every woman just by standing near them, man.

That's mostly from the halitosis, though.

[firegirl]

The only couple of cases I kow through personal friends that had damage down below was a piercing that went bad and the other had a bad abortion that caused extreme sensitivty in her canal. Only other things I can think of is if they did Infibulation or electro play to fulfill a fetish.
I am actually curious as to what knd of damage could have occured though.

Now, it could also just mean her threshold for pain is very minimal so even the slightest sexual penetration she cannot cope with and she is interpreting it wrong. Does she have close female friends that she can speak openly about sex?

Regardless, to see if it is going to be a short or long term issue - you have to find out if there is an emotional issue that is attached to it. Therapy of some sort might be needed as I do think a sexual relationship is important in the relationship.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I agree that it has more to do with two people being compatible more than how much and what they want. Two people with really low sex drives are going to be happier together than one person with a low sex drive and one person with a high sex drive.

The nerve damage thing, I agree, sounds like a mental issue. No one really 'knows' what they're doing the first time they have sex and she's not unique in that it hurt her to lose her virginity.. that's not nerve damage, it's usually a combination of 'not enough foreplay', a hymen, and being incredibly tight from never having had sex before. The idea of 'numbing' herself down there is mind boggling to me.. if she can't feel anything it's not going to feel good, she's not going to get wet, and it's not going to be much fun for either of you. Has she ever masturbated before? Given herself an orgasm? I dunno, for me, that kind of bad (or no) sex would be a deal breaker.

[Asile]

I'm very much with the "It's a mental thing" response. I really have no clue how a female can get nerve damage from intercourse; she is probably really tight and isn't getting lubed enough, which causes the pain (and she probably has issues with her yearly gyno exam, too).

Have you tried using lube? KY really can be your friend--they have some expensive products, but really, the warming liquid (http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=84333&catid=682&brand=1825&trx=BS-1825&trxp1=HPFP&trxp2=0&trxp3=84333&btrx=BS-1825) could help a ton.

Try to get her to see a sex therapist, and offer to take her to the appointments. A lot of other folks have said that sex isn't necessarily the end-all-be-all in a relationship.. but it does depend on your drive. If you have a pretty healthy drive, and she has very little, it's going to cause friction. In fact, it seems it's already happening. Not that she isn't trying to satisfy you, but something obviously isn't working that's going to seriously frustrate you after a while to the point where the whole relationship is bad, no matter how perfect she is otherwise.

[BriarFox]

If you can't work out vaginal sex, despite the good suggestions here, you could see if she's willing to work on getting really good at oral. In fact, if you're good at it, too, that might be a good way to get her to relax and enjoy sex.

[Archigeek]

I agree with everyone who's basically saying that compatable levels of desire are the most important thing when it comes to sex. Like Nikki said, "two people with really low sex drives are going to be happier together than one person with a low sex drive and one person with a high sex drive."

With regards to any pain that seems excessive and/or numbness, I think I would tend to trust her on this, rather than assuming it's a mental thing. It may very well be a mental thing, but telling someone they have a mental problem generally just doesn't go over very well or get to the crux of the matter. Having her explain the problem very clearly and in as much detail as possible to her gynocologist is probably the best place to start. They should be able to run tests for nerve damage and also look for other things that might be causing discomfort or pain. She may have scarring, or some other sort of thing that is causing the problem. If she gets a blank look, she should find another doctor. If the physical side is completely explored and nothing is found, then you could consider a sex therapist might be the next logical step.

You should also consider the possibility that she's just not into sex and feels like she needs an excuse not to be.

[mjc]

Rucca Quote:
Originally Posted by Anebriated
Either both parties need to want it or both need to be indifferent. Otherwise there will be issues on one side.


I agree with this...if one is into it and another isn't, in time it will start becoming a problem. Sex is awesome, but only if both people are enjoying it. If not, well then someone will start feeling bad and the relationship will eventually become stale.


So true!

[crb]

So, I figure I've been slacking with my ridiculous relationship threads here, but now I've got a good one.

I've been dating a girl for a few months now that has some serious issues with sex. Suffice it to say it is quite frustrating and I am not sure how to fix the problem since it is both a mental and a physical one with her. She claims she got nerve damage the first time she had sex with a guy since neither knew what they were doing and has been skittish and uninterested ever since.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I'm not going to be able to enjoy having sex with her if she isn't going to enjoy it too. She basically resorts to handjobs (she's not very good at oral either) and that gets pretty old. Last night she told me to turn on the television in order to get her mind off the penetration part and it was a bit awkward and I just lost interest.

I really like this girl otherwise, but I'm wondering long term if I am going to be able to handle not really being sexually satisfied with her. She's going to try using lidocane to numb herself, and we'll see if that helps, but I am still concerned. I'm willing to find ways to make it work since she really does want to try, but as it has been like this for a while, I'm trying to extrapolate how it will be in the future too. So, guys, gals, and Sean...what is your level of importance of sexual satisfaction in a long term relationship?

Heres what you do.

1. Blindfold her.
2. Make sure the room smells nice
3. Get this: http://www.amazon.com/Vibratex-HV-250R-Hitachi-Magic-Massager/dp/B00005M1WE - Oprah did a show about it, called it the sure thing, she wasn't lying.
4. Get her naked.
5. Use it on the low setting on her.
6. If she gets really into it flip it to high.
7. Wait for her to orgasm at least once, you can go for more if you like.
8. Now that she is sufficiently warmed up, use some silicone lube if necessary (http://www.amazon.com/ID-Millennium-Lube-Personal-Lubricant/dp/B000S6SALW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1274563967&sr=1-4) , and fuck her.

Remember, never walk in the door without first ringing the bell.

If she still gets pain, make sure she doesn't have a UTI or other infection. My wife had pain for over 6 month period, all the gynos kept wanting to diagnose her with complicated vaginal pain syndromes. Finally went to a urologist, diagnosed the infection, one course of antibiotics later, she was fine, after months of sex pain. Stupid gynos.

Also, try different angles, I think doggie style or bent over when standing tend to give the least friction.

[nub]

Like someone else suggested, do her in the butt.

[Kuyuk]

Heres what you do.

1. Blindfold her.
2. Make sure the room smells nice
3. Get this: http://www.amazon.com/Vibratex-HV-250R-Hitachi-Magic-Massager/dp/B00005M1WE - Oprah did a show about it, called it the sure thing, she wasn't lying.
4. Get her naked.
5. Use it on the low setting on her.
6. If she gets really into it flip it to high.
7. Wait for her to orgasm at least once, you can go for more if you like.
8. Now that she is sufficiently warmed up, use some silicone lube if necessary (http://www.amazon.com/ID-Millennium-Lube-Personal-Lubricant/dp/B000S6SALW/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1274563967&sr=1-4) , and fuck her.

Remember, never walk in the door without first ringing the bell.

If she still gets pain, make sure she doesn't have a UTI or other infection. My wife had pain for over 6 month period, all the gynos kept wanting to diagnose her with complicated vaginal pain syndromes. Finally went to a urologist, diagnosed the infection, one course of antibiotics later, she was fine, after months of sex pain. Stupid gynos.

Also, try different angles, I think doggie style or bent over when standing tend to give the least friction.




Non phallic appearance

lol

Also, the comments are good.

[radamanthys]

I say end it.

If it's physical and it's nerve damage, it'll likely never be good for her. You basically won't have a sex life. It sounds like it's something important to you.

If it's mental, then she has some issues that need to be dealt with. But if you wanna be a captain save-a-ho, that's fine, too.

[upperguy]

my last relationship(ended a few weeks ago) was with a really tiny girl(5') and because of my size it hurt to go too deep/fast and things got worse and worse until we basically had sex once a month... if you're unhappy enough to make a post about it on an open forum...you have issues. This type of thing doesn't get better, eventually you're going to be driven away from her and either be miserable or cheat.

Personally I knew that I could deal with it on the short term but that eventually I would go exploring. For me that was serious so we talked and ended up splitting up mutually. It sucks but putting yourself into that position is setting yourself up for disaster when you run into other issues.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I say end it.

If it's physical and it's nerve damage, it'll likely never be good for her. You basically won't have a sex life. It sounds like it's something important to you.

If it's mental, then she has some issues that need to be dealt with. But if you wanna be a captain save-a-ho, that's fine, too.

In so many words, this is what I meant.

In the off chance that it's physical, the fact that at this point you're dissatisfied speaks volumes. If someone IS that 'physically damaged' they need to be with someone who has a corresponding sex drive. You clearly do not. It doesn't make you a bad person, at all. I've advised female friends to ditch guys who had 'staying hard' issues and wouldn't really work to resolve them. Life is too short to run around fixing people and 'hoping' they get better. Work what you have and that's it.

[LMingrone]

I'd be more worried about what kind of massive thing the guy before you put in there to give her nerve damage.

[Back]

In so many words, this is what I meant.

In the off chance that it's physical, the fact that at this point you're dissatisfied speaks volumes. If someone IS that 'physically damaged' they need to be with someone who has a corresponding sex drive. You clearly do not. It doesn't make you a bad person, at all. I've advised female friends to ditch guys who had 'staying hard' issues and wouldn't really work to resolve them. Life is too short to run around fixing people and 'hoping' they get better. Work what you have and that's it.

On the other side of the coin...

Sounds like you are being pretty selfish about the whole thing.

If you really dig this chick and see it going long term then stick with it and help the girl through it. Sounds like she could use a little patience and understanding in that department.

I say this as a man who is absolutely astounded at how many women in this world are sexually dysfunctional due to abuse of some kind.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I'd be more worried about what kind of massive thing the guy before you put in there to give her nerve damage.
To be frank, he'd have had to shove a horse cock up her urethra, ripped through her vagina and then maimed her clitoris for there to be nerve damage.

No offense to Rim but it sounds like a chick with mental issues related to sex that can't handle the physical pain that comes with having sex for the first few times as a woman.. unfortunately, even after you lose your virginity it doesn't become painless. If you go enough time without sex and are in control of your PC muscles, it'll be painful at least a little if you go a length of time without penetration. Just how the body responds. After a couple of times though if you're totally prepared for it, it's not painful at all and completely pleasurable. It took me around 6 months past virginity to hit that point but I was aware it was there and had no mental trauma. Taking it slow until that point wasn't an issue or enough to make me go OKAY SEX IS EVIL!!

I really, really don't think she's physically damaged unless some sort of weird assault happened to her, not just "we didn't know what we were doing when I lost the v card". Obviously if you care for her, Rim, you're sort of in a rock and a hard place. But I'd tackle this the way I'd tackle a guy who had erection problems.... you go see a doctor and therapist and we actively try to work past this, or if you're not willing then my ass is out.

[Sylvan Dreams]

She sounds like she might have vaginismus, or some other similar condition. She's not outright denying you, but she definitely has issues. IMO, she should be talking to a doctor and perhaps a therapist.

(For those unfamiliar, it's a physical condition that causes sex to be very uncomfortable to outright painful for a woman, which in turn can cause a psychological block against sex.)

[SHAFT]

Dump that chick revalos. Find a girl who wants sex just as much as you

[LMingrone]

.

Yeah, that's what I was getting at in my own retarded way. Forgive me.

Sex is overrated (and yes I have a great sex life).

I'll say what was going through my mind, instead of trying to be funny. If sex is a bad thing for someone, there is something else beneath the surface. The only advice I have in this case: Forget sex for a while, we do have free porn at the tip of our fingers if we need to trigger that chemical reaction in our brains. Maybe something happened to her in the past. Try touching her alot in a non sexually way (back rub, just putting your arm around her, a kiss on the cheek.)

I mean, if you like her that much to post here, you must like her. or just ask her what the deal is.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

On the other side of the coin...

Sounds like you are being pretty selfish about the whole thing.

If you really dig this chick and see it going long term then stick with it and help the girl through it. Sounds like she could use a little patience and understanding in that department.

I say this as a man who is absolutely astounded at how many women in this world are sexually dysfunctional due to abuse of some kind.

This is such bullshit.

Dating is not a charity project.

Sure, some people have issues that they should get worked through. It's not anyone else's duty to push let alone support them through getting help and then getting better and back to a healthy state.

It's not selfish to take stock of your personal needs, be they emotional or physical, and not settle for them being less than met when it comes to partner selection.

Frankly, this type of 'You just need to be patient!!!" shit smacks of the stupid bitches that marry abusive men thinking "They just need a good woman to change them!!".. no, people change (or don't) and (don't) help themselves on their own with or without a partner attached to them. It's a personal decision and has jack to do with you.

I totally stand by what I said. You're not a bad person to say, "I can't deal with that shit." And while there may be a few physical issues she has (encourage her to go talk to her gyno).. whether it's physical or mental if she isn't willing to fix herself and at best she'll just endure sex, then I stand by what I said. That shit won't be getting better and there's nothing wrong to be saying to yourself that you don't want to deal with it.

Dating is intended to separate out the incompatible, for whatever reason. Having a sparkling personality doesn't make up for being physically broken any more than being a physically perfect specimen makes up for being emotionally broken. No, it's not the kindest terminology but it's true.

[Stanley Burrell]

Very, a dealbreaker if I am not satisfied

^ + apply to other very important aspects of a relationship. We're utilitarian and my penis knows it.

[Back]

This is such bullshit.

Dating is not a charity project.

Sure, some people have issues that they should get worked through. It's not anyone else's duty to push let alone support them through getting help and then getting better and back to a healthy state.

It's not selfish to take stock of your personal needs, be they emotional or physical, and not settle for them being less than met when it comes to partner selection.

Frankly, this type of 'You just need to be patient!!!" shit smacks of the stupid bitches that marry abusive men thinking "They just need a good woman to change them!!".. no, people change (or don't) and (don't) help themselves on their own with or without a partner attached to them. It's a personal decision and has jack to do with you.

I totally stand by what I said. You're not a bad person to say, "I can't deal with that shit." And while there may be a few physical issues she has (encourage her to go talk to her gyno).. whether it's physical or mental if she isn't willing to fix herself and at best she'll just endure sex, then I stand by what I said. That shit won't be getting better and there's nothing wrong to be saying to yourself that you don't want to deal with it.

Dating is intended to separate out the incompatible, for whatever reason. Having a sparkling personality doesn't make up for being physically broken any more than being a physically perfect specimen makes up for being emotionally broken. No, it's not the kindest terminology but it's true.

Its just another side of the coin viewpoint. If he really cares for her it is something he will want to work out with her. Thats all. If it is not a long term thing then best thing is to move on. Fairly simple.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Its just another side of the coin viewpoint. If he really cares for her it is something he will want to work out with her. Thats all. If it is not a long term thing then best thing is to move on. Fairly simple.

It's painful how dumb you are.

[Liagala]

Its just another side of the coin viewpoint. If he really cares for her it is something he will want to work out with her. Thats all. If it is not a long term thing then best thing is to move on. Fairly simple.

Why is the onus on him? If she really cares for him it's something she will want to work out with him. I spent a long time feeling shallow over my need for bedroom compatibility in a relationship. I finally realized that it's no different than the need for other forms of compatibility, it's just that our society still has remnants of the Puritan "sex is evil" thing, so anyone who considers it important is "wrong." There are a lot of different factors that contribute to whether or not people are going to be happy in a relationship. Sex is one of them. As others have said, your individual sex drive is going to determine how big a factor it is.

I agree with those who have said that if it's important enough for you to come to the PC for advice, it's not something you can just learn to live with. If she's not able to find some way to satisfy you (really satisfy you, not just jerk you off now and then), then I don't think it's going to work.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

I 100 percent agree with Lia, especially when it comes to who the pressure tends to fall on.

Really though.. if you have to ask a group of internet strangers, IS OUR SEX LIFE NORMAL?! No, it's not. It's abnormal/incompatible and if you cant deal with it no amount of input will change that. It's one of those things where if you start thinking, "I'm not satisfied", you're not going to be able to rationalize around that.

[Delias]

Call Loveline. Dr. Drew will sort you out.

I've been with the same woman for the last 10 years and to be honest, we've fought about sex way more than we've ever fought about money or anything else. After our son was born, her sex drive dropped away almost completely, and this made me sad in the pants. You either work it out together, work it out by seperating, or you work it out by masturbating four times a day.... my forearms are huge.

Seriously though, stick it in her butt and she'll learn to appreciate how good she has it to get it in the vag. Or talk to a professional, because I am about 95% talking out of my ass.

[HJFudge]

I'll chime in.

Its all about what you value dude.

Realize that no one is going to be 'The Perfect One OMG' (as some with...less than stellar reasoning capacity are attempting to suggest) and that there will be issues with ANYONE you try to have a serious, long term relationship with.

Now, that being said, it really IS about what you value. Some things are just dealbreakers. I wouldnt put up with a chick who was constantly whining. I just wouldn't. I'd ditch her and move on, cause it just isnt something Im willing to deal with. You have to ask yourself: Are you willing to deal with this? It does not make you a bad person if you aren't, it's just how it is.

From what you say, in your posts, it seems she is at least making an effort at this. If she tries, and things get fixed, then hooray. If she tries, and things DONT get fixed...thats when you gotta decide. Is this something you are willing to deal with?

[radamanthys]

I'll chime in.

Its all about what you value dude.

Realize that no one is going to be 'The Perfect One OMG' (as some with...less than stellar reasoning capacity are attempting to suggest) and that there will be issues with ANYONE you try to have a serious, long term relationship with.

Now, that being said, it really IS about what you value. Some things are just dealbreakers. I wouldnt put up with a chick who was constantly whining. I just wouldn't. I'd ditch her and move on, cause it just isnt something Im willing to deal with. You have to ask yourself: Are you willing to deal with this? It does not make you a bad person if you aren't, it's just how it is.

From what you say, in your posts, it seems she is at least making an effort at this. If she tries, and things get fixed, then hooray. If she tries, and things DONT get fixed...thats when you gotta decide. Is this something you are willing to deal with?

Nobody's perfect. But some things that are flaws to you are awesome to others. Like vegetarianism or something.

Look for the best and you'll get the best. Prepare to settle and you will.

[Methais]

Pretty sure I know what this chick's problem was with her "first time":

NSFW, and link cut in half so you can't accidentally click it:
http://med ia.omfgif.com/gif/175343HugeDildo.gif

There are no traces of goatse in the above pic.

[Tisket]

I haven't read anything in this thread yet but I had to comment on Backlash's new avatar since it's the first thing I saw when I opened the thread. Does he not even realize that he looks like he is getting anally acquainted in a forcible fashion (aka raped) with a penis, or possibly a dildo, in that picture? hahaha.

[CrystalTears]

I didn't choose anything in the poll because sex is unique to relationships. What may be important to one person may not be as important to the other. Both parties need to be happy with what's important to them and the rest can be sorted out.

If sex is important to you, then you need to find someone that can satisfy you. You haven't mentioned how important this girl is. Is she future wife material, or are you strictly dating and don't want anything to come of it? If it's the later, find someone else. You don't need to be miserable by dating. You should find someone who is going to match your needs.

She obviously has issues, but you have to decide whether SHE is important enough to you to help her through it.

And whomever said to forget about sex and focus on porn, WTF. The poor guy hasn't been getting sex, so he's supposed to substitute it with porn and masturbating? Why the hell even be in a relationship if he has to find alternative ways to be satisfied. The man wants to have sex with the girl he likes, so he needs to find a girl that will give him sex.

[Some Rogue]

Why the hell even be in a relationship if he has to find alternative ways to be satisfied.


Sammiches and clean laundry.

[Parkbandit]

So, I figure I've been slacking with my ridiculous relationship threads here, but now I've got a good one.

I've been dating a girl for a few months now that has some serious issues with sex. Suffice it to say it is quite frustrating and I am not sure how to fix the problem since it is both a mental and a physical one with her. She claims she got nerve damage the first time she had sex with a guy since neither knew what they were doing and has been skittish and uninterested ever since.

I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I'm not going to be able to enjoy having sex with her if she isn't going to enjoy it too. She basically resorts to handjobs (she's not very good at oral either) and that gets pretty old. Last night she told me to turn on the television in order to get her mind off the penetration part and it was a bit awkward and I just lost interest.

I really like this girl otherwise, but I'm wondering long term if I am going to be able to handle not really being sexually satisfied with her. She's going to try using lidocane to numb herself, and we'll see if that helps, but I am still concerned. I'm willing to find ways to make it work since she really does want to try, but as it has been like this for a while, I'm trying to extrapolate how it will be in the future too. So, guys, gals, and Sean...what is your level of importance of sexual satisfaction in a long term relationship?

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/129096547361712089.jpg

[MotleyCrew]

Tell her to dye her hair black, you should lose interest rather quickly after that and move on.

[CrystalTears]

Sammiches and clean laundry.
I loled. :D

[Gnomad]

I say end it.

If it's physical and it's nerve damage, it'll likely never be good for her. You basically won't have a sex life. It sounds like it's something important to you.

If it's mental, then she has some issues that need to be dealt with. But if you wanna be a captain save-a-ho, that's fine, too.this

[Asha]

Ouch. I'd be in real trouble in the OP's position.
Normal sex is initial and beyond that for the rest of the relationship it's supposed to get freakier and more fine tuned to two people getting all the shit they want deep down. If I wasn't on that road then I'd leave it.
Also I do count sex as a relationship affirming thing. That might be just my shit to deal with though. :shrug:

[Celephais]

Sex is amazing when you're comfortable with a person, it doesn't matter how "good" that person thinks they are, if you're not comfortable, it sucks. If you are, it's great. That pretty quickly defines the relationship.

Nothing worse than fucking a dead fish.

[Tisket]

As long as a man can find my clitoris on a regular basis (no gaping maw jokes or I will cut you), I'm good. There doesn't have to be fireworks every time but I do want the assurance that they will appear more times than not. But everyone has an off night so it's not exactly a dealbreaker if there are the occasional unsatisfactory encounters.

[Sweets]

I had a lot of discomfort with vaginal penetration a year after giving birth to my second son. I didn't give up entirely on sex, just the penetration. There's so much more to explore. Have you tried oral sex for her? Have you tried just kissing, alot of foreplay, massaging, (improving) her oral sex with you? I'll have to admit, it was fun. I also knew it was a physical problem to overcome not mental. Your gal may have some issues emotionally with it.

If you choose to stick it out with your gal, I wouldn't expect any solution to be an overnight fix. You'll have to be in for the long haul. If that makes you twitch, move on. You'll only make each other miserable. I completely agree that each person needs to be on the same page sexually or resentment will eat away at you.

[AnticorRifling]

I think the best thing you can do is show her this thread. Also her input into this thread will go a long way.

Thank you in advance,

The Player's Corner

[Asha]

That would be epic.

[Liagala]

I didn't give up entirely on sex, just the penetration. There's so much more to explore. Have you tried oral sex for her? Have you tried just kissing, alot of foreplay, massaging, (improving) her oral sex with you? I'll have to admit, it was fun. I also knew it was a physical problem to overcome not mental. Your gal may have some issues emotionally with it.

If you choose to stick it out with your gal, I wouldn't expect any solution to be an overnight fix. You'll have to be in for the long haul. If that makes you twitch, move on. You'll only make each other miserable. I completely agree that each person needs to be on the same page sexually or resentment will eat away at you.

This. Both of these points. There are other ways to be happy that don't involve vaginal penetration, but you both have to be truly okay (not just "I think I'm okay with it") with a) using those other methods, and b) someday fixing the vagina problem.


I think the best thing you can do is show her this thread. Also her input into this thread will go a long way.

Thank you in advance,

The Player's Corner
Also, this. Definitely this.

[AnticorRifling]

Please note that Sweets advice has the terms STICK IT and EAT AWAY AT YOU. Freud approves this message.

[Celephais]

and b) someday fixing the vagina problem.

If you have a vagina problem, regardless of what it is, that sounds to me like it should be priority one.

[Cephalopod]

If you have a vagina problem, regardless of what it is, that sounds to me like it should be priority one.

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/5553/original/Centipedes.jpg

[Warriorbird]

Seems mental. You may work through stuff and then conclude you aren't sexually right for each other... but I highly doubt it is physical.

[radamanthys]

You could always try the Dildo on a Drill®

And the pooper. Always try and stick it in the pooper.

Baby oil on the thighs works in a pinch.

Or find some other broad who lets you stick it in her vaJihna.

[Allereli]

I missed sex last night because of Lost :(

[4a6c1]

You could always try the Dildo on a Drill®

And the pooper. Always try and stick it in the pooper.

Baby oil on the thighs works in a pinch.

Or find some other broad who lets you stick it in her vaJihna.

URMOM

Actually. Pics are disabled at school. But when I get home I have something I want you to see. It's totally hot. You'll like it.

[radamanthys]

URMOM

Actually. Pics are disabled at school. But when I get home I have something I want you to see. It's totally hot. You'll like it.

My thighs are quivering in anticipation.

[Clove]

There are other ways to be happy that don't involve vaginal penetrationWhat. Do. You. Know?http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iKrove9ckqM/Str_AHo4orI/AAAAAAAABD4/JlbTD5VQBP8/s320/MIDDLE+FINGER+CHILD.jpg


someday fixing the vagina problem.It's a simple two-step process. First you identify the problem, then you FIX IT!

[Latrinsorm]

It's not selfish to take stock of your personal needs, be they emotional or physical, and not settle for them being less than met when it comes to partner selection.Is it realistic? I feel like we're about to have that conversation from Up in the Air, which I guess makes you the petite and aggressively intelligent young lady and me the 40 year old promiscuous saleswoman.
Why is the onus on him? If she really cares for him it's something she will want to work out with him. I spent a long time feeling shallow over my need for bedroom compatibility in a relationship.To be fair, she is apparently willing to use painkillers on her genitals. If whatever her initial experience was was sufficiently traumatic, it is totally reasonable that she is literally incapable of getting past it "on her own". I still can't eat or stand the smell of Hershey's Cookies and Cream Nuggets, and as you point out there are centuries of psychosocial baggage attached to sex.

In any event, I think Revalos' life will be no cheaper for trying for another month, regardless of the outcome.

[AnticorRifling]

You're a guy. Just man up, go fire one off solo in the head and then go cuddle with her.

[Alfster]

Skip the cuddling at least.

[AnticorRifling]

Skip the cuddling at least.

Naw that earns points so there's no bitching when you go golf. Duh.

[Some Rogue]

Naw that earns points so there's no bitching when I play WoW. Duh.

Well, we know that doesn't work.

[AnticorRifling]

Well, we know that doesn't work. You're assuming I cuddle.

[Some Rogue]

You're assuming I cuddle.

It never gets that far since the first part of that equation ain't happening either.

[AnticorRifling]

Exactly.

[4a6c1]

Hahahaha!

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Is it realistic? I feel like we're about to have that conversation from Up in the Air, which I guess makes you the petite and aggressively intelligent young lady and me the 40 year old promiscuous saleswoman.

Don't flatter yourself. I'm not nearly naive enough (I daresay far less naive than you are) , nor are you nearly heartless (again, I daresay I am fare more heartless) enough.

Realistic? Absolutely.

[Abilene]

There's actually some 'exercises' in helping nerve damage to the vajaja.
It involves fingering herself while she's sitting around on a daily basis. Not for pleasure (unless she wants to), but just to train the nerves in the vajaja to chill out when it meets something. Also, lots of lube.

In a long-term relationship I wouldn't call it a deal breaker, but that means if I was in a long term relationship (years) and something happened, it wouldn't be the end of the world... but if you only started dating a few months ago, I'd cut my losses at that point.

[Delias]

So...is that the ultimate masturbation excuse? "I'm working on my nerve damage!". Gonna use that one.

[Clove]

So...is that the ultimate masturbation excuse? "I'm working on my nerve damage!". Gonna use that one.Lemme know if you need a spotter.

[4a6c1]

afk fixing nerve damage

[AnticorRifling]

AFK Anzu is fixing nerve damage.

[4a6c1]

http://www.camera-crafts.com/CarlsbadCaverns.jpg

I found hikers!

[Abilene]

...I just threw up.

[iJin]

Ugh, Rojo..seriously..rofl

[AnticorRifling]

http://www.camera-crafts.com/CarlsbadCaverns.jpg

I found hikers!

Odd I expected to find a Sarlacc

http://secretwave101.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/sarlacc.jpg

[4a6c1]

I'll take that as a compliment.

[Kuyuk]

http://image24.webshots.com/25/1/2/89/288410289MKusnK_ph.jpg

I found hikers!
.

[Latrinsorm]

Don't flatter yourself. I'm not nearly naive enough (I daresay far less naive than you are) , nor are you nearly heartless (again, I daresay I am fare more heartless) enough.

Realistic? Absolutely.Allow me to clarify, if you would - my intention was not to describe either of us as naïve or heartless. I was thinking specifically of the conversation the two characters had regarding this matter (and I found it amusing to describe myself in that way). From what I recall the point she made was that need in this context is significantly more malleable than it might appear, and that compromise does not indicate incompatibility.

When I say "realistic", what I am getting at is that people are fantastically complicated and fantastically in flux. If we accept these descriptions, I think it follows first that it is fantastically unlikely for two optimally matched people to even meet and second that it is fantastically unlikely for them to continue to be for any significant period of time. If needs can't literally all be met in an actual relationship, then you're only setting yourself up for continued disappointment or delusion. Certainly it is also the case that hoping to help or fix someone can (and often does) also lead to disappointment and delusion, but my point is just that one is more realistic than the other.

[Clove]

So, how long have you been married Latrin?

[Tisket]

Let's not get into the whole "you can't have an opinion on something unless you've personally experienced it" debate. Otherwise we are all screwed.

And I like being opinionated!

[ViridianAsp]

Okay, so it really depends on how much you like her. Do you see a potential relationship being long-term? If you think so, work it out.

It doesn't sound physical, but it could be. Having to turn the TV on to get her mind off of it? Yeah, sorry it seems more mental. Maybe for her it's an issue of trust. If I don't trust a person, sex isn't gratifying. It isn't good and I need to know I can trust the person I'm with.

Maybe you should suggest she go and see a doctor, maybe even a therapist and let her know you support her in it.

If you don't think this relationship will be long term, end it. Perhaps you should think about it objectively and decide what to do from there. If she doesn't enjoy it, I'm pretty sure you won't and numbing her vagina to have sex just doesn't sound appealing no matter how you look at it.

[Clove]

Let's not get into the whole "you can't have an opinion on something unless you've personally experienced it" debate. Otherwise we are all screwed.

And I like being opinionated!Who said he couldn't have an opinion?

[Clove]

Certainly it is also the case that hoping to help or fix someone can (and often does) also lead to disappointment and delusion, but my point is just that one is more realistic than the other.I don't think you can say with any certainty that one is more realistic than the other or even identify which. There are plenty of compatible couples floating around in the world; ones that grow together as well. Also, there are plenty of people who have been helped by other people; but you don't have to be in a long-term committed relationship to help someone, do you?

[Latrinsorm]

The premise was that it is not worthwhile to pursue a relationship if one of the members cannot satisfy all the needs of another. My contention is that no relationships are compatible to that degree, not that there are no relationships that are compatible.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

As no two people are alike, obviously that's impossible.

But to write off sexual needs as 'Oh well, I guess we're just different!" when one person enjoys sex and the other has such severe mental issues surrounding it that numbing themselves to it sounds better than anything else.. yeah, I think that's a huge difference.

There's no way you can fulfill someone else's needs 100 percent of the time. But it's perfectly acceptable to have certain needs, be they sexual or emotional or whatever else and expect that as a base line, they will be attended to by your partner. I think it's absolutely stupid to counsel someone to tolerate a shit sex life because, "Well your needs can't be met 100 percent of the time!" Of course they can't, but that sort of extreme isn't the case here.

And again, Latrin, the analogy is dumb because in that movie you have two extremes. The naive girl, the jaded man. You are not the jaded man and I am not the naive girl. Justify trying to make the comparison as you will but it's stupid and out of place. I remember their conversation and I remember thinking it was amusing because it was from two extreme view points as opposed to something realistic. And no, I will never think it's unrealistic to want to be with someone that can sexually satisfy you.

[Androidpk]

A shitty sex life in a relationship can be unhealthy in the long run. So says Dr. Oz.

[Celephais]

As long as she's willing to pay for your hookers, it shouldn't be a problem.

[thefarmer]

The solution to this problem is clearly the clever use of a wardildo.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

The solution to this problem is clearly the clever use of a wardildo.

Or a double-sided wardildo.

[thefarmer]

Or a double-sided wardildo.

No.. I understand now... We're both wrong.

The solution has to be a double-sided bacon-wrapped wardildo!

[Methais]

As long as she's willing to pay for your hookers, it shouldn't be a problem.

And that about wraps up this thread.

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/3504/endthread.jpg

[Gan]

Instead of KY, use this. (You might want a raincoat though)
http://media.wellmedia.ca/images/large/products/solarcaine-medicated-lidocaine-g_1239913451_LRG.jpg

[Androidpk]

Just use some roofies.

[Gan]

They need to call 'em floories...

[iJin]

They need to call 'em floories...

Because you know..you most likely end up on the floor than on the roof..

[4a6c1]

Couldnt stop laughing. Had to make it.



http://i682.photobucket.com/albums/vv183/rojodisco/aaaa.jpg

[CrystalTears]

So is Revalos ever returning to let us know WTF is going on?

[Clove]

It's not like he's busy having sports sex.

[CrystalTears]

It's not like he's busy having sports sex.
ZING!

[Warriorbird]

I think this thread ought to be focused on Red Dead Redemption, Revalos.

[Methais]

I think this thread ought to be focused on Red Dead Redemption, Revalos.

Revalos should go find a hot redhead that doesn't have cunt damage.

Then this thread could be called Red Head Redemption.

[Revalos]

So is Revalos ever returning to let us know WTF is going on?

She's going to the gynecologist and discussing the issue. She really really really did not want to go to any therapy of any kind though. Once she comes back from that I'll try to process all these replies and go from there. Very valuable discussions as usual.

[CrystalTears]

She may not want to go to therapy, but she clearly needs it to get through this mental block she has regarding sex.

I hope it all works out for you. Good luck to you both and keep us informed. :)

[AnticorRifling]

Show her your penis and assure her she's got nothing to worry about. HIYAOOO!

[Stanley Burrell]

I wonder if the porn channels have incorporated the word "Ginger" in the title of any of their fine productions. I wonder these things, because I have to go poop, brb.

[AnticorRifling]

Yes...or so I've heard.