Story

[Back]

They are watching, listening, collecting, and analyzing biometric data about you and are whispering amongst each other on silent sub-frequencies about their findings. They wear drabby clothes and sunglasses with imbeded micro infrared cameras and target specific sound microphones. They drive inconspicuous cars with body damage and no hubcaps filled with data collecting equipment that pirates every wireless signal anyone makes on any wireless device.

They are watching.

All data is being sent to a databank beneath the earth’s crust, miles down, in an impenetrable sterile climate controlled bunker that processes terabytes of biometric data about you in the light of towering blinking red eyes and the clicking of teradrives akin to a forest of crickets.

They are processing and analyzing every bit, ranking those bits, and saving every pertinent bit about you.

[BriarFox]

Stop dropping acid and smoking crack at the same time.

[thefarmer]

They are watching, listening, collecting, and analyzing biometric data about you and are whispering amongst each other on silent sub-frequencies about their findings. They wear drabby clothes and sunglasses with imbeded micro infrared cameras and target specific sound microphones. They drive inconspicuous cars with body damage and no hubcaps filled with data collecting equipment that pirates every wireless signal anyone makes on any wireless device.

They are watching.

All data is being sent to a databank beneath the earth’s crust, miles down, in an impenetrable sterile climate controlled bunker that processes terabytes of biometric data about you in the light of towering blinking red eyes and the clicking of teradrives akin to a forest of crickets.

They are processing and analyzing every bit, ranking those bits, and saving every pertinent bit about you.

Take the blue pill.

[Back]

I guess you guys don’t get this game.

Continue the story?

[iJin]

That is probably the worst intro-story I have ever read in my existence.


Shrooms?! Or did you watch too much Untraceable?

[thefarmer]

Ok..

They are watching, listening, collecting, and analyzing biometric data about you and are whispering amongst each other on silent sub-frequencies about their findings. They wear drabby clothes and sunglasses with imbeded micro infrared cameras and target specific sound microphones. They drive inconspicuous cars with body damage and no hubcaps filled with data collecting equipment that pirates every wireless signal anyone makes on any wireless device.

They are watching.

All data is being sent to a databank beneath the earth’s crust, miles down, in an impenetrable sterile climate controlled bunker that processes terabytes of biometric data about you in the light of towering blinking red eyes and the clicking of teradrives akin to a forest of crickets.

They are processing and analyzing every bit, ranking those bits, and saving every pertinent bit about you.

I awoke from my crackhead daze with a large drool puddle on the floor. Shrugging carelessly, I thought to myself, " Damn, son I need to stop dropping acid and smoking crack at the same time. Next time I'll just fucking take the blue pill..."

[Back]

That is probably the worst intro-story I have ever read in my existence.


Shrooms?! Or did you watch too much Untraceable?

Nah. Just angst. And it was composed completely sober. I feel better.

Can you continue the Story?

[BriarFox]

Nah. Just angst. And it was composed completely sober. I feel better.

Can you continue the Story?

In the midst of the clacking a new sound began to build. Whistling at first then rising to a scream until it finally crescendoed at a roar, and then ... silence. Both the clacking and the roar were gone, and all that remained was a smoking crater. Waters rushed in to fill the steaming void, and soon a new lake was born.

[Back]

The Lake of Woe. Simple people rushed to the lake to wash their clothing. Little did they know that putting their clothing into the Lake of Woe made it +5 enchant.

[BriarFox]

The Lake of Woe. Simple people rushed to the lake to wash their clothing. Little did they know that putting their clothing into the Lake of Woe made it +5 enchant.

GMs found out and quickly nerfed the lake, requiring that you wash your clothes 75 times for a 20 minute RT each. During the RT, random people would ask you questions about the color of the sky and what you ate for breakfast. Failure to answer properly added 100 minutes of RT.

[Warriorbird]

I want my 7 seconds back.

[Xeromist]

http://i360.photobucket.com/albums/oo47/mike_lira/shower_cookie.jpg

[Ignot]

Then a midget terrorist ran into the lake sceaming "death to the infidels!". He opened his coat to reveal a megaton bomb! As he yanked at the device to activate the bomb you instinctively leap under the water soon realizing that being under water when the bomb goes off isn't really going to help you. Right before the bomb goes off the Green Lantern appears and wraps you in a protective green bubble.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!

......

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Then a midget terrorist ran into the lake sceaming "death to the infidels!". He opened his coat to reveal a megaton bomb! As he yanked at the device to activate the bomb you instinctively leap under the water soon realizing that being under water when the bomb goes off isn't really going to help you. Right before the bomb goes off the Green Lantern appears and wraps you in a protective green bubble.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!

......

Safe for the time being, you masturbate furiously.

Then out of fucking nowhere comes David Hasselhoff.

[radamanthys]

Safe for the time being, you masturbate furiously.

Then out of fucking nowhere comes David Hasselhoff.

Since the green lantern and the Hoff are natural enemies, they begin fighting. But it's more of an ancient greek oil wrestling match.

Horrified, you choose a direction and begin to run, your eyes bleeding from where you unknowingly attempted to claw them out.

[Clove]

...biometric data...biometric data...You keep using those words. I don't those words mean what you think they mean.

[radamanthys]

They are watching, listening, collecting, and analyzing biometric data about you and are whispering amongst each other on silent sub-frequencies about their findings. They wear drabby clothes and sunglasses with imbeded micro infrared cameras and target specific sound microphones. They drive inconspicuous cars with body damage and no hubcaps filled with data collecting equipment that pirates every wireless signal anyone makes on any wireless device.

They are watching.

All data is being sent to a databank beneath the earth’s crust, miles down, in an impenetrable sterile climate controlled bunker that processes terabytes of biometric data about you in the light of towering blinking red eyes and the clicking of teradrives akin to a forest of crickets.

They are processing and analyzing every bit, ranking those bits, and saving every pertinent bit about you.

They are watching. They want your biometric data. Because they run a website for people with fingerprint fetishes. Other biometric fetishes, as well. Why people want to rub one out to your retinal scan or voice print, nobody really knows. All 'they' know is that they like money, and lots of it.

[Back]

You keep using those words. I don't those words mean what you think they mean.

It was all a ruse just for this quote.

All your biometric data belong to us.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

Since the green lantern and the Hoff are natural enemies, they begin fighting. But it's more of an ancient greek oil wrestling match.

Horrified, you choose a direction and begin to run, your eyes bleeding from where you unknowingly attempted to claw them out.

Eventually, you stumble upon two crabs fighting over a taco.

Even though you are now blind, you know that the taco must be delicious from the aromatic wafts of taco-y goodness assailing your nostrils and olfactory nerve. In a blissful daze, you consume the best damn taco you have ever eaten.

The crabs do not notice you, and they continue to pinch each other.

[radamanthys]

Eventually, you stumble upon two crabs fighting over a taco.

Even though you are now blind, you know that the taco must be delicious from the aromatic wafts of taco-y goodness assailing your nostrils and olfactory nerve. In a blissful daze, you consume the best damn taco you have ever eaten.

The crabs do not notice you, and they continue to pinch each other.

Upon this, you decide evermore to be the messenger of the Sacred Holy Immaculate Taco.

The crabs become your first diciples. Brother Pinchy and Brother Claw (Later to become great grandfather to a son who becomes a Doctor).

Further followers of the Sacred Holy Immaculate Taco call themselves S.H.I.T. worshippers.

But then, disaster strikes...

[Drakefang]

Brother Pinchy and Brother Claw get eaten in a fit of unabashed hunger by you, but the meat is undercooked and you suffer from an extreme case of food poisoning.

[iJin]

So you stagger to the nearest refrigerator and open it to find an empty bottle of pepto-bismol, and the only things within is a sealed can of tartar sauce and submarine dressing.

And so you wonder what in the world you'll be able to make out of these two things, since the food poisoning you are currently enduring can indeed be fatal.

[radamanthys]

And so, You begin to pray to the Holy Taco for guidance.

[Mighty Nikkisaurus]

The Holy Taco does not cure you of food poisoning.

After a week of vomiting every ten minutes, you are finally over the illness.

You vow to never eat seafood again, and then you renounce The Holy Taco as a false religion-- one filled with lies, empty promises, and wickedness.

To fill the sucking void left in your sad heart, you grow out an afro. You also purchase an awesome blue kayak, with a snazzy waterproof compartment in the front and an exceedingly comfortable ergonomic seat.

[radamanthys]

Your blue kayak gets painted with lightning bolts. Because it's that awesome.

However, your former crab disciples feel that your blasphemy is not to be let alone. You're using your awesome kayak one day (you've got a shower cap protecting your awesome afro). Upon falling in the water...

[Drakefang]

You are attacked by a thousand angry crabs, killed and eaten in return for your sacrilegious ways. Your are dead and nothing but bones at the bottom of the sea. The End....

[Nieninque]

THE END

[radamanthys]

Then, along comes a mermaid cleric...


Who chuckles and swims by your rotting carcass. You decay.

The End. F'reals. Fo' REALS. or, alternatively,
http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/STFPOD/314726~Four-Smoked-Eels-in-a-Box-Posters.jpg

Four eels.

[iJin]

ROFLROFL


"Four eels"

LOL

[Ignot]

Are we going to start another story?