K I want help writing this book review.

[Jenisi]

Needless to say I'm not an english major. Anyway, be brutelly honest with me, is this a good start?

In All the Wrong Places was a total calamity for all suspense thrillers. Totally predictable and un-eventful I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders. The story begins with Carolyn Langdon, a beautiful and outgoing hostess of the Atlanta-based National Neighborhood Network. Anders quickly introduces an exorbitant amount of characters, making the story hard to follow. After a series of unsettling and frightening coincidences push Carolyn to the edge of paranoia, she realizes someone out there wants more then she’s willing to give. I was often irritated by Carolyn’s callowness and response to these situations.

[TheEschaton]

The second attempt at a sentence makes no coherent sense.

You, at the very least, need a semi-colon between the two fragments, if you don't rewrite it.

-TheE-

[Galleazzo]

Originally posted by Jenisi
Needless to say I'm not an english major. Anyway, be brutelly honest with me, is this a good start?

In All the Wrong Places was a total calamity for all suspense thrillers. Totally predictable and un-eventful I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders. The story begins with Carolyn Langdon, a beautiful and outgoing hostess of the Atlanta-based National Neighborhood Network. Anders quickly introduces an exorbitant amount of characters, making the story hard to follow. After a series of unsettling and frightening coincidences push Carolyn to the edge of paranoia, she realizes someone out there wants more then she’s willing to give. I was often irritated by Carolyn’s callowness and response to these situations.

1) How is it a "total calamity" to suspense thrillers? Does it blow them up?

2) It's "uneventful," and put a comma after it.

3) You're misusing exorbitant. Exorbitant = costs too much. Might want "overwhelming" instead.

4) wants more THAN she's willing to give.

5) responseS to these situations.

There. Brutal. :grin:

[TheEschaton]

exorbitant can mean simply "an excess". The word is used correctly.


You also jump around a bit much, at least in the opening paragraph.

-TheE-

[Jenisi]

Well I used the dictonary and got for calamity a state of deep distress or misery caused by major misfortune or loss.. which I thought fit pretty well for how much it sucked. And for Exorbitant = 2 : exceeding in intensity, quality, amount, or size the customary or appropriate limits

[Wezas]

"Book sucked, don't read it"

Damn, I'm good.

[Jenisi]

scratch that .. this?

In All the Wrong Places was a total calamity for all suspense thrillers. Totally predictable and un-eventful, I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders. The story begins with Carolyn Langdon, a beautiful and outgoing hostess of the Atlanta-based National Neighborhood Network. Anders quickly introduces an exorbitant amount of characters, making the story hard to follow. After a series of unsettling and frightening coincidences push Carolyn to the edge of paranoia, she realizes someone out there wants more than she’s willing to give.

Being often irritated by Carolyn’s callowness and responses to these situations, I was puzzled as to why other reviewers were so enthusiastic about In All the Wrong Places. She often blows off unequivocal invasions of her privacy as coincidences and insignificant, ignoring instincts, making her seem unmindful to someone stalking her. Anders often introduces characters and points out reasons why to suspect them, then suddenly introduces an innocent looking one; Making him very indicted and leaving me disappointed.


[Edited on 3-16-2004 by Jenisi]

[Kitsun]

Tried to IM it to you, but ,didn't get a response.

If you are constantly digging through the thesaurus or dictionary for words, I recommend you stop. When you try too hard to sound more sophisticated with words you aren't comfortable with using, you end up looking silly. There are subtle variances and connotations with those words that, if not used properly, make the writer get an effect contrary to what they seek.


“In All the Wrong Places” was a complete disappointment for a suspense thriller. The storyline was, at best, predictable and un-eventful; I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders’s writing style. The story begins with Carolyn Langdon, the protagonist, who is a beautiful and outgoing hostess of the Atlanta-based National Neighborhood Network. The reader is bombarded with an unruly amount of characters. The intent was probably to add depth to the story but it only succeeds in diluting an already poor plot. As the story progresses, Carolyn is pushed to the edge of paranoia after a series of unsettling and frightening coincidences. She soon realizes someone out there wants more than she’s willing to give.

Being often irritated by Carolyn’s callow behavior and responses to these situations, I was puzzled as to why other reviewers were so enthusiastic about “In All the Wrong Places.” Anders’s typical introduction to her characters also included reasons to suspect them; when suddenly a seemingly innocent character was introduced, the sharp contrast in description leaves one completely dumbfounded as to how such a blatant ploy could be expected to deceive any reader. Carolyn often blows off unequivocal invasions of her privacy as coincidences, ignoring her instincts, and making it seem like she is oblivious to someone invading her life.

[Jenisi]

K, does this sound good enough to turn in???

In All the Wrong Places was a total calamity for all suspense thrillers. Totally predictable and un-eventful, I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders. The story begins with Carolyn Langdon, a beautiful and outgoing hostess of the Atlanta-based National Neighborhood Network. Anders quickly introduces an exorbitant amount of characters, making the story hard to follow. After a series of unsettling and frightening coincidences push Carolyn to the edge of paranoia, she realizes someone out there wants more than she’s willing to give.

Being frequently irritated by Carolyn’s callowness and responses to these situations, I was puzzled as to why other reviewers were so enthusiastic about In All the Wrong Places. She often blows off unequivocal invasions of her privacy as coincidences and insignificant, ignoring instincts, making her seem unmindful to someone stalking her. Anders often introduces characters and points out reasons why to suspect them, then suddenly introduces an innocent looking one; Making him very indicted and leaving me disappointed.

All in all, the story played out pretty much exactly how I figured it would. I would like to be reimbursed by Boarders for the $6.99 I paid for it, as I can’t get the time I wasted reading on it back. I will never read a book by Donna Anders again and will advise friends against doing so as well.

[Jenisi]

Gimmie a second to read that Kitsun hehe

[Jenisi]

My AIM is on at home, i'm currently at school that's why you can't contact me through there. I'm just sorta working on a "conclusion" But I did enjoy your changes Kitsun, thanks.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Jenisi
K, does this sound good enough to turn in???Your's or Wezas'. It's a tough decision.

[Galleazzo]

What Kitsun said. There are just a bunch of words, like calamity and exorbitant, that have usages meaning specific things in specific contexts. That’s what a style manual gives you.

Sorry, calamity still isn’t a good word to use. It suggests that something bad will happen to all suspense thrillers as a result of this book.

<< Totally predictable and un-eventful, I was extremely dissatisfied with Donna Anders.>>

Lose the hyphen. And dissatisfied with Anders as what? Who is Anders? (This is where you want to tell us she’s the author, not later.)

<< She often blows off unequivocal invasions of her privacy as coincidences and insignificant>>

Too many words. “Invasions” of privacy is enough, no need for “unequivocal invasions.” You’re also mixing modifiers: “coincidental and insignificant” is what you want.

<<Anders often introduces characters and points out reasons why to suspect them, then suddenly introduces an innocent looking one; Making him very indicted and leaving me disappointed. >>

What does this mean? “Indicted” means charged with a crime.

<< I would like to be reimbursed by Boarders>>

Borders.

[Edited on 3/16/2004 by Galleazzo]

[Bobmuhthol]

...

I see everyone is catching up in how to not suck at speaking English.

Good work, apprentices.

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
I see everyone is catching up in how to not suck at speaking English.

Good work, apprentices. Good thing they had all those years headstart, eh Bob? :P

[Wezas]

Originally posted by Latrinsorm

Originally posted by Jenisi
K, does this sound good enough to turn in???Your's or Wezas'. It's a tough decision.

Kick ass.

[Scott]

You're trying way to hard. A professor hates when you try throwing big words around for no reason. Keep it simple, there is no reason for you to use big words and try to sound different then who you are. Any professor that I worked with wouldn't like it. Keep it simple, get the point.