I feel like I have just won.. EVERYTHING!

[Shalla]

For the past 8 months, It has been the most tumultuous and agonizing time of my life. It has been 8 months since I have broken up with the person who I thought was my soulmate.. and until yesterday, who I thought I was mean't to be with. He has singlehandedly given me the happiest times of my life.. and the worst time of my life.. It changed me as a person.

I tried to hold on to a past that wasn't mean't to be.. I have finally reached the step of closure.. it was unexpected.. with my heart beating fast. I am now free.

To everybody else who has felt love unrequited, pain, failures and disappointment. It's okay to cry... you don't have to force yourself to let it go.. it happens to us all, until the day comes.. something will happen that would change everything.. and you wil find yourself stronger. It's sometimes okay to feel pain.. in order to feel good again.

Today.. I feel like I have just won everything.

:)

[Edited on 3-14-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[HarmNone]

That is wonderful, Shalla! I do not know what fortuitous turn of events brought you to this epiphany, but I really am very happy for you! :)

HarmNone

[DeV]

Lets just say Ive been there times, and I know how you feel. Congrats on closure! It takes a long way to get to that point sometimes. :saint:

[Skirmisher]

That is wonderful news Shalla.

I second Darkelfvoid in saying i do totally understand the feelings you are sharing.

I can't tell you how happy I am for you. Congratulations and thank you for letting us know as it made me smile for you.

[Shalla]

Thanks Harmnone! Skirmisher and Darkelfvold! I am very much happy. I wish everybody could feel the way I am feeling right now. Everybody should be happy. :)

Edit: :lol:

[Edited on 3-14-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[Bobmuhthol]

I don't get it. :?:

[Shalla]

You don't have to. : heart :

[DeV]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
I don't get it. :?: Someday when you start dating and going through the ups and downs of relationships and sowing your wild oats, you will understand.

[Skirmisher]

Perhaps Rachel will be the first to ever make you feel that way Bob.

I hoe not, but she sounds like a prime candidate.

Most people go through it at some point or another.

There is nothing fun about it, but it IS a learning experience.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Perhaps Rachel will be the first to ever make you feel that way Bob.

I hoe not, but she sounds like a prime candidate.

Most people go through it at some point or another.

There is nothing fun about it, but it IS a learning experience.

I was thinking about that.. He adores her.

Also, I'm not sure what to do.. I would not want ANYBODY.. to go through what I went through.. It was really really bad.. but at the end of the cold tunnel.. it is a learning experience for you, like you said.

I don't know whether to shield someone I love from it.. or let them grow. But I guess the only thing we can do, is to lend support... from my experience though.. It DID help, but it didn't change things.. by the end of the day.. I still have to rely on myself to make the day better. Sleep was my bestfriend.

I am still grateful for the people who was there for me the whole time.

Whyssper and Tamral.. you guys are so beautiful to me.


[Edited on 3-14-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Perhaps Rachel will be the first to ever make you feel that way Bob.>>

Yes. She might. Once she stops not liking me.

:thumbsdown:

[HarmNone]

It is not only love relationships that bring people to realize that their lives are in chaos, and that their thinking is not clear. There are many events in our lives that can bring about such feelings.

For the most part, nobody can shield anyone else from the pain of loss. All we can do is be there for them, support them through the grieving time, and be happy for them when the bad times are over and the sun shines through. :)

HarmNone offers Shalla a bouquet of daisies and gives her a smooch on the cheek

[Skirmisher]

That unfortunately is a requirement.

[HarmNone]

Originally posted by Bobmuhthol
<<Perhaps Rachel will be the first to ever make you feel that way Bob.>>

Yes. She might. Once she stops not liking me.

:thumbsdown:

Hey, Bob! Have you ever brought Rachel a bouquet of daisies? You could even attach a tiny, stuffed rabbit! They are plentiful this time of year. :)

HarmNone, being helpful again

[Shalla]

Originally posted by HarmNone
It is not only love relationships that bring people to realize that their lives are in chaos, and that their thinking is not clear. There are many events in our lives that can bring about such feelings.

For the most part, nobody can shield anyone else from the pain of loss. All we can do is be there for them, support them through the grieving time, and be happy for them when the bad times are over and the sun shines through. :)

HarmNone offers Shalla a bouquet of daisies and gives her a smooch on the cheek

You are so making me cry happy tears. :heart:

[Bobmuhthol]

<<Hey, Bob! Have you ever brought Rachel a bouquet of daisies? You could even attach a tiny, stuffed rabbit! They are plentiful this time of year.>>

Yes and then she'd be like, "Eww I don't like you."

And I'd be like, "GEE THANKS HARMNONE."

[Mistomeer]

If she's not a daisies girl, maybe a whip and some handcuffs will float her boat? You should do that. Make sure you let us all know how it goes over.

[Shalla]

Give her flowers because it will brighten HER day hon.. not because you expect her to reciprocate how you feel. What will brighten her day, hopefully will brighten yours too.


Edit: Not Your.. HER day.

[Edited on 3-14-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[Bobmuhthol]

I like that idea. :thumbsup:

[HarmNone]

Shalla is right, Bob. When you give flowers to a girl you like, it is a gift not an investment. ;)

HarmNone

[Bobmuhthol]

It's also the opening of a very large window of embarrassment.

nothx.

[Reyek]

with love you have to take risk. As love itself is risk

[HarmNone]

Bob! You are smarter than that! Like Reyek says, if you never try you never win! :)

HarmNone

[Skirmisher]

Don't make me break out the lyrics to "The Rose" on you now.

[Reyek]

Not true Harmnone, thats where the handcuffs come into play ;)

[Shalla]

If you get someone you care about flowers, or an unexpected gift.. They will appreciate it.

I think the only time you get embarrasment for giving flowers if you're a husband and you did something bad.. then you buy flowers to make it better.

I love daisies.. and tulips.

[HarmNone]

:HarmNone glances at Reyek and bares her teeth:

It is downright warped to teach a 13-year-old boy the nefarious uses of handcuffs. He should believe that they are only useful for foiling criminals! :O

HarmNone, who believes only cops have handcuffs. Yes.

[Reyek]

my favorite flower, for being a guy, is the lillianthis(tp?) its a small purple flower. its purrty.

[peam]

Bob, don't listen to these people.

A bottle of Mad Dog and a strip of Trojan Pleasure-Meshed (for her pleasure) is all you need. Chicks love the straight-forward approach.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by HarmNone
HarmNone, who believes only cops have handcuffs. Yes.

Harmnone probably has velvet ropes anyway. :smilegrin:

[Edited on 3-14-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[Skirmisher]

I dunno, I have owned a working set of handcuffs since I was a wee bairn.

Its just that the variety of uses has expanded as I have grown older.:bouncing:

[HarmNone]

As a young girl, I loved violets. Perhaps, it was because one rarely saw them in the countries I grew up in. They are not a favorite of florists, and are not shipped out in bulk from the Netherlands. :(

HarmNone, on growing up deprived of violets

[Reyek]

lmao. i can see that. velvet ropes. and maybe leather whip...::ducks::

[Tsa`ah]

No no no... She has fuzzy hand cuffs.

It's a more considerate gesture because they don't chafe.

[Hulkein]

Originally posted by peam
Bob, don't listen to these people.

A bottle of Mad Dog and a strip of Trojan Pleasure-Meshed (for her pleasure) is all you need. Chicks love the straight-forward approach.

I noticed you're also a high class person, choosing the Mad Dog and all. Nice touch, no woman can deny it.

[HarmNone]

Velvet handcuffs with silk ties, in various colors to complement the decor. Soooo Martha Stewart! :D

HarmNone, the Martha Stewart of Pagans

[Reyek]

and just as guilty as Martha too... :saint:

[HarmNone]

Hmmph! If that were true, I would be rich. Unfortunately, I ain't rich. :(

HarmNone, who ain't rich

[Wezas]

He still loves you Shalla

<runs away>

[Shalla]

Not really. He's inlove with someone else now.. believe it or not. I'm actually happy for him.

[Reyek]

Well i think its great you moved on. It took me the longest to get over my ex. Probably because we have a kid together. but at least me and her are still friends.

[Miss X]

Yeah, its a great feeling. I still remember the moment I stopped loving my ex It was almost a year after we broke up, I was standing at a payphone box in Spain and I was about to call him and for the first time I felt like I really didnt want or need to so I called my mum instead.
A week later I met someone else and it was great, it was the best feeling finally to be free of him and not to care who he was with.

[Shalla]

I think if we ever do talk again in the future.. like you said as friends. I can be a friend for him.. be there for him no matter what. I still stand by that. But I don't think I would ever consider him a friend. I will be a friend to him.. but he won't be a friend to me. Trust is a major thing for me, and he has broken it so many times.. I simply cannot rely on him anymore, you know?

[Wezas]

When I was 18 I dated this girl who I thought I was in love with. She broke up with me after about 4 months and I was pretty much crushed/pissed. I start dating this girl I didn't like because my best friend said she told him she likes me. And then he told her that I said I liked her. Asshole.

Anyways, we go to parties, and I'm there with the new gf, and the old gf is very cool about it. But as soon as the old gf has a new guy, I go all moody. Guess it still hurt.

[Myshel]

Thats wonderful news Shalla, you put a smile on my face. Life changes are amazing things.

[Miss X]

Sometimes its just better to cut someone off. My last ex hurt me a lot and the only way I could deal with it was to stop talking to him totally. I didn't call him or answer when he called me, I just removed him from my life totally. There were times when I was drunk I considered calling him but my friends stopped me. Friends rock in general, getting over heartbreak without them would have been hell.

[HarmNone]

I am reminded of an incident that brought home to me the futility of caring about someone and being afraid to say so....

When I was in highschool I had the most intense crush on this tall, dark, handsome guy. Every time I saw him, my heart would skip a beat, yet I never so much as nodded at him. I just knew he would laugh in my face for thinking I had a chance with him.

Years later, I was on a stopover at Schiphol airport in Amsterdam, and riding the moving sidewalk on my way to the restaurant to pass my layover with a newspaper and a cup of coffee. I glanced over and there, riding another moving sidewalk in the opposite direction, was my erstwhile "hunk".

Our eyes met and I saw the recognition dawn on him. He leaped over the rail and jumped onto my people-mover. We spent a great couple of hours reminiscing, and I found out that he had looked at me in exactly the same way I had looked at him. Both of us had been too shy and insecure to take a chance. We had a great laugh about it, and we keep in touch to this day.

It really is a small world. :)

HarmNone

[Sean]

Just wanted to say, Congrats on getting over your Ex. It really does suck to feel that way and your ability to now move on is in your best interest. :)

[Bobmuhthol]

<<I just knew he would laugh in my face for thinking I had a chance with him.>>

So that's why chicks don't have Bobmuhthol Day Parades...

Oh well.

[DCSL]

I've been hooked like that on a guy, before. In fact, after um.. almost five years, I think I'm still not as over it as you are. I only wish! I think I'm still half convinced I'm going to be beating this man with a cane when we're locked in a nursing home together. It'll happen. I just know it. No one can piss me off quite as much as this guy, even when I'm in love with someone else, about to be married, and speak to him once every two months, tops. If he was alone in the woods and mentioned something, I'm sure I'd still hear it and get pissed off. Heh.

Anyway... about the flowers, I prefer peonies to daisies. White ones, preferably, or the really really dark magenta/purple ones. They're the flower that's going to be used in my wedding. Screw roses.

[TheEschaton]

Bob....here's a tip.

If you do ever make a move on her, change your SN from "Rachel Pwnz".

Girls don't like it when they find out you've been obsessing about them for years before you actually say something. ;)

-TheE-

[Caiylania]

Shalla, that is wonderful. Enjoy your new found freedom of the heart and I wish you the best :)

Bob, give her flowers!! Like the ladies said, its a charmer. My favorite was a bouqet of wildflowers tied with a simple amber colored ribbon. :D

Harmnone, your posts just keep me smiling.

[Bobmuhthol]

<<If you do ever make a move on her, change your SN from "Rachel Pwnz".>>

I got that covered. 24 screen names have never failed me before.

<<Bob, give her flowers!!>>

You give her flowers, and say they're from me.

[Caiylania]

What's her address? :D

[Bobmuhthol]

123 Fake Street.

[Caiylania]

Well then don't tell me to do it!

:P

:spin:

[Bobmuhthol]

I'll be sure to write down how crazy you are in case I ever need anything mailed. :!:

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Miss X

A week later I met someone else and it was great, it was the best feeling finally to be free of him and not to care who he was with.



I did meet others after my breakup.. whether I allowed it or not, I could not get myself to be interested.. They had everything anybody could ever want.. Looks.. sensitivity.. money.. responsibility. I still could not find myself to be interested. I don't know why but for this break-up, I felt utter abhorrence when I tried and when I thought of the rebound stage. I have loved before, deeply for that matter... but not as much as this one. I guess you could say he was my first true love.. He may not have felt the same way, hence treating the relationship like he did, but I feel otherwise. I loved him with all my heart, and when I say that.. I mean every single word of it. It would be a betrayal to my thoughts on love, my principles and on my self respect to rebound just like that. I did not want to rely on someone else, to forget.. I wanted to learn from it.. even if it means going through those months crying.


Originally posted by Miss X

Sometimes its just better to cut someone off. My last ex hurt me a lot and the only way I could deal with it was to stop talking to him totally. I didn't call him or answer when he called me.



That was one of the hardest thing for me to do. I loved him so very much, and I could not bear the thought of letting him go.. but I did.. I had to. He told me when we broke up.. he still wanted to talk to me.. and if I needed someone to talk to.. I can talk to him. I was like, you're kidding right? I am going through the worst time of my life.. as much as I love you, it would not help to still be in contact with you. I said give me one year.. ( hence my post from the other thread regarding said topic ) I told him.. We had nothing to offer each other, the person causing me pain cannot be the one who comforts me.. and I cannot alleviate his guilt while I'm in pain.. so months ago, I ended it. Each month was a step for me.. First month I stopped talking to him.. ( it was really hard for me to maintain but I did ).. months that followed.. I SLOWLY started getting rid of the things that remind me of him.. I couldn't rip someone out of my life just like that. I just couldn't.


Originally posted by DCSL

I've been hooked like that on a guy, before. In fact, after um.. almost five years, I think I'm still not as over it as you are. I only wish! I think I'm still half convinced I'm going to be beating this man with a cane when we're locked in a nursing home together.



That I don't know. I don't know what I would feel years from now. If I would be in contact with him or not. Even after everything that he did.. even after he ruined my fairy tale fantasy.. my illusion of a great relationship.. I could not get myself to hate him. I loved the guy with all my heart.. I forgave him for his flaws.. He may have made me feel the worst.. but he has also made me feel so special.. I was at my happiest when I was with him.. I've never been that happy before. For that I am thankful.

I am not completely over him per se. A couple of days ago, I wondered how long it would take me to be over him.. I thought I had 4 more months to go before I start scratching the surface of closure. I gave him.. and myself a year. I love him still. but I finally accepted.. ( For real ) I had months of denial.. but I have finally accepted that we're not mean't to be.. the reason I know that, is because I found out that he's with someone else now.. and instead of crying. I was actually happy for him.. I do not have any grudge It was like as if a weight was lifted off my chest. A friend told me.. He thinks I would never stop loving him.. because he was my first true love... I'm not going to be INLOVE with him.. but I would still love him. I find that to be true.

I feel like I have grown up.. not just in a literal sense.. but matured. I like this feeling.

[Solkern]

I hate it the most when you do love someone and it all goes to shit, the harder part is, is getting someone new, I mean, your so use to the person you love, what they like, love, how they act, and so on, you gotta start all over, from the very start and it's a total bitch.

[Edited on 3-15-2004 by Solkern]

[longshot]

Two things.

I really want to say congratulations for no longer being charmed by this guy's "magic wand"... but I have to ask...

Are the words "codependent" and "insecure" popping out of your stomach like in "The Exorcist"?

Well, I guess all that really matters is that you feel better now. Enjoy this period of tranquility before you repeat the entire mistake over again.

Second...

You people telling Bob to give this girl flowers are completely out of touch with reality. I think you have forgotten what it's like to be in Jr. High. There is no reason, rationality, compassion, understanding, or logic at this age. I'm sure Bob would not like to be called "flower bitch" by 500 or 600 retarded monkeys, and have the girl he feels for completely shit on him.

This is real life, not a soap.

[Skirmisher]

Sure, some boys might make fun of that.

Most likely the ones without girlfriends.

[longshot]

Originally posted by Skirmisher
Sure, some boys might make fun of that.

Most likely the ones without girlfriends.

What are you talking about?

A quote would help?

[Skirmisher]

This is what i was referring to.


Originally posted by longshot
Second...

You people telling Bob to give this girl flowers are completely out of touch with reality. I think you have forgotten what it's like to be in Jr. High. There is no reason, rationality, compassion, understanding, or logic at this age. I'm sure Bob would not like to be called "flower bitch" by 500 or 600 retarded monkeys, and have the girl he feels for completely shit on him.

This is real life, not a soap.

Sorry, I had assumed in error it was clear.

[Mint]

Originally posted by longshot

I'm sure Bob would not like to be called "flower bitch" by 500 or 600 retarded monkeys, and have the girl he feels for completely shit on him.


Just guessing but probably this one.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by longshot
I really want to say congratulations for no longer being charmed by this guy's "magic wand"...

I don't know what you're talking about when you said magic wand.. He certainly charmed me though. He was just a friend before, who I never thought I'd be with. he was very persistant until I fell for him.


Originally posted by longshot
Are the words "codependent" and "insecure" popping out of your stomach like in "The Exorcist"?

Funny you said that.. because that's what he used to be.. he was very possessive and insecure. That's why I never saw it coming that he would actually do what he feared I would do. But yes.. I can be very insecure.


Originally posted by longshot
Well, I guess all that really matters is that you feel better now. Enjoy this period of tranquility before you repeat the entire mistake over again.


c'est la vie

[longshot]

There were two parts to the post, so I didn't want to write a reply and "guess" wrong. Quote please!

Skirm, it's not an issue of having a girlfriend or not. It's about being insecure at 13. There's a real heirarchy based on what is considered cool. Two people can do the exact same thing, but depending on one's social status, the reaction will be completely different.

Everyone is insecure, and nobody wants to be different. The easiest way people get by their own fears is through ridiculing the differences of others. The easist way to excape this abuse is not only to blend in, but to also join the "abusers" against the abused.

To an adult, this would be painfully obvious. It's not to someone that is 13.

When was the last time you were in middle school?

You would be making Bob a giant target.

Sorry to detract from Shalla's "penis liberation" post...

[Shalla]

I liberated myself from one jerk penis. I think I have more jerk penises to come in my life, until I find one monogamous and bf material penis.

[Mint]

Originally posted by Lady Shalla
I liberated myself from one jerk penis. I think I have more jerk penises to come in my life, until I find one monogamous and bf material penis.

New sig anyone?