How do you bounce back?

[Drew2]

Everyone has had some form of a let down. Rejection, disappointment, broken heart, failure, etc.

How do YOU bounce back from these things? I'm sure there are plenty of experiences around here, so let's hear them.

PS - Ben and Jerry are completely legitimate bouncer-backers. Just share some with me.

[Trinitis]

I had a let down. Lalana would not hit it. :(

But really..Umm..I find friends are the best source.

Oh and revenge. Ask my friends about revenge and me ::grins evil like::

-Adredrin

Edit to add : Hell, ask Lalana, she heard about some of my revenge things...

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by LordAdredrin]

[Bobmuhthol]

<<How do YOU bounce back from these things?>>

Go out of my way to harass all involved parties.

[Drew2]

This isn't about someone wronging you, necessarily. Just something that doesn't turn out the way you 'd like... or a relationship ends badly... or you didn't achieve a goal you aimed for.

Revenge is kinda not the issue here.

[Artha]

editted to make Tayre's comment look funnier.

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by Artha]

[Drew2]

This isn't about masturbating either.

[Atlanteax]

Not much you really can do...

Being able to talk to a friend about it may help, but only as a shoulder to lean on.

I just tell myself that it was probably not meant to be, and move on...

[Galleazzo]

Last time I had a real ugly breakup I hooked up with a friend whose husband just ditched her for another MAN. I've known a couple gals that's happened too and there ain't nothing that makes a woman feel more like useless scum than that. Anyway we both needed a fuck buddy bad and we screwed each other's brains out for a couple days. And for about nine months after.

:D

[Betheny]

Might I suggest honing that disappointment into an edge -- determination to do something good for yourself, be it.... doing extra well at school, or taking up yoga or something.

Sulking around doesn't do much but compound problems. It isn't easy to make yourself do something, but I promise that even if you don't want to, and you make yourself do it, you will feel a lot better in the long run.

[Galleazzo]

Oh yeah. Last time I got screwed over for a promotion? The supervisor was a dumb ass slit didn't know jack about computers. I saw her login the next week and thought, "Dayum, she didn't really just use her first name as her password???" Yep she did. So there I am on the system with her password and account and superuser privileges.

I won't say more but she got in bad trouble.

:coffee:

[Hanksbane]

Talkin to friends about whatever it is always helps a bit. Listening to music helps me too, as well as playing my guitar. I've written songs about a few of these situations, that helped me through soem rough spots too.

[Vixen]

I write.
Its usually pretty meaningless, or rather, it would look meaningless to anyone else, but it helps me.

Also my best friend and a pint of ben and jerry's is the ultimate pick me up.

[Betheny]

The sugar-free carb solutions vanilla bean ice cream is REALLY good, tastes just like the real thing -- except it's better for you!

[Hips]

Originally posted by Maimara
The sugar-free carb solutions vanilla bean ice cream is REALLY good, tastes just like the real thing -- except it's better for you!

Blasphemy.

I've pinted before, but I usually just go and talk for hours to my best friend. He has the ability to make everything better, somehow. :)

BTW - if you don't know what it is to "pint" than you're not a real Ben & Jerry's fan! :P

[Betheny]

It's not blasphemy, it's actually really good!!

[longshot]

Originally posted by Vixen
I write.
Its usually pretty meaningless, or rather, it would look meaningless to anyone else, but it helps me.

Also my best friend and a pint of ben and jerry's is the ultimate pick me up.

I'm lactose intolerant, so I can't eat icecream.

However, I do write.

Don't correct what you write, just go. It helps to use a pen to. You'd be surprised how cold Microsoft word is when you aren't in a good mood.

Those are the least destructive means of letting negative stuff out.

The, "I"m worth nothing, so I will sleep with half of Asia" escapades do very little in end.

[Meos]

I like go through a couple boxs of bullets at the range.

[Miss X]

Iva always been a worst case scenario type person, I figure if I assume the worst will happen in any given situation, if it does happen then I already knew it would so I am prepared deal with it, if the worst thing doesnt happen then its a great surprise.

Also, the old cliche of time healing so so true. Every time Ive felt let down/hurt ect time has been the main thing that helped me. I mean, my friends are great but sometimes talking about the issue with them over and over doesnt help. I sometimes just need to let my head process it and deal with it slowly. You have to kind of tell yourself that its ok to feel sad and let down for a while, its a natural human emotion. As long as you keep things in perspective and don't beat yourself up stuff generally works out.

Listening to happy music helps too. I put on a song by toploader called dancing in the moonlight and I instantly feel happier, or I look through the photos from my summer holidays with my girlfriends and laugh at all the stupid faces and stuff. Silly really, but it helps.
Vx

[Ravenstorm]

If it concerns a person, you can write that person a letter saying everything you always wanted to say. Then just throw it away afterwards. It can help.

Talk to someone about whatever it is. A couple someones if y ou have the people who will listen.

Find some new people to make friends with and distract you.

Put on some upbeat music. Depressing stuff just reinforces a bad mood.

Watch a comedy that you know makes you laugh. It can't hurt.

Raven

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Tayre
Everyone has had some form of a let down. Rejection, disappointment, broken heart, failure, etc.


There is nothing wrong with unrequited love. It happens all the time. I wont delude you into thinking that if he can't love you back he is not worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment, etc. He is worth it because, like you, he needs others loving him. This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason. We are all part of a circle. If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you're hurting by loving him. It's a cycle. Whose love are you not returning? Don't get me wrong.. It's very very painful. The simple words like "I just want to be friends" may seem like a broken shards working their way into your heart, and after all that. I find that I still love him. How unreasonable and foolish.. How very human. People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering and growing.

As for failure.. Failure is the breaking of a shell that opens up your understanding.

:saint:


Edit: I was going to edit it with He/she, but in all honesty.. I am not as much replying to tayre.. but my own experiences.. He.. my ex. made me realize all these things.

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[longshot]

Written on a bad day....

A humid gust lazily leans up against my curtains. Sunlight floods throught the opening, screaming the beginnning of another long day. The tatami floor begins to cook at the mercy of the uncaring and distant sun. Below a gritty landscape takes shape through an unbearable heat. The floating waves before me leave me guessing what is real through the wavering waltz of sulking air. Everything is the color of hot mustard and charcol, and the air tastes of stale vanilla. It is only six in the morning, and I already find myself searching my soul for answers of how I can make it through today.

As I touch the decaying rail of my balcony, I find myself longing for a time where my existance seemed permanent and real, a place where I can hug those that I love. Somewhere where a smile is returned by those who turly mean it.

Not bad for an asshole, eh?

Anyways, throw some shit on some paper, and you will feel better.

Chicks eat icecream...

[Shalla]

I also want to add. I know it's a cliché. But time heals all and makes you stronger..

or colder.

Whatever.

:smilegrin:

:coffee:

Shalla you really should use your own words or give credit to where you find things

http://members.asianavenue.com/JBUGG/

Look under the post Todays junk mail and Another Junk Email.

its here too
dreamkjan.blogdrive.com
www.nelissa.blogspot.com
www.ipaythug.blogspot.com


[Edited on 3-10-2004 by The Edine]

[Miss X]

Originally posted by Lady Shalla

Originally posted by Tayre
Everyone has had some form of a let down. Rejection, disappointment, broken heart, failure, etc.


There is nothing wrong with unrequited love. It happens all the time. I wont delude you into thinking that if he can't love you back he is not worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment, etc. He is worth it because, like you, he needs others loving him. This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason. We are all part of a circle. If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you're hurting by loving him. It's a cycle. Whose love are you not returning? Don't get me wrong.. It's very very painful. The simple words like "I just want to be friends" may seem like a broken shards working their way into your heart, and after all that. I find that I still love him. How unreasonable and foolish.. How very human. People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we're always learning, discovering and growing.

As for failure.. Failure is the breaking of a shell that opens up your understanding.

:saint:


Edit: I was going to edit it with He/she, but in all honesty.. I am not as much replying to tayre.. but my own experiences.. He.. my ex. made me realize all these things.

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by Lady Shalla]

ROFL. I got that junk email too. Might wanna give credit to the person that actually wrote those words.... :lol:

[Miss X]

HAHA Edine got the junk mail too! LOL

[Shalla]

Who said I wrote it?

[Trinitis]

Or, at least post the entire work...



Falling In Love: Is It Worth It?

Sometimes in the past, late at night, when it`s too quiet to pretend, I worry if I believe in anything at all or at least in anything beautiful. I believed in change because it is permanent. I believed in pain because it is sometimes physical. I believed in anger because it can consume you. But I was not sure I can believe in either love or trust. I could not then understand these two things most people build their dreams on.

Love fails to be unconditional by that one condition itself. It ends when we fall out of it. Then, we claim it never was love because love shouldn`t die. It is forever. But when it becomes a routine (like saying "I love you" for instance), love does die. Lastly, when love turns selfish, confusing and burdensome, it isn`t beautiful anymore.

As for trust, it was self-explanatory until I doubted it. When curiosity gives way to suspicion, betrayal isn`t far behind. For every failed judgment we ask ourselves: "Did I trust too little or too much?". It is difficult to shut up every question in favor of complete trust, only to realize too late something you could have known had you only asked. Where does love and trust start and end?

I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over unfulfilling relationships. I have seen passion turn into poison. I have grieved with them for the love they lost or never found. We seem to love so much, but now it`s gone. We ask ourselves: "Why do I feel so lonely even if he`s right beside me? Why can`t our relationship be more than this?".

I think all people have at one point in their life experienced the painful realization of a love unrequited. Even with all the discouragement, even with all the well-intentioned advice from friends, falling in love is a no-going-back event. Unfortunately, time can`t be reversed.

Now, falling in love in itself is doubted by people around you. They cannot feel the warmth that consumes you. They cannot ache with the turbulent and confusing anxiety and joy that grips you. They do not know the mental stress you experience trying to rationalize your emotions. They cannot believe that you do not want to be in love with a person who doesn`t love you back. Oftentimes, people in love are painted as puppies following their loved ones at a distance and enjoying it. Oftentimes, people in love are misunderstood.

Who can enjoy running around with your heart on your sleeve? It`s like trying to cross a tightrope and always falling into jagged cliffs because you are nervous, oh so nervous! Loving and loving without getting anyresponse can be destructive to anyone. It is a thousand deaths every time. It`s an "unmourned" for death because no one else can understand.

Love is not sustained by hope but by wishes. There`s a difference. No matter how perverse, people suffering from unrequited love try to get out of it while secretly wishing that he`d give a sign to show it isn`t hopeless. In desperation, unrequited lovers can even imagine signs if only to remain sane.

How can you love a brick wall? A dead end? A slavery without any sign ofsalvation? How foolish! How unreasonable! Unfortunately, how human too!

"Why won`t he love me? What is wrong with me?", scattered thoughts echoing such pain are not exactly abnormal. Even the best-looking, best-hearted people can`t always expect others to love them back. Why? People sometimes need to feel unloved by everyone so that they learn to love themselves.

There is nothing wrong with unrequited love. It happens all the time. I wont delude you into thinking that if he can`t love you back he is not worth it. In fact, believe that he is. He is worth it all: the headaches, the anxiety, the embarrassment, etc. He is worth it because, like you, he needs others loving him. This sounds funny but the world is round for a reason. We are all part of a circle. If you love him and he loves someone else, just think of whom you`re hurting by loving him. It`s a cycle. Whose love are you not returning?

I know we can love deeply, tenderly, and lastingly. I have seen such love and I have felt such love myself. I learned that, aside from love and trust, a fulfilling relationship begins when two people make their time together their number one priority. If we hope to find love, we must first find time for loving. Many couples experienced a tragic moment together that taught them to value their time together. How we see our partners often depends on how we are than how they are. We are not audiencebut participant observers in each other`s lives.

I used to ask myself where the love between my ex-boyfriend and I had gone. Maybe it`s because we forgot that we are the ones who make it. Love was not out there. It was here between my ex and me. Before, I saw him as a very sweet, caring, patient, and loyal person. But now it`s different. It seemed like I`m the only one who does the loving. He really changed a lot. People really do change. Our hurtful and infantile arguments illustrate how we, instead of looking for love, may look for flaws. We spent the relationship struggling to change each other`s minds. But I realized it a little too late.

We must accept that there are many realities and learn to accept different points of view. My ex then became my eye-opener. He saw what I never could, and I do the same for him. We made points of view between the two of us that`s totally different from either one of us. He was there with me when it can be too cold or too warm. Both of us were restless, yearning for more than what we had, what we were. Everything was unbalanced and unpredictable. In a most imperfect setting, two not-so-perfect people shared something so very simple---a perfectly imperfect friendship---it`s enough. At least he gave me something beautiful to believe in (love and trust).

I have felt so much pain during the relationship with my ex. It was hard to accept that I have loved someone who had stopped loving me. Now, I couldn`t help ask myself why do I no longer believe in these two beautiful ideas (love and trust). Why can`t I give myself a chance to be in love again? Maybe I`m just too scared. Or perhaps, maybe because I had been waiting for a perfect moment, a perfect someone, and a perfect me. Maybe because I had always felt that beliefs ought to be perfect---ideal, so to speak ugh!

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, loving without being loved back is the best thing to dobecause feeling so much pain, I learn to heal; knowing so much fear, I learn to stand up to anything; carrying so much sadness, I learn to glorify in joy.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we`re always learning, discovering and growing.

Lastly, this may be a clichÈ but there is someone who is right for you (and even for me), and even if he/she`s not, he/she`d still be right because loving doesn`t make sense until you accept it and make it real.

[Miss X]

Your post pretty much implied that you did, either way its no big deal, I just think its polite to at least reference where you cut and paste certain peices of information from. :)

HA you give me shit about saying that I told pierat to post it<which i did> yet you take make it seem as they are your words... you are laughable

Im sorry Tayre I will stop posting in this thread in a off topic manner

[Shalla]

I said I was replying to Tayre.. because these words.. made me realize about my ex that I couldn't have figured out on my own.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by Miss X
Your post pretty much implied that you did, either way its no big deal, I just think its polite to at least reference where you cut and paste certain peices of information from. :)

I didn't cut and paste. It was all from memory because it stuck on my head. It made THAT much of a difference when I was going through the same as tayre.

[Shalla]

Originally posted by The Edine
HA you give me shit about saying that I told pierat to post it<which i did> yet you take make it seem as they are your words... you are laughable

Im sorry Tayre I will stop posting in this thread in a off topic manner

That doesn't even make any sense.

[Shalla]

Seriously Tayre.. I was hoping it would make you feel better the same way it did me.

wow you have a awsome memory doing it all word for word...
You must have a higer IQ than Klaive :gawks::socool:

[Trinitis]

Originally posted by Lady Shalla

Originally posted by Miss X
Your post pretty much implied that you did, either way its no big deal, I just think its polite to at least reference where you cut and paste certain peices of information from. :)



I didn't cut and paste. It was all from memory because it stuck on my head. It made THAT much of a difference when I was going through the same as tayre.

::turns off the bullshit meter alarm:: Wow, overload.

Sheesh

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by LordAdredrin]

[Shalla]

Originally posted by The Edine
wow you have a awsome memory doing it all word for word...
You must have a higer IQ than Klaive :gawks::socool:

Higher than yours.

nuh Uh! My dad smarter than Yours!!!!!!!111
childish much?

[Weedmage Princess]

I agree with the people who say time.

I'm also catty so surrounding yourself with people who hate said person I find can make you feel a lot better about the relationship going down the shitter...heh.

[Shalla]

It may seem that I am taking credit for a widely known essay about these things.. but that wasn't my intention. Tayre is having the same dilemma I had.. and the words that I kept repeating in my head everytime I go through these things brought it up. I assure you though.. it wasn't my intention to take credit for a widely known essay.

[longshot]

:popcorn:


Like I said, you two are on the same level.

Tayre, reading what those two have to say should make you feel better no matter what happened.

[Ravenstorm]

Take it to its own thread.

Raven

you just said you typed it from memory
this is where you say, your right I lied Im sorry.

[Weedmage Princess]

::blows the whistle:: Okay Edine and Shalla...time out please. Thanks.

When it comes to me i have to agree with a lot of the above, time is the best thing.
Ive been jaded for a while since my last one, so I know its hard

[Shalla]

Originally posted by The Edine
you just said you typed it from memory
this is where you say, your right I lied Im sorry.

yes.. I typed it from memory. photographic memory of my reading it. When It was first sent to me.. I was at the worst time of my life.. and when one thing such as this changes your predicament.. it has an effect that you will never forget. It stays in your mind.

Although.. I do admit after reading my first post over.. it sounded like I wrote it.. because the person who wrote it.. was saying I.. I was not saying I.. as in shalla.. the essay was saying I.

I don't have the whole essay.. Just those parts I remember vividly. otherwise I would've posted the whole thing..

[Miss X]

Move to England Edine. I'd hit it. ;)

[Shalla]

Haven't you had an experience.. when you are at your lowest point of your life.. and one thing.. one small thing.. changes it for the better.. and you never forget it?

I didn't have the entire essay.. but what I posted is what woke me up from my low point. It stuck in my head. and everytime I'm down.. I think back to the time I was down.. and I see myself reading it.. reading the paragraph and have it all wash my pain away. Like a movie watching myself on my computer reading it.. and crying.

I don't expect you to believe it.

Edit: I also understand that edine would do this.. There is truism to what adredrerin guy said from his u2u. The petty vendetta between edine and I is a repeating cycle. For all it's worth edine.. sorry for everything.

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by Lady Shalla]

[Mint]

Originally posted by Tayre

How do YOU bounce back from these things? I'm sure there are plenty of experiences around here, so let's hear them.

Chocolate.

[Suppa Hobbit Mage]

The only reason to be disapointed is if you didn't try your hardest.

Originally posted by Miss X
Move to England Edine. I'd hit it. ;)

sadly she is brittish....

I'm still trying this myself.

Today has been the worse of the dispressing days I have had.

For those that never heard or never read my blog. I am going through a divorce currently...

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by The Lancer]

[Trinitis]

And thus, why I try to keep some around. I have this thing about seeing upset, or sad ladies. Bothers me :(


Originally posted by Mint

Originally posted by Tayre

How do YOU bounce back from these things? I'm sure there are plenty of experiences around here, so let's hear them.

Chocolate.

[HarmNone]

Everyone has disappointments. Life is full of them, but it is also full of glowing moments when everything seems to be just right. If one can learn to let the latter make as much of a lasting impression as the former, one is on the right track.

As for what I, personally, do to fend off the creeping depression that sometimes follows a let-down, I just get up and get doing something. I guess that's why I say my house is always a work in progress. It reaps the benefit of my looking for something creative to do when I'm not at my best. :)

I also write. Sometimes it's poetry, sometimes free verse, sometimes just a long, rambling flow of thought. However, I'll do that whether I'm down or not.

Above all, I know that a new opportunity will present itself. One always does.

HarmNone is rarely

I always say this though, covering your hurtful heart with another love or something like love is the worse thing you can do. It leads to BAD things!

[peam]

I listen to grindcore.

And feed their pets antifreeze.

[Edited on 3-10-2004 by peam]

Damn, that sucks, when I was little the neighbors killed my dog with antifreeze... :(

[peam]

I'd never do that to anyone.

At my house, we live in the country, so we usually have a few outside dogs and various other animals.

I've lost a dog to poisoning, another to guns, and a flock of six ducks to guns.

[ZGemstone]

Wow, you guys are pretty damned constructive. Unfortunately, I find solace with large quantities of booze and meaningless sex.

[Drew2]

I've found that my LiveJournal helps. My friends that reply or IM me are all great and have been a tremendous help.

It's hard. At least this time I nipped it in the bud before it grew into... well, last time. I'm not hurt, I'm not angry... more like back to zero. It's a hollow, dry sort of feeling.

Oh well. There's always hope... i guess.

[Galleazzo]

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it is yours.
If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it.

[Bobmuhthol]

I go to freewebs.com/bobmuhthol/index.htm.

I hear there's a good page on the NavBar. That always cheers me up.

[Edaarin]

Depends on the situation really...there are a handful of people I trust enough to really talk to about these kind of things (my ex roommate, one of my ex girlfriends, my cousin). Or if it's something less serious, like if I'm just feeling down, it's a good time to work out and release some stress.

Third option is getting dragged out, killing several thousand brain cells, and waking up with a bunch of frat markings on my hands with the words "I AM HUNG over" written with a Sharpie on my chest and back. Not that that's ever happened.

[TheEschaton]

For anyone who lives in Boston:


Ana's tacqueria. Nothing a good super steak burrito won't fix, along with a mandarin Jarritos.

-TheE-

Yea I hear ya Tayre, but I am coming out of a near 5 year relationship marriage. I'm angry, but more hollow. Like I can feel as if I could crumble in a second. It even brings phyiscal pain...

So what happened Tayre? Or just link me to your liveJournel...

[Miss X]

Originally posted by Wezas
LOL, yes that is what I meant. I knew you were a guy, didn't realize that could be taken multiple ways.

<----- Forcing herself not to comment on the 'taken multiple ways' thing. :lol:

[Drew2]

Originally posted by The Lancer
So what happened Tayre? Or just link me to your liveJournel...
It's linked under all of my posts with the WWW link... but you can't view what I'm talking about unless you're on my LJ friend's list... meaning you'd need an account.

Basically... someone who I was very interested in isn't interested in the way I'd like them to be. It's complicated and I'm giving the politically correct version of it, I suppose, but that's basically it. It was just kind of a punch in the gut.

[Latrinsorm]

Time. Everything else is just a way to pass time.

Also: I laughed for like seven minutes when I read Shalla's post where it kept saying "he" over and over.

[Drew2]

Well keep laughing. She's right.


PS - You're slow.

[Edited on 3-11-2004 by Tayre]

[Latrinsorm]

Originally posted by Tayre
PS - You're slow.No, I just outsmarted myself again.

[Myshel]

First I cry until I feel really miserable then I go to the movies. A multiplex early in the day, and I go from movie to movie until they close. I eat popcorn and nacho's and candy. Go home sleep it off and the next day I'm fine.

[Snapp]

When I've bounced back from relationships (or just heartbreaks in general), I usually just get my group of friends together (the ones talked about in Tayre's sig) and we get drunk as hell. It's not so much the booze, as being around all my friends.. it's comforting, and they always have my back.

<3 my hags

Just keep in mind that you'll feel better soon Tayre.. and Lancer!

[TheEschaton]

Basically... someone who I was very interested in isn't interested in the way I'd like them to be. It's complicated and I'm giving the politically correct version of it, I suppose, but that's basically it. It was just kind of a punch in the gut.

That's how it always is. I have three or four women at work who I think (in my idealistic, naive way) probably are all het up about me...but the realistic, cynical part of me realizes that A) because they're hot, and B) because they like me, implies that C) they don't like me in that way.

It's the same with the Girl Who Got Away. She kept on giving off these funky vibes, I interpreted one way, was never sure which way they should be interpreted, so I never walked down that path.

-TheE-