Craigslist never gets old..

[Kuyuk]

Whenever you get bored, take a glance at your local craigslist for entertainment.


Usually the personals are the best finds, but there are great ones elsewhere.

Anyway, here's a few from my bored viewings today:


"Wanted: Someone (anyone) to take me to Las Vegas. Will help pay for gas or whatever. Need to get to Vegas asap to become a dancer and make a 6 figure salary. Serious inquiries only, please. No serial killers. Pic on demand. Would like to leave before October. Who's ready for an adventure? "


"HEy I am 23 and looking to make a New friend with a tid bit of a unusal request. I am a bbw now on the heavier side Due to the fact that I am expecting a child on the 9th of December or sooner. My request is this I am looking for a good man who is ready to be responsible and be a dad or help out. I am not looking to be someones gurls just looking for my son to have a great start with two people who care about him. I am looking for a male friend that I can get along with that holds some or most of the values I hold. IF things turn sexual then ok I am a female that has needs also. This proably sounds Like I am asking alot so if this seems like a lot then well life goes on. By the way the father of my child will not be a problem since he already signed his rights away at my request due to him not wanting childern. I am half white and half black and the sperm donor for my son is white with blue eyes so my son could come out looking like a variety of things. I would hope this will not have a effect on a good man being a stand up guy. No I am not looking for finacial support just good role model for my son. However if a make a New friend and he wants to be there when he is born more power to him. Please no there is no need for any rude responses. IF you are for real then email me and put in your favorite boy names in the subject line. I add a pic of me no make up on I am alittle darker now because of the sun. PLz send me a pic when you respnd. "


I always lawl at this shit. Better then TFLN.

K.

[Sean of the Thread]

That's a good one no doubt.

[TheEschaton]

That second one kind of makes me sad. It seems like she has good intentions, but going about it totally the wrong way.

[Barundar]

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z256/Eefex/2cpokyr.jpg

[LMingrone]

http://newhaven.craigslist.org/m4w/1392853916.html (NSFW)

Some of the listings on men looking for women are priceless.

[ZeP]

Pluto was a planet indeed.. that is right kid.. those bastards. Never forget.

[4a6c1]

That time I went to that lecture and learned Pluto was just the biggest and most recognizable rock out of gazillions circling the solar system I almost cried. Really I did. And to apologize for bending such an awesome topic I have found this....

A TABOO Relationship - 40 (Houston)

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Date: 2009-09-13, 7:55PM CDT

Reply To This Post

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Being single, I think I'll start my search for a woman who is an extreme minority. Something I wouldn't be able to share with just anyone.

I would like to find a girlfriend interested in pee play (golden showers, watersports). A woman that would be turned on by that on occassion like me.

If I could find that rare women, maybe we can see what else we have in common.


Location: Houston
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Kuyuk]

that's actually jihna posting as a male... ;)

I love craigslist

[septus]

One of my coworkers is selling stuff on craigslist. This was a response to an ad selling one of those kneeling chairs:

Hi there!
I will give you $15 for the chair. Since I am Japanese I feel I should get it cheaper because I essentially invented the chair, by myself, in my basement. Its the least you can do considering Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And the firebombings over Tokyo which killed more than both atom bombs. Thanks!

[B4Hand]

My all time favorite..made me snort soda out my nose.

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I know this is strange but the heart continues to want what it wants.

In short, I'm a 25 year old female who's sustained some pretty harsh injuries and I'm going stir crazy.
I've traveled the world as a drifter/hitchhiker, I'm currently a working musician, writer and dog trainer.
I also have a degree in veterinary technology.
I'm slightly insane but perhaps in a good way.
Um...chaotic neutral, eager to please and have had a ridiculously eventful life.
This down time is hard for me.
Someone recently likened me to Harold and Maude all in one package
and I that sounds about right.
I look a little like a Raider I suppose.

You: Charon from Fallout 3. Yes, you read that right.
You are a gigantic, deceptively stoic ghoul bodyguard.
Someone who can stay in character well and satisfy the strange compulsion/crush I continue to have have on that damned ghoul.
Someone who is creative enough to characterize him and suspend my disbelief again.
I find myself only able to speak to someone who's fronting as this character. I don't open up easily and I just...don't get it either.
If you are suffering from boredom and can roleplay this character well, there is a good chance I can help you with that boredom.
I don't seem to get tired of this.

So. I have your contract and our time in the Wastes was short.
You're still in DC and I, your "employer" am here only accessible via remote terminal.
The employer/Charon relationship would be strictly instant messenger/email and possibly phone but only if you can do the voice really well.
Maybe it will remain civil and friendly, maybe it will turn into something a little more adult. It usually does.
I'd prefer something frequent and long term if possible, with room for progression into something different maybe.

Before receiving a batch of pointless, off topic emails, I feel I have to add this:
All messages that clearly don't get what I'm asking for here will simply be ignored and deleted.
Do not send me your photo or your stats!
Your height, weight, race, etc are irrelevant because you are actually a cranky, sexually repressed, 6'8 irradiated manservant from the Underworld.
Someone over 25+ would be preferable. That is my only stipulation but it is not a hard limit.
It seems that spelling and grammar improve with age is all.
Good spelling and grammar are an absolute must!

I had an excellent Charon before but he...vanished and I find myself sadly looking for a replacement.
I need a rebound Charon in case he doesn't come back...although I am still hoping he does.
Getting my heart broken by an NPC is something I'll add to the vast list of things I've experienced
that make me keep writing music.

Here's hoping you're out there.
Please message me in character. This is important.

I will make it worth your while!
!

[Gelston]

rofl WTF?

[diethx]

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z256/Eefex/2cpokyr.jpg

:rofl: :rofl:

[4a6c1]

that's actually jihna posting as a male... ;)

I love craigslist

This thread has inspired me and I think Tank Girl is going to post on craigslist to find her Kangaroo/mutant sidekick. Results to follow.

[ElvenFury]

Hahaha. Zombies, FTW.

2846

[4a6c1]

Wow what a loser. AI LAIK ABANDONED BULDINGS HAI

[Tisket]

She likes zombies so she is a winner.

[ElvenFury]

Wow what a loser. AI LAIK ABANDONED BULDINGS HAI

At least it's not a Vader-steampunk fetish. :-P

[4a6c1]

lolz

Ok. I'm getting a bunch of crazies in the yahoo box and I'm posting them here a bit later so if one of those is YOU and you dont want your email on here PM me. That is all.

[4a6c1]

Another winner.

Just your average joe! - 34

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Date: 2009-09-30, 8:32AM CDT

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The names abilio people just call me bill , let me tell you about myself, im a goofy creative person who comes up with corny ideas like this one I thought up, remember that old Reeses commercial,How do you eat your Reeses�? Well I came up with my own tv ad for it . Have Reese Witherspoon(the actress) holding a large spoon and then say,¨ How do you eat your Reeses?Witherspoon! Get it !! well I told you it was corny lol. Anyways my other goofy idea which is much better and if I have the time I would like to get it published is my own cartoon, I call it Violent Violet the Crayon gone bad. It's a cross between the sopranos and flinstones . In my cartoon emotions represent the colors of the crayons I have characters such as green envy ,purple passion(violent violets girlfriend) anger management(he's the red crayon) etc. My first episode is titled dare to draw first blood.

Oh heres some more bad jokes I created, what did judge judy say after screwing the jury?� It's a well-hung jury!� stupid . Okay heres another . I work in a pharmacy so one day I was asked to do a delivery for mr. Johnson. So I grabbed his prescriptions and headed down to his apartment. I knocked on his door and a 70-year old senior citizen answers the door ,�"Mr.Johnson�", I say,�heres your prescriptions,¨ Mr.Johnson replies , thanks sonny boy¨ he grabs the bag peeks in the bag and says,¨ hey young man wheres my Viagra prescription?,cant you people do anything right, Hows a guy like myself suppose to do for fun besides playing bingo and doing crosswords all day? So I say ,¨ Sorry about that Mr.Johnson , no hard feelings tonight¨ laugh track here . Some more one liners that I invented,¨ I had sex only once,and that's because I believed that old saying my parents use to tell me,¨ If you do it right the first time you don't have to come and do it over again.¨ Also I came up with some ideas for t-shirts, remember the hamburger helper commercial that had the little talking hand , well put him on a blank t-shirt and have the saying,¨ never bite the hand that's feeds you¨ another idea is just to have this saying on a t-shirt,¨ Im anal retentive, in other words Im a perfect asshole!!!!. Heres some more old jokes that need work anyways here it goes, Im going to write a book on famous people who use Viagra,It's going to be a pop-up book!!!!. Ever hear about the girl with the big nose?.. her nose was so big, she was giving blowjobs sideways. Hey whats the worst feeling a woman can have?... Shes about the have the best orgasm of her life and all of a sudden the batteries go dead. Heres one that I need to seriously rework hey some people like it,�

There once was this guy who was impotent. So he went to the doctor to fix his problem. The guy says to his doctor,Doc Im ashamed of my impotency and I dont want people seeing me taking Viagra pills.The Doctor replies,� Don't worry about it , we've got Viagra pills that look like candy, no one will suspect a thing.�Just make sure no one sees you taking the them out of the prescription bottle.�The guy then says,� No problem I'll just hide them in my fred flinstone pez dispenser.�So the guy goes home and puts the pills in his pez dispenser. Later that night he wants to make love to his wife so he takes a pill out of his pez dispenser and with the instant excitement forgets to put the dispenser back in his pockets and leaves the pez dispenser on the kitchen counter. The next morning his son josh is in the kitchen eating breakfast and notices the pez dispenser, and says,� cool a fred flintstone dispenser.. better take this with me to school.� So at school josh™s friends proudly shows his pez dispenser to his friends, afterwards they all ask if they can have some pez candy .. so josh gives one to each of his friends and to himself, 5 minutes later all of them have pointy pants, so one of joshs friends says ,� hey buddy what the hell,what kind of candy did you give us ?� Josh replies, I dunno, but I guess you could call it hard candy!!!!! So a hubby and his hideous wife go into a pharmacy to do some shopping. As they are waiting at the cash register the wife notices something strange in her husbands basket . So shes says, honey why are you buying an eye patch? You don't have an eye infection and you can see perfectly from both eyes!� So the husband says, well when I put the eye patch on now you will only look half as ugly as you did before.!� Heres bill Clinton insulting monica Lewinsky. Hey monica, too bad I didn't know you in my bachelor years . I could've hired you as stripper in a cakeBut then again I'm afraid you would've eaten the cake inside out and ruined the surprise for everyone else�. Hey did you know a sex toy company is coming out with a twisted version of play-doh?.. Its called play-dildoh. Heres a put down you can use if people ever make fun of how you look,� hey my dog gets more compliments from men/women than you do! .. An elderly couple are at the museum , they come up to the statue of david, and the wife starts admiring it, saying how lovely and great it is.. well the husband starts getting jealous because his wife seems to be giving more attention and compliments to the statue than he has ever had had from his wife , so he says� So whats so great about the statue?.. whats it got that I don't have?�.. the wife replies with a grin on her face,� For one thing he's always hard!!�.. also I don't know if I thought of this before but heres another idea for tootsie rolls pop commercial, have someone sucking on a tootsie roll pop and then say,� theres a sucker born ever minute on a toostsie roll pop. a priest commits a crime ,is it considered a white collar crime?. If a person in a wheelchair does a comedy routine, is it still stand up?� Whats the safest stock to invest in?� Reefer stock!..it's always guaranteed to go high!.. I have a friend whose so fat that he needs 2 weight scales..one for each foot ! Okay I know I should keep my day job, but hey I tried my best to okay now to the serious stuff.

Besides being a weird little man(im 5 10, 180 lbs) Im also a very flexible person who doesnt mind horseback riding, going to the aquarium/museum,the opera, staying at home watching a movie , playing chess or board games. hoping to meet someone who always keeps an open mind to whatever crazy idea that i come up with. i like doing a lot of things, as i believe everything new that i learn , will only make me a better person and less ignorant. I love the knowledge and experience that comes with trying something new. Hey maybe you can teach something new and i can teach you something new.

. Im a thoughtful person who always thinks of others before himself. If I was in a relationship and I was reading the Sunday paper and happened to stumble upon a coupon for my partners favorite make-up , I would cut it out attach it to a sticky note and write,¨ thought I would save you money babe¨ and put it in her purse.I guess I get satisfaction in helping others without getting anything in return. That feeling that you get from making someone happy , is worth more to me than money or any material goods.I also take pleasure in cheering people up, hey if my partner had a bad day or feeling under the weather, i would probably give her a nice massage and feed her fresh strawberries dipped in hot dark chocolate. Money and material possessions are fleeting but the lasting memory of helping or making someone feel better is forever. I think honesty is my best trait, being honest is so much easier, why go to the trouble of lying, when in the end it catches up with you. What I've just said is charming but means nothing if I can't put it to action. I rather do than talk, here's an example: would you rather date a guy who can charm you too death but does not keep his words.. Basically he's all talk and no action or would you rather date a mime. Sure you'll have communication problems in a relationship with a mime, but at least his actions speak louder than his words.( bad joke I know just trying to make a point). Anyone can talk but few keep their words, I really hate people like that.

I'm also a type of person who likes to keep things fresh. I like to keep my partner on their tip toes. I like to keep them guessing on what I'm going to do next. One of the secrets to a good relationship is not to let it get stale. Many couples fall into a routine,doing the same things over and over again. Its like at the beginning the guy does everything he can to get the girl but once he gets her, he gets uncreative and does the same thing over and over again. Hey relationships and life are about variety. Personally I'm not the guy that would follow the standard procedure aka where the guy gets a girl flowers and chocolates. Personally I would come up with a more creative idea such as mystery grab bag, which is a hallmark gift bag filled with such goodies such a chocolates,a lottery ticket,a pez dispenser,make up kit,a good book etc. Yeah I like to separate myself from the herd , don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with giving a girl flowers and chocolates, but to me it sounds redundant and over used.

Anyways hoping to meet someone where we can start out as buddies as I believe when you date someone expectations are high, you put to much pressure on date. I believe getting to know someone over a long period time (as friends) can tell if your right for each other. Hey when you go on date you or you date may have had a bad day and that may leave an undesirable impression. Anyways sorry im not good at this writing thing but if your interested feel free to write back. Oh yeah one more thing heres my list of favorite movies,tv shows, board games ,video games and other gibberish.

Favorite movies: weird science,platoon, sniper, napoleon dynamite,clerks(1 and 2),breakfast club,fast times at ridgemonte high, Harold and kumar, bill and ted excellent adventure,a very Brady sequel adventure,transformers the movie,anger management,not another teen movie, karate kid 1,2, rocky III, rocky balboa, home alone 1 and 2, problem child 1 and 2,chucky, nightmare on elm street (all of them),searching for bobby fischer,ferris buellers day off,the crow, ghostbusters,E.T., star wars(all of them), star trek(all movies) the lost boys,goonies,the outsiders,back to the future(1 and 2),a very brady sequel.last of the Mohicans,clueless,mean girls,lord of the flies,stand by me,Goodwill hunting,searching for bobby fischer, Indiana jones,little nicky,Brewster millions,billy Madison,enter the dragon,dodgeball,hitch,therock,ratatouille and gremlins( all 3 movies).

Favorite childhood shows and current favorites; kung fu, weird science: the series,Dinosaurus,Wonderfalls,sledgehammer,bewitch ed,zoobilee zoo,gomer pyle,Gangland,adventures of pete and pete,saved by the bell,the transformers,king of queens, the honeymooners,Seinfeld,the Bernie mac show smurfs,transformers,gi joe,get along gang,pacman, the shirt-tales, force five, Mindfreaks,starblazers,voltron,beavis and butthead,Webster, punky Brewster,different strokes, all in the family, baby looney tunes, batman:animated adventures, I dream of jeannie,1000 ways to die,teenwolf,snorks,doug,rugrats,spongebob,malcom in the middle,smallville, Garfield and friends,rugrats,supernatural,everbody loves Raymond, Johny zero, last comic standing( seasons 2 and 3),the littles,Alvin and the chipmunks, heathcliff,wait till your father gets home, mr.belvidere,home improvement,dennis the menace,little archie,Family Ties, yogibear,flinstones,aqua hunger teen force, reno911,chappelle show, you cant do that on television, heman and the masters of the universe,gobots,ducktales,silver spoons, chip and dale, the Charlie brown show,alf, fat albert,the munsters,leave it to beaver, spiderman and his amazing friends,bewitched,teenage mutant ninja turtles, Kirby, dragonball z, battle of the planets,muppet babies, the muppets,Richie rich, angel,buffy the vampire slayer,stargate, family ties,wonder years,the highlander,airwolf,hey Arnold,charles in charge,facts of life,knightrider,family guy,facts of life,happy days,Baywatch, parker lewis cant lose,brady bunch, life goes on,tour of duty,thundercats,alice,golden girls,Sanford and son,happy days,one day at time,facts of life,the fall guy,welcome back kotter, threes company,perfect strangers,mask,ghostbuster,growing pains,I love lucy,whos the boss,small wonder,Kirby,dragonball z,avatar,alf,quantum leap,Laverne and Shirley,simpsons,I think I should stop now cause ive got like a 100 more shows lol.

Favorite board games: operation,life, battleship,chess,chutes and ladders,hungry hungry hippo, mouse trap and of course chess!!!.

Favorite music bands: skid row( 18 and life), def leppard, toto,motley crue,poison,guns and roses,bon jovi,warrant, van halen, Madonna, new kids on the block(just joking )whitesnake,nirvana, Duran Duran,pink floyd.

Best songs: ordinary world(duran duran),Africa(toto). House of fire(Alice Cooper)
jump(van halen)
Best tv show theme song: welcome back kotter, adventures of pete and pete,dukes of hazard.

Favorite sport: tetherball and dodgeball lol

Favorite chick flicks: clueless,mean girsl(hey they are very funny!)
Best tv show series that should've lasted longer? The crow, stairway to Heaven,and Sledgehammer,wonderfalls,Dinosaurus. Also I think NBC should make a series about forrest gump.

Favorite wrestlers : curt henning,randy savage,raven,Hulk Hogan, owen hart,kurt angle,the rock,demolition,warlord,barbarian,shawn Michaels..

Favorite cereals:cocoa pebbles,cocoa puffs, count chocula,golden grams,apple jacks.

Favorite gum: bazooka joe grape, great tasting gum, comes with a a comic and tells your fortune ,what can ask more from a gum. lol

Favorite history channel tv show: Gangland

Favorite movie and tv characters: Bruce lee,master Po,Quinn Mallory,master Po,Gizmo,gonzo,slimer(ghostbusters)fozzie bear,gargamel,archie bunker, boom boom Washington,juan Epstein,alf, AC slater,ferris bueller, zach,Parker Lewis morris,angel,spongebob,Charlie brown,Duncan mcleod brainysmurf,forrest gump,spiderman,macgyver,Donald duck,Eric Draven,Winnie the pooh,tigger,jughead jones, sam and dean Winchester(supernatural) lex luthor(smallville), green arrow ,Michael knight(knight rider),jeff spicolli,batman, randall (clerks)kara(smallville),destro,cobra commander, white shadow,major blood,pete and pete,endless mike,batman,roscoe Coltrane,orko,daisy dukes.

Favorite transformers: starscream,galvatron,megatron,stunticons,aerialbot s,dinobots,combaticons,omega supreme,shockwave,soundwave,cyclonus,rumble.

Favorite childhood comics: Archie comics,peanuts and calvin and hobbes.

Favorite romantic things to do: I know this gonna sound lame, but I think cuddling up with someone on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate , watching a movie or Saturday cartoons together is romantic, otherwise nothing beats a walk on the beach followed with a picnic,or a hot air ballon ride. Oh yeah this might not be so romantic but it would be cool to go to a magic workshop with someone and learn to to do magic together. You know practice with each other.

All time favorite video games: animal crossing( this game totally cracks me up :)
Mike tysons punch out,Zelda,castlevania, super mario3, tecmo bowl,san andreas,tekken 5,Grand theft auto 4, vice city,legends of wrestlemania.

By the way does anyone remember lasertag and photon?

Also does anyone remember collecting garbagepail kids?

Also does anyone remember teddy ruxpin?

Hey anyone have or had the smurfs pvcs?( the little plastic smurfs) I remember playing with them and along with the transformers,gi joe,he-man toys , they rocked!!!!!!!!!

Slinkys also kick ass!!!

Smurfs or snorks?

Vinny Barbarino or Fonzie?

Bill and Ted or Wayne and Garth?

Bo Duke or Luke Duke?

Tom Cruise or Johnny Depp? ( I pick Johnny Depp, just because he was cool on 21jumpstreet)

Kitt or General Lee?

Parker Lewis or Ferris Bueller?

Anyone ever solve Rubicks cube?.... I know obviously theres a trick to it the only trick I know is peeling off the stickers and placing them back on..lol!


Who do you think got higher SAT scores Samuel Screech Powers or Steve Urkel?

Anyone besides me wants to see NBC bring back Alf?... I have all the seasons on dvd and I tell you he's one frickin funny dude?

Oh one more thing did anyone remember trying to break dance back in the day? I remember getting an empty cardboard box and trying to spin on my head all while listening to a big stereo system. lol




it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

[Atlanteax]

Heh, I liked a lot of his jokes actually.

In the meantime, it is kinda scary how much more sense this guy's post makes than the vast majority of Backlash's posts on this Forum.

Yikes! After further reading, particularly the stuff where he starts talking about what he *would* do if he had a partner, he sounds far more stalker-ish.

[Drew]

Did you reply TLDNR?

[Back]

How in the hell did you find my ad. ::embarassed::

[4a6c1]

Human experiment Label: "RealResearch, DiversionFrom" complete. Test results inconclusive. Test results found varied and disturbing. Must repeat experiment for further giggles. Thesis confirmed. :-X

General posting of Hi, I am Tank Girl irl and I would like a Kangeroo to be my friend and help me hoard water.

Response.

Someguy@cityofhouston.net

How can I resist?!?!?!? No man that is worth his testosterone can resist a woman who like guns, bombs, blowing stuff up, and wants a tank! Lets chat and plan the overthrow of civilization, or at least corporate America. I will attack from the inside, hehehe. Lets see.... Furry? Not excessively, but not lacking thanks to my human DNA. Im not sure where the other 3% of my DNA comes from, but hell it cant be that important! Hardbody? Working on it. Sex machine? Oh Yeah. Oh, and I cant forget...Mutant politics rule!

Attachment: Scary militant photo of man (yikes)

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BadEnglish@yahoo.com

Hi Tankgurl, that was an awesome ad...I bet you're a one fun!

I'm 38 y.o. 6'0 180 college educated, single and live alone, athletic, attractive, creative, healthy, clean/disease free, discrete, outgoing, friendly and fun. I like to stay in shape surfing, skating and mountain biking. I enjoy going out for good food with fun people, cooking, live music and checking out new things. I'm attracted to professional classy women but also the blue jeans/t-shirt type. I like women with long hair, girl next door with a naughty side and sense of humor, relaxed and easy going, confidence, good communicator, good personal hygiene, & disease free.

If you wanna know more email back with pix.

=) ciao bella

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(3 emails soliciting me for sex on the grounds that I am obviously a Lori Petty clone)

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(1 email of Lester being creepy)
(1 email of Arthas being awesome)

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Acyd Dreaminblu...(wut?)@yahoo.com

Got my floppy ears cut off during the not-so-great war... furry... check! hard body ...eh, sex machine... check! Human DNA... hope 95.9% is alright.. I'm 210 in dog years.. (I'm pretty sure I'm Part dog)... small arms collection... mostly melee weapons... I am pro choice on non-mutant fetuses... and have my own transport... I myself have been hoarding water... but give it to those in need and will not take a even the fraction of a cred for it...

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crazymckagentorangepants@yahoo.com

I do not get A LAUGH OUT OF IT i WAS IN VETNAIM I HELD MY BEST FREINDS GUTS IN AFTER A WOMAN WITH A CHILD ON HER BACK SET OFF A GERNADE SHE WAS HIDING. KILL 2 OTHERS AND THEN COME HOME TO BE CALLED BABY KILLERS FIND A BETTER WAY TO GET A LAUGH!!!!!!!!!

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platypiperson@yahoo.com

You are a riot! Sadly I am a kitten-platypus mix so I'm not what you are looking for exactly. Also I only own air guns (pellet flavour) but I am not against guns or things that go boom.

Anyhoo if you want to talk it sounds (reads?) like you might be an interesting human.

Viva Los Platypus! (Eat More Jello in English I think?)
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And the one that really really creeped me out...not sure why,

john.doewolf@yahoo.com (REAL EMAIL)

Sorry to say I'm only 95% Human.. but I am quite sexy with some fur..

Love the sound of guns and blowing some interesting stuff up.

Animal hybrids are my favorite =]

Name is Christian by the way.

[Jorddyn]

Craigslist competition - post the weirdest ad you can think of, and then post it and your oddest reply?

[Kuyuk]

Dont hijack my thread with a competition, start your own thread!!!

Nice Jihnas, you got some good replies.

You should reply to some of them, they were fun.


K.

[Paradii]

I am looking for some temp work so I am checking craigslist pretty regularly. This was on there tonight.



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Hello,
Some friends have made a bet with me to lock myself nude out of my hotel room and then have to go that way to the front desk to ask for a spare key. The bet is worth $200, and I will be glad to split it with someone who works at a hotel and will let me do it to win the bet. It's all just for fun, and hopefully it would be something fun/funny for you to see and laugh about afterwards. And, as I say, I will be glad to split the winnings with you for helping me win the bet.

Thanks,
Gary

[Back]

General posting of Hi, I am Tank Girl irl and I would like a Kangeroo to be my friend and help me hoard water.

Lori Petty! Holy Shit!

+bonus points for even knowing that comic book.

Good afterbubble constanuune!

[Lucos]

I ran across "Battle Asses" on CL awhile back and it had me hurting so bad due to laughter.

True Story: Battle Asses.
Date: 2007-05-02, 1:25PM CDT

Sorry, I don't have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

"AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log".

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

"You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.

* Location: Public Bathroom
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 323013997

[WRoss]

Wow. His lack of spelling abilities is made up for with creativeness.

[Jorddyn]

Here goes, a guy I work with told me there used to be a place to get a haircut around here where the gals doing the cutting would do it topless. That sounded like a heck of an idea to me, but then he went on to say that (sadly for me) it has been closed for a little while. As I will be in a wedding this weekend, and am in need of a haircut, figured I'd send this idea out into the ether, and see what I got back for a response. So, bottom line, I am looking for a (attractive preferably) female, don't care about age/race/etc who A) is in fact a trained stylist/barber and B) would be willing to give me the cut sans clothing of upper body. Tried this once in casual encounters, and got only bots to reply. Not looking for anything sexual, just a cut with a view.

In your response, I am looking for a couple of things. 1) a pic of you (I'll be honest, like all kinds of female forms, just want to know what I'll be looking at), preferably without top (yes, you can hide your face if you want, and no, I won't go posting your pics all over the place) and recent. 2) a $ amount for what the cut will cost me, so I'll know how much to bring, and if it's within my means (I'm not loaded, just thought this would be a fun little thing, that, if everyone is happy with the outcome, we may repeat in the future). Heck, if we both like it, I'm sure I can get some of my friends from work to come in to you too (I work with 85% guys, and it's not a terribly small group).


"I'm poor. Will you take off your top and cut my hair? Oh, and some friends will come watch, too."

[4a6c1]

Lori Petty! Holy Shit!

+bonus points for even knowing that comic book.

Good afterbubble constanuune!

Are you fucking kidding me? I am so obsessed with Tank Girl it is like OMG THE END IS NIGH when I see a tank irl. I hump them. The tanks. They get in between my legs. I even tried for Tanks when I joined the Army because I WANT TO BE HER but unfortunately they dont put vagina in Tank so I had to fix it instead. (And ended up spending my entire overseas in a Stryker with infantry....IRONY) I could change that crap and would but my Daddy Warbucks has verboten me against bribing people to get my way.

[Back]

U R so Tank.

[Allereli]

WTF WTF WTF

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1422457853.html

[Atlanteax]

WTF WTF WTF

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1422457853.html

Almost seems like this guy is a Neo-Lib ?

[4a6c1]

lmao

Will rent glorified barracks to nonmilitant fellow left wing nutjobs - property available ASAP.

That makes so much sense.

[Allereli]

Almost seems like this guy is a Neo-Lib ?

I emailed and asked if he was serious or just trying to make the best-of with the wackiness factor

[Sean of the Thread]

I'm so used to digging through the jobs on CL and finding legit ads instead of data miners that I don't even know where to look on my local CL for something as interesting as those posted thus far.

Lemme give it a try.

[Kuyuk]

Hi
Well where do i start , i am looking for someone who would love to run a pub with me , it would be kool if you were a chef or a good cook at least thats willing
to work hard for joint rewards.

I am 55 single, gay , been in the trade for 20 odd years and am fully licenced and have owners ringing me constantly to take on pubs for them, but alas most if not all want couples. :(

Now i am not looking for a gay venue, or indeed you dont have to be gay , thats a side issue to a degree, but would proberbly be more practical if you were lol, but the most important thing is that you are prepaired to work hard with me and enjoy a good work/ lifestyle.

I would preferably like to find somone who is 20 to 40 who can provide a good referance and is able to move fairly quickly if we choose the right pub to run etc.

This is 100% genuine and i hope any responce that i get will be as well, just one line replies wont do it for me , i have been open and honest about what i am looking
for please do the same.

i look forward to your positive responces.

Thanks

[Celephais]

Was he trying to spell everything wrong?

[Kuyuk]

Dunno, but it was on a british post

[Androidpk]

Are you fucking kidding me? I am so obsessed with Tank Girl it is like OMG THE END IS NIGH when I see a tank irl. I hump them. The tanks. They get in between my legs. I even tried for Tanks when I joined the Army because I WANT TO BE HER but unfortunately they dont put vagina in Tank so I had to fix it instead. (And ended up spending my entire overseas in a Stryker with infantry....IRONY) I could change that crap and would but my Daddy Warbucks has verboten me against bribing people to get my way.


I'm going to dress up as a tank for halloween next year... 120mm smoothbore cannon baby!

[Kuyuk]

ummm, you're only 4.7 inches? :(

[Androidpk]

ummm, you're only 4.7 inches? :(

Only in diameter my friend.

[Kuyuk]

oic

[4a6c1]

If we are going to compare barrels... I'm just going to come out and say it.

I HAVE ALOT OF EQUIPMENT. ALL VERY LARGE.

Backups and such. In case they break when I'm too rough with them.

I know. I'm such a whore.

[Androidpk]

If we are going to compare barrels... I'm just going to come out and say it.

I HAVE ALOT OF EQUIPMENT. ALL VERY LARGE.

Backups and such. In case they break when I'm too rough with them.

I know. I'm such a whore.


You should get togather with DCSL and uh...compare toys...

[Kuyuk]

and take pictures

[ElvenFury]

If we are going to compare barrels... I'm just going to come out and say it.

I HAVE ALOT OF EQUIPMENT. ALL VERY LARGE.

Backups and such. In case they break when I'm too rough with them.

I know. I'm such a whore.

So do you have a garage full of broken fleshlights or what?

[Sean of the Thread]

who needs a fleshlight when you can just use a regular flashlight.

Or a snickers bar.

Frozen.

[NocturnalRob]

who needs a fleshlight when you can just use a regular flashlight.

Or a snickers bar.

Frozen.
please keep your sexual predilections to yourself, Sean.

edit: and change your sig to reflect the pure awesomeness of TB's season.

[ElvenFury]

OMAHA, Neb. --
An Omaha woman said she was the victim of an online prank that brought strange men to her front door, looking for a good time.

Joann Smith said she called police after someone posted a bogus online classified ad on craigslist, claiming that she was hosting a sex party last Thursday.

"(It said) sex party, starting at 10:30 today," she said, reading from the ad. "Everyone is welcome, the more the merrier. Straight, bi, gay, you are all welcome." Story w/video (http://www.ketv.com/news/21622699/detail.html)

Sorry about that, Tisket.

[Kuyuk]

hahaha, that woulda been funny if she started inviting people in without knowing what for

[Paradii]

Definitely a waste of an evening. I drove like 250 miles only to be turned away at the door. She didn't even validate parking.

[Miscast]

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z256/Eefex/2cpokyr.jpg
Jesus Christ...LOL

[Kuyuk]

Like the title says, I just need my pussy and ass lick by a true pussy monster. I am 5'2 size 10-12 42dd DD free. 420 friendly, you must be willing to only eat, I do not need to be Fucked. Must include pic for response. Put n subject line PUSSY MONSTER. Mature man and woman only. You need to be DD free also, and willing to host.


looking for a man who want a woman to use a toy on him, after i fuck you, you fuck me. yes i am a woman who like using my dildo.. 8in and you should be the same size or bigger

Is that Jihna???


I find about 90% of all the messages on there hilarious, but it would get boring linking them.

[Miscast]

I ran across "Battle Asses" on CL awhile back and it had me hurting so bad due to laughter.

True Story: Battle Asses.
Date: 2007-05-02, 1:25PM CDT

Sorry, I don't have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

"AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log".

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

"You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.

* Location: Public Bathroom
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 323013997
Damn that guy's a really good writer.

[Miscast]

Sorry didn't mean to derail the thread just finally seeing these for the first time is hilarious

[Paradii]

Damn that guy's a really good writer.

Not really, the last line should be "My ass and I"

[ElvenFury]

Like the title says, I just need my pussy and ass lick by a true pussy monster. I am 5'2 size 10-12 42dd DD free. 420 friendly, you must be willing to only eat, I do not need to be Fucked. Must include pic for response. Put n subject line PUSSY MONSTER. Mature man and woman only. You need to be DD free also, and willing to host.

Dungeons and Dragons players can't be pussy monsters? Since when?!

[Kuyuk]

I dunno.

The very first time I read personals and saw D&D free, I totally thought that too.

Damn, the hatred against dorks!

[SolitareConfinement]

i love this story from the detroit area :)


So I have this cat.
Actually it�s my girlfriend�s cat.
Actually we have two, a small grey tabby named T**** that is a blast to have around, and the �other one�.
It�s corpulent, bright orange and has medium length hair, so of course to me it�s name has only ever been Fat Bastard.
(I�m not kidding, this cat is obese enough that it�s gut leaves it�s own trail in the middle of it�s footprints after I vacuum the carpet, uniformly triangulating the food dish, the litter box, and the hammock it has steamrollered for itself in my underwear hamper)
Fat Bastard has a problem.
It�s very existence revolves solely around consuming anything organic.
I mean anything.

We can�t have real plants anymore, not even cactus.
(My girlfriend didn�t laugh when I, tired of the green vomit, suggested Poinsettias)
We have all of the food stored in cupboards that have child locks on them.
Opening the fridge involves holding a broom.
(I�d love to teach the fucker a lesson by trapping it in there for a little bit, but beyond the cessation of all sexual activity when my girlfriend finds out, I�m pretty sure this thing is as well-insulated as a walrus and I�d only open the door and discover carnage, not to mention fuzzy rage propelling itself to freedom with one of it�s signature exertion farts)
We have a bungee cord holding the lid on the trash can, which also happens to be attached to the wall to prevent, as my girlfriend calls it, �accidental tipping�.
Ordering pizza involves trapping it in a bedroom, then listening to it scratch furiously at the door as soon as it gets a whiff of oregano.
It drinks pop.
We can�t walk away from the stove while preparing a meal, as even scalding hot pots and pans have proven no match for it�s powerful, powerful lust.
I love bacon, yet it�s become contraband since the �incident�.
(Which my girlfriend still somehow regards as my fault, as if I encouraged the fucking thing to snatch sizzling bacon right out of the pan, headfirst, then tear-ass around the house alternating between muted howling and ragged, gasping swallows.)
It has, on a number of occasions, snarfed an entire pack of cigarettes.
Christ, this cat has eaten soap that smelled like melon.
It was entertaining at first, playing the �Let�s see what we can get in there� game, but when this fucking beast blew right through wasabi, jalapenos, mustard, lemons, live grasshoppers, Skittles, and an extra-shot latte, I got the point.

I�m tired of having to treat simple food items like they�re plutonium.
I miss having a bag of chips or a cold pizza on the coffee table while I�m watching the game.
I�m fed up with having to wait to do laundry because the basement has been fouled by a particularly rank dump.

Enough is enough.

If you want her, she�s yours.
The girlfriend or the cat, it�s your call�
(Either way, you don�t even have to get out of the car; I�ll just unwrap a Kraft single and throw it in the backseat.)

Please, help a guy out�
PostingID: 94074271

[SolitareConfinement]

stupid craigs list.....

anyrate here is another i know of that i just love


To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, Irun out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).

6.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentaly challenged.

7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.

8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

[Kuyuk]

haha

[Gelston]

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like t o apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

[Barundar]

http://madison.craigslist.org/tix/1471862416.html

[AnticorRifling]

Copy and paste. I can't hit craig's list at work.

[Kuyuk]

Seeking two tickets to the Dec. 2 UW mens' basektball game vs. Duke. Would prefer tickets somewhere in the lower level and near the team benches. I figure if I can get a seat close enough, I can at some point sneak down to the Duke bench, drop trou, and stick my hairy crack in Coach K's face. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time, so anyone who can help facilitate the dream on a budget would be most generous. I figure if there's one guy in the world who deserves to have a hairy, sweaty ass stuck in his face, it's Coach K. After all, he's been turning out team after team of cocky, whitebread under-achievers for the last two decades, and it's time someone showed him how the rest of the country feels about his brand of basketball.

When I say "budget," I should clarify that I can't afford your over-inflated mark-up if you're looking to make a buck on your seats. Sorry. But I have to figure in the cost of an indecent exposure/public disturbance citation into the cost, plus whatever I will have to buy my wife as an apology for my antics.

[Victor Mancini]

I looked through this thread but didn't see anyone post this link, so here it is. I love this site and you will too. This guy messes with those craigslist ads.

http://www.dontevenreply.com/
Here's the latest one:
-----------
Racist Microwave Buyer
Posted at: 2009-11-16 13:02:45 | 153 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
WANTED - Microwave
I am looking for a used microwave. WHITE ONLY
From Me to *********@************.org:

I have a LG microwave that I want to sell for $30. I am aware that your ad said whites only, but I am an African American. I sincerly hope that this won't be a problem for you, and we can put race issues aside and just do business.

Thank you,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I am so sorry that you misread my ad. I meant the microwave should be white, because it would match my kitchen.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

Oh, so because I am black, you think that I can't read? It really is amazing that the world we live in is still so racist. I'm sorry, but your insults have left me feeling sick. I don't think I can sell my microwave to a bigot.

Sincerely offended,
Jamal

From Amy ****** to Me:

I wasn't suggesting that you couldn't read. I'm not racist. If you read my whole email you would see that the ad was looking for a white microwave, not a white person. I changed the ad to avoid any confusion.

Amy

From Me to Amy ******:

So now you think that because I am black, I am too lazy to read your whole e-mails. Your racism is overwhelming. You will never get my microwave from me. I will, however, sell you a burning cross for your next klan meeting. Does $20 for the cross sound fair?

From Amy ****** to Me:

I can't write anything without you being offended! I give up!

From Me to Amy ******:

So you don't want the microwave?

From Amy ****** to Me:

Will you still sell it to me?

From Me to Amy ******:

I would never sell anything to a racist.

From Amy ****** to Me:

Ugh I'm done with you.

[Barundar]

Copy and paste. I can't hit craig's list at work.

Sorry about that, let me try to make it up to you.

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z256/Eefex/yy4HB.jpg

[NocturnalRob]

http://newyork.craigslist.org/fct/mis/1494504262.html


You farted in Trader Joe's - m4w (Danbury, CT)
Date: 2009-12-04, 11:19AM EST
Reply To This Post

You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last night. I was the tall guy next to you that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied "No...Wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I'd love to meet up sometime.

[Kuyuk]

ahahaha

[NocturnalRob]

fucking Canadians:

http://montreal.en.craigslist.ca/cas/1500976791.html


the power glove handjob - m4w - 27 (Montreal)
Date: 2009-12-08, 3:07PM EST
Reply To This Post

I'm looking for a girl who will give me a handjob / blowjob while wearing the Nintendo Power Glove. I'm dead serious. I would love this.

PS. That is not me in the photo. I am much more handsome.

PPS. NO NERDS!!!

http://images.craigslist.org/3n43p23l25Qd5T45P49c8ebdb8abd994c1274.jpg

[Kuyuk]

that would be hot

[Stanley Burrell]

I just wanted to Jo around with my train set, sheesh.

[AnticorRifling]

I just wanted to Jo around with my train set, sheesh.

HAHA that one was a classic. And I hate that I actually remember that ad.

[NocturnalRob]

HAHA that one was a classic. And I hate that I actually remember that ad.
http://i411.photobucket.com/albums/pp194/nocturnalrob/Picture.jpg

[4a6c1]

:lol2:

[Deathravin]

To the guy doing my wife.

That's why they call it cheating. If the guy fucking your wife would just chip in a bit with some rent or groceries, I'm sure most guys wouldn't have as big of a deal about it. LOL

All the fun stuff without any of the bullshit. One of the worst things you can do to somebody IMO.


:lol2:

I'm glad that guy isn't gay... I wouldn't want to do some light touching or jerking off with a gay guy...

[Barundar]

http://i189.photobucket.com/albums/z256/Eefex/tumblr_kqknnkkw0o1qzrdu0o1_500.jpg

[Stanley Burrell]

It is impossible not to JO when presented with imitation crab meat, model trains and power crystals. Believe me, I've tried.

[Paradii]

Man, I am an idiot. I totally didn't get the JO reference for the train one until I read the power crystal one.


I better turn in my internets.

[Stanley Burrell]

You have to capitalize both the "J" and the "O" once power crystals are involved ::serious face::

[Barundar]

http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/mis/1539838256.html

To the guy who mugged me and my girlfriend on Monday night - 32 (Miami)

Date: 2010-01-06, 10:36AM EST
Reply To This Post

To the Thug Latino Guy With the Dumb Looking Mustache Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Miami night before last:

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants.. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your "Mami" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vagabond, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. The phone company just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life and the kind of crap that you put other people through every day.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes a civil society!



Location: Miami
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests




PostingID: 1539838256

[4a6c1]

Ahahaha. I dont agree with all the very low, illegal things he did but that shit is funny as hell. Agree w/ motto.

[Barundar]

Ahahaha. I dont agree with all the very low, illegal things he did but that shit is funny as hell. Agree w/ motto.

I'm 99% sure none of that actually happened, anyone that pissed should have just shot the dude and been done with it. I'm no lawyer but I'm thinking gunning down a guy holding a knife to you would be justified. However, in the imaginary world I live in it is an awesome story.

[TheEschaton]

I think an armed society making a civil society is disproven by that guy's very post.

[Daniel]

Yea. That was pretty funny until the terrorist threat part. Im sure that will go over real well.

[AestheticLife]

A) It's a copied version of an older post.

B) It's old.

Pretty sure it was even posted in this very thread, at one point.


EDIT: Must have been a similar thread, but nonetheless, it's been here somewhere!

[Barundar]

A) It's a copied version of an older post.

B) It's old.

Pretty sure it was even posted in this very thread, at one point.


EDIT: Must have been a similar thread, but nonetheless, it's been here somewhere!

Looks like it was, I feel so bad. KNEW the damn thing seemed familiar...

[Ker_Thwap]

I hate glurges. My dad's wife used to send me them to me all the time. I kept responding with Snopes links until she got pissed at me and took me off her mailing list. Victory.

[NocturnalRob]

http://omploader.org/vNDR2dA

[AnticorRifling]

HAHAHA

[Bobmuhthol]

What we've learned:

People who like Apple products also like Starbucks and are thus undeniably elitist snobs
These people are also undeniably homosexual

[AnticorRifling]

What we've learned:

People who like Apple products also like Starbucks and are thus undeniably elitist snobs
These people are also undeniably homosexual

And stupid.

[Enitocin]

You guys keep posting all of my Craigslist postings.. Come on man.. Not cool..

[Amber]

You guys inspired me to go search my local Craig's List. Thanks?

This is a bit off the beaten path, but... - 55 (BCS)
Date: 2010-04-05, 10:24AM CDT
Reply To This Post

I want a dominant woman to give me enemas and make me hold them for at least 15 minutes, something my grandmother used to do when I was growing up. Since most C/L replies are SPAMBOTS, please prove you are real by using "I'd love to clean you out!" as your reply subject.