How the hell do I react?

[Jenisi]

Ok this is a long ass story, so if you don't like long stories, don't bother.

Well like 5 years ago my dad stoped talking to my sister and I. I won't get into the details, we'll just say it was over something stupid. Anyways, over the course of this time. My sister got married and moved away. I for a little over year moved to North Carolina and lived there for awhile. Things went to hell in North Carolina, and I moved back up to Indiana with my mom. Anyway, I work full time now and do the school thing part time, I told myself If i ever wanna be anything I gotta go to school. Anyway, we get a notice like a month ago to be in court for child support, cuz my dad doesn't wanna pay anymore and has no proof i'm in school. Well it got poseponed, and the re-scheduale date wasn't announced. Anyway, my dad actually CALLS me at work (let's just say it was rather nerve-wracking hearing from the guy for the first time since i was 15) and he's all like hi angela! Why weren't you at court today? I came all the way to South Bend for it so I could see you guys. I was like um I assure you my mother and I were not informed of this "court date" and I'm not sure who assured you that i was going to be there but they didn't talk to me! and he was like yeah i was in south bend but i'm back in cleavland now. so where are you going to school angela? and i'm like adult secondary credit and he was like what was that again? why don't you still go to riley ( my old high school) so i'm like wtf you call just to ask this shit? and i'm like I can't talk i'm at work sorry. I took down his number and now i'm debating weather to call him back because my mom told me that there was no court date today and that she had no idea what he was talking about. So i'm like on a emotional rollercoaster now. Should I call this guy?

Honestly, only you know the entire situation and everything that comes with it and you are the only person it will effect. So in short: you have to decide for yourself.

[Ravenstorm]

If you try to talk to him, you might be disappointed or not.

If you never talk to him, you'll always wonder what if.

Weigh those options.

Raven

[Skirmisher]

Check on the court date yourself to make sure.

Divorces are nasty business and your mom may have forgoten about it so for your sake know for sure where you stand.

Knowing that, I also would say to think hard about talking to him as......the "what ifs" will have the ability to haunt you for an incredibly long time, so be darn sure before you decide to end things.

Good luck.

[Shari]

Let me see if I understand this correctly, he basically called you at work, tried to chat it up with you to see if you actually were going to school...all so he could go to court on child support charges?

I know he's your dad, and yeah perhaps it is a good idea you speak with him just to get out what you may have been wanting to say to him, but from what I read it sounds like he's simply calling you to save himself money. I mean the man doesn't speak to you for 5 years and suddenly he's all "What's up, are you going to school, because if not I'm not paying child support anymore"?

And why is he trying to talk to you about this anyway, this should be an issue between your mother and him, not you.

<Hates it when parents drag their kids into their argument>

I'm sorta confused on this, I know the above makes me sound like a jerk but I'm really just trying to clarify, really!

Edited because my stupid touch pad made me hit enter before I was done posting. :mad:

[Edited on 2-25-2004 by Jesae]

[Edited on 2-25-2004 by Jesae]

[Galleazzo]

Doesn't make you sound like a jerk, makes you sound spot on.

Angela, this is hard, but the prick is playing you. Who in the fuck sues to cut his kid off from child support and then hopes she shows up for a non-existent court date so he can schmooze with her? He's your father and you shouldn't disrespect him but he shouldn't disrespect you either. I wouldn't call.

[Fallen]

In the end I say call.

One phone call isn't going to hurt you, and you don't have to meet with him outside of a court setting.

If you have concerns over why he is calling or what his intentions are, then voice them to him over the phone.

As others have said, this is a chance you will most likely regret taking when looking back on it in later years. Fear is no reason not to call, neither is preconceptions you have of the man that may or may not be true.

[Betheny]

Dissapointment > regret.

Dissapointment isn't something you can blame yourself for; regret is.

I say call.

[SpunGirl]

I have a little bit of an issue with a parent who ignores the existence of his children for this amount of time. You were supposed to be the irrational one at fifteen, not your father.

Having said that, I think you should give talking to him a shot. If you're let down by the conversation, it's better than nothing, right?

Just don't let him trick you into saying anything he might be able to use against you, like, "By the way, we just won 595 million dollars in the lottery, didn't you know?" OK, a little sarcastic, but you get the point.

-K

[HarmNone]

Nobody can make this decision for you, hon. It is one you must make for yourself.

If it were me, I would probably call the ol' guy and ask him point blank: "Why have you decided to contact me after being no part of my life for all these years?"

Further conversation would hinge on his answer to that question. Spun made a good point. There is the distinct possibility that he is bent on getting you to say something he can use in court.

HarmNone

[LordSagan]

If you are 20 years old, and the youngest child (you said your sister was married, so I assume she is older)...why is he paying child support still at all? Child support is for children. A 20 year old is not a child, and is in no need of support. They can very well support themselves if they choose to do so. If your mother is just trying to keep some extra money coming in via child support, then she is the one in the wrong here. Do not be jaded by one side or the other, get the facts for yourself and make your own judgement on who is right and who is wrong based on the facts.

You said you hadn't talked to him in 5 years and you hand't talked to him since you were 15...so that is why I figure you are 20 years old now.

In either event, you should talk to him just so you will not wonder what could have happened later on down the road. Don't let him get you involved in his drama.

Also, you should do as others have suggested...check the court date for yourself. Have all the facts yourself. Do not rely on others for the facts.

[SpunGirl]

There might be some kind of clause in the divorce decree saying he has to pay for their further education, or something like that... hence the school questions. It happens, so I guess that could be it.

-K

[Galleazzo]

Most states require child support for full time college students.

[Kefka]

Support still stands if you're a student. Just like you're still under your parent's medical coverage as long as you still go to school.

Chit chat but don't reveal. If he's asking probing questions, then tell him you won't answer that. If he's asking you to repeat yourself too many times, he probably has a tape recorder to the phone trying to get you to speak clearly for the mic.

[Nakiro]

My dad is a jerk just like yours is/will turn out to be. I wouldn't waste my breath. If he wanted to talk to you he could've done it 5 years ago.

If you do talk to him prepare to be dissapointed and possibly heartbroken. I can almost gaurentee you he won't live up to any of your expectations.

Moreover, I'd ask your mom too.

[Jenisi]

I have his number, I haven't called him back yet. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for it. And yeah, he has to pay because i'm in school and living at home.

[HarmNone]

If you do not feel ready to talk to him, do not call him, hon. His wants should not supercede your needs. Do what is right for you. His life is his to lead, and he must pay the price for his decisions.

HarmNone

[Kia]

I'd call.

But I'm a sucker when it comes to curiousity. I'd want to know what the hell he's been up to since he took off.

KIA.

[Shari]

I think my real frustration in all this is your dad is dragging you into an issue that your mother and him need to work out. I understand that this involves you due to you being a student, but it isn't something you should have to deal with.

[SpunGirl]

Jesae has a good point.

-K